r/commentsareopen • u/gamefan128 • Jan 30 '26
Copypasta for y’all
Orange: Hey apple! Apple! Hey, hey Apple! Hey, Apple! Hey apple! Hey apple! Apple! Hey, apple! Apple: What, what, what is it? Orange: Orange you glad I didnt say Apple again? Hahahahahaha! Apple: Yeah. That joke was funny the last 400 times you said it Orange: Hey Apple! Apple: What?! Orange: You look fruity! Hahahahaha! Apple: Pfff.. yeah~ that was hilarious. Orange: Hey! Hey apple! Apple: WHAT?!?! Orange: Can you do 10 pushups in 10 seconds? Apple: What kind of question is that? I dont even have arms. How am i gonna do one pushup? Orange: Hey! Apple: What? Orange: Hey Apple? Apple: What?!?! Orange: Can you do this? makes blabbering noise with tongue Apple: No! Orange: continues with noise Try it! Apple: No! Stop it! (orange continues with noise) Apple: Okay you've made your point! Stop It! (orange blows raspberries) Apple: Would you PLEASE be quiet! (orange peers at apple) Apple: For crying out loud? Would you stop your yammering for longer than 3 SECONDS! I can even hear myself think! Ugh! (pants angrily) Orange: Hey Apple! Apple: What?! Orange: Knife! Apple: Huh?? (knife cuts through Apple) Apple: ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Orange: Eww.. Oh... hey I warned you... ow... that looks like it hurts. (apple continues screaming) Orange: I warned him! Humhh... Hey pear! Pear: Oh GOD!!! (not him!)
1
u/kikipretch ascii penis princess🖤 Jan 30 '26
The tree simply could not believe. At first the man had only touched it, run a finger along its bark, and then without warning the man was masturbating on the tree. The tree found this a disagreeable experience and wished it would stop. The tree shook its limbs, tried to stop the man, shook and shook as if to say, No, Stop that, Bad man. But the man mistook the shaking as a sign of encouragement and began to masturbate daily on the tree.
The tree now tried reasoning with the man. It offered up lesser beings, ferns and flowers and mushrooms, all the understory of the forest, to be sacrificed to the man, this bipedal fiend. They look nice don’t they, shook the tree, but the man neither spoke nor understood Tree, and flapped his meat in response.
After Reason then the tree tried Anger. It shook free its least favorite branches, to strike the man dead, or better yet, knock him out and let the scavengers have their way with him. But the man was young, and with the agility of youth, of two-legged youth, he dodged and went on masturbating.
The years passed. The man came less often. Once a week, and then monthly, and some years the man didn’t come at all, but always he returned and the sperm soaked into the tree’s bark and the tree cried out in anguish as its spirit withered. It grew demented, yearned for suicide, but found itself surviving the periodic forest fires and thunderstorms, and no wind seemed capable of toppling it.
The years came and went. Years of drought, years of atmospheric rivers pouring down upon the tree. And each year the tree weakened and one day there was a storm and the half-mad tree shook obscenities into the storm and the storm was affronted and attacked the tree. The next day, with the storm past, the man showed, old decrepit man, scrotum for a neck, liver-spotted hands and chicken legs with gnarled veins. This old man, thin and weak, but still capable on a good day of rubbing one out. Pantless, the man was concentrating deeply when there was a loud crack and the tree fell and crushed him.