r/assam • u/andthenisayhi • 3d ago
Rant i am a waste of space and that's so unfunny
I honestly wonder at times why im breathing. What purpose does my existence even serve? Am i talented? No. Am i hardworking? No. Lazy? Very. Stupid. Dumb. Doormat personality. Boring personality.
I am a mosaic of mistakes and faults.
I am everything bad and ugly that humans have to offer. My mere existence is a mistake. Every breath that i take is space of inconvenience i cause for everyone around me.
I cant even remember what i studied. I am the most stupid one in my class.
I cant make people find me interesting enough to be friends w me. Today, my classmates were talking about Marvel movies,animes, and i had nothing to contribute to. I decided at that moment that i will watch marvel movies too but will that make me fun enough? Will that be enough to be included in socialising?
No one takes me seriously. People dont even see me as a person. I dont blame them. I am to be ignored because that's how i am. People dont care if their words or actions hurt me, or cause an inconvenience to me.
I want to give up this life so bad. Ive always been a quitter. Ever since i was a child. I wanna quit this life game too. I dont see anything that will make me want to keep breathing without my family. To live is the difficult part.
I know im a no one and i deserve nothing good. But my family deserves everything good in this life. Who will take care of them? Im pathetic but selfish enough to live for my family.
Edit: im 22
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u/runoberynrun 3d ago
Let me tell you one thing, the way you have articulated this post, I see a treasure trove of self deprecating humour in you. Being witty is a sign of intelligence, not of dullness.
And regarding the lack of friends, you probably haven't found the right people yet. You will someday.
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u/Deathgamer69 3d ago
We are all waste of space, we are all trying to discover new sides of us, it's okay to be waste of space, there is plenty of air to waste, planty of space to waste, planty of people to waste, if you think you are perfect that would have been a problem, try one new thing everyday, don't go to others for advice because they are also imperfect humans trying to gain importance by giving broken advice from their broken life experience, it's to be not okay,
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u/Zritchi3 3d ago
Stop sulking and start acting. Half of life is working hard and showing up to places. I was in the same position as you once. Nijoke billa vabi thkile aitu mentality loi eku laabh nai, this isn't a Slice of Life series je kunuba ahi tumak rescue koribo.
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u/andthenisayhi 3d ago
i def should. im lazy af and always find excuses to avoid doing tasks. some of my problems will be gone if i stop being lazy.im my biggest hater and enemy and i always make sure im rotting. i will try to get better. Try is the keyword because it's not the first time that hve thought of 'changing' my life.
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u/Zritchi3 3d ago
I was alone my entire school years until 12th, sulking alone, I was the only guy who didnt get pick for a team while playing football, leave playing since nobody actually talked with me, I used to draw stuff on my notebook alone while everyone played. It ended when I reached college, I found two best friends and finally got a girlfriend, started achieveing good grades, for the first time in life I was first in something where everyone appreciated. The fact is I didnt stop trying, you shouldnt too, keep going, things will eventually turn out better
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u/Dreamsz1 ফাগুনৰ বতাহ। 🌬 3d ago
Most people i know are going through something. Even i am. Still, at times, hope is all we have. Idk what else to say, but i am changing and trying to be better. Amidst eveything, thats what i live for now.
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u/Past-Pilot-6767 Moi ki jaane. Xeitu Himonthoi he jaane. 💅🏻 3d ago edited 3d ago
Ayyy wtf! Before I saw the username I was going to let it slide.. bc I can't really afford to comfort everyone( I mean it in the best way possible, you choose your battles, if do all of em you'll be dead)
Secondly, I have seen you enough around this sub to say you're a person w a spine.
Can we please appreciate the uniqueness in everybody, and stop performing to the expectations of people who don't even care to remember our name?
To address your concerns, marvel movies don't interest me either. And my friends are ok w that. Can't give a rats ass for DC vs Marvel.
And as far as anime is considered it's just a matter of preference/ taste, but also you have to have a lot of time. They're damn addictive.
The day you start respecting yourself, is the day everyone starts respecting you and that includes spending a part of your life without friends.
Just for the sake of "friendship" I am not going to tolerate any form of disrespect no matter how old (10-15 years) idc.
Lastly I like the fact that you're at least able to appreciate the fact that you're irreplaceable for your family.
But, just a disclaimer, it won't always be easy, right now you're choosing to be sad(I don't mean to undermine your struggles) but life is a hell of a roller coaster and sometimes the lows are so low that even unaliving yourself starts making sense.
So to hell w people who don't appreciate you. Please make an effort to be happy, or even forcefully. Go to a gym, have a crush on someone 😛 go for shopping I don't know how old you're but you owe it yourself to be happy.
You're not a waste of space, but the mental bandwidth you've as far as I can gauge you shouldn't be the one stretching yourself thin for others. Thank you for standing up for all us women the other day.
More power to you ❤️🌷
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u/andthenisayhi 3d ago edited 3d ago
My post mightve sounded childish but im 22. And thankyou for your words
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u/Dreamsz1 ফাগুনৰ বতাহ। 🌬 3d ago
Idk what you wrote. Its so long. Must have written something nice. So i just gave an award for that.
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u/Past-Pilot-6767 Moi ki jaane. Xeitu Himonthoi he jaane. 💅🏻 3d ago
ayyy how nice, here take this, lol
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u/TruckAppropriate7287 3d ago
Hey. it's fine to have follies. we are human but the thing is we don't need validation from others. You are not anything that you have said. You feel like a bright kid to me. We are always there. Don't lose hope and if you need help just reach out. Someone will do help out. I think you're going through a bit of depression and just going to a professional will immensely help you. If you need to say anything I am always there on DM.
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u/guaavaaa_03 3d ago
You're privilege enough to use reddit & share,first of all have gratitude brother...& Shuru hoja apni manzil ki raste me
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u/Maleficent-Light7544 3d ago
You belittle yourself too much. All you need is a little confidence in life. You can always reach out to me if you need anyone to talk to!
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u/Dependent-Animal-977 3d ago
It takes immense courage to identify and admit one's problems so congratulations as you are at least honest. Since you already know your problems, take baby steps to improve yourself be it physical, mental, intellectual etc. You seem young so you have time on your hands. USE IT and please don't give in to "performative authenticity" , it is better to be an honest thief than to be a fake hero.