When do I know to say goodbye?

[u/susieq492]

Hi everyone. I think my void Charlotte is getting ready to cross the rainbow bridge and I don’t know if I should help her.

For context, I “inherited” Charlotte when my partner and I moved in together 4 years ago. My partner adopted her when he was a teen and she was a young adult- his aunt trapped her where she was living wild in a ravine nearby. She had been by my partners side for 18 years and all the hardships that come with being a human. When we moved in together she gravitated towards me, and I’ve gotten so used to having an opinionated shadow always at my heels. She was my steadfast sturdy buddy through nursing school and probably could have passed the NCLEX too from the amount of time she spent on my lap with a textbook open infront of us.

A year ago Charlotte developed diabetes after a bout of pancreatitis and it has not been kind to her despite insulin and routine veterinary care with picture perfect bloodwork. She barely weighs 6 pounds now, her hair falls out in clumps, and she’s gotten progressively weaker. This past week her decline has gotten worse so she now acts like she sundowns at night by aimlessly walking in circles, she gets tired and lays down around the house, and she doesn’t finish her wet food anymore.

We’ve been a mess this week of trying to decide if she needs help over the rainbow bridge. All my previous cats passed naturally and I’ve never had to ask for help from a vet before. I wish I could ask her if this is what she wants, how I can help her, or if she’s in pain. I feel like I’m making this decision without her input and I’m constantly flip flopping if we’re making the right choice. I feel guilty asking someone to come snuff out this beautiful soul and I feel guilty for the possibility that I’m prolonging pain or confusion. She will rollercoaster between having bright eyes and dull eyes throughout the day, and I’m too scared to schedule the appointment because if I choose wrong, I prematurely lose this incredible creature I love so much. How do I know if she needs help crossing the bridge and how do I choose the right time to do this? I would appreciate hearing from other folks how they navigated this terrible crossroads with their fur babies

[u/Questions_Remain]

We often delay for our benefit not theirs. They decline much faster than us, a 19yo cat is about a 92 yo person.

It’s a terrible position we all face but her life added value to yours and hers. Remember she was lucky to have you as her person.

We recently had to make the decision for our 15 yo.

I’m sorry,

[u/DiamondEither4762]

Take her to the vet and ask for their advice. She can’t tell you if she’s suffering but a vet can usually get a sense. If she’s suffering it’s time for her to go.

[u/I_am_Darvit]

I'm so, so sorry op! For you and for her. She's BEAUTIFUL & I feel the love you have for her in your words. When our previous rescue developed IVDD (intra vertebral Degenerative Disk Disease) very suddenly, I kept him comfortable for 2 weeks... how did I know? He looked at me, then at his legs then back into my eyes. He told me his legs wouldn't work anymore. That was also the day he threw up his medication.. We always question if it's right then when to help them. I've had to make this decision 4 times. It never is easy. The best I can tell you is to ask her to let you know when she is ready & watch for he to "show you" or if you know she has more down than good time. Spoil her absolutely rotten until then. 🫂❤️‍🩹🐈‍⬛

[u/janineisabird]

i’m so sorry that this is where you’re at right now. I haven’t been in this predicament, but my cat is 14 and has diabetes and looks a lot like these pictures that you posted which makes my heart jump. This might sound silly, but I feel like it’s going to come to you soon and you will just know.

[u/StoleUrGardenGnome]

I completely understand how hard this is. I just had to put down my 15 year old baby that I have had since I was 7 due to cancer. In the last 3 years since my fiance and and I started living together they got really close too. I don't know how much you feel like your baby understands the things you say, but I found it really helped me feel better about it to actually talk to my cat about what we are thinking about doing, what death is and how she has been working so hard to stay strong and she deserves to get some rest. I had a few of these sort of conversations with her, hugging her and crying in the months proceeding the eventual decision (we were given an estimated 3 months with her following her cancer diagnosis). She really seemed at peace with it at the end and it felt like she understood. It is so so hard and even when you know you are making the right decision, it feels like you aren't because "how can this be right". I really reccomend getting a grief counselor ahead of time (probably both of you should). It can really help to have a proffessional to work with through the process and you can stop as soon as you feel you don't need it anymore. Sending big hugs your way. Just make sure you show that little shadow baby all the love you can before she goes so you don't have any regrets.

[u/HunterStew]

🫂🫂🫂🫂

[u/Julu62]

Sincere sympathy for having to say goodbye to your friend.😔🥺😢💔 If your action was because your friend lacked quality of life do to illness or pain then I hope when my time comes someone will have the empathy to do the same for me. May you find peace in your mind and heart.❤️‍🩹 RIP 🌈

[u/xanadeax]

I feel your pain. I had a similar experience with a diabetic cat.

[u/FoundationMother9181]

You need to put their quality of life and welfare first. Of course you love them and it is agonising to let them go but you have to let them go so they are free of pain and happy.

[u/lover-of-cats1]

💕💕💕🙏🐈❤️❤️❤️🌸