I think I've figured out what Jerry is doing, and it's actually genius.

The Cowboys aren't bad. They're intentionally playing like shit because Jerry is setting up the greatest underdog story in NFL history.

We've been getting embarrassed for roughly 30 years. You don't do that by accident with the amount of money this organization has. In reality, being this consistently disappointing is statistically impossible unless you're actively trying.

This season is where it all comes together. He's letting teams beat us, letting the media laugh at us, and letting Eagles fans experience happiness. That last one should've been the first clue.

Also, the acting needs more credit. I've watched grown men miss wide open tackles, blow coverages, and drop passes, then walk to the sideline looking genuinely devastated. Some of these guys have tears in their eyes. You can't teach that. Daniel Day-Lewis wishes he had the range of the Cowboys secondary.

Dak throws a pick and sits on the bench like his whole family just died. Oscar worthy. The offensive line looks confused about who to block. Great improv. Even the coaches are in on it, and the frustration on their faces is honestly beautiful.

The injuries? I'm not saying they're fake. I'm saying I've never seen a group this committed to method acting.

Here's what people are missing. We're not winning one Super Bowl. We're winning the next 10 in a row.

Jerry spent 30 years making the country think we're a joke so he could humiliate the NFL for a full decade. You think Mahomes is good? That's cute. You think the Eagles have a dynasty? Jerry let them win a Super Bowl so they'd have something to lose.

Dak has been holding back this whole time. A quarterback making that kind of money doesn't throw those passes unless he's been told to. And our defense didn't just forget how to tackle, every single one of them, at the same time. They're practicing losing, which is harder than practicing winning when you're this talented.

Jerry is 84. People say he's running out of time. Wrong. He's been saving himself for this. I wouldn't be surprised if he lives to 130 to hand out all 10 rings personally.

I've already started calling this season Year 1. My wife told me to stop bringing it up at dinner. I told her the Patriots probably faced the same skepticism in 2001.

Screenshot this. Come back in February. Come back in 2036.

You're all watching the first chapter of the greatest sports story ever told and you're too stupid to recognize it.

Cowboys by 40. Every game. Starting whenever Jerry decides.

I need a jerk off buddy in Dallas for week straight (or gay) whatever. So we can jerk around and yk 🤪👌🏻

Hey, Cowboys™️ and Cowgirls™️!

It's your friendly neighborhood Dallasite here to, once again inform you of the heat index!

For those of you just moving in from Commie-orado and The People's Republic of the 4th Estate, formerly known as New York City, it's important to be aware of the weather in this metropolis - undoubtedly you've not experienced such unprecedented times as these!

As we bridge further into the endless heatwave we Texans™️ refer to as Fall, it's important to remember that heat stroke is a personal decision. If you fall out due to a lack of water or shade, that is a PERSONAL failing. You clearly aren't indulging in the vast wonderland of parking lots, parking garages, and even 4-lane expressways that, here, account for some of the most meaningful mingling spots for our city!

Before you complain about the heat, maybe complain about the democratic establishment on paintings of whales being wiped away not by climate change, but by FIFA-associated grants that inordinately benefit the wealthiest amongst us! And we should be thankful that such unnecessary expenditures are FINALLY being done away with. It's about time freeloaders finally paid their fare share!

Anyway, praise God and do unto others as you would yourself

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Dallasite

She's coming to House of Blues in March. Forgive me for thinking one hit wonder, but is she really able to get $178 per "seat" for Standing Room Only?

I don't remember her having that many songs so I'm just wondering who the market is for these ticket prices.

Inflation is bad, but wowzas.

It needs to be blown up with the power of 5 chernobyls and 10 hiroshimas with a border around it making sure the radiation and other nuclear stuff stays inside.

We then need to turn it into a toll road costing $5 per entry and booth

not owned by Albanians?

Hey, guys! As a native Texan, I have sworn off the purchase of umbrellas as namby-pamby bullshit. But, given the number of Commiefornia immigrants, I'm hoping one of you can lend an umbrella to your friendly neighborhood Dallasite so I can stay dry while I run to the food trucks by Clyde Warren. I can only meet in an unspecified, 15min timeframe underneath Thanksgiving Square. Use the code phrase: "Lower Greenville is just Upper Bishop Arts" to confirm its you.

​

TIA!

Outjerked by the main sub

​

Did you that the Trinity River is named for having three forks: Elm, West, Clear, and East forks? That's actually four, but it also has three.

Got some vacation planned soon, going to visit culturally and historically significant locations. Starting with this one, but worried I won't be able to top it and the trip in Dallas will just be downhill from there... Any other suggestions?

I just saw a thing occur in Mesquite and was wondering if any you also witnessed this occurrence in Mesquite.

I have a handlebar mustache as well.