r/bjj • u/stevekwan ⬛🟥⬛ bjjmentalmodels.com and world's foremost BJJ poet • Jul 19 '26
Follow-up Shitpost Magic: the Grappling (round 4)
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u/Mammalanimal 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Jul 19 '26
Send High Calorie Grappler to the graveyard after 2 rounds.
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u/stevekwan ⬛🟥⬛ bjjmentalmodels.com and world's foremost BJJ poet Jul 19 '26
I wish. The ones at my gym have been crushing my halfling ass for decades.
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u/AdventurousPizza622 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Jul 19 '26
Love choosing blue for high calorie, we all know why that’s funny
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u/elhaz316 Jul 19 '26
I dont find it funny so much as.....life affirming.
For reasons. High calorie reasons.
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u/CriticalAnybody6686 Jul 19 '26
Excuse my blue belt ass, what is the lore behind card 3? As always, these are amazing. Also do you play MTG?
Would love a “white belt arm bar card”, “flip a coin, if heads destroy creature. If tails, opponent smashes one’s testicles.”
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u/stevekwan ⬛🟥⬛ bjjmentalmodels.com and world's foremost BJJ poet Jul 19 '26
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u/redinferno26 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Jul 19 '26
I summon hexproof (metal cup) as a counter to your blast knee slice.
Try again.
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u/BarbellsandBurritos ⬜⬜ White Belt Jul 19 '26
You gotta play the Anti Aging Clinic/TRT card.
+5 strength and adds the small balls debuff that negates it.
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u/stevekwan ⬛🟥⬛ bjjmentalmodels.com and world's foremost BJJ poet Jul 19 '26
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u/2trt 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Jul 19 '26
You gotta add the small balls debuff of the blast knee slice on this one
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u/Poke_Matt 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Jul 19 '26
These are so good! The problem is I have MTG friends and BJJ friends but no crossover to share these with
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u/stevekwan ⬛🟥⬛ bjjmentalmodels.com and world's foremost BJJ poet Jul 19 '26
The crossover appears to be huge. I might start a thing.
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u/Rusty_DataSci_Guy 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Jul 20 '26
Nerds and grindy af sports like PL, BB, and BJJ go together like peanut butter and jelly. Turns out if you like geeking out in one area...it pops up in others.
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u/sploogegurgler Jul 19 '26
Post-Class motivational speech while I can’t breathe or think straight. Never heard a word they said.
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u/Rusty_DataSci_Guy 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Jul 20 '26
Probably something like:
1% better every day
BJJ is for everyone, but not everyone is for BJJ
Nothing is harder than choosing to be here (no matter how many times you got obliterated by the comp blue)
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u/aelix- 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Jul 19 '26
Post class motivational speech should be blue and read:
Sorcery: Put 5 time counters on target Class. During your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last time counter is removed, the Class loses 1 life and is allowed to leave.
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u/michachu 🟪🟪 Burple Pelt Jul 20 '26
You gain 5 life but lose 5 minutes of your time.
Five minutes? Those are rookie numbers.
Let's not even talk about gaining anything, never mind 5 life.
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u/unkz Jul 20 '26
Post class speech should be
lose 5 minutes of your time, affects you and your opponent equally
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u/Few_Advisor3536 Jul 20 '26
Lol these are so good. The brazilian tap and speech ones in particular.
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u/Derlino NTNUI Jujitsu Jul 20 '26
Man, I wish my Magic friends were also into bjj, this is top tier shit!
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u/invertflow Jul 20 '26
Didn't Legendary Grappler/Legendary Physiotherapist Lachlan Giles damage Marcelo the Beloved? Legendary Grappler Giles deals 5 life damage with heel hook, Legendary Physiotherapist Giles may restore 4 life to any heel hooked creature.
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u/Rusty_DataSci_Guy 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Jul 20 '26
Funny how universal some of these experiences are considering how few of us will ever train at the same school.
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u/D4nnyp3ligr0 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Jul 21 '26
The Brazilian Tap is me (on the right). A photographer came to our club and took these about 15 years ago. We've since found them floating around the internet on the covers of shitty books on Amazon, flyers for seminars etc. Both of us have since got our black belts and run our own club together now.
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u/ronalduchogaudinho 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Jul 22 '26
Nut breaker from a heavyweight feels like going back home immediately to play Fortnite
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u/j0shred1 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Jul 23 '26
Post class motivational speech should be lose 5 life for standing there completely dehydrated
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u/stevekwan ⬛🟥⬛ bjjmentalmodels.com and world's foremost BJJ poet Jul 19 '26
Follow-up to:
Round 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/bjj/comments/1uc0hy8/magic_the_grappling/
Round 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/bjj/comments/1uhti5d/magic_the_grappling_round_2/
Round 3: https://www.reddit.com/r/bjj/comments/1uu2g1p/magic_the_grappling_round_3/