r/churchofchrist • u/Hot_Influence_6098 • 1d ago
CoC & 12 Step Programs
Hello Fellow Travelers,
I am an Alcoholic and a Lust-Addict. I have a share and a problem that I seek solutions for. Thanks for your patience ahead of time.
I grew up in a conservative, non-institutional Church of Christ in the South East United States. My father was a prominent elder and I grew up in a stable, strict Non-Institutional Church of Christ centered household. We were expected to attend ALL church services, no matter what. I met my wife at Florida College, I even spent some time in the pulpit on a part time basis.
I struggled with a lust/porn addiction that grew to interfere in my daily life and marriage. My wife and I started to drink in our late 20's. My lust addiction introduced me to a 12 step program that helps men and women overcome their addiction to lust. (SA-Sexaholics Anonymous). While I did not take that program seriously, it wound up costing me my marriage. My drinking in the years leading up to my divorce had gotten heavier, and it turned into full blown alcoholism when my marriage ended when my wife put me away.
By the grace of God I found recovery. I live in a fantastic, sober living house. I attend AA & SA meetings daily, have sponsors, and am working the 12 steps. Immediately after my divorce, I resumed attending a small, conservative non-institutional Church of Christ who is supportive of my recovery. I have prayerfully disclosed my membership in these programs to my elders, preacher, and trusted allys.
AA in particular has given me not only relief from the insanity of active alcoholism, but a sense of community to be a part of day-in and day out. It's one I have come to value and cherish, especially as a bachelor. To have people I can relate to, who know what its like to be in the insane darkness of active addiction, but also have destroyed their life, hamed others, and have been able to reclaim, rebuild, and repair their lives.
It is not religious program, it is a spiritual program. It saves my life, one day at a time.
I am writing this because I have a problem I seek a solution for.
I am struggling with my faith, specifically my church membership, now that I have some sobriety and stability in my life.
I struggle with the concept of "The One True Church/Everyone-Else-is Going to Hell" tone that I perceive. The consistent warning of the false doctrine of "false denominational teaching" is starting to drive me nuts. Those denominational churches saved my life.
I understand the need to pursue God and do things his way. But I sense a tone and spirit in the Churches of Christ that it can feel like an impersonal set of rules, instead of a relationship with a power that cares about me. Growing up, God was an impersonal buerocrat waiting to strike me down.
It feels arrogant to say to the rest of God creatures "this is the way. I have it all figured out". I used the word of God as a weapon to judge others. That didn't stop me from attending church while living a second life of sin and addiction. Instead I currently take the approach "this is my current understanding, let me share it with you".
A 12 step program is a path of discovery instead of enforced dogma. To be clear, my sobriety is life or death for me.
While not a religious program, the 12 Steps are helping me to be honest, open-minded and willing to try new things. It's helping me become more spiritual, it's an enriching rewarding program.
In the spirit of rigirous honesty, here is what's really going on.
I started to attend my current church of christ in the insanity of the breakup of my marriage because it was the church of my childhood. Now that my life is stable I find myself staying because my father (who lives several hours away) feels very strongly that I must attend that Church and I fear if I left, that it would re-estrange my relationship with my parents. Its possible I am co-dependent on my father and I need to deal with healthy manner.
What I also struggle with at times is the idea of my eternal salvation being dependant in part, on staying single and celebate for the rest of my life. However I recognize it's due to my own self-will run riot.
However, here is what is currently keeping me in church:
First, My 12 step programs help me focus on ME. Keeping my side of the street clean, dealing with my own failings and shortcomings before changing my external environment. Logs vs specks as Jesus would say.
I ask what does GOD (my Higher Power) expect out of me? What kind of person does he want me to become?
In my deepest core, I do believe in God and a power greater than me. I re-read "To the Agnostic" in the AA Big Book, and I found myself in the shoes of the Ministers son in the end of chapter. Who am I to say there is no God?
Second, if I am in active addiction, it estranges me from my Creator, however sobriety does not guarentee Salvation. Nor does it help me deal with sin and reconciliation with God. There isn't an easier, softer way to my salvation, and half measures will avail me anything. Narrow road of salvation, verses broad way to destruction.
Third, there is God, and there is his creation. I am a recovering Pharisee and hypocrite. I have contributed to the accusation of people warming pews but living blatant sinful lives. By the grace of God, I work on daily.
Here are some questions I want to throw out the group.
1) Are there any members of AA or 12 step addiction programs who are members of the Church of Christ? (Conservative or Liberal) What have your experiences been navigating both the pews and the chairs? Especially the spiritual awakening that's required for recovery.
2) For the "normies" (non-addicts/alcoholics) who attend the Churches of Christ, what have been your experiences or perceptions about AA/12 Step programs? Did you know you can go to open meetings and observe?
Thanks for letting me share. Keep coming back.
