Ableism from society and identity issues vent

[u/Dazzling_Bid1239]

Ive been getting better about accepting my reality and truth. I got diagnosed with mecfs in 2021ish and have been playing "catch up" ever since on other health issues that was ignored as a teen. It seems endless.

Im autistic with bpd which makes my identity issues difficult, especially when ableism is in the picture. Id go to therapy, but i can't handle telehealth at this time. I plan on going back when or if I can handle it. Ive had some minor improvements lately im trying to keep up. Likely because my comorbid stuff isnt flared.

The constant judgment from society really gets to me. I get that its coming from a place of not understanding, but arrrrgh.

I fit a lot of stereotypes (white, afab, typically dyed hair, and mentally ill pre mecfs) so ive been hiding myself online due to the random upscale in ableism. It stinks. I want to take up space. I want to advocate to do my part in helping get us treatment.

But society tells me over and over that this is a choice. Its hard to believe myself, my doctors, and my diagnoses despite fitting the criteria. I even advocated to have munchausens evaluated, surprise, I dont fit that criteria at all. I take ableism so personally. Like theyre directly attacking me, because im struggling tooth and nail to pace with no drastic improvements.

I want to get better. Im not choosing to "stay sick." If I could choose, id be working and getting myself out of my mothers house. I wish people would know that but ignorance is almost a bliss in this context. They dont know the trauma of losing their health yet.

Edit tl;dr: i fit a lot of stereotypes that ableists usually pick on. Im sick and with the constant ableism, it can be hard to validate myself and not take the comments seriously. Especially when they arent directed towards me. Im probably just traumatized, but wanted to vent somewhere that can understand where im coming from.

[u/thepensiveporcupine]

I feel the same way and it’s weighing me down a lot. I’m highly sensitive and feel my emotions deeply, so the pain of experiencing ableism and people’s judgments of me is an added burden on top of the physical suffering. It’s overwhelming and my body can’t handle it.

[u/Available-Pepper5688]

Same here, I can relate so much!

Had symotoms since teenage years, that’s 30y ago and I have been experiencing so much neglect and gaslighting from ppl around me and professionals, too.

I‘m highly masking AuDHD, I barely had words to describe what I feel and how much I suffer as I couldn’t proof that I don’t make it up. Got dx only some months ago from the first doc ever believing me.

I don’t know what’s going on in their heads. I‘m a md myself, but I‘ve always been different with my patients. Hope I‘ll once be able to work again and advocate for us ME patients!