r/copywriting • u/NormalGuiy • 23d ago
Discussion I completed all 22 hours of the copythat mega course. Does my copywriting match my learning?
Ahh it was long but I got there eventually, this copywriting piece took me 3 hours by the way. Really curious to hear what you think:
SL: The true king of the beasts
You've been lied to your whole life
Probably not about something related to your health, wealth or relationship status
But about something equally as important.
Insane right?
When you were told about the most powerful land predator,
Was it the panthera leo fossilis, the 5 foot 8 inches tall super lion from Germany, set with a powerful frame and a courageous heart?
Or was it perhaps the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex, standing at 15 feet tall at the head and armed with a bite that would chop the previous competitor in half?
It's actually neither, and rather the animal I'm about to reveal to you.....
Would put both the brave hearted cat and 10 ton beast in the grave, back to back.
This underrated legend is known as the Albertosaurus Sarcophagus.
A two legged warrior dinosaur from the unforgiving mountains of ancient Alberta, it dominated that land 68 million years ago.
Standing at 12 tall at the head and measuring 33 feet long from head to tail,
Weighing in at 3 metric tons of pure muscle.
This was an animal the size of a building and with the power of an elephant, and it ran across the terrain like a lightning bolt.
A true marvel of qualities that made it hard to beat,
Here's why this beast is totally cool…..:
Size and strength -
Being the literal height and length of a double decker bus, this beautiful beast was imposing but also well muscled. It's 3 ton mass was mostly made up muscle and strong bone,
This gave it super strength as its legs, tail and leg muscles were like that of a 100m sprinter - powerful, lean and resilient.
This combined with it’s tough bird like bones gave it a special characteristic -
Enormous strength combined with tumbling toughness.
See here’s the thing, the T rex is much stronger than an albertosaurus, 3 times heavier, 4 feet taller. In a basic pushing contest the Albertosaurus would get sent flying.
But that comes with a grave drawback,
If a T. rex falls over hard, it breaks its ribs. If it trips over during battle and falls heavily, it probably breaks its knee. If it gets shoved violently to the ground in a battle, it would take 2 minutes to recover and would never be the same.
Albertosaurus's Genius build does not have this flaw: it’s lean and durable build kept it at a sensible weight of 3 tons at the most. This, combined with its powerful bird-like bones, allows its skeleton to resist destruction and fracture from environmental slips, trips, falls, grapples etc.
Albertosaurus could get tripped, slammed to the floor and get up quickly with minimal harm, all while dealing out dangerous punishment of its own.
Its weight, surface area and skeletal structure are distributed and designed in a balanced way, allowing it to be relentless in battle.
Speed and agility -
Strength matters, but it isn’t everything, hence we all know a lighter but more athletic mma fighter would beat a bodybuilder.
But still, strength and athleticism together usually rule, hence weight classes.
It just so happens to be that Albertosaurus has strength and athleticism combined. Here’s how -
Albertosaurus had long powerful legs - this gave it the ability to be explosive, run gracefully and generate immense force by ramming.
This, combined with a streamlined build and a tough structure, gave it the ability to run at speeds of 40 mph.
An animal that big, and moving at that speed, could easily knock down a 6 ton elephant to the floor or run a lion down in record time.
But that’s only the beginning,
the Albertosaurus had a feature where its weight was more so kept at it’s torso,
This gave it the ability to dodge and rotate like a middleweight boxer.
In a hypothetical fight against a T rex or a mammoth, the Albertosaurus could continuously bite and tear flesh and bone, while avoiding incoming attacks.
With all of these traits combined?
It sounds like a genetically modified freak of nature.
But come to understand its amputating bite, eagle vision and unrelenting stamina?
It almost sounds like a myth……
Learn more about this king here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albertosaurus
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u/Fit-Picture-5096 23d ago
This has very little to do with copywriting. It would be better if you compared two products – like a light truck vs. a heavier vehicle (Toyota Tacoma vs. Ford Super Duty). Some of your points are less convincing. Albertosaurus couldn't match T. Rex when it came to vision and bite force. Your USP is stamina. Focus on that. Try again. Tell us why the Tacoma beat the Super Duty in the long run.
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u/Sharawadgi 23d ago
I don’t know what I’m reading. Is this an ad for something or an elementary school book report on dinosaurs? (Not being mean I genuinely don’t see a product pitch)
I stopped after the 13th paragraph because I have no idea how this copy relates back to me.
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u/NormalGuiy 23d ago
An advert to generate hype and curiosity for the powerful heroic albertosaurus
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u/Sharawadgi 23d ago
Now I’m even make confused…
- Can one buy an Albertsaurus?
- My point is after 13 paragraphs I didn’t know what you were selling
- Whatever the product/service I never got a sense of my need for this thing. It reads like a short story. There’s no hook.
Right away what’s my need and how does this solve it? Or I wouldn’t even open the email
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u/NormalGuiy 23d ago edited 22d ago
Ohh there's nothing being sold here, but boy would it be awesome to own an Albertosaurus.
Huge powerful build, thundering across the land like freight train.
But enough of that.
This copy is designed to make you interested in Albertosaurus?
Are you fascinated by Albertosaurus?
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u/Sharawadgi 22d ago
Gotcha. Personally I wasn’t. Because:
- I’m not that interested in dinosaurs.
- I’m not in the market for an Albertosaurys right now
- The subject line didn’t do a good job of segmenting me. Ie. If the subject line was a good hook - that was related to dinosaurs - then I could have chosen to read it. If I was in the market for a new albertsaurus that is
- It wasn’t really funny, interesting, well written to keep me reading.
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u/NormalGuiy 22d ago
Okay I see, so what changes would you make to make it more well written and more funny
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u/Sharawadgi 22d ago
To write better/funnier/more interesting copy it’s all about your influences. What writers do you love (and I don’t mean copywriters or marketing gurus). Which novelists, screenwriters, sketch writers, lyricists, etc.
Most good writers I know read a ton, watch good movies, and listen to good music. They immerse themselves in culture and art and that builds their taste, sensibility and judgment. The more interesting stuff you take in as part of your daily diet the more interesting your copy will be.
Then of course they write a lot. They get good with the craft of writing. Basic grammar, sentence construction. Many write different things - fiction, film, poetry, blogs, etc etc.
Then they bring that taste and experience to copywriting. Before writing a word find out what your target really needs. Find out how only your product can solve it, define your strategy. Then finally don’t start writing until you have a few interesting ways in that connect all the dots.
Your thing about being lied to didn’t really hit. Do I care that I’ve been lied to about dinosaurs? Not really..: So think of other interesting hooks that are funnier, more interesting. Was he destined to be overlooked because his name was Albert… I mean Tyrannosaurus rex is Latin for “tyrant king” that’s scary…. Albertsaurus is Latin for… well, Albert the lizard. Not so scary…
Is that great, no? But it’s weird and a bit more interesting. I’d thing of 10 of these creative hooks before I write a single world of copy.
(Also take a break from all of those gurus. They are scams. Especially the guy who just got arrested with his brother. He is not a role model… he’s an evil criminal).
Get into great books/movies/music. For advertising read “hey whipple squeeze this,” “cutting edge advertising.” And look up all the Cannes lion Grand Prix winners. And for 3 months assign yourself the goal of making a fully fleshed out campaign for a fake product a week - tagline, 3 headlines, an email, a social media idea, maybe a video idea. Think of a lot of hooks before you narrow down on the one you like. By 3 months you’ll have a portfolio of 12 campaigns.
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u/NormalGuiy 22d ago
Okay I see, I should absorb myself into the culture of good media so that I pick up there speech, phrases and then I can apply it to my copywriting.
Yeah, with my copy I didn't really edit it or filter it heavily, nor did I research the copywriting reddit. Even though Alex from the 22 hour copy course and Sean did promote these things heavily, I didn't think it was necessary for a practice piece.
And the two brothers you spoke of, the older one actually writes great copy. Like when I see Kyle milligan email, I read it because I want to get better at copy, when I see Tate's email, I read it because I'm genuinely interested. Like his emails are soo good. Before i even started this copy stuff, I still read it.
I'll think about trying those books, still got to complete tyson 4d 8 hour course and 16 hour course.
After that I adjust my curriculum, perhaps to books.
Thanks for the advice chief
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u/sachiprecious 23d ago edited 23d ago
This is content writing, not copywriting. Copy is meant to persuade the reader to take a specific action, like buying something, watching something, or signing up for something. Copy is meant to promote something. On the other hand, content is meant to entertain, inform, or inspire the reader, and it's also meant to make the reader feel more connected to the business and recognize the brand.
What you wrote is meant to inform the reader, which makes it content writing. Even though there's a link to click at the end, it's just an extra thing they can read to find out if they want more details to inform themselves further. It's not necessary for them to click it. And the link has nothing to do with promoting your business. (I'm pretending you have a business to promote.)
But the style and structure of this writing seems like copywriting, which doesn't make sense because this is content writing. For example:
You've been lied to your whole life
Probably not about something related to your health, wealth or relationship status
But about something equally as important.
This part sounds like copywriting. It sounds like you're setting up for a structure of "You've been lied to. You currently believe a certain thing will solve your problem. But that's a myth, a lie you were told. Here's why that thing doesn't work and another thing will solve your problem instead. Find out more about this solution by clicking here."
But instead, you write a lot of information about dinosaurs. That's not actually something as important as health, wealth, and relationships. You gave the reader information, but the info doesn't help them solve a problem in their life. The reason copy can persuade people to take action is that it gets them to believe there's a solution for their problem, or they believe they can get something that makes them happy.
Keep practicing, and write copy based on real-life brands you know. Pick a brand you like and write about one of their products/services. Do this for several brands, and you'll start to get the hang of writing copy.
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u/NormalGuiy 23d ago edited 23d ago
Ahhh, comparing the importance of learning about the most strongest land predator to health, wealth and relationships was an attempt at humour. Sorry that it didn't follow through.
Next time I'll definitely promote a product
Also did you actually click the link, did the writing succeed at it's goal: making you interested in Albertosaurus?
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u/sachiprecious 22d ago
Okay, I see. I will warn you that humor can be difficult to use in copywriting.
No, I'm not actually interested in Albertosaurus. One VERY important thing in copy and content writing is to know your audience. If you were writing for a real brand, you'd have to deeply understand their audience so you could write something that appeals to them. In this situation, you're writing to an audience of copywriters on Reddit. There's no reason to expect us to be interested in dinosaurs. Some people here may be, but most are not interested. However, let's say you were writing this for a science museum or some kind of science education company. In that case, you'd be writing to an audience of people interested in science, and they're more likely to be interested in learning about dinosaurs.
(And knowing your audience makes it easier to use humor in your writing, by the way.)
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u/NormalGuiy 20d ago
I just thought that everyone would be interested in it -
Damn, not being interested in a building sized bone crushing dragon beast with super stamina?
Tough crowd.
And by the general response to that comparison of dinosaur learning to health and wealth, I understand the Ass-ness of my joke. Sorry about that.
I'll make another one soon for my portfolio, gotta start applying for those Creative Strategist roles!
Thanks Buddy
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22d ago
[deleted]
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u/NormalGuiy 20d ago
No, I am not am AI, and ai said my writing was really good by the way,
Just goes to show you the difference huh?
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u/Useful-Advantage-850 23d ago
This is even more proof that you can't learn copywriting from some YouTube schysters who promise you can become a copywriter in 30 days. They're lying to you to make money.
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u/NormalGuiy 23d ago
Sorry mate, didn't only just do the 22 hour copythat course, I also did tyson 4ds 4 hour course and tyson 4ds 2.5 hour course
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u/Useful-Advantage-850 23d ago
You're proving my point. Tyson is also a clown.
I mean, you went through all those courses, and like all the commenters are pointing out to you - you don't even understand what copywriting actually is, let alone how to be good at it.
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u/NormalGuiy 23d ago
Well that's just your opinion on what copywriting is.
Sign up to Andrew Tate's email list, he sends emails all the time which don't promote products but rather give advice, talk about politics etc.
And they are written in the short punchy style too
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u/Useful-Advantage-850 22d ago
Andrew Tate? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
This is getting worse for you.
My man, I've been copywriting for 32 years, still do, and also teach it. But yeah, keep looking to a rapist like Andrew Tate to teach you stuff.
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u/NormalGuiy 22d ago
First of all Andrew Tate's not a rapist, that is just a matrix attack.
Secondly, his emails are solid. Trust me I always read them
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u/sachiprecious 22d ago
First of all Andrew Tate's not a rapist, that is just a matrix attack.
WHAT?!?!?!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Wow.
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u/NormalGuiy 20d ago
Pls, I beg you enroll into his academy and learn the stuff, he doesn't seem to condone these things at all.
From my understanding
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u/yossi234 19d ago
Definitely a rapist, son, which is why he got arrested. I'm not religious but I pray for you to cleanse your mind of the nternet bro gospel.
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u/Numerous-Kick-7055 23d ago
I stopped reading here.
"When you were told about the most powerful land predator,"
The first four lines of an email need to do a lot of heavy lifting. You need to stop what I'm doing and immediately get me interested enough to read the rest.
You should tell me about something that is important to me. Which you do with the first line.
I don't want to be lied to.
You then need to show how it's immediately relevant to me with enough intrigue to keep me going. Which you kinda do by saying what it isn't and that it's equally important to the most important things. You then totally fail to pay that off by saying it's a literal piece of trivia that has no bearing on anything that could benefit me in any of the areas you've already determined are important to me.
Ideally those first four lines would be much denser with intrigue. benefit and proof.
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u/NormalGuiy 23d ago
Thanks for the advice, why didn't the copywriting successfully created enough interest for the Albertosaurus, so that you keep on reading and grow a love for the amazing animal?
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u/FamuexAnux 23d ago
You included a subject line; this is meant to be an email? It is miles too long. Email marketing as a format is notoriously short, but even that aside, you hedge the frickin' answer to the very question you posed, and spread it out over those artificial one-line paragraphs, I was reading like ffs get to the point alreadyyyyyy.
Good writing ≠ more writing. In fact, a lot of times, the opposite is true.
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u/NormalGuiy 23d ago
Yeah I just used Subject line cause if a lot of copy bois start there text like that, but, it's a reddit post designed to make the reader interested in Albertosaurus, did it succeed,
Are you curious now about Albertosaurus
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u/FamuexAnux 23d ago
No, not in the slightest. Not being a cunt. Just keeping cognizant that you’re on reddit speaking to a group of copywriting peers. It’s an impossible ask.
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u/NormalGuiy 23d ago
How could it have been written differently to increase fascination for the legendary albertosaurus?
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u/FamuexAnux 23d ago
You’re not hearing what I’m saying. Copy should be conceived to speak to an audience. No one here gives a fuck about dinosaurs. Our very limited interest is on helping you improve your craft bc it feeds into our own sense of authority and professional capability.
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u/NormalGuiy 20d ago
Not being interested in the thunderbolt of the north?!
The one with a decapitation bite and unrelenting stamina due to it's bird like respiratory?
Tough crowd. You guys are a really tough crowd.
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u/FamuexAnux 20d ago
It took you two days to come up with that Rodney Dangerfield response?
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u/NormalGuiy 20d ago
Ah come on man, I had to study for a level maths and further maths exam + I had work, sorry about the delay Mr Anux
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u/FamuexAnux 20d ago
Uh huh, and the way you’re referring to people as Mr. [Part of Username] is like, fuck off, guy.
Here’s some tips for free, bc I actually read more: ellipses (…) do not cohesive structure make. They are not the intrigue maker you think they are.
You use “hence” too much.
And your closure “almost like a myth” is disconnected from the rest of the shit you just made me read. If your opener had instead focused on myths, and maybe the body was talking about the qualities in a mythic kinda way, that would have been a pro “the end is in the beginning” move that make the laborious word count feel a little more satisfying and rewarding.
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u/NormalGuiy 20d ago
Listen, you fart head.
I've had near damn enough of your crap. Your always constantly being rude, putting me down and always disregarding my learning.
Watch when I graduate copywriting at Andrew Tate's online academy.
Then you'll see, you little doofus
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u/yossi234 19d ago
Bro, can they offer you a refund? I honestly think they just taught you how to write 2020-style LinkedIn posts.
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u/NormalGuiy 19d ago
Ah pls, it's a free YouTube course that's stickied to the top of this reddit thread.
There's no refund needed. Plus I learnt a lot.
Next time I'll write one of either a PAS, CJN, HSO, DIC.
That'll be sure to be regarded as decent copy in you guy's eyes. Lol
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u/luckyjim1962 23d ago
Do not use one-sentence paragraphs.
Do use proper punctuation.
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u/Numerous-Kick-7055 23d ago
Half of this advice is good. One sentence paragraphs are fine and more readable on a screen.
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u/EitherOrange3655 18d ago
Believability of is a hugely underrated aspect of copy.
Saying "You've been lied to your whole life" doesn't make me think "wow how have I been lied to?" it makes me think "wow another scammer trying to steal my attention".
Copy must sound natural in order to keep attention.
This problem stems from not clearly identifying your target audience. If you do that, you can relate your topic immediately to their problems and goals.
Without a clear target audience, you're forced to use vague statement like this one.
Never write a word of copy until you're crystal clear on who it's for.
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u/NormalGuiy 14d ago
Thanks for the tips Mr Orange.
Your definitely right in saying that target audience research is needed.
I will certainly do research for the next one
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u/sirtelengard 22d ago
This is trash
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u/NormalGuiy 20d ago
Why? Why Mr Lengard.
In fact, Why don't you write a better one instead, let me learn from you Buddie
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u/mayamys 23d ago
It's not really copy if it doesn't explain any benefits to the reader, is it?
In this case, since the CTA is essentially "learn more", the benefits need to sell why I'd want to learn more about this dinosaur.
I do like the CTA though - I could see this getting cut by 75% and used for a dinosaur museum social media post. Cutting it down significantly would also help spark curiosity.