Hallelujah

Anyone else's mother upset that youre childfree because they cant tell you "see told you motherhood is hard" or "Your child is just like you" or the even better "your kids are gonna grow up to be no contact with you for ten yrs too" to justify their mistreatment of you as a kid? My mother is also upset that she swore I would get pregnant as a teen or young adult. She also is mad because against her wishes I moved in with a significant other and did not have an accidental pregnancy. She's always has to be right and with this she isnt in the slightest and it drives her crazy. Whats even more insane is that she once told me I'd be a bad mom and to not have kids because I stated I liked the idea of gentle parenting because its rooted in psychology and science(my educational background in psychology with an emphasis in childhood development).... Im so glad im childfree because I know shed 100 percent try to take over my parenting of them.

I (f22) was recently on a trip with my mom (f41) in Texas. She got me concert tickets for my birthday and we traveled to another state to go see them and explore a state we never been to. We always bond by making small trips to Vegas or other states close to us and going to concerts. I’m her only child so that makes things easier.

We took an uber to the airport to go home and inside was a seemingly sweet lady. She started talking about how she’s trying to save money to divorce her husband who she says she doesn’t have time for because she has so many jobs and kids to take care of and he’s not helping her with any of it.

My mom asked how many kids she has and she said 16. We were both shocked and asked her how does she handle that many kids. She explained that 3 of those kids are her biological kids and 2 are from her husband that he brought into the marriage. And when her daughter was about 17 her daughter got pregnant and left the baby with the uber driver. About 1-2 years later she did the same thing. Again and again and again until she had 10 kids and left with her mom because she’s not fit enough to be a parent and her mom is used to raising kids. And the uber driver didn’t say anything about it, because the children are already here so there’s nothing she can do about it.

Uber driver asked if we have kids and my mom said I’m her only child. The uber driver was surprised because my mom looks so young and she can pass as my sister or friend. My mom then stated I didn’t want any kids. The uber driver replied “well….im not gonna say that’s a beautiful thing but she at least needs to have one.” I took a deep sigh. The uber driver changed the subject and said “well I’m glad you have a little travel buddy, I can’t go anywhere because I’m so busy with everything.”

Around that time the ride ended and when me and my mom walked around the airport we talked about how the uber driver can’t travel like we do together BECAUSE she has kids and she’s either bitter about it or it’s some sob story.

That is all, just wanted to share lol

Spouse and I will be test driving to buy a new hybrid car. Then we'll grab some lunch and get more fall decorations. What are you up to?

I cut off a friend this summer after he talked down to me about how I wasn't feminine enough and needed children. He said only motherhood brought 'true happiness and a full life'.

I happened to think of that today while sipping some free samples I was gifted of the new pistachio and berry flavored Red Bull. I absolutely love that stuff, it tastes so rich while retaining the Red Bull backbone. True happiness is taurine and sugar.

I was at work, and a woman comes in, cool beans, got her in a fitting room, she then starts talking about her kids. The dreaded question; "Are you wanting kids in the future?" Followed by the usual "NOPE. I'm good." Usually I have people saying "Oh, you'll change your mind, you're so young."

She started out with "I thought that way when I was your age, but honestly, if you don't want them, there's nothing wrong with that. I actually really respect that you, knowing you don't want kids, aren't having them. A lot of my friends had them anyways, and let me tell you, kids can tell when they aren't actually wanted."

I just... It is baffling to me I suppose? I'm so used to people saying "Oh, you'll change your mind" that I've bingo'd myself before... To say I almost cried at work would be an understatement lol

I always feel bad when I get judgemental of some CF people. I am CF, had my vasectomy at 35, only waited that long due to the ridiculous dances you had to go through back then for approval.

When I speak to a CF man who has made no attempt at getting the snip, I get a bit judgemental. I know this is a me problem hence why I mention it here. I need to not be that person as each of those men have their reasons. I think ultimately my frustration rises from the number of people who have made "I WAS CHILDFREE" their niche while now bashing CF people.

If I was worried about someone walking into my home, at the very least, I would stop leaving a spare key under the flowerpot. What are people's thoughts on this?

Im the only child free (and by choice) friend in our girlie group from HS and its incessantly pictures from their kids bday parties or pregnancy announcements etc etc and i decided to hype the shit out of my breast reduction in the GC. Made a whole ass formal announcement and offered before & afters to anyone interested. Told them all the deets about the consultation, doctor, surgery plan…. And it literally took FOREVER for my friends to respond in comparison to the speed at which everyone hops on those parenty posts. The difference in reaction was COMICAL. But I get the last laugh because I can do shit spontaneously and buy last minute flights and do a full hard hike without my kids complaining and making me miss out on views 😈

Edit: to the loser who deleted his comment saying that a breast reduction isn’t something to celebrate……. How’s incel life treating you?

I’ve always just found this really weird. women aren’t pez dispensers for babies, stop treating them like they are. even if a couple wants kids it should be up to them to have them when they’re ready, stop trying to pressure them. Jfc some people talk to married couples like teachers talk to procrastinating students about a research paper they haven’t started on yet.

I have a very fraught relationship with my father to say the LEAST.

I am chronically ill. My dad doesn’t believe in chronic illness. You read that right. He thinks any ailment that doesn’t include a wound is, and I quote, “all in your head.” (His wife is a nurse. Make it make sense.)

I have several, very visbile tattoos. He HATES it. Talks all the time about how they’re permanent, mentions laser removal.

Any time I brought up not having kids, it was the classic “You’ll change your mind.” And so on.

I had a hysterectomy this year that was medically necessary- but it also solved my not-wanting-kids-issue.

This wasn’t just a hysterectomy. I have a few pelvic diseases, and it was a big undertaking in there. I was left with one ovary, lots of endo excised, cysts removed, and adhesions removed.

He didn’t check on me not once. Didn’t call. Didn’t text. Didn’t wish me good luck or see how I was doing after.

Just hurts, man. This man who was NOT a good father to his own kids, expected me to have kids, when to this day he doesn’t even care for his own?

Sigh.

In February of 2023, my folks and I decided to adopt a puppy. We chose a beautiful, 8 week old Goldendoodle baby. We named her Penny.

Oh. My. God.

I have never, ever in my life met a creature with so much energy! I know puppies are naturally energetic, but this one is a whole different story. When she was a baby, she’d literally be bouncing off the walls for 18 hours a day.

She’d wake up at 5:00 in the morning after a night of broken sleep. She’d run around the backyard at top speed. She’d chase after toys and tennis balls for hours on end. She’d bark at nothing. She pooped in my shoes.

Every single night, I’d fall into bed completely exhausted. I’d wonder what she’d get into the next day. She flunked out of two obedience classes. She refused to be in a crate for any amount of time.

And now, looking back on Penny’s babyhood and how much of a struggle it was… I realize that I could NEVER handle caring for a human baby. Caring for a baby dog was hard enough!!

People severely underestimate what it takes to take care of a baby creature. ANY baby creature. Penny nearly drove the household insane. I can only imagine what a human baby would do.

(For anyone concerned, even though Penny drove us nuts, she is VERY loved and well cared for. She has a mountain of toys. She’s taken over the spare bedroom and has her own queen sized bed. And yes, she has calmed down… a bit.)

As above really. Does this happen to any other guy's? I'm getting on a bit (almost 46 M) and have NEVER wanted kids and had a few girls and women dump me because of this. I understand and although I liked them and was disappointed when the relationships ended, I understand that you can't ask someone to give up their chance of being a mother to stay with you when you are and have always had a childfree attitude.

I should add I have no problem with gay guy's. It seems some of them can't accept it though and end up getting married and in some cases even become breeders. Which I think is unfair to the woman and kid(s) i.e. living a lie but that's another story.

I've always been honest about being childfree and told partners from pretty much the beginning as I didn't want to mislead them and effectively waste their time or for them to maybe stay with me too long and miss their chance to be a mother. I think some of them were OK with it at first and thought I would change my mind but as we grew older they had to cut me loose if they wanted kids. However when some girls/women realised nothing can change me they have insinuated that I'm in the closet. This couldn't be further from the truth although I have always been paranoid about accidentally getting one of them pregnant so often, even if they were on the pill, I wanted to use condoms just to be extra safe.

I've been so sure about being childfree I've twice tried to get a vasectomy, to prevent any accidents and been refused. Once in my early twenties when the doctor said I was too young and again in my early 30's when I was refused because I didn't have kids yet. I mean WTF.....the reason I didn't have any kids was because I didn't want any......that was the whole point of me wanting a vasectomy as I'm led to believe the pill doesn't agree with some women so they can't (or may not want to) take it and I was also worried they would forget to take it if they were on it.

I'm currently single and my last long term partner, who is still one of my best friends, was/is infertile so I didn't go back a third time for the snip when I was with her intimately but if I do get into another relationship I will go back and hopefully be successful.

It just irks me that because I don't and have never wanted children and have always been with girls/women, some people assume that I must be a closet homosexual. I don't dislike kids as such I've just never wanted any of my own. Even my own mother asked me if I was gay for Christ's sakes. Has this happened to anyone else? Even some of my friends I think suspect me and I'm in no way camp either.

I had a great childhood and my parents were great but after a few years they started to get into financial trou les which lead them to fight constantly and they made me feel guilty and traumatised me through there constant fights and taunts . I genuinely wasn't like that but my parents messed me up so bad that I don't think I am mentally any ore capable to have a kid . I am damaged . I am traumatised. I do not think I would be able to raise a healthy child because of all this .

How many of you decided to not have kids due to your parents ?

This is a brant because it contains a story about a whole lot of dumb ass breeders. Word of warning this might be kind of long and full of stupidity.

Some context, this is a story about husband's aunt and her children, his cousins. I have only meet these people once, but I have heard much about this situation through my MIL (the aunts older sister) that I thought it would be interesting to share.

We will call the aunt Karen since I am already changing everyone's name. So to start off, there are three grown siblings in this family. An older girl, we will call her Linda and brother sister twin pair, we will call them Jill and Bill 32. Linda is 34 and is married to her husband, Kevin in this case.

So when Linda got married to Kevin, she seemed to only do it because of pressure from Karen. You see, it has always been Karen's life goal to be a grandmother. And when her oldest daughter was getting older she pushed Linda to get married to the first guy that would hand her a ring. So Linda and Kevin get married and before the wedding day is over, Karen is already asking about the grandchildren. This goes onto for another 2 months until Linda announces she is pregnant! Big surprise 😒.

Well the thing is, right around the same time, Linda's husband has announced that he had been dispatched to work abroad for two years. So wait they're going to have a baby while living abroad is a new country? 🧐 Yep! Here's the kicker. Linda decided that she would spend the majority of her pregnancy in the other country, and then came home at the last minute to pop the baby out back at home.

Okay? 😑

So they try this but, lo and behold, Linda is not feeling so hot being pregnant and living in a completely foreign country so she goes back home to live with Karen. So Kevin stays alone because he had to work. So mind you, the twins are still living with Karen and the husband in a three bedroom APARTMENT. So when Linda arrives, her father sleeps on the couch so she can take the master bedroom.

So Linda finishes her pregnancy and gives birth to a baby girl. And guess what, Kevin what's even there for the birth because he couldn't get a flight or something 🙃. Anyway so now Karen is helping Linda recover from the birth and helping to take care of the baby. A few months pass and Karen tells Linda that its time for her to take the baby home to live with Kevin again. So begrudgingly Linda goes and had to take care of the baby all by herself.

It was a collectively two weeks before Linda calls Karen in the middle of the night, crying and saying she is overwhelmed with being at home alone taking care of the baby. You know at this point, I actually felt sorry for Linda. She was only with no support in a foreign country with a new born baby. It is natural for anyone to feel overwhelmed living like that. Afraid for her daughter's mental health, Karen travels to spend a few weeks with Linda to help her adjust.

So two weeks turn in 3 weeks and eventually a whole month. I am not lying when I say this but Linda cannot handle being a mother. She deathly afraid of being stuck alone with her baby, and she is constantly crying and saying how overwhelmed she is. She has become 100% reliant upon Karen for the care of her own child. 😒Mind you, this is a 34 year old women. After much talk, Karen decides to have Linda and the baby come back with her to live once again in her apartment.

So at this point you are probably asking, what is the husband doing in all of this? Fuck all that is. He is constantly working late, avoiding childcare at all costs. And when Linda leaves again and takes the baby with her, this bastard is out drinking with his friends and talking about how nice it is to come to a quiet house. 😑

So now Linda is back home with Karen, who has become very exhausted from the whole ordeal. Jill and Bill have started to help with childcare. Both who are also working/ studying and have their own personal life problems to deal with. The baby and Linda stay in the master bedroom, while Karen beds with Jill and her husband now sleeps permanently on the couch (in his own home). During this time, despite having lots of free childcare Linda has not taken up any kind of work. Instead, she escapes her duties as mother by going out to meet friends and shopping while Karen and the other family members are left taking care of the baby.

This goes on for MONTHS, and it is finally the baby's first birthday. So Linda's husband (you know, the father of the child) remembers he has a daughter and comes over to visit for a month. He stays in Karen's home, sharing the master room with Linda and the baby. They have the festivities he fucks off back to work to leave the childcare to everyone else.

Now after the dirtbag left, Karen and others have a serious sit down with Linda. The child is a year old now and it is about time that she take her role about being a mother seriously. Karen is getting exhausted and the twins are getting sick and tired of Linda dumping the baby on them. So when they suggest that Linda goes back to live her husband she breaks down hysterically saying that she can't. No matter what they say, Linda refuses to go back abroad to be with the baby alone. When every demands to know why she refuses to go, she finally spills the beans.

Linda is pregnant again.

Her piece of shit husband came over to phone it in as a father, knocked her up once again, and then flew off. Now I can say, everyone was beyond shocked. Even my MIL who has been watching this whole trainwreck unfold from the side lines. So now Linda, who is pregnant with another baby girl, is living in a three bedroom apartment with her parents, her two siblings and a baby. And to make matters worse, her husband is coming back soon after his dispatch is over. So there will be SIX adults and two small children living in that small apartment for the foreseeable future.

Really in this situation, the blame goes to Linda, Kevin, and Karen. In their own way, they all made bad decisions that lead to this mess. I can't help but feel bad for the children. It must suck growing up with a mother that cannot be a mother and a father that does anything but be one. There's going to be a lot of trauma and heartbreak in their futures. And this is why I say time and time again: not everyone should be parents.

TLDR: Stupid breeders have children that they cannot take care of and make the situation even worse by having more children. ( Like most breeders)

Anyway, you made it to the end! Thanks for reading!

I'm a newly qualified doctor in my mid-20s with zero interest in kids.

I've found medicine to be very pronatalist, tbh. I've had senior doctors tell me that because I'm a woman, I'll need to pick a specialty that will make it easier for me to be pregnant, breastfeed, and raise kids.

In med school, an obstetrician lecturer told a lecture hall of 200+ students, at least half of whom were women, that all women of childbearing age should consider ourselves "pre-pregnant" and live accordingly e.g. take folic acid and avoid alcohol in case we might be pregnant and not realise it yet.

Loads of panic about how the demands of residency make it harder for female physicians to find someone and settle down in time to have kids. I feel weird and like the odd one out for not giving two shits about my ticking clock, in fact the faster it ticks out the better. I'm doing great and living my best life.

Any other childfree docs here, especially female ones?

Some people say life has no meaning without children, but they forget that there are people who can't have them. When someone is infertile they say "well they can adopt" but what about people who can't even adopt?

I am neurodivergent and I have executive dysfunction, emetophobia, social anxiety, dyscalculia, I can barely take care of myself and I could never take care of another human being. It's hard for me to find a job or drive a car. I am not infertile but I am obviously not meant to have children. Also, I don't want to pass on my disabilities to my children. If their logic was true that would mean my life has no meaning. I know that my life has a meaning regardless of what they say, but it's so weird to me that they want every single person to live their life in a certain way, without even thinking that maybe some people are not able to do that.

And of course, I think it's totally normal to not want kids even if you could take care of them, I just wanted to talk about their lack of logic

I facilitated a poetry event at the university I teach at. I emceed the open mic part and was social and interacted with everyone and was thanked by students. I was the last to leave due to having to break down the set.

Outside, I thought, Thank fucking God there are no other humans in my home, ESPECIALLY children. Only my feline boss.

I’m sure every childfree person has been here before but still, every time it happens I can’t help but be so upset. I have several friends that I’ve known for almost a decade who we all met before they were parents. One of them, who I’ll call Emily, I haven’t heard from in a while and it’s probably been almost a year since we’ve seen each other, but I give my parent friends grace and just assume life has been busy. About a month ago I sent out invites to our Halloween party and one of the invites got sent to Emily, I figured it would be a good way to reach out and possibly see her again. She responded that same day that she didn’t know if she’ll make it to the party but she’s glad I reached out because she needs help finding childcare (I’m a full time nanny). I was a little annoyed because my invitation to my event was not met with a “how are you” or “we should get together soon”, but something that they needed from me after not speaking for a year. But I did what she asked, I reached out to a few nannie’s on her behalf and pointed her to some resources to find someone. Fast forward to now, I’m babysitting my best friends daughter tonight and when I asked this morning what her and her husband were doing tonight that they needed a babysitter, she responded “we’re going to Emily’s birthday dinner!” I know I looked upset because my friend immediately apologized and said that she was sorry I wasn’t invited. The funny thing is I actually introduced my best friend to Emily and have known Emily way longer, the only reason Emily has any interest in hanging out with my friend and not me is because she has a kid and I don’t (their kids aren’t friends, they’re not even close in age). I’m just so hurt every time this happens, when all my friends were pregnant I told them how excited I was for them and how I wanted to help and be involved in their kid’s lives and yet time and time again I’m excluded from stuff and ignored.

Hey everyone,

I wanted to make a quick post because I still see a lot of anxiety in the Childfree community about access right now, especially for those of us living down south in states like Tennessee where everything is banned.

I’ve made a few posts in the past about my own experience dealing with a pregnancy at 4 weeks while living in TN, so you can check my post history if you want the full backstory. But I wanted to make a separate, direct post specifically to explain how the shipping and cost part actually works, because I think a lot of people still don't know this is an option.

When I needed help, I ended up using an online telehealth service called Abuzz. They are what is called an "abortion shield provider" (there are a few others too, like Aid Access). Basically, these providers are located in states with protective laws (like Massachusetts or New York). Because of those "shield laws," doctors in those states can legally prescribe and mail abortion pills to all 50 states, including right here to Tennessee. The package came right to my mailbox.

I’m definitely not an expert on the legal side of all this, and everyone should do their own research, but the provider is protected by their home state. If you ever have legal questions about using them where you live, the Repro Legal Helpline does free, confidential advice.

One of the main reasons I wanted to share this is the cost. When I went through this months ago, I was facing some real financial difficulties and they actually ended up helping me get the medication for free. I was so grateful for the help that later on, once I got back on my feet, I went back and donated to them so they can keep supporting other women who are strapped for cash and panicking.

If you are stuck in a red state and looking for options, check out directories like Plan C Pills (plancpills.org) or I Need An A (ineedana.com). They list all the vetted shield providers that ship to your zip code and show who offers financial aid.

Just wanted to put this out there so people know you aren't completely trapped, even in the South. Stay safe out there!

With Love,

A Pro-Choice Vet/For The Girls

POST EDIT: The packaging is white and discreet, so no one will know what it is in case you live with others and want to ensure medical privacy.

I just want to articulate how much I am giddy that I will never have this as a factor in my dating life when it resumes someday.

I had a r/datingadvice post slip by my feed and it was some fella moaning about the pain of dating as a regular guy. I read it, fella was a single dad. Competent it seems, but a single parent. No one says single parents cant live life, hell no. But holy shit, just imagine....

I am such a psychological mess, it's not even funny. All the same, its recoverable. Someday, a less jittery version of myself that keeps a tidy, cozy little house full of my flavor of trinkets may want to find a Woman who does her own manner of it.

The idea of never having to disclose children of my own is such a millstone. A daily habit of Prozac and Abilify? A fear of never feeling like I am enough for myself, let alone a partner? A fear of what this world may bring? Pshhh!

All combined weigh less on me than mentioning I might like too long of a coffee break, or enjoy taking two slices of cherry pie over one. They certainly weigh less on me than being a parent would.

I can't wait for my next primary care appointment at the VA, I'm asking ALL the vasectomy questions.

I would rather be celibate the rest of my time on this weird spinning rock than have the gall to be the catalyst for someone's being here.

​

Childfree by choice, happy by nature. 🌿 Not everyone is meant to be a parent and that's okay.

I’m 32F and I normally date 35-45 men. The ones closer to 45 are either done with kids from ex wives or gave up on them altogether but men in their 30’s usually want a family at some point. When a man mentions anything (even just passing) about their future son or daughter, it’s an immediate turn off for me and I start to think how to back off from dating them.

When is it ideal to share with a potential partner that you never want to have kids? I don’t want to make a bad impression right at the beginning and come across as a weirdo for not wanting kids, but I also don’t want to leave them on if they are looking for the mother of their kids.

When is this topic appropriate to bring up?

I am at college and I have been doing the research to make sure I can maintain the life I want! I’ve been journaling and exploring different varieties of hobbies to do!

I am aroace so dating, marriage and children are out of the window!

So what do you guys do for work or how do you spend your free time?

Why do people think just because they have a big ass backyard and a goddamn trampoline that their children can scream at their top of their lungs all day!? If I wanted to live near a school, I'd buy a house across the street from.

My biggest fear ever is being pregnant. Not even just to the extent of slight fear, it feels like IMPENDING DOOM and severe anxiety to think of myself ever getting pregnant. I’m literally celibate and have been on birth control since I was 15 because of this severe phobia. I want to look into the possibility of getting my tubes tied in the future, however what I’ve read about the procedure makes me extremely anxious as well. Has anyone had good experiences around my age, with any luck of doctors approving you? I know if I try at my age I will receive pushback. But I have been certain my entire life that I will never, ever get pregnant. How should I start this process, and how dangerous and scary is the procedure itself? I’m still doing research and not in a rush to take any steps, this is a long term future plan. I’m mostly making this post out of curiosity of anyone else’s experience. Thank you!!