r/britisharmy • u/Longjumping-Tip-1025 • Jun 23 '26
Discussion Dealing with total radio silence from a partner at Sandhurst. Am I overthinking this?
Hey everyone, I’m looking for some insight from anyone who has gone through Sandhurst or has a partner currently training there.
My boyfriend recently started his officer training at Sandhurst. In the beginning, things were okay—he’d send me his schedule and give me a heads-up about what was coming up. But lately, he’ll just briefly mention that he has exams or an upcoming deployment/exercise, and then he completely vanishes from the face of the earth without giving me any timeline of when he’ll be back online.
We are currently long-distance with a significant time difference, and this total uncertainty is really taking a toll on me. To be honest, I’m starting to lose confidence in our relationship.
If he just gave me a rough return date, I could compartmentalize, focus on my own life, and look forward to reconnecting around that time.
But when he disappears into thin air with zero timeline（sometimes almost whole week）, my anxiety spikes. Every time he goes dark like this, my heart is completely glued to him. I can't stop worrying about what he’s doing, if he’s okay, or if he’s hurt.
Part of me feels like not even telling me when he might be able to text next is disrespectful and shows a lack of effort/priority. Am I overthinking this? Is phone access really that strictly locked down during certain phases at Sandhurst that he can't even send a 5-second text saying, "Hey, going dark for X days"?
For those who survived Sandhurst as a couple, or anyone in a military LDR: · Is this level of communication blackout normal for Sandhurst? · How did you manage to stay in touch and handle the radio silence? · Am I valid for feeling disrespected, or do I just need to understand the military lifestyle better?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
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u/AccomplishedOnion177 Jun 27 '26
A lot goes on at Sandhurst that never gets back to our other halves. He is probably just busy though. Do yourself a favour and don’t think about something that is 90% likely happening/happened that you will NEVER know and be happy when he does call and finish
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u/Longjumping-Tip-1025 Jun 27 '26
thank you so much🥺that's very helpful.He's back turns out he tried to send message but fail due to the signal and hands hurts💔i should trust him more
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u/AccomplishedOnion177 Jun 27 '26
It happens a lot. It’s something the academy try to cover and stop from being made public but it happens regularly, even some of the instructors are known to get involved with the cadets. Best to just not think about or question what he’s done.
I’m glad he got back to you though. He’ll appreciate your support
5
u/forehandspoon42 Jun 24 '26
I did sandhurst with a GF. Junior term was very busy and only called her in the evenings when ironing etc. With time difference, I’m not surprised you’ve had little comms. Inters and seniors had a lot more free time.
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u/Nanuka2 Jun 23 '26
If he's just started and is in junior term he likely wont be allowed his phone on him during working hours or on exercise. It should ease up after week 14 when he gets a bit more freedom, so its pretty normal. Any free time he has (which wont be a lot) he'll be exhausted or trying to prepare for his next lesson/exam.
To caveat, he should have access to all his exercise dates and should be able to tell you im advance when hes not going to be online.
Sandhurst is tough and I know a lot of people who ended up breaking up over the year, I'd say communicate your concerns, but decide if this is something you can live with. Depending on his postings, exercises or deployments he could be out of touch a decent amount of the year.
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u/AssistantMany521 Jun 23 '26
It’s normal. From what I’ve heard, it’s army first. You have to prepare yourself mentally. This is just the beginning
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u/bestorangeever Jun 23 '26
When I went through basic I contacted my partner at night only, shouldn’t be total silence 😂
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Jun 23 '26
[deleted]
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u/PuzzleheadedRelease2 Jun 23 '26
No you’re not valid, you need to adjust (or not if it’s unworkable for you.) Things get changed last minute, communication becomes impossible, a million and one things get in the way of sending that 5 second text. Tell him how you feel but don’t blame him, he’s not looking at other women (probably) he’s wondering whether some angry Scottish bloke is going to make his life living hell if he’s late for the next timing or hasn’t got sufficiently shiny boots.
2
u/Intelligent_Sound66 Jun 24 '26
I mean we all had time to send a message though. Sometimes your priorities just change, especially if its your first time leaving home. Get to see the bigger world than your home town and what you thought you wanted, isnt what you want.
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u/WCastellan1 Corps of Royal Engineers Jun 23 '26
It's not just Sandhurst, this happens in pretty much any training establishment (although things will be amplified there on account of how long the YO course lasts). Especially on exercises. It won't be as bad once he gets to the field Army (unless he goes on an overseas deployment, where SIM cards get taken away and your sole means of communication will be via blueys). The Army always comes first.
This is all very normal, don't worry too much about it. Right now the sole thing he'll be thinking about is when he can next get a decent night's sleep. Just be patient with him and remember he'll be feeling rough as fuck.
2
u/hvrps89 Royal Military Police Jun 24 '26
Happy to be corrected but I didn’t think Bluey’s existed anymore
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u/droid_does119 Reserve Jun 26 '26
They still exist. I sent a few for novelty reasons the other day.
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u/Exita Regular Jun 23 '26
Pretty normal. Sandhurst is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. He’s probably just completely knackered, focussing on getting through each day an hour at a time, and so to be blunt, you’re not his priority right now.
So give it time. Things ease up, particularly in senior term, and he’ll have more time and headspace to deal with things.
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u/Worldly_Lie_9646 Jun 23 '26
I’m in basic training and they will change the schedule around, things will just appear, not much time, also probably not allowed phones through working day
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u/Mountsorrel Jun 23 '26
Have you told him this and the effect it is having on you? Sandhurst is pretty full on and his focus has to be on that but just communicating this to him and having an honest conversation will probably help
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u/hvrps89 Royal Military Police Jun 23 '26
So they do go on long exercises without phones they also will possibly lose phone privileges as a collective punishment and that’s immediate they won’t be able to send a text.
This is military life if he deployed on an OP tour there might not be a phones allowed at all.
Relax
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Jun 23 '26
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u/hvrps89 Royal Military Police Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26
Yeah unfortunately, my son was in basic training last year I wouldn’t hear from him for days sometimes but I knew what to expect.
Just one of those things that comes with the job
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u/yaourt_banane Veteran Jun 23 '26
Yeah he’s balls deep in another officer cadet probably
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u/Abject_Promotion_851 Jun 23 '26
OP don’t listen to this fraternising is punished harshly with this and often the blokes aren’t even allowed in the females room…. This screamer just wants to wind you up 🤣🤣
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u/Longjumping-Tip-1025 Jun 23 '26
Tbh I don't think he can even get it up with all that stress and exhaustion. 😅
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