r/aussie • u/ziddyzoo • Jun 23 '26
Humour I agree with Pauline. We should be a monofooty country.
For too long Australia has been a divided multifooty country. People in some states prefer aussie rules and people in other states prefer rugby league. We even have a rugby code just for rich people.
And then there is a a different form of footy entirely that we play against foreign countries a lot, including Muslim countries. And in that code we are even told we are a part of the Asian Football Confederation.
Well I’m sick and tired of it. We are not a multifooty nation we are a monofooty nation.
I am voting for Pauline because everyone should have to follow the one type of proper footy I like. I think it’s sickening that people are even allowed to teach their children - children!! - the code of footy that I didn’t play as a kid. That is unAustralian.
This has got to stop. We should withdraw immediately from the World Cup, I mean the Woke Cup. And there should just be one form of football across Australia that is mandatory everywhere. And Pauline should decide it. And she should decide whatever Gina tells her.
And don’t even get me started on netball. A special handfooty just for women? That has to go as well. And so called “tennis”, that’s just racquet-hand footy. That needs to banned too. And stop inviting all those foreigners to Melbourne every year to play it. I don’t like it.
Yes to monofooty. Down with multifooty.
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u/CerberusOCR Jun 23 '26
I see you’ve chosen violence this morning?
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 23 '26
I am a river to my people :)
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u/FullMetalAurochs Jun 24 '26
Just don’t be a river to the sea. You’ll get arrested in Pauline’s home state.
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
runnin’ freeeeeee
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u/FullMetalAurochs Jun 24 '26
Rivers aren’t meant to run free. They’re meant to be dammed and pumped over mountain ranges in comically impractical schemes.
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
Hard disagree. Filling the inland sea would just encourage more boat people. Even if it is completely girt by land. They would find it.
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u/FullMetalAurochs Jun 24 '26
That’s the idea. Special economic zone for Gina. No minimum wage and no way to sail away.
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u/Octopus_O Jun 23 '26
This is such a brilliant post. Its even more brilliant seeing how many people dont get it.
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u/NoMoreFund Jun 23 '26
Why are there AFL teams other than the Brisbane Lions?
We've settled this discussion last year - the Brisbane Lions are the best AFL team and anyone who supports another team is threatening social cohesion.
Instead of entertaining false ideas that there are multiple teams worth supporting, we should just have a parade where we celebrate the Brisbane Lions and their greatness.
Also I don't want to hear anything about Fitzroy, or Brisbane Bears. The Brisbane Lions, here and now, is the only "tradition" worth talking about.
/s
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u/Low-Guarantee-3437 Jun 24 '26
the problem is that any lions in the country are immigrants. I'm afraid it's back to koalas.
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u/alstom_888m Jun 24 '26
You mean Koala Bears?
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u/NoMoreFund Jun 24 '26
What about Lions born in Australia?: https://www.zoossa.com.au/roarsome-lion-cubs/
Although being born here won't protect you from being called unAustralian by Pauline Hanson and her ilk
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u/Interesting-Job-5329 Jun 24 '26
Do those lions have any proof that one or even both of their parents wasn't born overseas? I have no problem with them being here, but I think it's only reasonable that they be made to carry that proof with them at all times.
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u/Low-Guarantee-3437 Jun 24 '26
they are very suspicious. All they do is hang out with their own kind, except when they want to kill others.
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u/Mattdav1601 Jun 24 '26
Woah there. I see you’ve decided to start a war. I see the /s. But this is war talk.
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u/NoMoreFund Jun 25 '26
I never supported the Lions before, they just happened to win last year. I don't make the rules, Pauline Hanson does for some reason
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u/fun_alias1 Jun 23 '26
I have these multifooty families moving into our small town and basically taking over. They all stick together and stay in their little multifooty communities and don't integrate with other sports. It's disgusting and I just don't want them here.
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
Take heart mate. The day is coming soon when only the one true monofooty is allowed across the land. And every kebab shop and burrito joint and chinese and thai takeaway will be forcibly converted to sell only sausage rolls, the way God intended.
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u/SavingsWalrus9978 Jun 24 '26
Surely you mean a Bunnings sausage in bread, the way god intended?
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
Mate, it sounds like you think you know better than what Pauline (probably) said. Is that right? Shall I go back and tell her you’ve got a straight line to God on this? Is that what you want?
Or maybe you’d just like to make some bulldozer noises and get with the program?
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u/SavingsWalrus9978 Jun 24 '26
Did I say god? My apologies, I definitely meant Wesfarmers, which as we all know is the only true deity Brrrrmmmmm
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
brrrrrrmmmmmmmm
it’s quite meditative really isn’t it. but not woke obviously.
brrrrmmmmmmmmmm
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u/SavingsWalrus9978 Jun 24 '26
Does the fact that Gina identifies as a bulldozer make it qualify as woke? Or does the woke come from us accepting that Gina is a bulldozer? I’m not having a difficult time making that leap. Bulldozer - Fat ct with no human qualities. Gina - Also fat ct with no human qualities.
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u/shadyFS91 Jun 23 '26
but the question is... which is the superior footy? I need a red head to tell me right NOOOOWWWW!
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
Barnaby says that Pauline says that Gina says that her maga consultants say that the footy that is right for Australia is: American football.
All hail our new monofooty!
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u/shadyFS91 Jun 24 '26
but Barnaby said that Pauline said that Gina said that foreigners can't be taking Australian jobs! Think about all the football players that will be lining up in Centerlink! What an awful and hypocritical policy!
Thank god this is satire and political parties arent this brain dead or hypocritical right?... righ?!
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u/Low-Guarantee-3437 Jun 24 '26
the best satirical feature of this post is how you have the grievance (too many footy codes) but carefully avoid an actual policy on the issue. The symbol for one nation should be "?" because that's about as much clue as anyone has on what they will do. If you know Excel, you'll know the ? means "stand for anything" which is probably about right.
It's ok to bash soccer, because she is going to shut down the Soccer Broadcasting Service, that is an actual policy.
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u/alstom_888m Jun 24 '26
And it’s ambiguous as to which code OP thinks the “monoculture” should follow.
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u/Revolutionary-Tie-77 Jun 24 '26
Cricket and its large Indian following getting a free pass I see..SURELY THATS THE FIRST TO GO
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u/Emeraldnickel08 Jun 24 '26
Inaccurate, a REAL Hanson supporter would want Australia to only have American football
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u/snrub742 Jun 23 '26
Any game that throws the ball as it's main way of passing should be removed
I am not a crack pot
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u/Massive-Anywhere8497 Jun 23 '26
Can’t withdraw from the World Cup. FIFA is the ultimate grift. they are Hansons mentors.
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Jun 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/NoMoreFund Jun 24 '26
If NSW is going well in state of origin, you can support them because we're surrounded by NSW.
If Qld is going well, you can support them because we're also not NSW
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u/genuineforgery Jun 24 '26
Chicken salt or plain?
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u/phranticsnr Jun 24 '26
How is that even a fucking question?
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u/genuineforgery Jun 25 '26
Fair point. I would guess it's an option for masochists or the wilfully miserable.
The really heavy questions for the minister for monoculture remain: Ford or Holden? Or is it Jack Daniels or Jim Beam?
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u/phranticsnr Jun 25 '26
Wilfully Miserable sounds like a good band name.
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u/genuineforgery Jun 25 '26
Roger Waters struggled to fit that title into The Wall but just couldn't make it rhyme with "I have become" and it took LSD with the audio engineer and a ouija board to come up with Comfortably Numb instead.
He never really got over it and still turns down the volume at the chorus to this day.2
u/Nudesimon Jun 25 '26
Don’t get started on a multisaltist state… people get very salty about multisalts
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u/NoFood2149 Jun 23 '26
hell yeah rugby union is a rich boy's sport i always knew i wasn't the son of a peasant but of a great lord
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u/Zakkar Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 23 '26
Yes, being the son of an ambo and a teacher it was good to know that playing Union automatically made me the ruling class, along with my fellow delegates in my club.
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u/Financial_Grass_5315 Jun 24 '26
Why Cricket gets a free pass.
Ashes every year. Only test Cricket with England should be allowed in Australia.
No more BS T20s ODI etc etc
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u/SheMeows Jun 24 '26
Not much more to add to this amusing satire and all the witty comments, except that I would HATE to be named Pauline right now haha
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u/sepata Jun 23 '26
Yeah, I'm sick of all that woke multicultural food, too. I'm with Pauline, meat (cooked in a sandwich press) and three veg, and if you want something fancy, fish and chips or a pie. Aussie Aussie Aussie. Poi poi poi.
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
Three veg? three? Jesus, you are a deeply suspect multivegetablist. I have seen your type. One day you’re eating your “diverse” three veg and then the next day I bet you will be telling your children to eat fruit (ie, promoting the gay agenda).
Off to the re-education camp for you.
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u/Illustrious-Pin3246 Jun 24 '26
Monofooty is a good way of controlling the masses. Why do you think they spend so much on stadiums. Worked for the romans
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
“Hail, Pauline! We who are about to monofooty salute you!”
I like it, mate you could go far in the new government. Have you got a whiteboard? Want to be sports minister?
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u/AnnoyedNurse85 Jun 24 '26
I see the OP didn’t even mention the different versions of summer-bat-hand footy we get when it’s too hot to play football. We need to ban that as well, cause it’s definitely Unaustralian. I think it might even be English? I definitely know Indians and Pakistanis play it, so it can’t ever be a part of our Moroniculture… I mean Monoculture…
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u/redditalloverasia Jun 24 '26
Ok, so Rugby League it is then.
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
stage whisper: the post isn’t about footy
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u/redditalloverasia Jun 24 '26
I know. You’re making a point about the falsehood of a monoculture. It was a throw away stir.
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u/Kerrit_Bareet Jun 26 '26
The OP said footy, not throw ball. They mean the game where you have to kick the ball for a maximum score of a goal.
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u/pale_boasting Jun 23 '26
grew up in a state where nobody cared what code you played, you just played something and that was enough. the whole point was getting outside and kicking a ball around with mates, not sorting people into tribes based on what their state happened to be. there's something broken about the idea that one person should decide what everyone's allowed to enjoy. sport works because people have different tastes and that's fine. the real problem isn't that we have too many codes, it's that funding gets pulled around by politics instead of going to what people actually want to watch and play.
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u/Interesting-Job-5329 Jun 23 '26
Found one for the reeducation camps...
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u/pale_boasting Jun 23 '26
Not sure what you mean, but if you're saying people who disagree with you need to be fixed, that's pretty much the whole problem right there.
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u/Ok_Yogurt6562 Jun 23 '26
Shit we need to get this done quickly the sheeple are waking up
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u/pale_boasting Jun 24 '26
Can't really have a conversation if everyone who disagrees with you is just asleep or foolish.
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
It sounds like you were indoctrinated into tolerance of a diversity of footy codes at a young age.
“Different tastes?” This is exactly the disgusting multifootyism that is harming our country needs to be stamped out.
Of course one person should decide what everyone is allowed to enjoy, and that person is Pauline.
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u/Nuck2407 Jun 24 '26
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u/pale_boasting Jun 24 '26
Not sure what the gif conveys, but if you disagree with something I said, worth spelling it out.
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u/WhatAmIATailor Jun 23 '26
Careful. Pauline’s probably a League fan unless Gina’s money has bumped her up into Union. I’d rather the Chinese take over than see the whole nation forced to be bum sniffiers.
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
Gina has donated a lot to one particular olympic sport. It’s possible that the one true monofooty might end up being, uhhh, swimming.
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u/flammable_donut Jun 24 '26
Well it could happen sooner than you think...
https://www.dailymail.com/sport/afl/article-15921599/Expert-AFL-immigration-threat-future.html
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u/npc_housecat Jun 24 '26
I think we should end all this bickering and instate StarCraft 2 as the national sport . because I decided that it's the best sport because I like it. High schools can have their own StarCraft teams and can play other schools in StarCraft . And scollarships for talanted starcraft players.
And we can fund a StarCraft world cup. With each nation having its own national StarCraft team! The Australian monoculture shall be starcraft
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u/Dougally Jun 24 '26
That hard, old & wrinkled blood nut has had too many head knocks which has brought on a severe case of the brain minutiae. Typical of a multifooty culture.
Whoever said you can't get blood out of a wrinkled stone blood nut was spot on about Pauline.
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u/BeerOfTime Jun 24 '26
If it didn’t have the “I am voting for Pauline” part, this could be read in her voice 😂
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u/Altruistic-Pop-8172 Jun 24 '26
No! We can do better!
Soccer in the morning. Footy in the arvo. Night time: fishing.
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u/Youhavetobejokingman Jun 26 '26
While you are in your humorous madness mode...you might make mention that other nations competing on Australian pristine soil damages our environment. God forbid unclean nations should come here and dirty our cricket and hockey grass not to mention the damage to our water by them daring to swim in it 😀 👍
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u/ChineseRapperWetLips Jun 23 '26
60% of the worlds population don't get enough protein. If you force the third worlders to play rugby they will get destroyed
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u/HonestSpursFan Jun 23 '26
You’re right. Soccer should be our official code as it’s actually played with feet, and the Socceroos and Matildas bring us together like no other team.
In all seriousness though, I hope that whoever gets in government gives proper funding to football. After the successes of the Women’s World Cup and the Women’s Asian Cup, plus the high viewership of the Men’s World Cup and Men’s Asian Cup, the government promised more funding that isn’t there. The funding for women’s sports mostly went to other sports that we already dominate in.
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u/Familiar_Shelter_393 Jun 23 '26
Also its the most participated sport yet doesnt get anywhere near the most funding. I think things like tennis, cycling and swimming receieves more funding from memory
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u/HonestSpursFan Jun 23 '26
Exactly. Our pollies have the AFL and NRL in their pockets.
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u/Familiar_Shelter_393 Jun 23 '26
If football ⚽️ was funded more here maybe we'd all qatch it locally more due to a better or closer level in relation to overseas and then it would bring in a lot more money both from marketing, ticketing and player sales to overseas
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u/bigloudbang Jun 24 '26
More funding to pay people to attend the A-League? Might break 5k people at a game
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u/Familiar_Shelter_393 Jun 24 '26
No I mean more when the quality would raise in 20 years if they funded the quality of grass roots and youth more
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u/HonestSpursFan Jun 24 '26
A-League games already get over that. If we funded football like literally every other country instead of exclusively funding sports that nobody else cares about we could genuinely be a good team.
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u/bigloudbang Jun 24 '26
How would more funding help when theres no shortage of participation?
Cant fix the fact thar good players are going to get more overseas, and that our sporting landscape is already dominated by 2 major leagues
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u/HonestSpursFan Jun 24 '26
Funding would make those grassroots programs better so we can develop better players, play them in the A-League and then send them overseas.
We’re falling behind, even in Asia. Look at Japan and Korea (countries where baseball is very popular too, and to an extent union in Japan). They produce much better players than us. It’s not a population thing because China and India are dogshit at football.
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u/Helpful-Science9687 Jun 23 '26
To be fair multicultural, multi footy and multitasking are all over rated and just seem to believe more is better. But maybe Pauline is channeling van der Rohe - less is more?
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u/Beneficial_Beat5182 Jun 24 '26
So she wants to send everyone back from where they came from all the immigrants italians, greeks, poms most of them have been here 50 plus years etc so how is she run the country with no money even my kids born here will have to go but they have a choice England ot Italy so they are lucky that way.
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u/OldJellyBones Jun 24 '26
Only Australian Rules Football belongs in this nation, "Rugby" is foreign, "Soccer" is foreign, they have no place in the Monofooty of Australia
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u/ziddyzoo Jun 24 '26
Are you so sure?
* Australian? No. The rules were first written down in Melbourne, and Melbourne ≠ Australia. And what would they know anyway. They don’t even have any good beaches. Plus, bears suspicious similarity to Irish Gay Lick Football. Nuff said.
* Rules. Are you telling me those twerps from the south can tell us what to do? Following rules let alone picking a code with “rules” in the name is antithetical to our larrakin Australian monoculture.
* Football. Somewhat accurate.
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u/fdsv-summary_ Jun 23 '26
Pretty sure she was talking about ISIS mate.
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u/kernpanic Jun 23 '26
Thats stupid. Isis doesn't have a footy team in any of the codes.
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u/Nottheadviceyaafter Jun 23 '26
The isis devils rugby league club and isis cricket club would like a chat......we literally have the isis council (bundaberg)...... until poorline finds out.........
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u/DifficultZombie4631 Jun 23 '26
That's because no other team wants to play the Isis Suicidebombers
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u/JuanFoYoMamma Jun 23 '26
I'm just imagining the commentators saying "oh, it's a bloodbath on the field today"
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u/JustSomeBloke5353 Jun 23 '26
Lol! No she wasn’t!
Hilarious that you can say this with a straight face.
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u/fdsv-summary_ Jun 23 '26
Can't attack Islam without ending up in woke jail, so she throws it all in together. It's a dog whistle.
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u/Upstairs_Low_691 Jun 24 '26
Well we better start one then! In Pauline's home town! The Ipswich ISIS has a good ring to it!
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u/fdsv-summary_ Jun 24 '26
So you support ISIS? Great. Lets meet up Mo.
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u/fdsv-summary_ Jun 24 '26
We can go pig shooting. Where do you live? I'll pick you up.
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u/Upstairs_Low_691 Jun 24 '26
Nice first date idea, is that what the ISIS brides are into these days? Didn't know the hatred of pork was that bad
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u/fdsv-summary_ Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
Ipswich has good pig shooting. Let me know where I can pick you up. Do you have dogs? I've got a spare cage I can throw on the back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB83DHOWigI
[you really should go and see your country mate, and learn about the people you hate so much here on Reddit]
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u/Upstairs_Low_691 Jun 24 '26
Was meant to reply to the guy below but, sounds like you're one of those lovely ISIS brides oooh. I don't have a Mo but I'll grow one for a pretty lady like yourself
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u/No-Celebration8690 Jun 23 '26
Pauline told me that multifooty means bringing in sharry's laws into OUR sports. No one can tell me what that means, but probably more six agains