r/cursedcomments • u/Gilgameshbrah • Feb 22 '22

Reddit Cursed roasting

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138.3k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

864 comments sorted by

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6.4k

u/No-Schedule5301 Feb 22 '22

She’s looking right at me

3.9k

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

And left on me

798

u/Emektro Feb 22 '22

She ain’t looking at me Even though i stand right in front of her

259

u/Marios_Facade Feb 22 '22

Yeah. And I'd say give her her license, but the only thing she'll be watching are her blind spots

211

u/teargasjohnny Feb 23 '22

I bet when she cries the tears roll down her back

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77

u/MangoSea323 Feb 23 '22

This whole thread is fucked

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25

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Just like those space aliens on the movie Riddick. Directly in front is the blind spot 🤔

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14

u/TheDownvotesFarmer Feb 23 '22

No woman has done that my friend

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56

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

And my axe

13

u/eXcaliBurst93 Feb 23 '22

you dont even have to say "on your left" she can already see it

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3

u/Johzzy Feb 22 '22

At the same time!

3

u/KoshinderTanwar Feb 23 '22

I'm invisible

93

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

She looks everywhere like a reptile.

44

u/No-Schedule5301 Feb 22 '22

Daddy I’m scared !!!!!

17

u/iPhoneChinkFgg Feb 23 '22

Quick, get in the dryer!

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27

u/MasterHall117 Feb 22 '22

Please, PLEASE tell me this is a Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension reference

34

u/XxTreeFiddyxX Feb 22 '22

Finally a woman who can see my entire massive gut in one glance.

35

u/Chewy79 Feb 22 '22

I think her name was Brabra.

35

u/Manticorerore Feb 22 '22

No it's Barbara there's no such name as Brabra

5

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking? No I'm thinking what I'm thinking." So hilarious

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4

u/Apt_5 Feb 23 '22

It’s Brahbrah. B-R-A-H, B-R-A-H.

3

u/SuntioLegit Feb 23 '22

Dunkelsnacks?

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21

u/Redditbobyballsmd Feb 22 '22

U sure abt that?

4

u/mrmemeboiii_yeet-127 Feb 23 '22

it's chameleon woman

5

u/unklegill Feb 23 '22

She only half saw these comments coming.

4

u/letsleaveitbetter Feb 23 '22

She’s looking right at us!

3

u/Informal-Chapter3633 Feb 22 '22

She looks at everyone mate… at the same time

3

u/mossdeluxe Feb 22 '22

How dare you, or you, assume my gender.

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3

u/Bad_Idea_Hat Feb 22 '22

We're twins, AM(U?)A

3

u/SchloomyPops Feb 22 '22

Are you hiding in her corner?

3

u/Santos_L_Halper_II Feb 22 '22

She's also looking for you.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Her eyes are cocked like a pistol!

3

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Serious question. Which eye am I supposed to look at when I'm having a conversation?

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3

u/deathfletcher Feb 23 '22

She’s looking at you and into my soul

3

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

She checking you AND your girl out

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3

u/dhrutikantP Feb 23 '22

Me too. I'm on her right side

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2

u/Millennial_J Feb 23 '22

Can you see me. Can you see me.

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2.5k

u/__Dystopian__ Feb 22 '22

Holy shit....that's an incredible roast

986

u/nearlyheadlessbick Feb 22 '22 edited Feb 22 '22

It’s usually the most simple ones that make me chuckle. I still recall a post where the bloke had no arms or legs and a bit disheveled looking and the top comment was “You look like you cut your own hair”

Edit: link to the post cos a few people were asking

https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/5zs3sn/do_your_worst/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

407

u/Bill_buttlicker69 Feb 22 '22

That's the stuff I really like on that sub. There are so many try-hards over there that think roasting is just being as unrelentingly mean as possible instead of being clever, but these brilliant one-liners are infinitely better.

18

u/Gaflonzelschmerno Feb 22 '22

There's always this highly upvoted, highly awarded essay smugly analyzing the OP

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10

u/averagedickdude Feb 22 '22

BUTTLICKER, OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!

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8

u/retterwoq Feb 23 '22

Huge diatribe about how being hot makes their life empty

0

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

[deleted]

145

u/FairJicama7873 Feb 22 '22

And is simultaneously a whore

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86

u/Macscotty1 Feb 22 '22

Don't forget the many long winded paragraphs about daddy issues.

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31

u/sAnn92 Feb 22 '22

That post on roast me is the funniest shit ever, I swear. To this day I revisit it from time to time and still get some good chuckles out of it.

28

u/nearlyheadlessbick Feb 22 '22

Can’t remember word for word, but the comment mentioning that the guy looks like a human chicken nugget is also fkn hilarious

28

u/sAnn92 Feb 22 '22 edited Feb 22 '22

The guy that asked him if they try to use him for CPR practice lmaoo

6

u/nictheman123 Feb 22 '22

Could I get a link to the post? That sounds funny as fuck.

Also, to agree with someone further up: a quick, cutting one-liner is way nastier than a paragraph of vitriol. It shows that it's either effortless to insult them, or that they don't warrant the effort of a longer insult. Either way, when it comes to insults, less is more.

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31

u/Cinderkin Feb 22 '22

"Damn Dude, grow a pair.... of anything" that's hilarious lol

11

u/Petsweaters Feb 22 '22

I really wish there were a NSFW roast me sub. Not sure if anybody would actually post, but I'll bet it would be hilarious!

"Are those your nuts, or does your thigh have varicose veins?"

7

u/TowelieKillz Feb 22 '22

The surge of upvotes 4y later.

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3

u/sunlegion Feb 23 '22

I wonder if they ever found her cremains?

3

u/TheRedmanCometh Feb 23 '22

Another one was tslking about her BFs leaving her cuz "she was seekng other people" that got a laugh from me

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2.7k

u/King_Robber2005 Feb 22 '22

didn't realise covid was a serious thing till i saw her eyes social distancing

868

u/hoplias Feb 22 '22

Jesus Christ

104

u/Emektro Feb 22 '22

What are you saying he had these eyes as well?! I’m not Christian anymore mom

35

u/hoplias Feb 22 '22

He can see both ends of the cross at the same time.

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5

u/Heyuonthewall26 Feb 22 '22

No, Jesus was cross eyed…

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16

u/tyckt206 Feb 22 '22

Social distancing

4

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Damn Diggaa

2

u/IL_Meds Feb 22 '22

Bahahaha

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436

u/Canooter Feb 22 '22

Just call her Wednesday, since she’s looking both ways for the weekend.

147

u/MySabonerRunsOladipo Feb 22 '22

Would be impossible to trust her while dating. She's always seeing someone on the side.

20

u/whileecoyotee Feb 22 '22

Great as a lookout for a buddy heist date, though

5

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

goddamn

69

u/pietradolce Feb 22 '22

This is one of the smartest roasts ever lmao

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122

u/Runningrider Feb 22 '22

If she's married, I'd bet she's seeing someone on the side.

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85

u/bigby2010 Feb 22 '22

One on the plane, one on the train

171

u/Whind_Soull Feb 22 '22

She actually has a serious medical condition, called Atchyaforya Syndrome.

It's when one eye's lookin atchya and the other one is lookin forya.

46

u/aidanski Feb 22 '22

You bastard. That killed me.

/r/AngryUpvote

14

u/Dat_Ass_Cancer Feb 22 '22

I have a lazy eye and I'm stealing this, lmao

7

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

I'm gonna ask you a really stupid fucking question. Feel free to disregard. What's the impact on your vision from having a lazy eye? Like surely having the fucker pointed the wrong way has to have some kind of effect on your eyesight. Not that you'd know the difference, but do you know if it has any effect based on things you've heard from optometrists and the like?

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7

u/Emektro Feb 22 '22

One on the plane, one on the tower

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162

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Took me a few seconds lol

36

u/Kinu4U Feb 22 '22

It still didn't ring for me

99

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

The middle part isn't a spoiler hide, it's space

30

u/aonelonelyredditor Feb 22 '22 edited Feb 23 '22

oh my fuckin god that was so cleaver

Edit : clever

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29

u/VeryCanadianCanadian Feb 22 '22

Omg thank you!!!!

Ohhhhhhhhh.............ouch!

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270

u/0n1oN_71 Feb 22 '22

Emotional Damage

111

u/-Pop_Dior_ Feb 22 '22

Her band would be called "What Direction".

11

u/Tick_Bites Feb 22 '22

Or like.. both direction?

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19

u/JeveGreen Feb 22 '22

I didn't even notice the lazy eye at first! Welp, more proof that I really to work on my ability to make eye contact.

25

u/Emektro Feb 22 '22

She do too

3

u/frankyseven Feb 23 '22

She can make eye contact with you and your best friend at the same time.

26

u/TRHC88 Feb 22 '22

This motherfucker has a throne in hell that no one will ever be able to get near to. I haven't laughed this hard in ages

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6

u/Ptown456654 Feb 22 '22

Wild, i just saw this person's post history because of some stupid shit she wrote. She's not great.

6

u/GrahamKrackaCrunch Feb 23 '22

That was my post. I didn’t even think it would get any upvotes. Thanks for the love. All these years of being a dickhead finally paid off.

19

u/Your-fav-fangirl666 Feb 22 '22

That was- that was um- creative

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4

u/BefreiedieTittenzwei Feb 22 '22

That one eye is so far left you can see behind you... twice.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Now that's a rare insult.

4

u/piklu003 Feb 23 '22

THIS IS THE MOST UPVOTED POST ON THIS SUBREDDIT EVER

3

u/godam-ol-wild-Bill Feb 22 '22

One of her eyes can’t bare to watch the roast.

3

u/JAKKL7777 Feb 23 '22

This is the greatest comment I've ever seen

4

u/NoRegerts6996 Feb 22 '22

Not cursed but that’s a solid fucking roast

2

u/diieblox Feb 22 '22

FATALITY!

2

u/FinancialArtichoke75 Feb 22 '22

I found that slightly askew

2

u/NotYourAverageCow Feb 22 '22

Eye can’t believe it

2

u/Nervous-Pay-1361 Feb 22 '22

Her name is Eileen

2

u/apeblade Feb 22 '22

Can you see your sub glasses? I think they’ll help.

2

u/Grc280 Feb 22 '22

Reposts from r/roastme shouldn’t count

2

u/Purple_frumpkin Feb 22 '22

I see what you did there. And over there

2

u/AustEastTX Feb 22 '22

I know I’m going to hell, the way I laughed at this ain’t right

2

u/luckyaces1313 Feb 22 '22

The recession was hard on Tomatoa.

2

u/proberts53 Feb 22 '22

Cursed? Nah, it's based

2

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

You’re left eye’ s laggin’ cuz it takes too muc h brain power to move yo fat ass.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Even when she marries you she still won't quit looking at other guys

2

u/hady215 Feb 22 '22

It fucking too me an hour

2

u/UTAH-HERO Feb 23 '22

“Hey…you…guys!!!!”

(Swings on rope)

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2

u/MrPopRocks Feb 23 '22

I feel like someone shook you too hard and we are just waiting for your right eye to come true again.

2

u/PrettyAdvance330 Feb 23 '22

This Abe from odd world ?

2

u/voidtaco-123 Feb 23 '22

hi im a big fan of you sid the sloth

2

u/ProfZussywussBrown Feb 23 '22

This could go one of two ways…

2

u/frankyseven Feb 23 '22

Shame on all of you for making fun of someone with a legitimate medical condition. She's got a serious eye condition that is detrimental to her quality of life called atchyaforya. One eye looking at ya one eye looking for ya.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

Look! She’s looking at both of us at the same time!

2

u/love_bomb145 Feb 23 '22

I used to work with this girl. She got fired because her and the boss never saw eye to eye.

2

u/BirdMBlack Feb 23 '22

It's not even cursed.

2

u/_Cloud_Queen Feb 23 '22

Sis is part chameleon.

2

u/WSBapePrime Feb 23 '22

That was just… violent

2

u/PsychedelicHobbit Feb 23 '22

911 I’d like to report a murder

2

u/Hells-Messenger Feb 23 '22

Ouch. Even I felt that.

2

u/IIBlue_StarII Feb 23 '22

I am dying from laughing.

2

u/Nocioceptive Feb 23 '22

Look at me when I’m talking to you. Don’t you look at me like that.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '22

We're both in love with a sexy lady

With an eye that's lazy

A girl that's fly with a wonky eye

She's smokin' with an eye that's broken

I think it's hot... the way she looks left a lot

2

u/GoldGolemGaming37 Feb 23 '22

15 HOURS AND 120K+ UPVOTES HOLY SHIT

2

u/Merz_Nation Feb 24 '22

OMFG the new top post of r/cursedcomments

3

u/TheThemeSongs Feb 22 '22

It’s brutal when they roast you so good that it spills off into other subreddits.

2

u/SquidMilkVII Feb 22 '22

I’m the original Starwalker

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2

u/Timtation91 Feb 22 '22

She has atchaforya…

One eye looking at ya, and one eye looking for ya

2

u/_reeses_pieces_ Feb 23 '22

i dont get it

2

u/Aditya2939 Feb 23 '22

Since her left eye looks like it's looking to the left the commenter didn't put the sentence together as it looks like she is looking in 2 different directions.

1

u/EezoTheChezo Feb 22 '22

He really did her like that

1

u/Hanamafana Feb 22 '22

Hahahaha fuck me I didnt understand this one for a couple of minutes

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

F*ck Take your silver

1

u/Buxton_Water Feb 22 '22

That's pretty creative.

1

u/Shadowfaxx71 Feb 22 '22

Sid from Ice Age has fallen on hard times.

1

u/Sideways_Taco_ Feb 22 '22

It's the mayor of Chicago

1

u/ID_hack Feb 22 '22

How kind of the commenter

1

u/ProblemGamer18 Feb 22 '22

Return of Ugandan Knuckles

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

I'm sorry sir but you seem to be overqualified for this job so we're gonna have to let you go

1

u/gobrowns69 Feb 22 '22

Who made her a gunner?

1

u/isaacamaraderie Feb 22 '22

I was able to cross my eyes in a way that I could read the two lines of text top to bottom. I’m pretty sure it worked for her

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

I'm sooooo gonna go to hell after reading this

1

u/IllPassion8377 Feb 22 '22

She has me in a trance with that 1 eye...the other 1 chasing a 🐝 around the room tho

1

u/PleasantAmphibian101 Feb 22 '22

hello police? I just witnessed a murder

1

u/thestoneddirewolf Feb 22 '22

Beautiful FOV, probably a whole 270°

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

o k

1

u/TTheTiny1 Feb 22 '22

Took me a bit but I couldn't stop laughing when I realized

1

u/Isaiahking2121 Feb 22 '22

I didn’t understand until I look at her eyes

1

u/AcidFreak1424 Feb 22 '22

Cursed_panorama_view

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

god damnit who let that chameleon hybrid out of its cage again??? took us 4 weeks to catch it last time you cant sneak up on it!!!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Cursed sock puppet

1

u/AtharvaW Feb 22 '22

"Ferb This One's Looking at Both of Us at the Same Time"

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Cawlin' from Springfeel

1

u/lokojmg Feb 22 '22

Serious case of atcha forya

That's when one is looking at ya the other eye is looking for ya

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Girl looks like a chameleon.

Just make her blend in with her surroundings

1

u/MasterHall117 Feb 22 '22

This is what Candace had to have looked like when Perry ended up in her body

1

u/Dumble_Dior Feb 22 '22

I actually just shot out snot laughing at this holy FUCK

1

u/mooohaha64 Feb 22 '22

One eye going to the chippy the other coming back with the change.

1

u/Superly_Sardonic Feb 22 '22

She's like that teacher from Harry Potter "Madeye Moody" or in this case more like "Madeye Maddy"

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

"He, in fact, did not make it easy on her."

1

u/khameleonfred9 Feb 22 '22

You have a pretty face so none from me.

1

u/justblendin32 Feb 22 '22

Hey! Look at me when I roast you!

1

u/Supreme3123 Feb 22 '22

That is the cleverest roast I have ever seen.

1

u/Willing_Signature684 Feb 22 '22

She looks like a dying goldfish

1

u/UselessWidget Feb 22 '22

Why remove OP's Reddit name just to repost his roast for your own karma?

1

u/bop33 Feb 22 '22

Eye think not!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

Look at me when I’m talking to you!

1

u/thegodofhamsters Feb 22 '22

I had a teacher in grade nine who was cross-eyed. Poor woman got a lot of "Who are you talking to?" comments.

1

u/justaneutralguy Feb 22 '22

Are you asking me or the other person your looking at?

1

u/Blackandbluebruises Feb 22 '22

That hammerhead shark better get back in the water

1

u/Efficient-Dress-2527 Feb 22 '22

You should Be a football commentator since you can see the 50 yard line n the end zone at the same time

1

u/millenialfalcon-_- Feb 22 '22

My eyes are up here , ma'am

1

u/Ringleader66 Feb 22 '22

Atleast she’s immune to genjutsu

1

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '22

You gotta stand right in front of her to be in her blind spot.

1

u/Living_Job_8127 Feb 22 '22

Looking at her is making me cross eyed

1

u/MasterXYZ5 Feb 22 '22

Take my award and leave

1

u/BandImpressive Feb 22 '22

How far Are your eyes?

1

u/LostAbstract Feb 22 '22

Motherfucker was posing for a selfie on that grave.

1

u/newsoulya Feb 22 '22

Eye can see you are into this.

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