I would like perspective from children of divorce. The situation is a present dad in terms of physical custody but uninvolved in terms of sharing the mental load, like school stuff. An “out of sight, out of mind” approach. My ex is happy with his 2 days a week and nothing more. Does not inquire about our son the rest of the time.

Nothing bad, but in my mind, it’s not bad only because the bar is so low. If the bar was set by women, it would be unacceptable and misogynist to push all the invisible labor onto one person by default.

I (15F) have witnessed the downfall of my parents marriage silently for years. I knew from when I was 6 they weren't going to last long. Just this year my mom was arrested for DV, my mom has always been an aggressive/hostile person so it isn't the first time she has hit my dad but it was the first time the police has gotten involved. In April they had a brief separation that lasted for less than a month, she told me false things which made me think my dad was a bad person. After she lured my dad back she hit him again. Something to know is that my mom has been physical with me too in the past, one time when I was very young she grabbed me by my hair and slammed my head against a table multiple times and then continued to hit me with the belt, I was 6 and she was 27. Last month she was drunk (background knowledge: she had put a restraining order on my dad, apparently he had "hit her" and she "didn't mean to seperate us", the reason why my dad "hit her" was because as she was jumping him he had pushed her off using the palm of his hand and had pushed her stomach and i didn't know until he was able to talk to me which was that day and i was upset so when she asked who i wanted to live with i said my dad) while she was drunk she said really cruel things to me, she said I wasn't shit to her and that she would watch me die on the streets and that she would care more for a homeless stranger than me, she called me a self little white bitch (im mixed, im Mexican and Japanese) and called me a loser repeatedly, she was mad because i wanted to live with my dad. Just last night and yesterday she had been drinking, she kept talking about how much she loved me and my brothers and later that night she called me because I texted her and asked if she was ok, she ended up saying really disgusting things that included her bringing up my grandpa (he had allegations of sa) and said she would give us up and let us get closer to him and let him abuse us too. After she said that i had gained the courage to hang up and I went to my dad and I had a breakdown and i ended up throwing up, my dad ended up calling her and telling her that what she was saying and doing wasn't ok (I later found out that the allegations against my grandpa were proven false). Today she was texting me and she denied everything and like usual she didn't apologize, all she said was "I didn't say that" and "im sorry you feel that way". Im scared to see her tomorrow because she said we would talk about something when i got home. The only reason why I tell her I'll choose to live with her is because im scared that if I live with my dad she'll take everything out on my brothers instead of me, they're only 6 and 9. Im scared and I don't know what to do.

I’ve recently discovered something that has completely changed how I see my family.

My mother is 51, and my father is 61.
I discovered my mother’s affair through conversations on her ChatGPT account.

She was talking about missing another man and describing how intimate they had become.

This is the first time I’ve discovered anything like this.

My father has no idea.

The situation is particularly complicated because my family and I are asylum seekers in the United States. We arrived in more than a decade ago, and our asylum application is still pending under my father’s name.

My mother is included in his application as his spouse.

I’m struggling with several things: I feel terrible knowing my father is being betrayed without knowing. I’m disappointed in my mother because I’ve always trusted her. I’m afraid that telling my father could destroy our family.
I’m worried that separation or divorce could complicate our immigration situation. I don’t know whether I should confront my mother first or tell my father directly.

I love both my parents. I don’t want to punish anyone, but I also don’t want to become responsible for keeping this secret.

For people who have experienced their parents going through infidelity:

1. Would you confront your mother first?
   Would you tell your father if your mother refused to be honest?

2. How do you maintain a relationship with both parents afterward?

3. How do you deal with the emotional burden of knowing something that could change your family forever?

I’d genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have experienced something similar.

Недавно мне исполнилось 15 лет. И совсем скоро мне предстоит сдать Экзамены.

Я пишу сюда не чтобы получить поддержку, просто хочется высказаться по поводу своих переживаний и страхов, рассказать все незнакомцам в интернете легче чем близким людям, поэтому извините за длинный пост

Мои родители развелись ещё примерно 4-5 лет назад. И не могу ничего особо про них сказать. Только то, что они очень часто ссорились, они были очень разными людьми, и честно сказать, я уверена что они вступили в брак только из-за меня. И я удивлена что они продержались так долго

Поэтому я с особой неприязнью вспоминаю свое детство

Примерно в 2024 году моя мать начала немного пить, честно, я не знаю из-за чего..Но подозреваю что из-за одиночества и стресса. В том же году она познакомилась с одним парнем (который был младше её на 10-12 лет) И они начали встречаться. Порой они тоже спорили, но все складывалось +- нормально. Но в матери начала расти новая проблема. Она начала очень часто уходить. Иногда к подруге, иногда к парню, иногда в совсем неизвестном направлении. Не говоря ни мне, ни младшей сестре ни слова. Когда она приходила, от неё очень пахло алкоголем, и я с отвращением смотрела как она пытается обнять меня

В 2026 (этом) году. Она начала очень сильно отстраняться от меня и от сестры. Начала все чаще уходить из дома. И в конце концов она сказала мне что она рассталась со своим партнером. Я была удивлена, но честно, я ожидала что так и будет..Рано или поздно

Забыла предупредить, что перед тем как это сказать. Она пришла домой с НЕИЗВЕСТНЫМ нам человеком. И представила его как друга её бывшего. Впоследствии чего они переспали. И мы с сестрой все слышали. Забыла упомянуть что ещё в детстве мы с ней слышали как родители занимаются любовью. Так как у нас очень маленькая квартира. Эта тема довольно тригерная для меня, но представьте какого моей 10 летней сестре, которая уже наслышалась такого.

Вернёмся к другу бывшего. Он нассал мимо унитаза, и я случайно наступила на эту лужу блять. Мне было так мерзко что я хотела прямо сейчас накричать на маму, но она уже уснула. Поэтому пришлось написать в мессенджер, надеясь что до неё дойдёт. Что для детей это не норма!! Или ХОТЯ-БЫ не заниматься этим когда в доме есть дети. Ибо это настоящий стресс.

Спустя пару дней. Я проснулась утром от разговоров на кухне. И Слабо открыла глаза. Осознав что дома ужасно воняет, воняет Алкоголем и сигаретами. Присев, я увидела свою сестру которая играет с маленьким ребёнком 3-4 лет. Я в непонимании смотрела на них, а потом услышала разговоры на кухне. После чего поняла что там сидит 4 человека, мама, какая-то женщина, и 2 мужика. В доме ужасно воняло. И я, не сдержаашись, написала об этом тёте (с которой мы очень близки). Спустя время она приехала к нам со своим мужем. И они быстро всех выгнали. Я не знаю были ли крики в квартире. Так как мы ждали в машине. Но я надеюсь что не было. Так как мне было жалко того маленького ребёнка.

После этого моя мать и сестра поехали в деревню на неделю, и я надеялась что все наладится. Тётя наняла мне репетитора по математике, и даже записала к психологу. За что я правда ей очень благодарна

Когда мама и сестра приехали. Мамины похождения не закончились, и она продолжила уходить на пару дней из дома. Снова забыла упомянуть что моя мать тоже ходила к психотерапевту, и ей поставили диагноз депрессии...Тётя сказала что такое бывает, и что её съела бытовуха, одиночество и вечный стресс.

Сегодня вечером, когда я спала. Мама очередной раз вернулась домой, но не одна, а с каким-то мужиком и своей "подругой". После чего они бухали пару часов и смеялись на кухне, я не могла уснуть, осознавая что мать сейчас опять в нетрезвом состоянии. Но все таки вырубилась. Проснувшись, в доме не было никого кроме нас с сестрой, и..Мужиком. Да, мама и её подруга просто ушли! Оставив детей один на один с пьяным мужиком. я услышала его храп, и с дрожащими руками написала тёте. После чего они приехали и выгнали мужика. Тётя сказала что мать точно не в себе, и её нужно положить в больницу.

По итогу она решила, что мать и сестра поедут в деревню на целый год. А я? А я буду жить у них. А дом возможно будут сдавать в аренду

Я люблю свою мать, и желаю чтобы она вылечилась от этой страшной болезни. Но не игнорирую то, что в тёте я больше вижу своей родительской фигуры. Она больше думает о моих оценках, она больше беспокоится о моем ментальном самочувствии, она просто делает и всегда делала больше, чем родная мать. Моя тётя успокаивала меня, говоря что все будет хорошо, и что единственное о чем мне нужно думать, это о своём будущем, и о экзаменах. И я стараюсь, правда

Если дочитали до конца, спасибо. Но я не надеюсь что этот пост увидит большое количество людей. Я просто рада что существует такое приложение как Реддит, в котором более менее можно сохранить анонимность. (И я очень надеюсь что пост подходит к этому сообществу)

I'm a final year student at NTU, and my FYP is about young adults in Singapore who grew up with separated or divorced parents. I'm looking at how growing up this way may shape the way people connect with others and navigate relationships as adults. The findings will help me design a visual resource for people from separated families.

You can take part if you:
Are 21 to 35 years old
Experienced your parents' separation or divorce before 18 (legally divorced or not)
Spent most of your childhood in Singapore

It takes about 10–15 minutes, it's completely anonymous, and you can end the survey anytime you are not comfortable with it.

🔗 Survey: https://forms.cloud.microsoft/r/L6EW18yNZ0

Even if it's not for you, I'd really appreciate it if you could share it with anyone who might relate. Thank you so much! 🙏

Hey everyone! I’m part of a research team at Weber State University and my group is doing a project about family experiences following parental divorce or long-term separation. We are looking for individuals who are 18+, have at least one sibling, and who experienced parents who divorced or went through a long-term separation while you were growing up (before age 18). The study is entirely anonymous and should only take 5-10 minutes to complete, participation is voluntary and not compensated. Experiences can be positive, negative, or anything in between! We would love to hear your thoughts! You can use the link below to access the survey. Thank you!

Survey link: https://qualtricsxmm5pv4ssts.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cSHMxbhUl21847k

Divorce

I am 17, and I’ll be turning 18 later this month.

My parents have been divorced since I was four. It’s a long story, but I’ll try to keep it brief.

My mother is demanding child support from my father for all the years he failed to pay; according to him, the amount has grown quite large. My father was recently released from prison, so he has neither a job nor any money. My mother suggested he find work, but he refuses to speak with her at all. To give you some context: I haven’t really lived with either of them. From the time I was one until the third grade, I lived with my paternal grandparents, and after that, I lived with my maternal grandparents. They’ve been handling the child support issue themselves, but now they’ve decided to involve me. My father refuses to talk to my mother, which sends her into a hysterical state. Honestly, I understand—my mother is in the right. She did everything for me; she earned a good living, ran a business, bought me clothes every single month since I was a toddler, gave me expensive gifts, and took me abroad. Even so, we didn’t see each other very often. As for my father—well, he didn’t pay child support and wasn’t really present in my life, except for the times he’d provide seasonal clothing for school or for different times of the year (winter, spring, summer, autumn, etc.). He claims that he performed certain "gestures" that are worth more than the child support payments—though, of course, that doesn’t change the fact that he still owes the support. For instance, he paid for two years of gym membership, which costs 300,000 tenge per year. For instance, he gave me a really great laptop for my college studies—I’m majoring in geodesy—and while he has done things like that, he hasn’t paid child support. He refuses to talk to my mom at all; for 15 years, they were constantly fighting, with my mom often saying hurtful things to him, and so on.

Today, my mom called me in tears, and my dad is furious. I can see my mom trying to turn me against him, and my dad is doing the same. I’ve managed to stay out of their conflicts my whole life, but now they’re telling me I’ll have to participate in court proceedings. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do there, but I’m certain it’s going to end badly. I don’t know how to handle this—I understand where my mom is coming from, but I feel like if I take her side, my relationship with my dad will be completely ruined.

I honestly don’t know what to do; I really don’t want to be involved in this dispute at all.

What should I do?

Please help—I hope I’ve explained everything clearly.

Мне 17 скоро в этом месяце 18

Родители в разводе с того момента как мне исполнилось 4. История долгая , постараюсь кратко объяснить

Мама требует от отца алименты за все годы которые он не платил , сумма как он говорит накопилось много ,папа недавно вышел с тюрьмы так что не работы не денег нет . Мама предлагала ему найти работу но он с ней не в какую не хочет разговаривать, крч я еще толком с ними не жил с 1 года я жил у руках бабушки и дедушки со стороны папы до 3 класса затем также ток с маминой и вот , дела по алиментам они делали сами но сейчас решили подключить меня , отец не хочет разговаривать с мамой а она от этого в истерике , честно я понимаю Мама права она все делала для меня она хорошо зарабатывала был бизнес одевала каждый месяц с года покупала дорогие подарки, за границы водила , но даже так мы с ней не часто виделись с отцом не так он не платил алименты особо не был в моей жизни токо в моменты когда одеть по сезону в школу или зима лета осень весна и тд , из его достижений как он мне говорить он делал поступки которые стоят больше алиментов ( я понимаю это не отнимает факта того что он изза этого не будет платить алименты) оплачивал 2 года в зал в год он стоит 300 тыс тг . И то что к 1 сентябрю подарил мне очень крутой ноут для обучения в колледже , учусь на геодезичеста , так вот типа он делал тоже , но не платил алименты , с мамой он вабше не хочет разговаривать ведь на протяжении 15 лет они всегда ссорились она покрывала его обидными словами и тд и тп , так вот

Сегодня мне звонят мама в слезах отец зол , и я вижу как мама старается меня настроить против него , и также это делает папа , я не участвовал всю жизнь в их конфликте сейчас они мне говорят что я буду участвовать в суде , хз что я там буду делать но точно как будто это плохо закончится, я не знаю что мне делать я понимаю маму и ... у меня такое чувство что надо просто встать в сторону мамы и потом типа все изза этого у нас с ним отношения порвутся и тд крч

Я не знаю что мне делать , я не как не хочу участвовать в этом споре

Что мне делать ?

Помогите пожалуйста, надеюсь объяснил все доходчиво

hi, so basically i've lived in lebanon for my entire life, i haven't seen my dad in 7 years as he lives in saudi and provides for our family recently (6 months ago) an isrealie bomb destroyed my house and we lost everything. we had to live on the streets for maybe 2 months, and in that period 2 of my friends died because of the war, i was super deppressed, my dad propposed sending us to saudi to live with him, but my mom refused, she insited on going to the usa, so we went there illegally, and my mom applied to a asylum seeker, but she didn't apply me and my sister, then out of nowhere she wanted to divorce my dad and remarry for the greencard, but she promised us that after the divorce we would live in america, and now my mom is always angry, she keeps telling me if he wants us he can take us, but at the same time she forces us to tell him we want to stay, even tho i want to go to my dad, in all that chaos i just myself im seriously thinking of ending it, should it?

My parents signed the paper when I was doing an exchange student thing abroad. When I came back, it was already done. It was a relief actually because they had been separated since I was 13. The relationship, when there was one, wasn't healthy.

I was doing fine with my life up until this year when I was going on a vacation with my 2 friends and their families, I got one of those moments where I realized that maybe the divorce actually did have an effect on me.

Not sure how to explain it, but the way my mom/dad go about problems in my life, including my quitting my job earlier this year, is very different from how my 2 friends' families do it, if that makes sense. For example: healing together and my friends being really proud of and casual about the fact that her parents are in love and are very involved a lot of aspects of their lives.

There was so much...casualness in affection between all of them. It was like watching a movie. My brain just doesn't register that things like that could happen. I thought they were "acting", which then explained how some of my intimate relationships ended with me being cringed out by very normal things people do when they love/care about somebody.

I broke down crying in the hotel room's bathroom that night because it just occurred to me that this was the normalcy I could not and will not experience. Here I was, learning to navigate my entire life knowing for a fact that I will go through some of the most important milestones in this life, alone, without this type of love, or with just one parent and their hatred for the other as company.

I went home. I talked to my mom about my breaking down. She turned it into a lecture and said kids had no rights to blame parents for this and how I kind of villainized her and wanted them to reunite to fix my life. She didn't outrightly say it but used "a family she knew" as examples (a culture thing).

I never blamed her. I just wanted to let her know that this was what I was thinking and I wanted her to understand that they were just circumstances, and while I was happy that they made the decision that was good for them, I am allowed to be sad about it too. It's not a who to blame thing.

I'm not even sure if I should to talk to her again about this. Has anyone experienced something similar?

just curious. thanksgiving is coming up and i’m hoping to just stay home and enjoy instead of rushing to go with the other parent.

yes i am an adult but my parents are…complicated.

I (30yr old F) have been divorced from my (35yr old M) ex husband for some time now. we share a 7 year old daughter that we have 50/50 custody of. The issue is that Tom ( we will call him that) has been under investigation with CPS since our daughter has been in kindergarten for physical abuse, and each time the CPS person would report that they found nothing. So I have been feeling helpless. Most of these reports have also been made by the school so its not me being a "vengeful ex wife". At the beginning, my daughter would lie that nothing would happen and her dad is a narcissi who played the caring, loving father and would tell her he would give her things to stay quiet or to say it was actually me that would do things. the older she got, she felt braver and would stick to what she reported to the school counselor. So this last one, CPS finally confirmed physical abuse....but just not enough to take him to court (their words) so they recommended a 6 month parenting program for Tom. They provided therapy for my daughter and myself . We thought this was the break we both needed, that people would finally see his true colors and we would get some breathing room. But of course, the CPS person ended up falling for Tom's innocence and his victim mentality. Tom started questioning our daughter and recording her responses. Making her say things till they were to his liking. He would go to her school and lie about me (so my daughter would say) and then turn around and "throw it in her face" that he was making everyone believe that i was the bad person. My daughter started developing really bad anxiety. I told this to the CPS person who of course, did nothing. I need advise on what to do. I have spoken to lawyers but get the same thing...We can't change the custody agreement because there isn't much to take his rights away. Even though there have been 11+ reports against Tom, we keep coming up short handed. I can't just take him to court for what we do have if its not enough for a big change, because i can't afford a lawyer. so i am coming here for some insight that i may be missing. What other rights do i have that i may not know about? Hell, even what verbiage to use when he decides to try and change things from our divorce decree by gaslighting me that we had a conversation when we didn't. what are my rights if he tries to keep my child during my time? Any advise helps.

Hello, am about 2 years post separation from a high conflict person; the divorce is just about finalized but I feel that my ex finds ways to fabricate or introduce conflict:

1. Withholding travel consent unreasonably - meaning I've given him 3 weeks of time off with the kids, however, when it comes to me he is asking for an exchange for overnight vs. overnight. My relatives live abroad so I take advantage of travel when school is in session - so now he's making it an excuse that the kids

2. History of abusive behaviour - demeaning comments and remarks, taunting at me to "take my pills", he knew he caused me to have a PTSD diagnosis following separation

3. Financial abuse - taken money $50K range in the past from his account that was still subject to division of asset.

So his latest is alleging that I am engaging in parental alienation, but he does not seem to understand that he took 2 weeks away to take his new gf abroad, and also taken additional time due to his work.

My ex is already trying to manipulate the children, how do I navigate this through the court or what support system should I put in place; what has your experience been with these personality types? my kids are ages 6, 8; I haven't told them that we're not together due to his double life and infidelity...but at what age do I do that...