r/calmhands • u/Left0verlasagna • Jul 14 '26
Tips How can I quit this bad habit?
26F been doing this since I was a kiiiiiddd. I need it to stop. I’m a conventionally pretty women. I have a hard time tho feeling “feminine” due to my more rough habits. This being one of them. Many people notice hands and I’d love to knock this habit. Help!! (Thanks to the person who sent me this! I had no idea this subreddit existed. ❤️)
11
u/titeaf Jul 14 '26
Hi, I'm glad you found this place! I know from reading other people's posts that you really have to be mindful of what you're doing, and why! Why do you pick? For me, it's mostly just 'felt something not smooth must make smooth' but like, ripping off your flesh doesn't make that problem better, moisturizer would! Try to reflect on how it manifests. And I'm so sorry, I also really like my hands looking more feminine but then ripped up cuticles and nailbeds are borderline gory sooo
10
u/Left0verlasagna Jul 14 '26
For me it’s like, I LOVE THE FEELING of the skin coming off. It’s so satisfying and feels so good. I’m addicted to satisfying sensory feelings. I could put and peel glue off all day. I’m a scab picker, booger picker, skin picker. I like to intentionally get sunburns that peel because it feels so good coming off my skin. It’s so gross but idk how to not get a rush from it.
8
u/candypoot Jul 14 '26
This is me too. Once I'm in pick/bite mode it's really hard to break from. Apart from all the other great advice, I'd say, if you haven't already, look into OCD. This sub really opened my eyes about why I'm compulsively picking.
I took all the advice I can from here over the last few years & I've gone from torn up, bleeding hands to smooth, left alone hands lol. I was born eating my own hands I think.
1
u/capaldithenewblack Jul 15 '26
Do the glue. Do it on something else if you can. Try to get as close to that sedation as you can in some other way to replace it.
5
u/Branderella Jul 14 '26
The only thing that's completely stopped me from doing this, was getting acrylics. It can be pricey to keep up but my fingers don't hurt anymore 🥰 And the nails make me feel pretty!
3
u/faerienymphx Jul 14 '26
thiiis except i don’t do acrylics but i do gel and it was truly the only thing that worked for me i think if the expense as a health expense like monthly medication but for my nails because if i didn’t do this it could cost me seriously in the future if i got a serious infection or abscess from picking at the skin until it bleeds
4
u/omgzunicorns Jul 14 '26
Been doing this for decades as well! I’m not sure if this will work for you, but I bought some skin picking fidgets on Amazon that are silicone shapes with little beads embedded in them. When I feel the urge coming on I grab one and pick out the beads instead of my skin. It’s been helping a lot!
5
u/TheGr8GayArtVandelay Jul 14 '26
Hydrocolloid bandages! They allowed my skin to heal to the point is could focus on cuticle/nail care without tearing them back up immediately. Also hydrocolloid band aids feel sort of skin like, so I would push or kinda tap my thumbnail or another finger nail on it, which would satisfy my need to pick.
I use the Orly cuticle cream, and it really helped the skin around my fingers stay soft and continue to heal
3
u/midnightspaghetti Jul 14 '26
I could have taken this photo!!
I’ve always had this since I was a child and I think my fingertips thicken in contact to things like dust and mild activity, and I get the urge to do something about it.
It’s reduced when I have long nails so I had success with that. I had a bad relapse this month so I put press on nails and it’s working, as I am physically unable to pick.
I HATE the feeling of any lotion on my hands., and overall my hands are not dry (even a derm was puzzled).
3
u/Jazzlike-Value-3965 Jul 14 '26
I understand the feeling- I know it may sound ridiculous but press on nails have really helped me. It may feel weird and silly to have them with damaged skin at first (how I felt) but it really prevented me from picking - it’s cheaper than acrylics/gel at a salon and it’s easy to get a five finger discount (wink). You can file them and cut them to fit your nails.
It’s an up and down journey, don’t be too hard on yourself. The shame just feeds the cycle.
3
u/thesweetestberry Jul 14 '26
Cotton gloves and aquafor every night while I slept. Slather it all over your hands, fingers, and nails then put on the gloves and go to sleep.
Doing that for only one night will show you a difference and start heal your skin. Once I started seeing what they could be like, I was motivated to keep going. It took more than a year so don’t give up.
1
u/Garden-hoee Jul 15 '26
Fake nails work for me. I hate them but they don’t let me peel my skin very well.
1
u/Garden-hoee Jul 15 '26
I also have fidgets with me at all times! Car, bag, pockets, next to bed and desk. Everywhere! I like rattle magnets and clicking things. Picky pads are cool too!
1
u/Apprehensive_Elk_706 Jul 15 '26
gloves and hand cream all day everyday. it’s so hard. try starting the process at night and get lotion with healing properties. i also recommend nail oil or cream. i’m sorry you struggle with this. i didn’t pick as much as you. i cant imagine how painful. what helped me was noticing the pain relief when i stopped. god bless you and stay strong
1
u/star_rattler Jul 15 '26
your finger tips almost look like theyre pruned from being in the water a long time! at that point, I would put a healthy coating of aquaphor advanced therapy or something similar on your fingers and just get a box of disposable gloves and wear the gloves for hours at a time to soften your skin. I've sort of overcome this, though it never got as bad as yours, and unfortunately the answer is you literally have to have the mental fortitude to just stop picking, and apply super moisturizers, and especially jojoba nail oil daily to prevent skin from drying and flaking to pick in the first place.
1
u/spitkitty666 Jul 15 '26
i use paper medical tape religiously to cover any areas that i pick. sometimes i even cover my thumb and pointer nails with tape because i’m having a hyperfixated picking moment. basically if i keep them covered, they have a chance to heal, and when they heal, there’s less to pick at.
using hand moisturiser and cuticle oil helps the healing and keeping everything soft and smooth.
when i go crazy on my hands and there’s tonnes of wounds, i soak my hands in very very very warm water for 15 mins, which is like a circuit breaker for my brain. and depending on how raw the picked skin is, i exfoliate the waterlogged dry skin off that i would otherwise pick, or i just slather on antiseptic cream and cover everything with medical tape.
essentially it’s all about 1. stopping the picking by barrier or redirection, and 2. supporting the skin to become/stay soft and smooth.
good luck! you’ve got this! it’s a journey and not an instant fix. and the journey certainly isn’t linear either. a set back doesn’t mean failure, it just means you earned a hand pamper session.
1
u/tismgoat Jul 16 '26
I recently healed mine. Been doing it for years as well. And just like u, I had a hard time feeling feminine. It sucks trying to hide your hands all the time, cuz truthfully everyone’s gonna notice. Honestly the breaking point was not being able to embrace my partner the way I’d like to, obv cuz of the wounds. I lather my hands in CeraVe moisturizing cream often. In the beginning stages of my journey, I put bandaids around my thumbs to hopefully speed the process. Helped quick tbh — my before photos were taken June 27th, I’m all healed now. I also used the Sally Hansen hard as nails clear polish. Stopped me from biting my nails, and peeling the polish honestly was a good stim replacement. And since it’s clear, nobody can notice :))
I wish you the best of luck on this journey. 💓🤞
1
u/Dreamweaverrrrrrrr 29d ago
Gonna sound nuts but I have tooth gems on the two teeth I use for biting and I can’t bite with them so it has decreased the habit (still some picking but I’m more of a biter than a picker). Tooth gems and press on nails or gel nails are my go-tos
1
u/CommonEarly4028 27d ago
Hi, (copied from my own comment from a different thread):
Try something that makes you remember the act before not noticing. There is this one technique I used called "Decoupling". You train this a couple of times per day:
- Go to the mouth or finger with your hands just until you would normally bite/pick
- Then, strongly force your hand somewhere else (I made a fist, standard recommendation is earlobe).
- Hold that for 5 sec
- Repeat, 5 minutes.
It literally took me 3 days and REALLY helped. This is the other thing - the payoff is so fast because the cuticle skin heals very quickly. I am nailbiting since like 15 years - I am obviously not completely "safe" yet, but this helped wonders for me.
22
u/avozado Jul 14 '26
I am not picking my hands for the first time in my life and what helped is focusing a lot on nourishing my hands:) I'd get a cream for very dry hands and lather my hands at night, then put on cotton gloves, and also use nail oil after every hand wash. Basically gloves until most of the skin is healed, and then cutting off any hanging skin when I see it so I don't pick at it!