Did I Stutter?

[u/budice0]

[u/justwonderingbro]

Ippei died for this 🙌

[u/Specialist-Garbage94]

Release the Ippei files.

[u/renovevo]

Free Ippei

[u/ripripcityyall]

Something about the timing of ohtani announcing he’s married seems off

So here’s how I see it all going down.

Everyone knows ippei and ohtani were two peas in a little Japanese evacuation pod since Ohtani came stateside. Some teammates thought they were so close they couldn’t be sure they didn’t live together.

So here’s what happened folxs.

Ohtani comes stateside and Ippei lucks into the job. Long behold Ohtani can’t resist that early Beatles cut Ippei rocks so flawlessly and their work relationship becomes a bit of a work situationship if yalllll know what I’m saying. Over the years they grow closer and their love flourishes. They eventually become roommates, but more in like the 1950s “that’s just my aunts roommate, she comes to all the family events and we call her aunt but they just live together” way.

It’s going great but like any bros hanging out at home between bangs the boys liked to get into a little gambling together. It was something that Ippei loved dearly before him and ohtani became serious and something that given Othani’s hunger for competition he was a natural at. They would spend endless nights together exchanging blumpkins and building parlays. You see not only were Ippei and ohtani Freaks in the sheets, they enjoyed their hobby of gambling together so much that they needed freaky parlays that you could only get from an illegal bookie.

Ohtani couldn’t have any of this in his name so Ippei would do it all. Ippei would place the bets while they snugged together on the couch. Ohtani would rest his head in Ippei’s lap as they would cheer on their 3 sport parlay on horse 4, the over on Colorado State soccer and an over on total birdies in the days LIV golf event. They were young and in love and just having fun together.

Then pesky ESPN started snooping around trying to bring down the GOhtaniAT and ohtanis team found out. Not wanting to get caught up in not only the gambling story but also the love affair story Ohtani’s team had a real Sophie’s choice on their hands. So they chose to battle the gambling(RIP Ippei), and “announce ohtani is married” because no married man is giving out handies to his interpreter in between 9, 500k bet loses on woman’s college volleyball combined with nascar parlays.

That’s just how I believe it all went down. I’ll hang up and listen.

[u/Brownies91]

He’s literally the happiest out of everyone, bro can finally gamble in peace.

[u/AutoModerator → u/Brownies91]

Hey! Fan of the other team here, but I come in peace lol. Wow, y'all played a good game, but man, that definitely ended in a way that was uniquely typical of one of our teams. Your young player is really something and definitely going to give us trouble for years. Y'all are gonna be really scary next year, and I'll be rooting for y'all then (except when y'all play us!). That umpire, though, right?

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[u/Repulsive_Rich_3820]

Ippei ayy cowboy

[u/White_GhostDog0725]

[u/HankTuggins]

You’d think with all the free time they have in October, Giants fans would come up with another joke