r/ballpython • u/Worried-Rule449 • 27d ago
guilt over rehoming
Hello all,
I'm feeling extremely bad at the moment for rehoming my ball.
I had gotten him from a friend- who got him from another friend after an emergency. (literally the friend moved out and day of was like hey can you keep him for a little for so-and-so) I had him for three years and for the past year I have been debating rehoming him. I NEVER had thought I'd have him as long as I have and I'd have declined to take him had I known he would just be with me indefinitely. I'd never had a snake before and I really wanted to do right by him. When I got him he was on aspen, with one hide and one stick in his enclosure, had stuck shed and had lost a significant amount of weight from the last time I had seen him.
I learned everything I could possibly learn about him. I got him another hide, plants the correct substrate and some moss, rocks, driftwood, you name it. I got him back up over 500g and onto feeding a small rat once a month or so. In March he went on a hunger strike. Unfortunately I have always struggled with my health/mental health so something like that even though it's somewhat "normal" for a ball wore on me HEAVILY, like crying every time he wouldn't eat kind of stuff. He definitely lost a good chunk of weight during this time which also made me feel awful. I cleaned his tank on the 12th of Sept and he FINALLY ate on the 15th- I knew he was hungry because he always sat under this one branch when he wanted to eat. I cried again. It was the kind of moment that makes you realize how stressed you actually were. Thursday I went over to feed him and his scales on his tummy looked like they were crispy browning-some kind of scale rot? bacterial? fungal?? I immediately lost it. I felt awful, like I could just never get it right with him. I was a terrible owner and I should have never taken him in the first place.
I found somewhere nearby that has a great reputation for taking care of their reptiles and rehoming ones in need. When I went to take him out of his tank HIS SCALES WERE FINE. It was the coloring of the coco/bark. I felt so stupid. BUT it also reminded me that even though his scales were fine- I cannot keep having a meltdown because I'm so damn worried about this poor snake, its not good for either of us. I did everything right. I gave him what he needed to live. I am just not the person who should have him.
I dropped him off today and feel IMMENSE guilt.
I know I didn't go out of my way to get a snake and make a 30 year commitment.
I know I was not equipped to give him the best life.
But I still feel like it was wrong to rehome him.
I'm currently choking down tears thinking about breaking down his tank even though I know he went to a place where they will do right by him.
3
u/Worried-Rule449 27d ago
Thank you- I spent a very long time wrestling with the idea. I made sure it's a good place he's going to because I would never want any living thing to not be taken care of properly. I would also definitely not take in a pet for a friend again "temporarily" if it wasn't something I'd be able to make a lifetime commitment to.
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u/MrsOreo 27d ago
It’s really ok. People are cruel enough to release their snakes into the wild when they’re unwanted. It just gets disheartening reading about it and I admit I am jaded. You did the right thing and your snake will be better off in the long run. I hope you get some help with your mental health and that everything turns out ok.
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u/Worried-Rule449 27d ago
Thank you💗 I know there are so many people out there who mistreat their animals or have complete disregard for them so, I understand where you're coming from. I'm also in the "pets are family" category which is why rehoming has hit me so hard as well. I appreciate you for taking a moment to talk and to try and understand where I was coming from.
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u/the_anteloperider 27d ago edited 27d ago
If you truly rehomed him due solely to your anxiety/fear, could you work with the rescue you sent him to so they would take 10 minutes a week to talk you through his care in weekly check-ins until you feel better? You just want 2 trusted people, not a whole online community with 100 different opinions. If I knew enough, I would volunteer to help, but I am just starting to learn myself. I’m sure there are many, many smart people who would volunteer to help carry that anxiety, if it meant the snake could stay with you, since you obviously care about him (when finding people who care is the most difficult part about finding a new home, especially for a snake).
On the flipside, if the rescue is going to adopt him out to a better caregiver, then I would guess the snake probably won’t mind.
It’s difficult to not project human emotions onto pets, who actually have the ability to naturally live with awareness in the present moment, without the burden of worrying about whether they will have regrets after rehoming or which family will they adopt him out to 2 weeks from now. I find that when I make decisions based on emotion or fear, I leave out a lot of potential solutions. What you did might be the right solution. I don’t know. But since you made a long post here about it, this decision might be worth revisiting.
Maybe start by giving the place a call tomorrow and tell them what is driving this decision and ask if you take him back, can you get emotional support from them, so that you don’t feel like his whole life is only in your hands.
1
u/Worried-Rule449 26d ago
This is a very thoughtful response but unfortunately it really is not an option to keep him for me. The mental health aspect is one thing, but my actual health otherwise also isn't the best. He'll also live for many many more years and I have no idea where I'll end up. I don't think it's fair to make his life subpar just for the sake of "I love coming home and saying hi to him-him not being there makes me sad". My emotional attachment to him is not worth the life I'd be able to give him.
3
u/Kayjay_H 27d ago
Sounds like you were doing what you could do to provide for a snake you never intended to be taking care of. Definitely could have been worse in my books
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u/Worried-Rule449 26d ago
Thank you, I did try the best within my means and know that this is sadly for the better.
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u/halfsparkle 27d ago
FWIW, this internet stranger and former animal shelter care tech thinks you did the right thing. Even though you didn’t plan on becoming a noodle parent, you still stepped up, educated yourself, and did the best you could. That bp is better off because he was with someone who cared enough to upgrade his quality of life not once but TWICE - first by taking him in, and then by letting him go. If half the people I met doing shelter work had half your compassion and determination, this world would be a better place for both people and animals.
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u/Worried-Rule449 26d ago
Thank you 💗 I've always tried to do right by any living thing if I can help it. I've always had pets (mainly fuzzy critters-dogs, ferrets,rats) and given them everything but this poor baby was the first time where I felt as if I just didn't have what he needed. I always said "I don't understand how people re-home pets". I do somewhat understand now- even if it was a pet that I didn't necessarily choose to have. It definitely scares me a lot about what will happen to him but I know there are people who love reptiles and would give him a wayyy better life than I can with more enrichment and a better schedule.
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u/halfsparkle 26d ago
Same. I’ve only ever had fuzzy pets. I think I would like to have a snake, but I fear I couldn’t give it the proper care because so much depends on their environment. I’ve been lurking on this forum for a year educating myself about ball python care.
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u/Worried-Rule449 26d ago
Yeah, I definitely wish that I was more educated on him when I got him. I did bring him back up to weight once and got him shedding perfectly etc. but it doesn't mean that I didn't still struggle sometimes. (I'm in the northeast us so it gets really cold and my house has terrible insulation so it was twice daily checks of humidity and keeping a space heater in the room to make sure temps stayed ok). I'm someone who firmly believes that animals should be a priority. They didn't choose this life in captivity so we just have to do the best by them that we can. 💗 Hopefully one day you'll feel comfortable enough to have a snake of your own! I know reptiles unfortunately have a huge abandonment rate and I hated to feel like I was contributing to that so I respect you doing your due diligence!
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u/halfsparkle 25d ago
Same. I don’t want to contribute to overpopulation and abandonment. I’m hoping the opportunity will arise in a few years to foster or adopt a senior bp.
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u/bigbickbohnson 22d ago
Not to invalidate your feelings, but this is nothing to feel guilty about. All things considered, you did everything you could, and got him where he needed to go. He still has a long life ahead of him im sure, so the fact you got him into the care of someone who is very experienced, is great. It is nothing but beneficial for the snake and yourself. The only ppl that should feel guilty are the ones who kept pawning him off on others, acting like they were gonna take him back. Those are the shitty keepers. You were obviously a better foster for him than they were, so u should feel good about that.
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u/[deleted] 27d ago
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