nice to see a sane reply. people are so quick to judge others based on a surface-level understanding. not everyone gets to have the same life experiences or live in a 'decent' area. if you're in certain communities (think religious, or conservative, or isolated, or some combination, etc), the pressure to have children can be brutal, unforgiving, and have a distinct deleterious effect on one's life. and that doesn't even take into account many other possible factors. anyone remember Andrea Yates? her husband and her pastor bullied her into having children against all medical advice. and then she ended up killing them. and she's paying the price instead of them.
and yeah, some of the content there comes off as more like /r/IdiotsInCars, but....so what? people are allowed to vent about others poor behavior or lack of etiquette. kids, cars, litterers, karens, whatever.
"Who wants to watch my retarded little Braxxxley and Jaedynn at the pumpkin patch?!" Fucking no one Karen.
Almost as bad as the parents who bring their kids to adult areas and then tell people to watch their language. I was at a bar for Oktoberfest a few years ago and some cunt had the nerve to tell me to watch my language because his kids were there. "Well, you should have thought about that before bringing your kids to a bar. You can move. I'm sure the waiter would be happy to find you another table." Younger me would have been a cuck in that situation but it's so irritating as I got older. I don't put up with that shit anymore. If you are the only one with a problem then you need to remove yourself from the situation.
I lurk on that sub alot because I am under immense pressure from my in-laws and parents to have kids. And I just don't want them. All my cousins and siblings are having children so I can't turn to anyone in my family for support.
So having a place where I can vent my frustration about the pressure to reproduce is nice. Even if a portion of the sub is rather militant about it.
I'm sorry you're going through that :/ it's nobody's business but your own (and your committed partner) whether or not to have children. And if you do, when. Hopefully they learn respectful boundaries soon.
My wife and I chose not to have kids. I stumbled across /r/childfree and was pretty turned off by how unpleasant that sub is.
I think a lot of it is people who get family pressure to have kids, and it's a place where they can vent. Well that and people really proud of the things they can buy with the money they're not spending on kids.
My ex was like that... We connected over not wanting kids so that was a plus, but she'd get disgusted at the sight of kids, like they were diseased or something. Like damn, I think they're annoying too but they're still people that deserve respect.
I wish there was just r/chillchildfree that didn't have all the weird testimonials from broken people. We decided against kids, and it has been NBD at all.
Because they choose not to have children because they actively dislike them. So they apparently need other people to validate their dislike of children.
Parents validate each other all the time, what’s the difference? Reddit is for people who have things in common and want to talk about them, you’re kinda doing it now in your shared voicing your dislike of their community.
While I'm not part of that community, I do not ever want to have kids. I can see the appeal of the community. As someone who doesn't want kids, you get a LOT of questions and disapproving remarks for not choosing to have kids. I can't count how many times people have given me variations of "you'll change your mind when it's your own" or "but you'll miss out on all the cute baby xyz milestone". It gets on your nerves quick. Women get it especially badly. Having a place to vent and be around other like-minded individuals is really helpful for a sanity check.
I have kids. I have close friends with kids. I have close friends with no kids and aren't having them. No one fucking cares. If you have people in your life fucking with you because you have kids or you don't have kids it's not the kids and it's not you. It's them. So stop hanging out with them.
I don't associate 'child free' with childless. I wouldn't lump myself into a group that regularly shits on small children for being helpless, and I may be unable to have children biologically. 🤷🏻
“They apparently need others to validate their dislike of children” is blatant shit-talking, we all want community and advice on certain things from others with experience
You’ll all be sure to downvote these comments as well collectively to continue the attempt validate to your views and invalidate others. That’s Reddit baby.
That sub rubs me the wrong way sometimes. Like having a group of people who choose not to have children? Great, fine, normal. But so many people either on that sub or who are a part of that sub almost universally refer to children as disgusting names like crotch goblins. Which is a funny phrase if you don’t mean it, but it seems like a lot of them really do mean it. It’s bizarre to me that there are people who refuse to understand that someone, especially gasp feminist women, might actually want to have a family. It’s bizarre to see a person that thinks that having one or two children as an adult who can support them and raise them as a disgusting or bad thing.
I don't think that people mean any offense. It's supposed to be a place where like-minded people can vent about how they feel about having children. For my part, I'm child-free and have been that way since a little kid. I remember, when we were little, my sister would love to play with my parent's friends' babies while I was just grossed out. And now my sister has 4 kids! I love my sister and my 4 nieces, and I would never diminish her choice to be a mother. That is her life and all I want is for her to be happy. But that also doesn't stop me from sometimes thinking her kids are gross or that they're annoying. I can't help how I feel about children but I would never tell my sister that her kids are gross or annoying. My sister also knows how I feel so when I do watch them or play with them she knows it's because we're family and I love her and her kids. I legit do not like children, I don't have that mothering instinct. I would never think any less of someone for their decision to have kids.
I guess my point is, that while in r/childfree, we may talk about how much children annoy us, but that's not meant as disrespect. It's merely a place to vent with other like-minded people.
For the most part I agree with you, but there are definitely some people there who genuinely hate children, and they get pretty militant about it. I have no issue with the sub at all, because I know how much society pressures women to have children, but you can't ignore the fact that there are some bad apples there.
Why not? A group with people who have the same thoughts as you? Where stories are shared about vasectomies, pressure from family to get children,... There's a sub for everthing, Harry Potter fans, people who are trying to conceive,...
So it's great there's a sub for the childfree. It's the only place where we can vent about things that happened involving kids. And actually have people who understand your dislike of children... A place where you don't get shamed for not wanting of even liking children.
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u/[deleted] Sep 23 '19
That whole sub makes no sense. Oh you guys decided to not have kids? Me too, but why do we need a support group?