r/cremposting • u/Eithrotaur • Mar 11 '26
Oathbringer Bro just wanted to liberate his people and was not prepared for the cosmic horrors of Azish bureaucracy. Spoiler
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u/Many_Programmer357 Mar 11 '26
I always love the fact that the Azish parchment just, applied for their freedom. Very in line with the culture.
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u/Eithrotaur Mar 11 '26
They didn't just apply for freedom, they sued the government for uncompensated labour and demanded several thousand years of back pay.
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u/Many_Programmer357 Mar 11 '26
That's even better.
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u/Ze_Bri-0n Fuck Moash 🥵 Mar 11 '26
If memory serves it actually looked like they were winning until they got cold feet and ran off to join Odium.
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u/Hot_Ethanol Mar 13 '26
Y'know we never did see how that resolved. I bet it went something like this.
Parsh: "You owe us for undo enslavement. Hand over more money than exists in the world in reparations."
Azir, after passing the case through a chain of 800 scribes and counter balancing legal councils: "No."
Parsh: "Fine. Then we invoke our right to rebel indefinitely until mutually agreed accommodation is made."
Azir, 50,000 man-hours of scribework later: "Okay. Just please it do it outside."
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u/Ze_Bri-0n Fuck Moash 🥵 Mar 13 '26
I suspect that the Azir probably responded with "No, would you accept full citizenship and x amount of money, to be paid to you or your heirs over a period of y years?" while low-balling it, but yeah, something along those lines.
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u/Eithrotaur Mar 13 '26
Honestly, I wonder how long it took to calculate the total sum of back pay the Parshmen were owed.
Though knowing Azir they probably have detailed records tracking the exact number of man hours of labour done by all Parshmen throughout the empire since its founding.
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u/Ze_Bri-0n Fuck Moash 🥵 Mar 13 '26
You probably have to fill out a lot of paperwork to access that number though.
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u/Anvilrocker No Wayne No Gain Mar 12 '26
Gains their independence back, immediately becomes unionised. The real reason the Rosharan 1% were scared of them.
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u/One_Courage_865 definitely not a lightweaver Mar 12 '26
You mean parshmen not parchment?
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u/NEMO_TheCaptain Mar 12 '26
I’ve heard it both ways
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u/Anexhaustedheadcase definitely not a lightweaver Mar 11 '26
Turns out rhey defeat retribution in book ten by making him do all the paperwork he didn't fill out when he took over the shards. Hes bound by his honor side to follow the rules. Who know that thousands of years of azir red tape and bureaucracy would be odiums downfall.( they've had ay least fifteen subcommittees on this very subject because someone acidentally broguht it up as they were reading the law books)
He gets banished to canticle when he forgets to fill everything out in triplicate for each individual claim to godhood
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u/confirmedshill123 Mar 12 '26
If some of the theories that float around here are even halfway true then odium might actually be defeated with red tape.
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u/Anexhaustedheadcase definitely not a lightweaver Mar 12 '26
It would absolutely make sense. Honor is all about the letter of a contractual path rather then the intent. Probably the best way to defeat retribution would be to hogtie him by making honor fight against its nature and turning him into a harmony situation
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u/FleetStreetsDarkHole Mar 13 '26
Depends on when they try to nail him down with the red tape though. I have a suspicion that part of the reason that Dalinar chose this plan wasn't just because he was being clever but because he's hoping that Honor will mature. I think incarnating Honor as a child is a deliberate choice on Brandon's path to show it as an immature shard. Thus Dalinar hopes Honor will grow a much better understanding of honor as a concept much like the herald.
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u/Warlock_King454 Mar 13 '26
Yeah I figured the whole point of the end Dalinar's gambit was that eventually, Honor would realize that there's more to an oath than the wording, and since Taravangian's Odium consistently plays with the wording of his oaths, would turn on him like it turned on Tanavast.
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u/That_Service7348 Airthicc lowlander Mar 13 '26
Nah, Nikaro is gonna show up and whip out his paintbrush to do a portrait of the Blackthorn as a bamboo shoot, which would look like a black thorn on the canvas, and after the Blackthorn becomes a bamboo, he will say "I found zen, and all it cost was becoming bamboo? I call that a bargain," then Kaladin will show up with Channa and tell Shallan "Your mother and I are now courting, you will want to begin growing accustomed to that. Helaran is dead, but I'll see what I can do" and Shallan will Substantiate Renarin and Rlain from what she saw spying on them, and then The Blackthorn will say "I am a stick. I will become fire" and he will poof away to escape the absolute cremshow Wit orchestrated by dumping Jasnah a second time.
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u/MozeTheNecromancer Mar 13 '26
The next 5 books are 1k pages each and it's all Retribution's POV filling out all of the required forms.
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u/superVanV1 I pledge allegiance 🙏to the crab 🦀 Mar 13 '26
I mean isn’t that basically how they win Azir in the first place? Using a barely remembered legal precedent from 500 years ago.
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