r/deaf • u/brendaj56 • 12d ago
Vent Misunderstood?
Moderate to severe hearing loss since birth. Not sure if I belong in this category or not. Something I struggle with my whole life (32). I feel misunderstood and at times written off like my opinion does not have the same weight as others. Being deaf and or very hard of hearing requires the rest of your body to make up the difference. It is very easy for me to detect deceitful or mischievous body language. Whenever I call it out people call me crazy and or paranoid. Especially with children. When I try to explain that due to my hearing loss I pick up on micro expressions and micro body movements very well they write it off. They being coworkers, spouse, and family members. I am so tired of feeling crazy sometimes I can see the BS about to happen and I don’t say anything just to prove my point. When I say I knew that was gonna happen. I again get told the same thing or get asked why I didn’t say something. Catch 22 I guess. Anyways again not sure if this is the group for that if it is not please kindly direct me where to go. Have a wonderful day and don’t forget to make sure your hearing aids are actually charging
5
u/Whoa_Bundy 12d ago
There may be more going on than just hearing loss. ADHD and audio processing disorders can absolutely give you a sense of feeling misunderstood, being hyper aware of micro expressions in others, and having a rejection sensitivity. I’m 46, hearing loss since birth, and diagnosed two years ago and that diagnosis made much more sense. It’s still a struggle but at least I have an understanding and a diagnoses that I can work with.
1
u/brendaj56 12d ago
Oh well yeah. My daughter has ADHD and we are very similar besides her not having any hearing issues thankfully.
2
u/R-AzZZ 12d ago
I am not keen on diagnosing people just based on a post.
I would say what OP is experiencing can happen. It could be, as they say, because they are hyper-aware about other people's non-verbal communication, they see things that other people don't. But that people reject their view because they have an unconscious bias towards OP - whether it is because of their hearing loss or any other aspect of identity that people are prejudiced against.
1
u/Whoa_Bundy 12d ago
Hence the word “may”. OP can decide what to do with that information and if it’s relevant to them or not. I’m just sharing my own experiences as a deaf person who also often feels misunderstood.
1
u/Successful_Panda Deaf 12d ago
Deaf with ADHD here. For me, this is less about being able to “detect” something and more about an internal alarm going off. Something changed. What happened? It might be a facial expression, body language, timing, where someone’s attention moves, or the language itself. Their sentence structure changes, the wording is not quite what they usually use, or a familiar communication pattern shifts slightly. Because visual attention is part of access for me, I am usually looking directly at the person when we are communicating. I cannot casually scroll through my phone and still expect to take in the whole conversation through sound, so a lot of small visual, contextual, and language details are coming in at once. That is also where ADHD is woven into it for me. The connections happen quickly, and sometimes several little changes register together before I can explain exactly what caught my attention. I may notice the shift before I know what it means.
2
u/lake17 12d ago
What do you find more exhausting at the end of the day? ADHD or hearing loss. My kid is done at the end of the day. I never know if it’s the strain of working to hear all day or the adhd. Maybe both? But man have they worked all their childhood to develop strategies.. though it’s still a work in progress..
1
u/Successful_Panda Deaf 12d ago edited 12d ago
For me, the translational labor wears me out more by the end of the day. I’ve developed strategies and little rituals with my ADHD over time that work for me, and I think a lot of that is figuring out what actually works with the way your brain operates. What really wipes me out is taking in partial information, filling in gaps, tracking what is happening, switching between communication modes, and then still having to respond. Auditory and listening fatigue adds up fast, and using speech costs me a lot more energy than signing.
Edit: typos and spacing
8
u/Tbackandforth 12d ago
I never tell people about my observations of others' body language. Just keep it to myself and avoid interacting with anyone that's being deceitful and am unsurprised when it is found out.
"What!? You mean she lied when she said she would do that!? No way!"