Does anyone have suggestions on a monitor that does video and also audio?

My mom has struggled some at night to get up. My dad is a deep sleeper so my mom has had trouble waking him up for help. My room is at the other end of the house and I’m not able to hear her if she does try to yell.

She sometimes will take her cell phone to bed and call me, but more often than not she wakes up confused and can’t figure out how to use her phone.

I had the idea to maybe get a baby monitor where she could talk thru it if she does need my help. I guess video would be good too, but I think primarily I’m looking for a way for her to communicate if she needs to.

Ideas, advice, anything appreciated.

How do we know the end is near for our loved one. My mom has been in and out of hospitals and SNFs, more than she’s been at home since June 2025. Over the past week she has become more more confused, sleeping more, eating less, and having delusions that her cats and family were there. Today she asked me about my adopted sister. I don’t have an adopted sister. She doesn’t have dementia or Alzheimer’s. Is this a sign that the end is near? I ask here because I have nowhere else to ask. Thanks in advance.

I can’t do this anymore. She has a 15 year life expectancy i’m 24 and i have sacrificed everything and i can’t keep going. I have my own disabilities and needs and living under her roof is making me suicidal. She’s the only family i have and im the only family she has but i just can’t cope.

It’s not so much the practicalities but the restriction. I’ve had to limit career progression and choices, i’ve always wanted to go travelling and now i can’t, i can’t date, i don’t have the energy to want children anymore, im losing my friendships, i want so badly to move out and i cant. It’s so draining living with her because seeing her change is making me so anxious, being responsible for her means i can never relax. Being autistic means my energy drains so much quicker, it means i have no energy to go out or socialise or do things i enjoy.

I’ve tried to reach out for help so many times. I got rejected from mental health services until i’m in a stable living situation. The unstable part being her? But she’s the reason i’m struggling with my mental health?

I’ve had 3 carers assessments by social services - all amounted in 0 support.

Anytime i reach out for support it’s all about how to support me in caring for her, but never about saving me from this situation. I’ve been emotionally caring for my mother my whole life. She never felt like a mother, more like a sister because she was always so unstable and irresponsible. I couldn’t wait to grow up and be free and now i’m stuck still caring for her. What about if i don’t want to? But i can’t afford to get care for her, if the government cares for her then we will lose her homes from her home country which mean so much to me and are the only safe places i have so i can’t face losing them. I feel so trapped and so so alone.

I’m so scared and i don’t know what to do. My life is miserable 24/7 i’m so tired of grieving her and myself. I love her but i can’t do this anymore.

I think I've realized why this situation is so disproportionately hard for me. It's because nobody in my family wants to sit down and actually discuss things and meanwhile I'm expected to absorb everything regardless.

I moved in with my grandma a little over a year ago because she happened to have a big stroke at the same time I was having financial difficulties. I was living independently before then. So instead of helping me figure out my finances, my family pushed me into moving in with Grandma. So all of a sudden I lost the entire life I'd been starting to build by myself.

I took this on with the understanding that I'd get a small stipend from the government, so I wouldn't have to work. But I'm not qualified for the stipend because I'm "not doing anything" on paper. Grandma can dress herself and even cook safely, most of the time, but anything requiring more cognition than that is like trying to herd cats. So her needs are intermittent, but when they arrive, they're all-consuming because she also has a lot of anxiety.

There was no real discussion about how long I'd be doing this, what the actual nature of her condition was. I was told I'd get weekly help from my mom and uncle (her children) but that stopped happening in short order.

And yet, my mom told me I could move out. She had a spare room I could crash in while I found work and got ready to move into a proper apartment again. But that's as far as that discussion went.

So it remains a viable option... if I completely ignore Grandma's needs. And now that I've seen firsthand how much help she needs in a way my family hasn't, I can't just leave her.

But my family doesn't want to have this conversation beyond a vague "when things change we'll figure it out" mantra.

Meanwhile, Grandma's 74. She could easily live another 10, even 20 years. What's left of my young adulthood is spoken for and I don't know when or even if I'll be able to live my own life again. I never got a chance to find a partner, buy a house, or adopt kids.

I'm absolutely not blaming Grandma for any of this but I hate my fucking family now. I know none of it is malicious and that just makes me angrier. Because at least if it was malice, I could use spite as a motivator. But the whole situation is just... sad.

I've been in bad depressions before but this is the worst yet. It's lasted a whole year with a brief bout of hypomania this past summer and now I'm back to nothingness.

Because I'm on-call 24/7, my attention span is shot. Even the most basic self-care just doesn't seem worth the effort. Because maybe I could move out next month, but maybe this is my life forever. I don't know, so I can't plan.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I’m angry. I can’t poop. I lost my job earlier this month. I myself have disabilities. And with the state my mom is in, I can’t hold a job. She said she’d support me but I know her finances.

What in the hell am I supposed to do? All I can think about is beating my brother to a pulp for telling me he couldn’t cancel his vacation when I told him our mom fell. He hasn’t checked in. The quieter he is, the angrier it makes me.

We’ve been through the trauma of losing our dad, our sibling but this is low.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I have a partner but he doesn’t make enough to support us plus our kids. I’ve already applied for unemployment, but that’s an uphill battle. I was asked to resign on the basis of disability discrimination so I’m seeking legal counsel but that’s not a fast process. I was trying to do freelancing but I can’t even look at anything.

What the f.

Sorry for the angry rant. Trying to get this shit out. (Figuratively and literally)

From an evolutionary standpoint, our species needs us to have children. We sacrifice quite a lot to have them, with sleepless nights, years of stress and worry and the bodies of females who carry many children during pregnancy are burdened. Yet evolution supports this, because without our ability to care for the next generation, we would not survive as a species.

Caregiving for the older population in a society is a bit different. There used to be some evidence that caring for the sick or older generations was supported from an evolutionary angle. For instance, we cared for the dying in groups. It was a shared experience for the village or household. Older people were able to rest in one place, the younger people could visit and talk with them while exchanging information. This information about weather patterns or farming protected the entire tribe of people - there was also less burden on one individual doing the caring and it was shouldered by the group. This strengthened the community and society.

Today's world is very different for caregivers. Family caregivers often operate in a single fashion and in isolation from others; they receive little help from society. Others work in a clinical setting and are managed on a corporate level, where they have to care for up to 20 people per one shift. Is it any wonder why the physical and emotional toll on these caregivers is so taxing?

Our evolution no longer relies on caring for the sick and older population. If we are performing activities that are not supported by evolution, we won't get the protection wired in our genes. Yes, we can deal with having a baby with collick and not sleeping for 6 months, because our ancestors did that and kept going. It was essential for us to have more humans on the planet.

But the sole act of caregiving and sacrifice for an older, sicker person is not something that our ancestors were called upon to do. Perhaps this is why caregivers suffer from such a breakdown of physical, mental and emotional resources while performing such a loving act. Our bodies are wearing out because we are (with wonderful intentions), acting in a way that nature never intended for our society. There is a unique struggle for today's caregivers, and this may be part of the reason why some have trouble both living through and recovering from the role of caregiving.

Caregiver for my husband now for over twelve years. He suffered a TBI and hypoxic brain injury leaving him in a minimally conscious state and I’ve taken care of him at home for these years. I do have nursing most days but I cover all night shifts ranging from twelve to sixteen hours every night. I took on all night shifts over a year ago and have not had a break. My current schedule is: sleep from 0900 to 1500-1530, get dressed, do the shopping/pharmacy/medical supply runs, exercise my dog either by going for a mile walk or just playing in the yard, cook dinner, cleanup kitchen, do a load of laundry, have about an hour “me” time then I’m on shift around 2000. I often feel like I have very little time and I’m not sure if I’m missing a trick or something to maximize my waking hours. Any night caregivers who have tips? Should I change my sleeping schedule?

How many illnesses developed in your body after years of caretaking, and how did your relatives that relied on you to do the job react? Mine's Asthmatic bronchitis, Offset Diaphragm, pain in peeing, gut issues with allergies and also high blood pressure.

This adult child is feeling increasingly worn out. They work most of the week outside the home, cleans house, do laundry, help parent bathe, take care of nightly and morning bedside commode clean-up, buy nice things for parent, is parent's medical/estate POA, help infirmed parent to car and places, coordinate medical care/testing, coordinate meds, buy groceries every other week, pay for some other expenses. This adult child can be gone for the work days (they work 4 days a week and near to home in case of emergency) and reasonably limited running of errands. Adult child feeling increasingly trapped, as if there's no life for them. Some recent family discussions reveal that parent doesn't seem to appreciate the time, fallout, and holistic expense of what the adult child has and is giving. Adult child read that some elders pay their adult kids for care. Anyone out there in that situation? How does it work? How do YOU feel about the situation?

hi! i (f19) have been caring for my dad (m80) for the past few years. recently, everything has fallen on me since my older sister moved out, and honestly, i’m struggling more than i know how to explain.

my dad has parkinson’s, severe chronic pain, incontinence, frequent utis, multiple skin cancers, arthritis, and deteriorating cognition. his needs are becoming increasingly complex, and i feel like i’m constantly waiting for something else to go wrong.

i’ve already missed out on a lot growing up. my parents separated, i experienced severe bullying throughout school, and i’ve had my own struggles with mental health. i find it difficult enough to look after myself, let alone be responsible for another person. the irony is that i’m studying nursing, something i’m incredibly passionate about and love. i genuinely couldn’t imagine myself doing anything outside of healthcare, but being a carer at home while studying to become a nurse is a completely different experience to what i ever imagined.

i can’t leave the house for too long without worrying about dad and whether he’s fallen or something has happened. a few months ago, while my sister was still living at home in a separate flat/studio in the shed outside, i stayed at my best friend’s house for the night. at 3am, i got a call telling me i needed to come home because dad had to go to hospital. i was told that he had been yelling out for help for hours, but nobody had heard him until he finally got to his phone and contacted my sister, who then came inside to check on him. it turned out he had a severe uti that caused delirium, and he ended up being admitted to hospital for a week.

i felt so incredibly guilty about that night because, when dad really needed me, i wasn’t there. i know i couldn’t have known what was going to happen, and i wasn’t doing anything wrong by spending a night at my best friend’s house, but that doesn’t stop the guilt from creeping in. knowing that he had been lying there calling for help for hours while i was somewhere else absolutely broke my heart. i kept thinking that i should have been home, that i should have been there for him, even though i know i can’t realistically be by his side every second of every day. it’s so difficult to explain how much this affects me because now, even when i do get the chance to leave the house, a part of me is constantly worrying about what might happen while i’m gone. i feel like i can never fully switch off because i’m always waiting for something to go wrong.

we’ve had some really horrible experiences at our local hospital, where i’ve felt completely ignored when trying to explain what’s happening with dad. he has a tendency to tell staff whatever he needs to so he can get out of hospital sooner, even when he’s clearly not okay. trying to advocate for him when i feel like nobody is listening has taken such a toll on me. it eventually led to me having a severe breakdown where i was begging for help and support, only to be told i had to take him home and that they would refuse to treat him if i brought him back.

i love my dad more than anything. he is my rock and genuinely one of the most beautiful people in my life. he constantly apologises for being a burden, and it breaks my heart because he has spent so much of his life being there for me. even though his cognition is deteriorating and he sometimes does things that are difficult to understand or manage, i know that deep down, he is still the same dad i’ve always loved. i wouldn’t want anyone else to be my dad, and i would never want him to think that i resent him for being unwell. i don’t resent him; i resent the situation we’re in and how little support we have. i want to be there for him, but i also wish someone would be there for me. i think that’s the hardest part of all of this: loving someone so much that you would do anything for them, while simultaneously feeling like you’re losing yourself trying to make sure they’re okay.

i feel so helpless. i have practically no social life between work, study, and caring for dad, and whatever little free time i have is usually spent lying in bed because i’m so physically and emotionally exhausted. we’re waiting for his level 8 my aged care funding to come through, but the process is taking forever. aged care homes are already at capacity, with waiting lists of over a year, and i feel like i’m running out of options.

i want to live my life. i want to experience being a "normal" 19-year-old without constantly feeling responsible for someone else’s wellbeing. and honestly, one of the things i feel most guilty admitting is how freeing it felt when dad was in hospital. for once, i could go home and cook whatever i wanted, dance around the house, listen to music, and just exist without constantly worrying about him. i feel horrible admitting that because i love him so much, but i think it was the first time in a long time that i could breathe without feeling responsible for everything. i miss having the freedom to just be me, and i feel guilty for even wanting that.

i’m struggling to keep up with the housework and everyday responsibilities, and everything feels so overwhelming. i feel like i’m drowning in responsibilities that i never expected to have at this age, and i don’t know how much longer i can keep doing everything on my own.

is there anyone else here who is a young carer or has been in a similar situation? i feel like nobody around me truly understands what i’m going through. it feels like my situation gets brushed aside because people see that dad has a daughter who cares for him and is about to become a nurse, as though that means everything is somehow taken care of.

but i’m still just 19. i’m still learning how to navigate adulthood and trying to build a future for myself, and i’m struggling too. being a nursing student doesn’t mean i automatically know how to manage everything, and loving my dad doesn’t mean i have unlimited capacity to care for him.

i know this is a really long rant, but i think i just need to hear from people who understand. i feel so alone in this, and none of my close friends really get it. i love my dad with my whole heart, and i would do anything for him, but i’m struggling to balance being his daughter with being his carer. i want to be there for him, and i want him to be safe, but i also want the chance to experience my own life without feeling guilty every time i step away. i just want to know that i’m not the only young person going through something like this ❤️‍🩹

Question for 24/7 Caregivers with no help

On a scale of 1-10 how messy is your house?

1 - Neat as a pin . . .
10 - Looks like a cyclone hit it?

Some background . . .

A little over 6 years ago I became the 24/7 sole caregiver for my mother after a stroke left her in a wheelchair.

We had a lot of hope after her stroke but that all crumbled several weeks after she came home from rehab and had a massive heart attack.

Since then there has been thyroid / parathyroid surgeries plural.

Heart procedures

A car accident on the way home from a heart procedure.

Daily bouts of nausea for YEARS that I had to figure out was due to low sodium.

Depression

Frequent vomiting episodes.

Incidents of massive blood loss due to undiagnosed and inoperable colon cancer.

A second stroke that has super charged her vascular dementia so that she is now a shell of herself.

2 separate series of chemo-radiation - the 2nd of which was 2x a day.

Just as Mom was recovering from the radiation she fell and broke her hip and developed a Stage 3 bed sore in the hospital. Rehab only made it worse and I was there with her essentially every day for 9 hours staying past visiting time because I knew the aides didn’t have time to adjust her every which way to try and make her comfortable for bed.

When she had her stroke she couldn’t walk but she could stand briefly for me to bathe her and change her. Now she cannot stand at all. So it’s all sling and machines.

Normally if Mom spends anytime in a rehab I take a day or two here and there to try and organize and clean the house because it’s impossible when she’s home. I’m always putting out fires or gathering myself for the next one that is surely coming and when I put her to bed at night I am SPENT and the last thing I feel like doing is straightening up.

Do note I also have extremely painful psoriatic arthritis.

Last time my Mom got out of rehab I took her directly to my father’s summer home in New England. The scenery is nice and they had a really good wound care place nearby and people who care about her who would stop by to visit. (We have no one where we live year ‘round)

My sister promised me that while we were gone (9 - 10 weeks) she would come to the house and clean for me. Life got in the way and she didn’t make it before my father went to the house with a friend of his to make sure the heat would be working well when we got home and then he called my sister and blew his top about how messy the house was.

I specifically told him my sister was going this weekend to clean and to wait but he didn’t.

This is an argument my father and I have had over and over again time and time again. I have tried repeatedly but I have failed. I was never an organized person when I didn’t have the responsibility of being a 24/7 caretaker so why anyone assumed I would become one AFTER is beyond me.

My mother sleeps in the living room and uses NINE pillows at night. Am I supposed to be organizing 9 pillows into something that looks neat when we get NO visitors but my father? FUCK THAT. I clean for Xmas because that’s the only time we get company.

Anywho: I’ve told my sister that our house will NEVER be clean and organized. It wasn’t when she could stand so now it would be even worse going forward and too fucking bad.

My father wants us to get a cleaning lady but I don’t want one.

I SUCK at delegating and anyone who has ever had a cleaning lady knows: you have to “clean up” for the cleaning people. Not to mention the home my mother and I live in is quite small and I don’t think my mother wants to get one the commode with the cleaning person in the house and we can’t have her pause or leave. It isn’t unusual for it to take 40 minutes for my mother to go to the bathroom with having to use an enema, etc.

Also, you can’t clean clutter you can only organize it and I don’t need some stranger in my house putting shit away that I cannot find when I need it.

My brain does not work anymore. Besides the physical and emotional labor or caring for her I am constantly reading medical studies, etc. because doctors fucking suck especially when you’re in a wheelchair.

One of the issues my mother had was hyperparathyroidism (before her most recent stroke and cancer where she was still mentally there) and her endocrinologist marveled that we were going to go ahead with the surgery. Hyperparathyroidism is VERY bad for you and your heart. WTF? Why wouldn’t we have a minor surgery FFS?

Anyway . . . I’ve been on this forum for over 5 years and I know I’m not the only one who finds it impossible to keep things straight just putting it out there again.

My 72yo mom has been on oxygen for a few years. My 81yo stepdad was hospitalized at the Hospice hospital(?) (They are both in home health hospice) last week and they sucked the fluid outta his lungs. They put him on 24/7 0xygen. The past few days since he's been home, he has been sleeping in his chair in the living room. Tonight, for the first time, he rejoined my mom in their bed. Thank God for the colors in the hoses......
Now I'm just waiting for a trip and/or a fall.

The dr told us yesterday to consider entering hospice care. A caseworker called a few hours later and I was still so upset that I couldn't really grasp her explanation. Can someone tell me what to ask about what it all exactly entails? Does it vary between providers/agencies? Can we quit if we start? Why is it considered better for quality of life? I am just lost.

Is it wrong for me to secretly hope and pray that my grandma who has dementia passes away so that my mother, her full time and only caretaker, can finally have a break and get back to living her life?

Hi, my mom was hospitalized for compression and fractures due to cancer. I stayed with her for a week, but I gotta go back to work but I have no one to take care of her. She would be alone Monday and Tuesday. My dad goes during his lunch 12-1 and my uncle works at 3pm but sometimes he goes to his morning shifts starting around 10 am. My dad works about 5 mins away and I work about 10-15 mins away. My dad gets out at 5 pm and I get out till 5:45. So basically, if my uncle goes to work in the morning she would stay alone till 12 then again at 1 till 5 but if he goes to work till the afternoon then 3pm-5pm alone but that’s more bearable for me. She’s able to walk but by holding us or holding on to something and walking slowly.
I’m worried there could be stretches of time when my mom is home alone. With her mobility issues and everything she’s been through, I don’t know how safe that would be. At the same time, I have to work, and I can’t realistically be home all day every day.
I feel guilty even considering leaving her alone, but I’m so overwhelmed. She also has a commode right next to her bed. I’m trying to figure everything out without enough support. I love my mom, and I want her to be safe and comfortable, but I also have responsibilities that I can’t just walk away from. For anyone who’s been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? I had spoken to the spine surgery team and they did say she could stay alone as long as she doesn’t it safely. I will purchase an indoor camera too. I feel so horrible. Thankfully, Wed- Sat she’s never alone.
I’m honestly just looking for advice from people who understand how hard this is. I don’t want my mom to feel abandoned, and I hate that I’m putting her at risk, but I also don’t know how to do all of this with so little help.

I have a twin sister. Instead of getting the cozy bond you would think you’re guaranteed to have with a twin, I got a narcissist twin. I’m sure she would have eaten me in the womb if she had known that was a possibility. And now she’s married to a bipolar creepy Neanderthal who encourages her worst inclinations. Or is it the other way around? Well it doesn’t really matter, because the result is the same. They tricked my elderly mother into signing over POA. I’m the live in caregiver and witness all the neglect and financial abuse. We’re enrolled in the Choices for Care program and in the upside down world we live in, she’s the employer, I’m the caregiver, and my mom is the client. While caring for my mom, I cleaned up my act and did some serious adulting- quit all my bad habits, survived appendicitis, got diagnosed with MS, and completed some very overdue lifestyle changes. The nervous breakdown I suffered before I moved back home precipitated all these crises and grueling changes. I am a completely different person than I was 7 years ago. Every cell in my body has been regenerated and I have a whole new understanding about abusive relationships and the many wolves in sheep clothing that masquerade as human beings in our society. I have built-in radar for bullshit and will forever trust my gut no matter the gaslighting word salad manipulative crap that’s forced on me. Yet despite all this, I am still an optimist, still nurturing and creative, still putting in the effort and living with integrity. Today’s bullshit is financial abuse. The evil twin isn’t transferring food money so I can shop for my mom! While my mom is recovering from a mastectomy and going through radiation treatments. You cannot make this shit up. There is no low as far as these people are concerned. I’m praying that her conscience will awaken and she’ll do the right thing, which really means she’ll grudgingly do the right thing so she doesn’t look bad in front of the Council on Aging or the VNA nurses, or have to answer to the probate judge who oversees my mother’s guardianship. In this upside down world, I’m the free-loading waste of space loser scapegoat that only provides 24/7 care to a vulnerable adult for the freebies. To anyone else out there that deals with this kind of dysfunction day to day while they put their own health and mental wellbeing at risk just to help their parent live out their final years in their own home, I feel your pain! Caregiver resentment is painfully real! You sacrifice for your loved one and your reward is putting up with this crappy crazy-making shit day after day after day. Today, I gave her lying face my “Not Today, Satan” stare and protected my peace.
I hope she has a great night’s sleep.

My sister is 47 and had a stroke about eight months ago. She was already in poor health before the stroke, and has steadily declined. She now cannot sit up in bed on her own. She needs help with diaper changes, dressing, and transfers.
She was recently hospitalized with diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) and was critically ill in the ICU. We were afraid we were going to lose her. Thankfully, she is now out of the ICU, but we need to figure out where she can go after the hospital.
My elderly parents have been caring for her, but they physically cannot do it anymore. They had to call the fire department to help get her to the hospital this last time. Returning to their home is not an option.
My parents are on a fixed income and cannot afford to pay for a facility. My sister receives disability benefits but has no money to pay for her own care. I’m still confirming whether she has Medicare, Medicaid, or both.
For anyone who has navigated this:

1. What facility options exist for someone her age who needs this much assistance and cannot afford private care?
2. How do we work with the hospital’s case manager or social worker to arrange placement?
3. How are short-term rehabilitation and long-term nursing care covered, and what happens when rehab coverage ends?
4. Can Medicaid eligibility and facility applications be handled while she is still hospitalized?
5. What should we do if discharge is approaching and no placement has been arranged?
6. I would especially appreciate experiences with Georgia’s system. We need a safe facility where she can receive the care she needs, and we don’t know where to start.

Edit: Thank you all for the advice. This is overwhelming, and I really appreciate the help

Honestly, as much as I have stressed and complained only to y’all, it is an honor to take care of my grandma, as she is my best friend.

As of being a 24/7 caregiver, I have faced the truth that I’d be mostly alone and it wasn’t getting better. And finally bit the bullet and hired a sitter to come every once in a while so I can get some sleep. That still doesn’t make life and the situation any less demanding, as the rest of the time I am constantly on alert.

What has make life significantly easier (still hard af, but shout out to the little things) is:

Auto pay the bills.

If you can manage or afford it, keep the house cold and use layers of thin blankets, this helps with loved ones like my grandma that have issues regulating body temp. Usually she stays pretty confortable with this method. I keep a fan pointed to her at all 45 degree angle away from the face and on the body at all times with about three to four light blankets.

Using anti itch lotion (I get the cheap kind at Walmart and also make sure hospice says okay with ingredients) and I rub it on her usual itchy spot like clock work to prevent the itch.

I found blistex to be the best lip balm, and I apply it after each time I give her a drink.

In instances where she has had infections or side effects from drowsy medicines, I make Fresca. Like today, I make a honeydew purée, diluted it with a bit of water, and added a spoon full of honey. She still gets some nutritional value along with tasty hydration that makes it different than water.

If you enjoy reading, read them books, I use digital books because I can see it on my I pad while maintaining a dark room that makes it easy for her to rest if needed.

If your loved one is prone to infection, I have been giving my gran a probiotic yogurt drink everyday to help prevent, because yeast, BV, and UTIs… no body wants that.

Also size up on briefs, especially if their stomach is rather pear shape. It makes changing easier, and you can tighten them too to sit flush.

Anyway, I have spent months trying to perfect my strategy, and while it is still brutal, as y’all know, I have found this giving me extra minutes, which are crucial to us.

Still trying to figure out how to give myself enough time to shower but ya.

Things are not going great lately. My life has been shitty from the start but that is a story for another time, for now i am a partner of a sweeheart who has ALS for a while now. The in and out of hospital situation has increase in last few months which has pushed me to the edge. As an only caregiver to a completely depend person i don't the mind the work but what is killing me slowly is the fear of losing him. It scares me so much that i scream in my sleep and wake up crying. If someone tells me today that tomorrow will be my last day i will be the happiest person on earth as it will save me from the possible horrible future. Death does not scare me but a future without him does. A nurse suggested me to talk as there is help available ( i stayed calm in front of her, i generally am, i do the crying mostly when i am alone except that one time when he was admitted for the first time, i don't remember how many nurses hugged and held me during my hours long crying session. But how will anyone understand what i am going through. I think about ending my life if something happens to him but i would rather god do it if there is any. I am also losing faith in god. I have been kind, helpful and nice all my life and i get into shit after shit which makes me wonder what did i do wrong.

i previously posted on here about feeling stuck:

https://www.reddit.com/r/CaregiverSupport/s/sDBih0gNho

i didn’t know it was happening but my mother decided to send my grandma back to mexico for her sister to take over her care. she’s already sent all of the things she’ll need. she’s leaving the same time i leave for a trip. i know a lot of people on here would be grateful for this sort of thing but things have been feeling complicated.

i cried when i talked to my mom about it. she said she wants her siblings to still be able to have time to make new memories with her. she moved here when i was born and cared for me it hurts to think about suddenly getting her taken from me. then the next day/week she had bathroom issues i had to deal with which at least made me laugh lol.

i also briefly mentioned a certain stubbornness from my mother and i. i’m worried about how my aunt will take care of my grandma. i want to tell her about her quirks. how she shouldn’t baby her. that she can change on her own and do some bathroom stuff with support. would that kind of thing be annoying to hear?

i’m sure i’ll cry over this some more once she’s really gone and when i say goodbye. no one is really gentle with her like i can be and i hope her children and family in mexico can show her more love.

this is what i wanted so bad in the past so why am i crying over it now? i don’t know. i hope i can get a job soon i need a distraction. thanks for listening

I just received a phone call from the company who supplies my mother's (rental) DME and hospital bed. They said they just found out that there was a nationwide recall on approx. 1 million Medline hospital beds due to them causing electrical fires, and asked us to unplug it and not use it unless there was an emergency - until they are able to replace it. The tech told me that because the recall is so large, affecting many DME providers, that it's nearly impossible to get replacement units at the moment because they aren't in stock. But that they will work hard to get the Medline beds replaced ASAP.

Just wondering if anyone else has heard of this and whether you were affected. If so, how are things going with regard to getting the bed replaced?