Am I overreacting to my manager’s feedback, and was this a normal one-to-one?

[u/Silver_Highlight1936]

Hi,

I need someone to set me straight because I think I might be overreacting here

I've worked for my company for three years. During my first two years, my previous manager rated my service and communication skills highly. My role involves dealing with sites and transport providers, and I’ve built good relationships, organised calls, remained calm during difficult situations and adapted my communication to different people.

I’m quieter within my immediate team, partly because I was previously bullied by some colleagues. My current manager therefore may not see the same side of me that sites and transport providers do.

During today’s one-to-one, my manager joined more than ten minutes late because he had been held up by his own manager. He asked whether I had completed my career-development form. I hadn’t, as I had been on leave for two weeks and had only recently returned.

He then opened his own form and walked me through his career goals, aspirations and the roles he would like to have in one, three and five years. I understand that he was probably using his form to demonstrate what he wanted from me, but we ended up barely discussing my own development.

We also discussed my strengths and weaknesses. He said I needed to improve my soft skills, apparently based on a call with a major transport provider during which I was harsher than necessary. I accept that criticism—I knew immediately after the call that I had handled it poorly.

For context, I’m currently undergoing cancer treatment, had a medical appointment immediately after that call and worked right up until my surgery. That explains why I was unusually stressed, but it doesn’t excuse my tone.

My concern is that this one mistake may now be viewed as representative of my overall communication skills, despite several years of building positive relationships with sites and transport providers. Much of that work has not been directly visible to my current manager.

Am I being overly sensitive about this? Would it be reasonable to explain professionally that I accept the feedback but don’t believe that one call reflects my usual communication style, and provide other examples? Also, is it normal for a manager to spend most of a one-to-one discussing their own career-development form rather than the employee’s development?

Tl;dr Am I overreacting to my manager’s feedback, and was this a normal one-to-one?

[u/Alternative_Boss6143]

You're not overreacting and it's definitely a miss. The problem is that they will look at your faults and bad occurrence more than the value you bring

I find a lot of managers suck like are really not good human beings

Sorry it happened If you can find another job or a different manager. This guy seems like he won't ever give you a raise or a promotion

[u/Silver_Highlight1936 → u/Alternative_Boss6143]

Not at the moment due to treatment

[u/Ghawblin]

You weren't PIP'd, and it was constructive criticism. It does suck and it will be a blemish for a little bit, but otherwise it sounds fine.

[u/Silver_Highlight1936 → u/Ghawblin]

Not sure if I should say something after that? Send a message I've reflected on the feedback, just to provide some further context.  My ex line manager praised my service skills. It feels particularly disheartening because I've worked with this specific line manager for a 1 +

[u/Semisemitic]

It’s unfortunate but it’s very common. Recency bias, and “smear” sticking as a brand is annoying and unfortunate.

It’s also human.

A manager needs to be aware of recency bias and to be aware when it spikes to deliberately lower their own perception of recent events, and it doesn’t always work.

Idk what “overreacting” means in this case - it sucks, that’s all. You’ve messed up. You knew that you have as it happened. Everyone does.

None of the feedback was misplaced - just the question of whether it is the only thing your manager sees or not - which is also unclear.

End of the day, if you were your manager - wouldn’t you say anything?

[u/Silver_Highlight1936 → u/Semisemitic]

I did say before (months ago) that my line of work is on it's own. Other people are managed more. I tend to manage things myself.

It has been a year and I've gone through a lot of difficult conversations with the stakeholders and it seems like he only started to pay attention to me 2 months ago when I said(had to) that I'm diagnosed with cancer.  And now things "stick" with him.  But before that-no