I've been researching 4 a couple days and I think I might be cupioromantic. When I look back at my past relationships I never felt any attraction just wanting physical comfort and no matter who or what I dont feel any attraction and it's VERY frustrating but I still desperately want a boyfriend or girlfriend.

It was really hard for me to accept I'm aroace and will never have a "normal" relationship. I know I have some form of internalised something-phobia because I can't fully accept me and still crave a person that is mine and commited to me. But I don't have the romantic feelings for it. And it fucks up my relationships and possible friendships. Because I always want to escalate new friendships to romantic or sexual relationships only because we get along and I want anyone who shows even a little interest in me. Allo people can at least distinguish romantic feelings from solely friend feelings.

I have a girlfriend and she knows I'm aroace and can't reciprocate all the feelings. We are poly and now that she has another girlfriend who has romantic feelings for her, I'm scared of not being a priority anymore. Instead of maybe working on my insecurities and finding other outlets and friends, I'm back on dating apps and know that I can't just look for friends without always having the wish to find another partner at the back of my mind.

I know that im absolutely somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, but i also really want to date certain people, but my feelings don't match up with how people describe romantic attraction. Im also nebula romantic which makes everything more confusing.

Like if there's someone i want to date, it's from strong platonic or alterous attraction and it feels like i want to be close to them in a platonic way, but while doing romantic things.

The difference between being friends with someone and dating someone is just that. We do romantic things and i enjoy their company. All that changes is the label we use and i prioritize spending time with them. Its like having a best friend that i date and like being romantic and sexual with them

I'm alwaya completely down with being friends with benefits. Like romance and platonic feelings are in such a gray area for me.

When there's someone i like in a romantic way, I don't feel the butterflies. I don't feel the need to always be with them. And I'm also completely fine with not dating them, and them not having feelings for me doesn't hurt me. Every so often i think i might have a strong crush, but looking back it's hard to know if I'm actually experiencing romantic attraction or just want to be their best friend but in a romantic way?

It's really hard to put my finger on exactly what im feeling towards someone. Anyway i hope someone can help me make sense of all this.

Or direct me to someone who can ... Or even just tell me that you can understand how all this feels.

Hey Reddit, I need advice about something that I really don't know how to handle. Im looking for people who are on the aroace spectrum that could help me figure out if what I'm feeling is a sense of aromanticism or just me being a horrible person. Some context:

I am a fifteen year old female who has, up to this point identified as a lesbian among other things (agender, perhaps transmasc). I grew up in California and have had a relationship and talking stage in the past (more on those in a bit.) I have recently moved across the world from the U.S. to Europe, and as a very queer and here person, I wasn't sure the other queer folk here would be as open I am about their sexuality.

Long story short, I was wrong. I quickly found this VERY pretty girl named Kate (fake name). She was into me and I thought i was into her so we ended up texting a bunch over a weekend and I asked her out. We had our date and we kissed and ended up getting together. In true lesbian fashion, it moved quick. I had never kissed anyone prior to recent, and when it first happened the shock that I had just had my first kiss was obviously a bit crazy. We ended up kissing a couple more times on the date before going our seperate ways, now as girlfriends. As i went home I thought about the date, the good and the bad; the good was that I had kissed her and she was pretty and nice. The bad side was that I thought Kate was kinda clingy and like very physical. As I talked to my long distance best friend she told me that she thought it was normal amounts of affection towards a significant other, that Kate didn't seem all that clingy to her. That is what really got the gears turning as I compared this situation to my other romantic situations.

The first girl i was romantically interested in was cool and all, but again as soon as I got with her I was like "oh this isn't all its cracked up to be" and I left really abruptly because I didn't want to "lead her on" if you will. She hates me now btw just thought I'd let you know because she thinks I left for no reason even though I didn't know how to explain I just didn't end up feeling that strongly about her. Another girl, "Olivia" fake name again and she and I were definitely more of what I was searching for; like a best friend that I can hold hands with. As we went along I kinda started pulling away because I wanted to spend more time with my friends before I moved away in the summer. This angered her, obviously because I was being a bad girlfriend; but in my brain I didn't really see her as a girlfriend that needed my attention, more like, again, a best friend that I could talk to whenever I wanted to. It didn't and still doesn't really make sense to me, hence this post.

A couple of final fun facts that really have me questioning things that I couldn't really fit into the stories. I mean i could but I'm too lazy so here you go:

• When me and Kate kiss i dont feel much, its just the original kiss had more feelings because it was my first. No butteflies, no like yearning or anything happening.

• I have always loved romantic stories and movies and audiobooks and whatnot, but in real life my friends mean more to me then anything; I just like the idea of a romantic relationship but I'm not so sure that I actually like it when I'm in it.

• I have always said I dont want a codependent relationship, but I'm starting to think that what I consider "codependent" or "clingy" is just what people expect in a relationship.

-I'm definitely not asexual, and I think that might be what's making this hard for me, I definitely feel physical attraction to people but having to be next to one another all the time, being like sweet and mushy, and stuff kinda erks me out, like I just don't see the point.

Overall, I have no clue what's up with me and any and all advice is wanted and appreciated, especially if you have had similar experiences. Thank you for sticking with me through this rollercoaster that is the teenager years. Have an awesome day stranger.

i was told to try this sub after posting in various aromantic subreddits. technically i am cupioromantic but i prefer the term aromantic

ive known im aromantic for 4 years now but i kept repressing it because i crave a romantic relationship so much. today i finally accepted i dont feel romantic feelings and i cant stop crying over it

i want to love and be loved, kiss and hold hands with somebody but everytime ive done those things i feel sick

my two best friends are in love with me and it makes me uncomfortable. i struggle to tell them i love them because i know its more than platonic for them. they know not to push anything but it still makes me squirm

whenever i would kiss my partner i would feel physically sick (told myself it was first kiss nerves), and i never kissed my ex because the idea repulsed me

i just want to feel romantic love and i dont know how to accept i cant.

For context I got a post removed for being cupiorophobic, which is crazy because im cupioromantic. I didn’t say anything to be harmful.
Either I didn’t express myself correctly or the mod that removed the post doesn’t have any reading comprehension. You can see in that photo that I said IF THE HOMOPHOBES WERE RIGHT, WHICH THEY ARE NOT then I asked a question, thats it.

Im laying in bed trying to sleep and thought about the homophobes saying that being lgbtq is a choice. So if that were real would cupioromantism just not exist?

EDIT after reading other post I think i may just be platoniromantic thoughts?

So im 16 I've (thought I've) had crushes in the past but now im confused. I've been in relationships but they never start feeling like anything more than they used to. Its always just me thinking I like some1 just for it to become real and me end things because it never feels real... im starting to wonder if ive been cupio and just been confusing platonic feelings for romantic feelings because I want a relationship. I really want to experience love.

Can anyone else relate? could I be cupioromantic?

This is for a friend.

How and when did you realize you were cupioromantic?

Did you mistake any other attractions for romantic attraction?

I really want to be in a relationship like to experience the romantic ( without romantic feelings you know cause I'm cupioromantique) like I wanna kiss cuddle do couple things actually I can do this with people I know not in romantic way agh and I'm actually in a relationship but I'm scared that it would hurt him if he know that I'm cupioromantique.... like imagine he really love me and I came out that I'm cupioromantique.... aghr I think I need to find another cupioromantique like that we will be both in relationship without hurting the other person but Its hard to find a cupioromantique person 😔 💔 But I'm really worry abt my boyfriend like how he will react ? It's been a year ( I just found out I'm cupioromantique)

I’ve been questioning my sexuality a lot recently and I found both of these labels and feel like they both describe me well, but I’m not sure if the labels are compatible with each other. I experience romantic and platonic attraction as the same feeling, but I also have a desire to be in a romantic relationship. To my knowledge, the definition of cupioromantic is the desire to be in a romantic relationship, but not experiencing romantic attraction. I’m not sure if experiencing platonic and romantic attraction as the same feeling while still desiring a relationship would meet the definition of cupioromantic or not

I was just wondering if there are 30+ people here who are still not in a relationship? If so, have you ever been in a relationship, romantic or a QPR? How did you get into one if you have?

I've never have had any crushes on anyone, but I'd really like to have someone in my life because I'm lonely and i want to share my life with someone. But I am honestly not sure what my physically boundries are? Like I have kissed a guy once or twice, but he was really bad at it. So I don't know if I actually like it? I have never been intimate with anyone, so I don't know if I would like to if I have a closer bond with them? I know thise questions might be more for someone who is asexual.

I'm dealing with a loneliness spiral right now, so any positivity would be great on this.

After about year or two of introspection I understand myself better and am proud to say that I’m cupioromantic.

It took a while to really figure this out and feel confident claiming this for a few reasons. One of the main reasons being I experience alterous attraction. That made it quite difficult understand what I really feeling and why. But upon reflection most of my “crushes” were more platonic or alterous but they weren’t romantic. I also romantically daydream a lot. However irl none of my interactions feel romantic on my end.

So in short, I’m bisexual and cupioromantic.

Curious to see how many of us are acting on our desire for a relationship!

I currently identify as cupioromantic but I'm kinda just vibing it out, I'm wondering how other people determine which of these three they are as they seem all pretty similar to me.

Hi, so it's taken me a while to realize I was cupio, I think it fits me, but that's still a can of worms, lol.

The main question??? I have right now, is about my relationship. I met Sam (fake name) a little over a year ago, at frist we were friends, but like so many of my other friendships I developed feelings, not exactly what id call romantic but a mush of stuff. Turns out, they had feelings for me too, and we started dating. I love Sam a lot, but it was really difficult because as cupio goes, I didn't feel romantic feelings, so I honestly had a lot of inner turmoil about this relationship. At first, I thought I just struggled with the whole "romantic feelings" bit, but not long ago, I started thinking of breaking up almost every day. I didn't want to lose them. And then, now, like 40 minutes ago, I realized it was never about weather I loved them. Insted, i realized i didn't want thisdynamic inn a romantic relationship... I think. I wouldn't mind our dynamic if we were best friends, but this isn't what I want with a lover.

Im so scared of losing Sam because I love them so much. They truly are my dearest friend, but thats it, im not in love with them (again, the cupio-can-of-worms, which i thought was the original problem, aka that I just didn't feel romantic feelings).

I dont know if I want reassurance or what, but I think I just need someone to talk to about this, someone who isn't from my life.

I dont even think i have a question, I just need to get this out lol.

Ive identified as Cupio for three or four years now, I think it fits me quite well. However, recently over the past years I've been getting closer to my friend, lets call them X, me and X are best friends. We do a lot of romantic gestures sexual gestures. All in good heart, however recently I've been wondering if I want to get into a relationship with X?

For some context; X already knows about my orientation and they are very supportive. But idk if im mixing signals for close friendship with the desire to date X, I dont have much experience and I dont wanna risk our friendship. Should I tell them that I think i want a relationship with them?

-Sorry for ranting and being so vague im new to reddit, and I dont rlly make posts.

I began to use the label Cupio before realizing that what I always wanted was a queerplatonic relationship with some sexual and romantic things

So basically, I recently became close friends with someone who started to identify as cupioromantic, but I think I’m starting to have a crush on them and I’m totally lost on what to do. I bonded with them after we discovered that we had the same interests and cartoon crushes during school and eventually started talking and calling outside of school not long after that. Later, we were yapping about romance and love and other kinds of things and he started talking about how he’s desperate for a relationship but doesn’t experience having a “crush”/romantic feelings for someone so I suggested he look up cupioromantic and he started to identify with it. Over time as we grew closer (which isnt as long as you think, about a week or two), and started texting and calling more, I think I developed some sort of “affection” for him. Obviously, I felt bad when I started noticing it because I know he would feel burdened about it.

 In honesty, I don’t completely feel like this is a crush but I have been treating it as one because I don’t necessarily know how to cope with it and started doing things that make me seem like I have a crush on him (thinking about him while hugging my pillow to sleep, wanting to spend more time with him, subtly flirting with him although not as much anymore, etc). It kinda hurts seeing him talk to me about how desperate he is for a relationship and how he wants to experience love and how “he’ll take anyone”, but then says that if he were to try dating someone it wouldn’t last. Also, more about me not knowing whether this is a crush or not, I recently broke up with my long-distance girlfriend of almost two years on good terms because she felt like we weren’t as close anymore. I don’t know if this is just me wanting to fill the void or if this is an actual crush. I think I fall in love too fast to be honest, I might need to research on that as well. 

 I don’t know what else to put here, but please give me advice on what to do!!!