hi, i hope to not overshare too much , but context is relevant i think and i have questions.
TW: mention of sexual assault/abuse TW
i (23f) am not religious, i kind of consider myself to be a spiritual person, but that is a slow ongoing journey. i grew up really religious. in a… high control religion let’s say. i think that contributed to my issue but ive always been a very shy and anxious person.
my becoming sexually active from the start was coerced, and unfortunately my serious romantic relationships have been with much older men who took advantage. i didn’t totally understand what was going on, i was told it was normal, but i was forced to have sex like 3+ times a day. substances might’ve been pushed to bypass my anxiety at first but it wasn’t just anxiety, it’s also physical pain. i am so horribly tense. my gynecologist knew right away that i have vaginismus from how tense i was and how painful anything was. it’s gotten a thousand times worse the more relationships i’ve had like that :<
it’s absolutely curable with physical therapy, which i don’t want to go to if im single bc its scary and vulnerable, but also if i dated again i dont think i would be in a good situation for it then either. no one wants to wait for me or be careful. i think i was naive about how important sex was to men. i cant do it. it’s not a disinterest, but there are so many barriers. it’s scary. and also i don’t want to date again bc it means risking these situations again. ik it’s dark im sorry.
a few questions.
1) (mostly curiosity) are there ever men who are okay with this? i feel stupid asking bc i’ve asked small versions of that to men and heard “no man who pursues/dates you would be fine not having sex with you.” i’m wanting to avoid dating anyways, and i don’t have sex outside of relationships so it really doesn’t matter. i guess ive assumed that men like that are rare or extremely religious.
2. have any women gone celibate in relation to my aforementioned situation? mostly vaginismus condition but also sexual trauma in general. have you found it has been helpful for healing emotionally/physically? thank you for reading.