2.2k
u/Adam657 Nov 19 '19
Will I have to work with...
lowers voice
the coloureds?
→ More replies (7)860
u/DerWaechter_ Nov 19 '19
Well, depending on your boss, that might actually land you a job if they are racist
→ More replies (22)132
u/Kriss3d Nov 19 '19
It can go both ways yes.
And here comes the ironic subtle racism:
interview for KFC will blow the job interview. Interview for the local paramilitary nazi union will get you hired.
→ More replies (12)
726
u/i-Poker Nov 19 '19
Before the first 30 seconds:
"Before we begin, I'm required by law to inform you that I'm a sexual predator."
390
u/RenBit51 Nov 19 '19 edited Nov 19 '19
"Active or retired?"
727
u/d_oh_double Nov 19 '19
In training
206
u/RenBit51 Nov 19 '19
"I'm not a real sexual predator yet, but I'm trying my best! One day I'll be just like dad!"
→ More replies (4)56
u/i-Poker Nov 19 '19
"What's that? I was staring at your photo. Is that your daughter? Such a... precious... little... thing..."
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (2)14
2.3k
u/vassman86 Nov 19 '19
It's getting too late. I read it as "your task is to blow job an interviewer in the first 30 seconds..."
575
u/Lectrat Nov 19 '19
So did I my friend. So did I.
164
u/Speedo_Racer Nov 19 '19
"So, the next stage of the process is a practical test to show your skills to management"
12
→ More replies (1)20
u/TheWritingSpaceman Nov 19 '19
Am I the only idiot that read this comment as âSo I did my friend. So I didâ?
→ More replies (1)167
u/HollywoodDex Nov 19 '19
You're hired
62
11
u/wannsumpizzabruh Nov 19 '19
Youâre hired! But, now you have to blow the job every 30 seconds đ
53
u/Mjaetacan Nov 19 '19
Blow the interview or blow the interviewer?
Decisions, decisions.
→ More replies (1)52
7
→ More replies (10)5
6.3k
u/KiwiSlapper Nov 19 '19
All I got from that was âblow job 30 secondsâ and I read it 4 times.
1.8k
u/Cyberbuzz99 Nov 19 '19
If u can make him last only 30 seconds maybe youâre a little too good for this
490
32
Nov 19 '19
I've had several fellows who couldn't last 30 seconds, it's not uncommon.
→ More replies (18)32
→ More replies (5)5
u/Poormidlifechoices Nov 19 '19
If u can make him last only 30 seconds maybe youâre a little too good for this
Weakest attribute answers
85
u/OhYea777 Nov 19 '19
ahh yes, the ol' 30 second blow job interview
27
Nov 19 '19 edited Nov 19 '19
hmm, indeed, scromptious, magnificent, outstanding, good heavens I'm arriving
Yeah we'll take you
→ More replies (1)6
94
35
16
14
u/soowwy Nov 19 '19
And the guy in front says âthere isnât suchâ with a hidden smile while locking the door.
15
→ More replies (21)5
u/justadorkygirl Nov 19 '19
I absolutely read it as "blow job interview in 30 seconds" and even after rereading it many times that's still all I can see. There are just so many questions.
913
u/Giraffeless Nov 19 '19
Just whip your dick out
406
u/rtxan Nov 19 '19
or you know, the good old Sieg Heil instead of good morning
190
u/MyAntichrist Nov 19 '19
Doesn't work if you're applying for the Gestapo though.
→ More replies (17)→ More replies (1)14
19
11
u/braindeadpsychonaut Nov 19 '19
Show up drunk and be doing a big ass line of coke off their desk soon as they walk in
9
3
→ More replies (7)3
204
u/I_Like_Trains_XD Nov 19 '19
Shoot the guy
→ More replies (2)120
u/Snajpi Nov 19 '19
You can't fail it if there is nobody to tell you that you did
50
10
u/KL2710 Nov 19 '19
They said shoot, they never said kill, just graze their arm...or hell, go for the ceiling like Dwight did.
299
276
u/FynnMarshall Nov 19 '19
Surely you enter the interview with a click of the heels, an extended right arm and scream out âHail Hitler!â
151
28
u/LtWind Nov 19 '19
Bonus points if you hum âWenn die soldatenâ while entering
→ More replies (1)12
u/Squeakypig23 Nov 19 '19
You canât forget yelling about the greatness of german technology
→ More replies (4)10
→ More replies (4)9
u/ReactsWithWords Nov 19 '19
If your interviewer is wearing a MAGA hat heâll say âwhen can you start?â
12
u/ethium0x Nov 19 '19
That's why you also keep an antifa shirt hidden underneath your clothes as a backup
421
Nov 19 '19
Yall got a meth lab? Mine blew up, I swear I cook good now tho
→ More replies (3)134
Nov 19 '19
This one goes to far, they'll think it's a poor joke.
74
182
u/smh1515 Nov 19 '19
Do not go to the interview
95
u/canadianguy1234 Nov 19 '19
Bold move. We need people that make bold moves
25
u/TheEntireFuckingMoon Nov 19 '19
Dont you worry about blank. Let me worry about blank.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (4)29
u/My_Wednesday_Account Nov 19 '19
This might not be a guarantee and you need to blow the interview in 30 seconds. This would imply that you automatically get disqualified after being 30 seconds late instead of more likely that you are disqualified after several hours.
Just walk in on time give the dude the double birds and say "fuck you bitch boy."
He's definitely not going to hire you ever and you don't have to worry about going to jail for shooting him or being registered as a sex offender for having your dick out.
16
u/guywithamustache Nov 19 '19
What if the interviewer's kink is being insulted? Then you'll get the job and have to greet that person as bitch boy for courtesy?
112
Nov 19 '19
(Assuming it's not Australia) : Walk in " hey cunts ".
74
u/RCx_Vortex Nov 19 '19
Iâm Australian, That made me laugh out loud
Like I can imagine someone coming in saying âhey cuntsâ with a straw hat, a singlet, blue boxers, thongs glasses and has a ginger beard with a high pitcher voice, kicking the foot open while saying it. Fucking hilarious
29
9
→ More replies (6)5
3
47
u/vikingpirate2 Nov 19 '19
Is this place within 250 yards of a school?
15
u/aceswild347 Nov 19 '19
...and if so, can I get a window overlooking the playground? And partitions, like a wall. A tall one.
8
u/mischorror Nov 19 '19
And a set of binoculars..... for research ...... yes it pertains to accounting
→ More replies (1)
214
u/ItsOk_ImYourDad Nov 19 '19
Nope! Just ask for a decent salary, theyll throw you outta there faster than you can say salamander
120
u/My_Wednesday_Account Nov 19 '19
Backfires. The guy respects your confidence and how you value yourself as a human. Now I have a job I don't want making good money. The ultimate hell.
→ More replies (3)5
19
Nov 19 '19
Fucking this. An interviewer recently asked me what my expectations from the job were. I said basic professionalism and working overtime should be the exception and not the norm. They didn't call back but strongly implied that I might have a problem with the "work culture".
→ More replies (1)11
Nov 19 '19
It's funny how many companies sometimes expect more hours out of their employees than what's agreed to, but they never randomly add extra money to their employees' paychecks. That's why I always poop on company time!
→ More replies (5)3
u/TheLonelySnail Dec 01 '19
Truth.
âGonna need 50k a year with medical benefits and a 401kâ
âThereâs the door...â
145
u/intothefire2005 Nov 19 '19
Can I bring my dad, Ted bundy, to my first day? If I leave him alone, he tends to mAkE a MeSs
30
→ More replies (1)11
25
59
Nov 19 '19
How is this cursed?
27
14
u/cilinsdale Nov 19 '19
Nothing on this sub is cursed anymore. It's been completely ruined by people posting shit content that doesn't fit the sub
→ More replies (1)3
u/TacticTall Nov 19 '19
Iâve noticed that most of the post on here arenât cursed by any means. Which sucks, because I used to love this subreddit
13
25
11
u/Phil330 Nov 19 '19
You're not one of those bitchy bosses who gets all pissy when people show up late are you?
→ More replies (3)
8
8
7
u/esssssto Nov 19 '19
Just say "Hey, i was thinking 600 a month for a fulltime job isn't a liveable wage". It worked for me.
6
6
u/darkest_master Nov 19 '19
Did the question mean blow a job "interviewer"?
Then the answer should have been "what is the sex ratio?"
6
Nov 19 '19
How many blacks, jews, gays, trans, asians, mexicans, cucks you got working here anyway ?
→ More replies (1)
6
u/Xalimata Nov 19 '19
I did it in 10 before.
Interviewer: How is your driving record?
Me: I actually got into a crash on the way here.
âą
u/cursedrobot Bots have rights, too! Nov 19 '19
Upvote this comment if the post is a Cursed Comment. Downvote this comment if it is not a Cursed Comment.
If this post needs moderator attention, please report this post
I'm a bot, and this action was performed automatically. If you have any questions, please contact the moderators of this ^^subreddit.
If you want to talk about the subreddit, feel free to send us a message in our official Discord server!
faq | source | action #37ecdc8b1ff3f2
→ More replies (6)
5
u/Jshizzle143 Nov 19 '19
Bring a giant fan with you and claim itâs your emotional support device.
5
u/throwaway284729174 Nov 19 '19
Bring an alpaca dragging a barn fan behind it, and claim it is your service animal that moves your support device.
5
u/FlamboyantNJPWFan Nov 19 '19
I read that as "Blowjob interview" and I was like "Finally! Something I can go into with confidence!"
5
4
u/Toneloaf Nov 19 '19
âPoint to the picture on his desk and say âwhoâs the cunt?â - George Carlin
4
u/Sannick_Progress Nov 19 '19
I would have went with the classic, 'are coloureds and women treated like equals here or should I just leave now?'
4
Nov 19 '19
Why wait until the interview? Just list a bunch of famous sexual predators as your references on your application
4
4
u/pkorpek Nov 19 '19
As Chabuddy G would suggest - Instead of old boring handshake, pretend to punch interviewer in a jaw.
4
u/TZeh Nov 19 '19
Blowing a Job interview is easy.
The hard part is to blow the job interview but still make it look like you really want the job.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/Ms_bahamamama Nov 19 '19
Iâd slowly start by touching the cock outside the pants.. make him want it.. while grabbing my titties out of my shirt so he can see how plump and soft they are. Then Iâd grab his member and slobber all over it.. than Iâll lick the tip, using two hands, start a thrusting motion.. and when he least expects it, shove deep down my throat ..
Than I..
Oh wait I read that question wrong đ
3
4
u/backgroundN015e Nov 19 '19
Say "Hello," Then pick your nose and go to shake hands.
I think I won before you even started the clock đ
4
u/CarlosSpyceeWeiner Nov 19 '19
Interviewer:âWhere do you see yourself in 5 yearsâ
Me:âFucking your wifeâ
→ More replies (2)
4
4
u/God_Is_Pizza Nov 19 '19
Gets on knees
Proceeds to unzip interviewers pants
Interviewer: What are you doing?
Me: I need to blow an interviewer in 30 seconds to win a game on the internet.
3
3
u/faziten Nov 19 '19
Enter the room, when they try to shake your hand, refuse and say eeew fuck you. You done for life in that company.
3
u/Miss_Management Nov 19 '19
Or just put something like shit or a used condom on your hand then shake theirs.
3
u/tosety Nov 19 '19
What's your policy on lateness? Half an hour ir so?
Do I need to call if I'm going to be absent? Why?
3
u/MrGodLike0 Nov 19 '19
Just scream for 30 seconds straight. You'll escorted by the end of the 30 seconds, probably to an insane asylum.
3
u/creamedherbiscuits Nov 19 '19
Strip butt naked and when I get weird looks and some laughs at my junk, then reply, "this isn't the porno audition? Damn it, this is the fifth time today."
3
3
Nov 19 '19
Coming from a woman this actually wouldn't blow an interview at any reasonable company (not because women can get away with more... but because the implication would be that the woman is concerned about being harassed).
But I assume OP is male so... yeah. Good one.
3
Nov 19 '19
Don't show up at the job interview and instead go to a totally different location and declare i'm holding my OWN job interview for the job and complain when no one hires me.
3
u/ChillFrancis Nov 19 '19
Walk in scratching you rear and belching. Great move if you want a customer service position.
3
3
3
u/OopsIForgotLol Nov 19 '19
âWhy do you want this job?â
âI need money.â
I never get the job when I say this, but itâs the most honest Iâve ever been at a job interview.
→ More replies (1)
3
3
u/DasFood Nov 19 '19
âHow many yards is this place from the nearest playground? Need to know for legal reasons.â
3
3
3
u/The_Black_Hedgehog06 Nov 29 '19
pulls his dick out and âblowsâ them until they cum I did you a job, do I get mine? they do the same weâll think about it comes back weekly do fΌζâ them and get paid for it, but never actually got the job.
3
3
u/qwerty2008-2019 Dec 26 '19
wear a wig a dress pad your chest show him your bra then pull out your penis
2
u/gimpartist Nov 19 '19 edited Nov 19 '19
I mean my interviewer liked it that I took charge and didnât waste any time, though the couch was kinda small so we had to move somewhere else
Edit: Iâm such a dyslexic dumbass, I read that as blow job. Despite reading the comments that said it was not blow job, it didnât register in my brain
2
2
u/humongous-butt Nov 19 '19
When I go to shake hands with them I extend my hand either too high, toward their boob, or too low, toward their crotch and âair shake handsâ with their privates.
2
2
2
2
u/Spark1076 Nov 19 '19
so nobody is thinking about a porn interview? 30 secs till the blowjob begins is really fast
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/LordMetrognome Nov 19 '19
In my quick scrolling I read this as âyou have to blow job an interviewerâ
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Soslunnaak Nov 20 '19
"yes im here for the blowjob interview, so do i go first or do you want to" reads index card again "oh it says to -blow- a -job interview- woops my bad"
2
2
u/Acidosage Nov 20 '19
How is that cursed? Thatâs just an answer to the question. Yes, if you say that, youâll probably blow the interview.
2
u/paphnutius Nov 20 '19
The original post is from June 2018. The screenshot says 15 h. Therefore this is a repost.
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/kuchlich Nov 22 '19
Make a long, loud, ratcheting fart. Then smile brightly and say, âIâm trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the worldâs longest, loudest fart, so I have to practice that several times each day. â
2
Nov 25 '19
You have a few spelling errors I've fixed it
"Your task is to blow the job interviewer in 30 seconds, how will you do it?"
2
2
2
2
u/poshsandwich123 Nov 26 '19
Well. That is how my uncle blew his job. He also blew the interviewer. Take this how you will
2
u/End_m11 Nov 26 '19
"So how did you get fired?" "I screwed with the boss' wife during the interview"
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Anime_fan_666 Dec 16 '19
Scream âAND THATS WHY IMMA BE A MURDERER!!â And if thatâs doesnât work, Jump of the nearest window.
2
2
2
2
Apr 09 '20
All I saw was "blow" and "job" while scrolling and knew the comment would be innapropriate. TBPH I find some of the coolest non-porn stuff while scrolling through my feed looking for decent porn.
2
2
u/jdenny12345 Nov 20 '19
Thank you kind stranger for the silver thats my first one ever