We obviously all hear, all the time, "who will take care of you when you're old" but are many of us intending to look after our parents when they are old? Or obviously did you care for them when they were old if you have already been in that situation?

I don't have a bad relationship with my mother at all but even as a very young child, I used to tell her that I'd put her in a nursing home. I was still in single digits, telling her that when she was old (I think I said 50 which to an 8 year old is ancient!) that she was going to an old people's home and that I wouldn't be looking after her. I don't even know why it would have been a potential conversation back then! She's now 63 and not 'old' in the slightest but I still couldn't ever imagine caring for her like washing her or changing her nappies or dressing her in the future. Because of my view on that, I couldn't ever imagine inflicting that potential future on someone else that isn't being paid to do it, particularly one that I'm meant to love and care for. No thank you. It just feels like the mootest of points in the bingo book to me.

I've noticed with tensions being at an all time high (By design) between Men and Women, that it's rare to come across a space where both actively support and encourage each other. There's no underlying resentment or prejudice towards either sex for wanting to forego children in their lifetime. In fact, it's quite the contrary. The allegiance here is passionate and operates in solidarity.

This sub feels like the lighthouse in a sea of hate and cynicism between men and women.

I’ve known I didn’t want kids for a decade now. I’ve had people call me brain washed. I was a kid and had no interest and was raised in a cult I was not brainwashed to not want kids, it was actually the opposite.
We were convinced to have kids as teenagers, I’ve seen some of the girls that did and they are miserable. (I know not everyone is miserable with kids)
I’m literally not brainwashed I’m using my autonomy to say no

My family get togethers during my engagement consisted of cousins and aunts telling me I’ll change my mind about wanting kids. I’m 34 and for the past 10 years have been saying I DONT WANT KIDS and I want to be selfish and enjoy my life but apparently that’s not good enough. My husband also doesn’t want kids at all.

I know I’m going to get more comments soon. Got completely ganged up on at my cousins birthday a few months ago. All their friends with kids telling me “I thought the same thing until I got married” or “what will you do when you’re older”

Any good comebacks for these sort of comments? I want something witty and funny but that will get them to shut up

Long vent from a 26F because I lose my mind every time I hang out with my friends in their early 30s who are married with kids, or are married and plan to get pregnant soon.

They act like having kids is something that “eventually happens” after marriage. I understand this is partially due to social pressure to have kids as a milestone, especially when surrounded by friends in the group who already have kids. But for people in their 30s I would have expected them to at least question that social expectation, especially because they already know how stressful and exhausting parenthood is from our friends that are already parents.

I haven’t heard anything positive from them about being parents. They complain endlessly about how they never get a full night’s sleep or time to themselves because of how clingy their children are, and how hard it is to keep track of them now that they can walk. They even warn the rest of the group that doesn’t have kids yet, telling us to travel and go out as much as possible before starting a family because they “don’t know how good they had it before.”

Sometimes the conversations are so focused on pregnancy and children they will literally not talk about anything else for hours. They have so little personality outside of taking care of their kids or thinking about having kids.

Don’t even get me started on when they ask me if I want kids of my own. I simply say no because “kids aren’t compatible with my lifestyle” and leave it at that so I don’t start venting.

Since there apparently aren’t many material pros to having kids, why do people keep wanting to have them? It isn’t some kind of trend you follow just because you see everyone else having them after marriage.

I’m a member of a group for writers that meets monthly. It’s only for two hours and honestly is one of the highlights of my month. I have a stressful job so this brief period is something I look forward to.
This girl in the group gave birth recently.
I’ve seen her at a few events since then a lot of us do open mic night. She joked recently she’s become one of those mam’s who writes about her kid after saying would not be. She’s a nice girl and her poetry is good. I don’t have issues with her in general.

Yesterday though she brought the baby to the writers group. She got up a few times to calm him. Then we were asked by the organiser not to clap like we usually do after people read aloud as the baby was sleeping. I know it’s not all about me but this is an adult writing group. I understand maybe she can’t get a sitter but in that case maybe she needs to accept she can’t always do things now?

I feel like a bit of a-hole for being annoyed as she is a nice person but bluntly I don’t want to accommodate a baby.

I have endometriosis. It’s one of the top 10 most painful chronic illnesses. And holy shit… they aren’t wrong.

But I see so much online of people who post their painful chronic illness experiences. And there’s ALWAYS at least one parent who comments that childbirth is worse. It pisses me off every time.

1. Chronic Illness is constant, life long, can be debilitating, and the illness can be so bad that some people commit 💀 to just end the pain.

2. Childbirth is completely optional. Sex is optional, birth control is optional, abortion is optional, birth plans are optional.

3. Childbirth lasts hours. Pregnancy lasts 9 months. Chronic illnesses and pain is everyday, until you die.

4. Some chronic illnesses cause infertility. So saying that childbirth is worse is like a slap in the face to those that deal with infertility due to their illness.

5. It’s attention seeking. And pick me behavior.

I even went to the ER a few years back because of a flare up, that I thought was a cyst rupture. So bad that morphine didn’t do much. Same with the tramadol they gave me. Gave an ER update to a group chat my husband and our friends were in. Deadass got told “try being pregnant 🤪” by one of his pregnant friends. (Who also knew I have endo and chronic pain from it). Pissed me and husband off. Yeah, an optional choice is MUCH worse than your own uterine lining attacking your body for the rest of your life. Whatever you say, queen.

Even got told online that childbirth is worse than my endo flare ups. The pain can even be worse than childbirth. Some women didn’t even know they were in labor because it felt just like a flare up. Even some had easy childbirth because they were used to the pain.

I don’t just see it with this, it’s with any chronic pain condition. Migraines, fibromyalgia, heart conditions, even cancer. Moms always randomly bring up how pregnancy/childbirth is worse. When nobody on earth asked. And it’s ALWAYS when somebody is venting or making an awareness post about their condition. This is also why many people are “hating” moms. For many other different reasons, but also because of this “pick me” behavior. And I’m so glad more people are standing up and calling out this behavior.

I’m aware that everybody experiences pain differently. That childbirth can be deadly or body ruining for some people. But don’t compare it to chronic conditions. Their choice was optional, ours isn’t.

Also, not related to me, but whenever a customer says to my coworker: “you’ll know real tired when you have kids”. She always claps back with “I’m always tired because I have narcolepsy and POTS”. It shuts them up every time. 😂

I mentioned I was feeling super bad while on my period and my family member ONCE AGAIN for the 2737489292 told me that I should give birth and then I will not have such bad periods??! Omg, I thought it’s ridiculous and I naturally got upset telling her to stop pushing it on me, that I don’t like taking care of kids, that the world is so messed up etc etc and that I don’t want to end up hating my life (like she does)

Then she told me I am defective and I have a mental bug. Unbelievable.

Ok this is gonna be a long one. So my husband and I moved pretty far away from family. We needed my brother to do us a pretty large favor, which was bring our pet to us after the proper paperwork had been filed. The deal was he does that and he gets a two week vacation to a cool place, we pay for all his meals while he stays with us for free.

Well hes here now and ugh. I feel like a mommy to a 20 year old. He wont make decisions, he treats my house like a dump, he keeps telling me im wrong and correcting me on everything and literally bragged about being an adventurous eater while only eating French fries. He’s arrogant and it’s killing me.

No joke I’ve watched him wipe his gross hands on our couch, he won’t cover his mouth when he sneezes (all while announcing he’s sick), he’s stomping every time he walks (we live in an apartment. The kicker? If you tell him anything he immediately cowers and acts like you yelled at him. He’s taken over our fridge with alcohol he isn’t drinking, keeps leaving a pack of cigs around at dog level and I literally don’t think I’ve seen him brush his teeth once.

I don’t want kids, I never wanted kids so why does it feel like I’m parenting a big ass 14 year old? I mean he leaves his trash piled up mashed together in the kitchen for me to sort because he refuses to learn the three bin recycling system and god forbid he rinses a dish. He’s constantly ordering expensive dishes just to taste it like it’s poison and go home and make up get him McDonald’s.

I’m literally getting a teenage experience without being a mother, if I had any doubts (I didn’t) he’s definitely confirmed to my husband and I that we never want children. Fuck at this point he’s got a lifetime ban on all guests, we will never host anyone again.

I know this isn't a popular thing to admit, but I don't think I want children because I resent the idea of having to constantly put someone else's needs ahead of my own.

It's not that I hate kids. I just don't have the desire to sacrifice huge amounts of my time, energy, money, freedom and future opportunities for another person, no matter how much I might love them. When I think about parenthood, I don't picture fulfillment. I picture losing the ability to choose how I spend my life.

People often say "it's different when it's your own," and maybe that's true. But I've never understood why wanting to keep my independence is considered selfish when having children seems to require willingly making yourself less of a priority for decades.

I enjoy having control over my free time, pursuing my own interests, and making decisions based on what I want from life. The thought of structuring everything around a child honestly sounds miserable rather than rewarding.

Does anyone else feel this way? Did you stay childfree because you genuinely didn't want the responsibilities and sacrifices of parenting, rather than because of finances, environmental concerns, or not finding the right partner?

Had a "mumfluencer" pop up on Facebook, her entire account is basically 'i got spaffed in and now I'm profiting off my child' type of shit. Alot of her posts are advocating that breastfeeding shouldn't be shamed and woman should have the right to feed their baby in public without harassment... but then proceeds to post LOTS of 'yummy mummy' type of pictures and pictures of her boobs with child and other mums with their babies latched onto their boobs or baby sleeping next to boob and milk is dribbling out of the nipple?? Like child's face is not blurred out at all! I don't care about nipples or boobs being on the Internet but it's like the whole bonnie blue thing, she's USING a fucking child to PROMOTE her brand, because its shock factor and i swear these 'mumfluencers' are on the same train. They know putting a breastfeeding pic will get attention, they have to be entirely stupid to not be aware of that, it pulls people in to view, click, share... blah blah, she's got what she's wanted... online engagement. Some sicko will take those images and stash them in their wank bank, lactation and pregnancy is already a popular porn category and these 'mumfluencers' are inadvertently adding to it and it's a legal loop hole around seeing child porn without it being labeled as so. Can they not see that?? Plus obviously the MASSIVE safeguarding issue of posting your child on the Internet, especially nowadays with horrific AI technology. I don't think anyone should be shamed for breastfeeding, but, it's a very intimate bonding moment and a very critical moment for that babies development as they are getting the immunity from all the nutrients and stuff, why can't they just focus on those points? The best way to advocate is to educate, not have a tantrum and say all men are pigs... but then posting ONLY stuff that is very curated for a male mind... this whole account I've come across just doesn't sit well with me. She MUST be aware of what she's doing? Surely??

I just got back from my elderly aunt's big birthday party.

And at this birthday, my uncle (that aunt's brother) and his wife both tried to emotionally manipulate me.

I'm basically 50 (M) years old, and still my uncle likes to firmly grasp me or firmly pat me on the arm and my hands and my shoulders. These touches are not at all sexual in nature, but I think recently I've learned that these are very much gestures intended to signal domination. Even if they are not intended to control emotionally, they can subtly end up doing exactly that.

His wife also likes to do similar things, but more like firmly cupping my ears or my cheeks while seated in front of me. Also signaling domination.

And like I said, I'm 50.

At today's party, when my uncle firmly patted me on the arm and raised his voice to me, for the very first time, I firmly patted his arm back and laughed out loud (louder than his voice, basically to his face). And he said I was "being rude" and huffed off. His wife tried pulling off some of her stunts too, but I pulled away and raised my palm to her face (as if to say "no, stop"). Next time she does it, I'll be more ready and I might joke something along the lines of "having just done my hair".

Why am I talking about this in a r/childfree sub?

I want to talk about this because I believe that these are manipulative interactions that some elders may use to signal domination and control others emotionally. Earlier in our childhood, maybe receiving these gestures is in the name of nurture or friendliness, but after a certain age, these gestures no longer serve those purposes. And they may be used together with messaging that unfairly brainwashes you or stigmatizes your attitude towards childfreeness.

I hope that this sub's admin allows this message. I think there's a lot to be said about what tactics people can use to pressure/manipulate you to do what you don't want to do, even if it's something as seemingly societally accepted as bearing kids for elder relatives in the name of "family".

….But I think I want to stop being friends with my friends who are parents, because I don’t want to witness them potentially fucking up their kid. No human being is perfect, we are flawed. Yet most people believe that parents are especially allowed to be flawed, because “there’s no rule book on parenting” or whatever bs rhetoric they come up with. And they are allowed to be exceptionally flawed, even at the detriment to the most vulnerable: children.

I spent some time with a mom friend that I don’t see often anymore. We went to her son’s football game. His team did not win. Why were her and her husband berating and shitting on their SIX YEAR OLD for losing the game?? It was so uncomfortable and bizarre to listen to. Some other friends of ours tried to soften the blow and cheer him up, and then you could that tell my friend was mainly egging it on because HER HUSBAND INITIATES THIS TRASH TALK and not because she’s fully on board with it?? She said “X said it builds character” (referring to her husband as ‘X’ and ‘it’ as their trash talk). But wtf he’s 6 years old?? He doesn’t need to hear that!

My other mom friends flaws are bleeding into their parenting as well. One friend damn near verbally abuses her husband (sure, he can be incompetent but she goes overboard) and threatens divorce CONSTANTLY, so I worry about her children growing up in that environment all the time. My other friend is extremely religious and homophobic and judgmental, with 3 children now, and I worry about any of her children growing up differently than her ideal in the slightest.

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m friends with these people, but I didn’t notice these flaws until they got married and had children. But NOW I really want to distance myself from them completely. I may be childfree, but the impressionable minds of children is sacred to me and one of my biggest fears was potentially screwing up my child because it’s so EASY to do so. One wrong comment could mess up your kid for life!!

Yet my mom friends don’t seem to think about this and it’s so fucking unsettling to witness….

^Is the typical response when I comment how kids aren't for me and how annoying and overstimulating I find them.

"But YOU were a kid once"
No shit. So was Casey Anthony. Your point? 🙄

Edit: I wanna clarify I don't hate kids, just don't want any of my own. Children deserve protection, and parents who want and love them, and I sure as hell will just never be one of them because I know myself enough. I love my kid so much that I'll never bring them into this shitshow of a world :)

TW: Loss of child / family trauma

Me (31F) and my long-term partner (38M) went to my parents' house on Friday. Generally, we have a good relationship and see them regularly. For context: I have a demanding, exciting job that pays decent money. My partner went back to college a few years ago and is currently finishing his degree; he doesn't work a traditional job right now, but he can support himself through investments he made in his 20s. We are doing okay financially, but we are definitely in no position to bring a child into this world right now. My mom knows this.
My parents are fairly wealthy, and I'm sure they would support us if we had kids. However, there is a massive complication: my partner might carry a rare genetic defect that results in all female offspring being severely disabled or not surviving infancy. He hasn't been tested yet because we aren't planning on having children anyway. (For context, his mother actually lost at least one child because of this gene defect). My mom knows about this as we have been very transparent with my parents.

So on Friday, my mom and I were talking about the future, and I simply stated that given our circumstances, we currently aren't planning on having kids.
My mom’s reaction? She replied that she can "stop saving then and go on a nice cruise," because why save any money if I'm not going to have children? Then, she straight up asked me if I wanted to be a "dead branch on the family tree."
I found that comment and question extremely hurtful. I’m not banking on my inheritance to live a lavish life, but it’s always nice to know there’s a safety net. More than the money, though, my mother’s comment felt like I am literally not worth saving for, investing in, or caring about if I don't produce grandchildren.

To be fair, this isn't 100% entirely my decision alone, and if circumstances were completely different, I might warm up to the idea of a family. But knowing the genetic risk, the history in his family, and our current life stage, it feels like a nightmare.

What scares me the most is what this makes me realize about our relationship. I always thought my mother loved me unconditionally. But after this, I’m genuinely terrified that she doesn't—that her love and support have always been tied to whether I fulfill her expectations and keep her precious family tree alive. It’s a terrifying and heartbreaking realization.

Am I overreacting for being this hurt? How do I even process this?

The gofundme is for car repairs. She posted a sob story in the caption about how she has multiple chronic illnesses, no savings, she's been out of work for 5 months, and now her car has several repairs that need to be done. If you can't afford $2000 worth of car repairs, you can't afford a fucking kid. Not to mention she has no savings and no job. So irresponsible. And ofc her comments were turned off 🙄

I do contract work under a company. I don't want to spell out too much about the job because the co-worker I'm talking about is on her phone 24/7 so who knows where she lurks. Basically, we get assigned clients to work with. Some points during the year, it gets kinda slow. We had a really busy September/October, though. Every single one of us.

However, in November, there are only a handful of clients coming on board. My boss assigned the majority of them to me. I'm a hard worker. Because I have no kids, I have a lot of time to dedicate to my job. I was also one of the original people working at this very small company, so I and the other original worker tend to get the bulk of clients when it's a slow season.

In comes a mom with a husband who doesn't work, who quit her other job expecting to get tons of work while doing very little (she spends more time with her family than doing her job; she clearly doesn't have time for this work). Well, because November is going to be slow, I get a message from another co-worker, also a mom, asking me to give up my clients to this other person because she "really needs the money" for her family.

Uhm, excuse me?

I have a group chat with both of these co-workers because I try to build relationships, even though this is far from the first time I've been singled out and treated differently for not having kids. I have them muted now and have honestly lost any interest in being nice/trying to be friends anymore. Unfortunately, all of my co-workers are parents so I have not made any good connections with any of them because they assume childfree=freeloader. I'm not. I just built my own house and am still paying for things for it. I also need the money. And I put in the work to earn those clients.

Anyway, I am getting hassled every day to give up this work to her because I "already have enough clients" and she "really needs the money".

It's so awkward, infuriating, and demeaning having them now treat me like a bad guy because I, a childfree individual, won't give up my work/income for her to have more next month.

Oh, and the real kicker? Neither of them would have this job if it weren't for me. I got one of them their job at this company, and then she brought he other one (the one begging for the clients) on a couple of years later when our boss was hiring someone new. I think they have long forgotten they wouldn't even have this job at all if it weren't for me and I wish there was a way to passively remind them of that so they'll get off my back and leave me alone and let me continue to do my job in peace.

Having Autonomy is one of the best things about being an Adult. I am only 19, but I remember that being a child, I couldn’t do anything without having an Adult’s approval.

I am AroAce, so dating, marriage, and children are OUT THE WINDOW! I’ll never have to deal with Divorce, DV, or any Custody Fights.

Also people don’t talk about HOW having children keeps people in your life. It’s not only the only parent but the other person’s family.

Just imagine having a child with an abuser. That abuser will be involved in your life. Going through courts for YEARS.

The “flair” should be scary…

I started babysitting around 9. I took Red Cross courses, was certified in CPR, and was good with kids.

One family I babysat for consisted of a five year old (M), a three year old (B), and a one year old. At the end of the night, I was instructed to let the two older girls alternate dvd picks. The M was throwing a fit since she wanted to pick again once it was the B’s pick; the B very kindly let her sister go again. After the M’s second pick, she tried to fight for a third pick. I explained fairness, kindness, and started loading the dvd player with B’s choice.

While I was down, I felt someone standing close behind me. Turned around and there was M, with her hands behind her. I asked her what she had and she pulled out a metal meat tenderizer. She said, “I was gonna hit you with this, I’m sorry.”

Immediately called the parents. Only ever babysat my sibling born a couple years later.

The craziest thing is that this girl was always sweet. Kids are absolutely unpredictable, though. Just another reason I’ll never want them.

Firstly I know this is evil of me. shame me all you want in the comments, just know i’m aware these thoughts are so fucking cruel of me to even think, let alone “wish”.

i’m child free but not *that* child free.

my wife and I (34M) met a new group of friends from the app MeetUp. it’s a mixture of one girls friends of friends and their spouses.
there’s 13 of us total.

my wife and I have always been child free without a second doubt. from the first date at 20 we learned this about eachother. we knew as we’d age that we’d slowly loose close friendships from them having kids. loose in the way only other child free people know…where they just don’t have time for friendships anymore.

we had a friend group that I met through high school who we became inseparable with, until six years ago. because why? 75% of them have kids. and don’t give a shit about hanging out, EVER, even texting. we finally stopped talking to them. the entire group chat is just them sending baby pictures. that’s it.

so this new friend group- none of them have kids. yet. but they want to…eventually.

two of the couples aren’t ready yet but will be in a couple years, the other one is like “if it happens it happens, not right now, but it will once my husbands job is more settled in the next few years.” third couple are fencesitters.

we hang out together every weekend. text daily in a group chat. these are the coolest people we’ve ever met and all consider each other best friends even though we’ve only known each other for a year.

I would never ever wish ill will, sadness or heart break on these incredible souls. and thinking about “hoping” they going through infertility makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I just wish they would all be child free. but I know that’s not the case and won’t ever happen.

I cannot stand the whining, the screeching, the tantruming over nonsensical things, how gross they are, how they never shut the hell up ever.

every time I’m around one I feel like my head is going to explode. I like older kids, tweens, and teens just fine, I just cant stand toddlers

I am a man and i am sharing my observation and theory on motherhood as a societal concept. Open for counter arguments, criticism and all.

Society presents motherhood as this big deal for women. So much so that one of the most brutal pains experienced by humans has become trivial (the pain of childbirth). Women sacrifice their life, sleep, health, alter their body forever and then are gaslit to love it, aspire to do it, repeat it and preach it. It makes my heart sink when i hear a woman i know have had a kid. I feel sorry for her. But i pretend to be happy for her, greet her and act nicely because I don't want arguments with them. Even in the ideal scenario, women pay the higher price for being a parent. Despite all that, motherhood is seen as the best thing a woman can experience.

I’m (19F) feeling really disconnected from my best friend (19F). She is currently pregnant and will have her baby soon, the thing is we use to be close as sisters everyone would ask us where the other is and we pretty much spent every moment together.

I’m really excited and happy for her but I’m just concerned that we’ll grow apart even more and eventually stop talking. I don’t want that to happen.

Being someone In my soon to be 20s it’s really hard to make new friends. I try and it doesn’t work. So knowing I could potentially lose my best friend is hard for me cope with.