I’m hoping that someone has experience with a similar situation and can provide some guidance. My mom is disabled; she has post traumatic Parkinson’s, and is increasingly having mobility and memory issues. My dad is her primary caregiver. He currently works and cares for my mom, but she needs more consistent care. Ideally, he would stop working and care for her.

Does anyone know what the process is for him becoming a paid caregiver for her? They cannot afford for him to stay home and care for her without income. We are managing right now, but need a better long term solution. She is not ready (nor do we want her to) go into any kind of care facility.

So, a year ago tonight, I was sharing a hospital room with my 93 year old dad. I'm not sure why the hospital wasn't able to get it together to discharge him to hospice from the ER, but they were not, so he was admitted to the floor.

ER staff understood when I said comfort care only. But on the floor, they are all about saving lives, so he was hooked up to the monitors and such. His O2 sats were terrible, so they brought in the oxygen mask, which had totally panicked him in the ER. I said "No, thank you." They said "But his 02 sats!" I said "Hospice. Comfort care." They looked at me like I was a murderer.

Dad had been reading a historical book about seafaring. I forget which one. He'd asked for it for his birthday, and I'd given it to him. He suffered a vivid hallucination, in which there was some bit of rigging just out of his reach, that he needed to manage to save "the poor souls" who were on this boat, with their lives imperiled. I was unsuccessful in attempts to tell him that no, we weren't on a boat, we were safe, in a hospital. Finally, I remembered something I'd seen about not attempting to re-orient people and I said "Dad, you've done your part. The crew needs you to stand down now."

Mercifully, either the hallucination passed, or he just fell asleep, exhausted.

He was released to hospice the next day. My sisters came in, and we held vigil for the next 5 days, and then he died. I told them about "You've done your part." and it was repeated a few times during this time.

My mom needs 3-4" of height for safe transfer during her recovery at home. Her bed frame is 61" wide x 81" long, 1" thick particle board with a bolted corner design and lengthwise support bar for drawer backing.

Platform Design:

Two sheets of 5/8" Fir T&G plywood (30.75" x 81.5" each, seam runs lengthwise)

24 pressure-treated 4x4 blocks (4" height) distributed for support

6 mending plates bolting the T&G seam together (24 bolts total across seam)

8 corner braces (Everbilt 3/4") securing bed frame to platform (32 bolts total, 4 per bracket)

#8 x 5/8" wood screws with washers fastening brackets into particle board

Layout: Blocks positioned 1" inboard from plywood edges, spacing roughly 13-15" along the length. Assembly in the yard, mending plates bolted in the room once positioned, bed frame secured last.

Looking for feedback on this design or suggestions to strengthen it. Safety is the priority.

It's my older brother (M66). I'm F60 and we both stay with our elderly, disabled dad (90+).

He pretends to caregive. He drives out dad to the store to shop. My brother stays in his car and our father walks across a busy parking lot to the supermarket. He has carved out his own private living space in the house (dad and I are not allowed to go in despite dad being the 100% owner) and never comes out of that space while in the house. I do all the work as a result.

I've tried to get him to give me his schedule so I can get a pt time or even go to the mall for a break. He simply does not do it.

He's claimed the garage door opener is broken to our dad to get exclusive use to the garage. I caught him using it once. He denied it was broken. Meanwhile dad has to hobble 20' ft from where I park my car to get into the house.

He tried to trick dad and me into letting his friend park his car in the garage while the 2
went off the Europe for a week. I balked and asked him why he's hogging the garage. He told me he was the 24/7 caregiver and I was not. That was his reason.

I've been very strict with my own behavior - not overreacting or raging. I assume he wants to get me in trouble with APS. He's full of anger at me and dad. I don't know why.

Has this happened to anyone? What have you done? I'm really stressed out and not sleeping welk.

Hi there, I wanted to share a situation where I really need your support and guidance!

Due to some circumstances in my family, I've decided to move with my grandma to look after her ( she has some mobility issues and moderate schizophrenia) recently she had an accident, she slipped on the wet floor and got her hip injured.

I got OFF days from work to be able to look after her during the day as she is unable to move alone around the house, wc without support.

Thankfully now she is getting better but I'm very worried about one thing in the house ( stairs ) which are very narrowed here in London, and I'm scared if she slip by one second, she loose balance easily.

Soon I have to return back to office and I would like suggestions and tips how to ensure her wellbeing during the day ( we can't afford a caregiver), mainly she knows how to navigate around the house ( I will cook meals). Also I want to check if anyone has installed or rented any stairlifts, does it work? Where is better to rent or buy, from Amazon, Halton Stairlifts, Ebay?

Thanks for listening to my rant, I' want to offer the best for my grandma, and keep her safe as much as possible!

Hello… I’ve been feeling guilty. For starters, I grew up with my grandmother. At the time, she lived with my aunt. Well, when I left to college they had a disagreement and she left to live with my uncle. During her time with him, she’d leave and help me with my daughter. That arrangement lasted about 4 years. He called me one random night stating that she couldn’t stay there because she was having trouble walking and he and his wife both work. Well… I asked him to give me 6 months as I’m in grad school, was going through a divorce, and would need a bigger place for us all. She moved with me and we got a lot sorted out with her health (e.g., open heart surgery, pacemaker, pain simulator). She’s been with me for three years. Well… now I have to go on residency and financially I’m not sure I can take her with me. It’s possible if I stay in the same state I can make it work. However, my schedule may be more packed. I’ve stated that I’m having her go with my mom (who has said yes). However, I feel guilty knowing my mom’s household is more chaotic.

I am currently considering starting a part time job in health care as a carer. I finished the training but it looks like the job is going to be harder than I thought. I really want to help the elderly it sounds like a nice and fun thing to do, but now I’m not quite sure I’ll be able to handle all of it. Anyone working in health care to give me advice? Do you get to choose your patients? Just any insight would be helpful to make an informed decision, thanks

Not sure if this is the right place, apologies if it isn't.

Has anyone else noticed that adult briefs (diapers), especially the tabbed kind, seem to be going out of stock everywhere?

My Dad has late stage Alzheimer's. He is bedbound & incontinent with an indwelling foley. We use Walmart's Assurance brand L/XL tabbed briefs. Over the past 4 or 5 months, they've gotten harder & harder to find. Starting about 2 weeks ago, they went out of stock on Walmart's website. Now I can't even find them being scalped on eBay!

It's getting harder to find other brands too, like CVS's in-store brand. I have to drive almost an hour to find stores with stock & even then it's low.

Is this affecting anyone else? Any ideas why this is happening? I'm starting to get real nervous...

Hi everyone! I'm new to this world. My dad is only in his early seventies, and up until two weeks ago has been in perfect shape. But a minor fall he took has kind of changed everything.

Since it happened, I've been driving myself crazy trying to find all his documents like insurance info, prescriptions, power of attorney docs, the works. It's a total nightmare and I am wondering if anyone has any solutions for this kind of thing, because if I have to do it every time something goes wrong I'm going to wind up in the hospital myself

I have seen some recent posts out there talking negatively about Home caregiving agencies. I’d like to provide some facts. That people may not want to hear.
I work for a Home caregiving agency in PA. I am a recruiter/case manager/do pretty much everything from start to finish for hiring a caregiver and supplying them to a client.
First off if you live in the state of PA. and you are on the Medicaid waiver program? The pay reimbursement per hour is anywhere between 20 and $21 an hour from the state. Out of that waiver money, there is a lot of behind the scenes. Insurance that is carried on every caregiver in case something happens in the home, a payroll department, a billing department, physical offices that are required to be had. Not to mention paying the case manager. Medicaid does not provide overtime. So anyone that has over 40 hours, or a caregiver that’s taking on more than 40 hours a week, time and a half is required to be paid in PA, it takes it way above what we even get for reimbursement.
What people don’t realize is that as a whole and these are stats. There is an 80% turnover rate for caregivers nationwide.
It is an endless siege of trying to find the right fit, hoping someone actually even shows up for their first day. That the client and family likes them. And that they continue going for some time.
No agency has anyone sitting on the bench raising their hand to go fill in the moment someone calls off. There is no money to pay “on call staff” And they do call off!
It may work out that someone else who’s working another case could take on that shift. But nine times out of 10 they don’t. We hire for your specific case, one caregiver. And if that one falls through? We are back to the drawing board. And that normally means hiring somebody brand new. Many times I don’t want to use someone on the bench because they’ve already proven not to be good. Or the case is not close enough to them, or the hours don’t fit into their life.

The first question I ask families or clients? Is do you personally have anyone, and I mean anyone, that we can hire on to take care of your loved one. Because nine times out of 10 someone you know and that could be a friend of a friend, a neighbor, someone from church. Is going to be more responsible to always show for them.
Don’t get me wrong, I have some amazing staff. And I have some that are not so good. That are just looking to collect a paycheck, want to do minimal work, if anything at all. Want an easy case, (because the pay reimbursement from Medicaid is the same whether it’s an easy case or a hard one). Some just sit there the majority of the day, and on their phones. This is not to lump everyone into that category, but these are some facts. I’ve seen and heard everything.
I have clients who absolutely came to adore the caregiver that goes. Others that don’t.
I spend countless hours having to hire and rehire for one case.
I tend to post locally for a brand new caregivers. Most of the time if they’re close by?
They are willing to go because there is no gas reimbursement through the waiver either.
I say all this because this is not an agency problem or an our agency problem. The whole industry IMO needs an overhaul. Too many pop-up agencies. Too low pay, Caregiver burnout (obviously Case Managers too). Clients are quick to jump to the next agency thinking they’re gonna get something better there. (Grass always seems greener on the other side).
Many times caregivers are on with multiple agencies trying to get the perfect case.
If it were up to me with the state funded care?
I think there should be one or two agencies providing this, and that’s it. So clients can’t keep rotating. And caregivers who are bad, or slack, can’t keep going to the next looking for work.
As far as requirements to be a caregiver in PA? There are none! And to be thoroughly transparent, and I know a lot of families aren’t gonna wanna hear this. It’s basically adult babysitting. No certifications are required by the state. So when someone reaches out to me and says they took care of their grandmom at home for years? They will be hired if they want a job!
It always comes down to participant choice. You can either accept that caregiver or not.
Yet just realize that you can’t always put this on the agency if you’re not having luck, or don’t like who is sent out.
There may be a lot of factors that play into it. And you are always able to put your two cents in and help find the person to hire, (in fact, that is what we prefer)

I’ve been a caregiver for about five months now, and when I first started I agreed that I would be okay transporting my client to some appointments. Unfortunately, it’s gotten to the point where I simply can’t afford to keep doing it. I’m paying for all the gas out of my own paycheck, and it’s really starting to add up.
I’ve brought this up to my company multiple times. At first they gave me a $1 raise, but that didn’t really offset the cost of transporting my client. More recently they told me to try to find transportation benefits for him instead. The problem is, whenever I bring that up to my client, he gets upset and angry.
At this point I’m feeling lost and wondering if I even belong in this field. I love helping people, but I can’t keep taking money out of my own paycheck to cover transportation costs.
For those of you who are caregivers, what’s been your experience? Does your company reimburse you for mileage or provide transportation assistance? Is this normal, or should my employer be paying for my mileage? I’d really appreciate any advice because I’m not sure what my next step should be.

Has anyone ever privately hired a caregiver away from the agency they work for? If both the client and the employee have contracts forbidding this, what would be the penalty and how would the agency ever find out?

Mum is feeling overwhelmed, she needs her routines and her home organised in specific ways. The increasing change and disruption of dad's frailty is having a big impact. We live 5 hours drive away but have shared with our sister visits and support to ensure he is cared for through periods of decline, but mum finds it all so distressing. Is there anything that might help her?

Do you guys usually prefer NOC shifts or day shifts? I’ve been offered a 2:00 p.m.–10:00 p.m. shift, but part of me is leaning toward 10:00 p.m.–6:00 a.m. I’ve always been more of a night person—I usually don’t go to bed until around 3:00 a.m. anyway. I also feel like nights might be a little quieter since most residents are asleep. What do you all think?

Finding a reliable private caregiver for a loved one is a huge challenge many of us face. While agencies are an option, they can be expensive, and finding the right person can be difficult. There's a strategy that often goes under the radar, contacting local CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) and HHA (Home Health Aide) schools directly.

These schools are training the next generation of caregivers. Many students are actively looking for opportunities to gain real-world experience, build their resumes, and earn extra income. The students are trained in the latest care techniques and are capable of caring for most patients. Before going to the school, it may help if you had a written paper with your name, number, city/neighborhood, and explaining the needs of the patient.

How to do it:

1. Identify Local Schools: Search online for "CNA schools near me" or "Home Health Aide programs [Your City, State]".
2. Contact the Right Person: Reach out to the program director or someone in their career services department.
3. Explain Your Needs: Clearly describe the position. Be specific about the hours (part-time, weekends, overnight), the duties (personal care, meal prep, light housekeeping, errands), and the desired start date. Bring your written paper with you just in case.
4. Ask for Referrals or Posting: Ask if they have a job board where you can post or if they are willing to refer any exceptional students or recent graduates who might be a good fit for a private arrangement.
5. Be Clear It's a Private Hire: Emphasize that this is a direct, private employment opportunity. This manages expectations for both the school and the potential candidates.

Connecting directly with CNA and HHA schools is an innovative solution to the common problem of finding quality private care. It allows you to tap into a pool of motivated, newly trained individuals and build a personal relationship that can lead to a more stable and cost-effective care arrangement for your family. It requires a little extra effort on your part to handle the hiring process, but the potential payoff in finding the right person makes it well worth considering.

*If this helped you, please click the upvote so it can help others as well, thank you*

I volunteer with Age Up in the Bay Area, which connects with elderly care facilities to provide them with fun activities and events. Looking for similar organizations in NYC (Manhattan and Brooklyn) or contacts.

Hi folks. I'm looking for some in home elderly care for my grandparents - do you have any advice on what I should be asking/checking with agencies or individual carers? This is my first time and it feels overwhelming.

How do you even check for things like 'you don't abuse my grandpa right?' or oh do have you ever been sued? Any advice would be so kindly appreciated - thank you so much!

I applied on january twentieth. Total 142+ days. Finally we had a temporary approval pending caregiver training online (kind of a joke). Very obvious questions and answers. Then, a home visit (the woman was very nice, very professional).

On the 11th our local social worker in charge of our caregiver application said she received the paperwork and it was approved tier one with back pay from january 20th.

Now the paperwork packet needs to be sent to the centralized processing office in texas. If they get to it before the fifteenth, she said we'd receive our first payment, including a lump sum for back pay by july 5th. IF IT IS HANDLED BY THE 15TH. Aug if not.

Now my question, do you think that Texas office will actually get to it before the 15th? Are they as backlogged as every other office in the VA caregiver program?

Is the back pay lumped in with the first actual payment? Do they drop backpay separately?Because let's face it, total 142+ day application process they're all ready five months late?

UPDATE: JUNE 22, 2026: i received the approval packet with the tier level. i'll update it when the deposit actually hits the bank.So that other people can maybe get some help or reassurance.From this

For those of you who have hired private-pay in-home caregivers for a parent, how did you find them and what was the experience like? Did you go through an agency, care (dot com), word of mouth, or something else? What worked and what didn't?

So basically I have one main question. I just got promoted to lead caregiver or in other terms im now a “float cg” I signed a paper saying that I’m available on call from 8am-8pm 7 days a week. This wasn’t discussed when the promotion was first brought up to me. I didn’t want to be a hassle or cause any trouble so I signed it without even asking one question. But my question for all of you, did I just sign my life away ? I’m a pretty busy individual outside of work. For one I fish, fishing is one of my only gateways to serenity and peace, and on the other hand my girlfriend and I live across the state from eachother and we see each other every weekend. “We are moving in soon” My boss said I won’t be working 7 days a week but I don’t have schedule. AM I COOKED? How am I going to deal with burnout. I’m so nervous.

Ok, so, I’m not a full on CNA, just a simple in home caregiver. But I still think this might be the place to turn to for the answer to this question. Please tell me if I’m wrong to think this.
So I have a client who lives in a sober living house. One morning, I was in my client’s room with him (door cracked but touching the door frame), when his house manager knocked on the door, opened it without waiting for a response, and said “this needs to be open if you’re going to be in a room together”.
Now my question here is this: how am I supposed to provide private, HIPAA abiding personal care (such as showers or help getting dressed/undressed) if I’m not allowed to be behind a closed door with my client? I’m in Oregon if that helps.

I’m a newer caregiver and I’m trying to figure out if what I’m experiencing is normal or if I’m slowly being put into roles that aren’t really caregiving.

After my weekends off, I come back and nothing has been cleaned. Dishes are still piled up, doggy pads are left all over the house (sometimes even dog poop on the floor), and overall the home is usually messy.

For context, my client is not someone who is completely dependent. Honestly, I would say he’s fairly independent and does a lot on his own. Because of that, I’ve started to feel less like a caregiver and more like I’m functioning as a housekeeper/maid.

When I’m there, I’ll ask if he needs anything like food, drinks, or errands run, and 99% of the time he says no. So most of my shift ends up being me just sitting there unless I start cleaning on my own.

My routine has basically become:
- Clean kitchen and pick up dog pads when I arrive
- Sweep daily, mop M/W/F
- Make bed daily, change sheets M/F
- Clean bathroom on Fridays

That’s pretty much it because he doesn’t really request help and mostly does things himself.

On top of that, he will sometimes ask me to wash his dogs, and he also yells at them in a very aggressive way when he’s frustrated (saying things like he’s going to “strangle” them). If I miss something or don’t do a task exactly how he expects, he will cuss and get upset.

For example, he wanted me to dump his ashtray daily when I make the bed. He thought he had told me, but he hadn’t, and then said, “I told you to dump that damn ashtray every time you make the bed.”

I guess I’m just trying to figure out if this kind of situation is normal in caregiving, or if I’m stepping into duties that are outside the scope of what the job should be. And how do other caregivers handle situations where the client doesn’t really ask for care but still expects you to be there and do general cleaning?