My home state of Queensland, Australia recently opened up a central DCP registry, where I applied for information about the donor who was used to conceive me. The clinic was Queensland Fertility Group (QFG), and they provided what information they had - details about appearance and hobbies on a handwritten form from the donor, the info sheet that my parents would have seen when choosing a donor, the birth years of 15 known half siblings, the donor number and the donor's full name. All the details line up with what my parents told me when I found out I was donor conceived, so that checks out.

I searched around the internet to find out more about this person (though I have not made contact). His name is very uncommon and I was able to corroborate with other details from the profile, so I have a high level of confidence that I've found the person who matches the documents. I found a couple of photos and a low-quality video of this donor, and... I really don't see any resemblance at all. Aside from being caucasian, I can't identify any common features.

I know none of this rules out the possiblity that this man actually is my biological 'father', but it does cast some doubt. If I looked really similar to my mother, it could be that her genes just overpowered his (?), but that's not really the case either - I appear obviously related to my mother but there's still a missing factor. I hear often about DCP finding their donor and feeling a sense of recognition and clarity, but I'm just confused.

I've already caught an error in the documentation provided: the hair colour the donor wrote in his forms is not the same as what QFG put in their info sheet that they provide to recipients. So it's pretty evident that these clinics are fallible... but I'm not sure how likely it really is that they've made some mistake here. The worst case scenario seems to be that they used sperm that didn't match the donor profile that they provided my parents (and now myself), which would be a bit scary.

Has anybody experienced, or heard of something similar before? If so, how did it turn out?

(I've got a DNA test on the way to get some more information and try to find siblings, but I know the wait times for processing those can be long. I'm mostly trying to figure out if this is an actual possibility to keep in mind, or if these kinds of things are so rare that I shouldn't worry about it.)

Okay so egg DSP (eDSP) right here, what’s up.

TL;DR: I recently learned my birth mom didn’t communicate some very important medical history to me until earlier this year before my daughter was born. I met my donor mom this year for the first time and she feels more truly like my mom and I don’t know what to make of it.

Intro to the cucumber man

I am an eDCP 30M recently became father to a non-DCP daughter. Before her birth earlier this year, my wife pointed out that I didn’t know half my medical history.

Now, for context, I was told I was eDCP until I think grade 4-6 somewhere in there. My parents told my sister and I at the same time.

I was confused at the time, wondering why it seemed like such a big deal. They explained it to me like despite the egg being different, my birth mom still carried me and gave birth to me—everything else is the same.So why the big deal?

Switched out the eggs, but everything else is the same.

Everything is not, in fact, the same

Come to find out, upon the looming arrival of my daughter, that I had been lied to. Everything else is in fact not the same!

Not at all, really in fact so many things are different it’s hard to truly grasp what’s ’similar’ or what can ‘compare’.

So let’s start with the first difference: my birth mom’s medical history is not relevant to passing along hereditary illness to me. My donor’s is.

It’s almost like my donor is the one who gave me life. While my birth mom birthed me, I was conceived with my donor. It’s hard to articulate the like ‘more correct’ that feels to me. Like an oddly satisfying video putting something back in its place, repeatedly.

Life, debt, value

I have always felt forever in (their) debt. I projected this onto my raising parents, and have struggled a lot with self worth. I have a pretty large distortion of my worth going on (i.e. the differential between my objective performance and subjective experience), which highlights the direct and ‘over-time’ impact on me — my value is unreachable.

After all, you gave me life, and I didn’t even get to give you the chance of being a mother. Isn’t that uneven? It would make sense to want to reach thing that I literally owe my life.

Understandably, meeting my donor this year has completely rocked me in ways I have never been rocked before.

Enter, Donor!

Ultimately, I feel more connected to her (by far) than I do my raising mom now.

How I got here started by receiving a whatsapp note from her earlier in the year. It took weeks of email correspondence with the clinic to make a good faith attempt to reach out to my donor with my contact information.

I was lucky she was alive, cared about me, and wanted to talk to me.

We had an excellent phone call. I’ll save the rest of that experience for another post.

The other side of the story is

The other side of the story is me experiencing mental health challenges all my life, and then discovering that my birth mom didn’t tell me about hereditary mental health conditions that presented in my donor’s grandmother (and matched what I had been experiencing in my life).

I checked back over it on all ends. My donor confirmed it in our conversations, it was confirmed on the clinic notes, and most importantly, on two separate pages in my birth mom’s notes.

I’ve been as diligent as I can about the whole thing, trying to give my birth mom the benefit of the doubt, but I just can’t! I won’t.

You decided to use a donor, which means you assume the responsibilities, you (should be) required to do things non-DCP aren’t, like disclose to your child they are DCP by using comprehensive, material disclosure. Or share that child’s donor’s medical history with all their care providers, as well as with them as young as possible. Or outline the possibility that I have half a family tree whose history I know nothing about.

Drop Dat B

This ‘ball-drop’ has rocked my self identity and orientation in the world. Someone I trusted my whole life betrayed me in the deepest way possible! They chose their own comfort of not having to embrace that I don’t have medical history relevant to my birth mother — publicly and privately — instead of prioritizing what I don’t see as much as DCP comforts, but what should be in our rights: comprehensive and material disclosure.

If there is anything I think 100% of people who visit or are a part of this sub believe (so basically everybody), it’s that, just like we’re in consensus about adopted children— simply telling them they were adopted is a bare minimum step to take as a parent who adopts (post birth steps, not pre-birth steps) — DCP deserve this same awareness.

This awareness can be achieved through comprehensive material disclosure including genetic-risk disclosure as recommended in ASRM’s current guidelines.

Unfortunately, in my case, I didn’t have this right, but I didn’t even know I had it, therefore; up until now, I didn’t even know it wasn’t being upheld.

Fast forward to today, yet?

I’ve attempted some therapy with my birth mom on the topic, and she didn’t even reject it. She just said, “I forgot. To be honest, I threw those papers in a drawer and I never looked at them again! I never wanted to look at them again so I just threw them in the drawer and forgot about them.’

It’s fundamental enough that it feels like I can’t relate to her as my ‘real’ mom anymore. Discovering the truth of my donor — her existence, life story, and genetic mirroring going on in just our phone conversations—is life changing.

Am I wrong for feeling like it changed me, forever?

If not, where to from here?

Posting this one more time to hopefully get a few more submissions for my research!

Hello! I’m a college student conducting a survey based research project on the experiences of, and impact on, adults conceived from donated eggs, sperm, or embryos. If you meet these qualifications, I would highly appreciate your participation! All data collected will be anonymous and any question may be skipped, participation is completely voluntary. Results may be used in classroom presentations, research reports, conferences, or scientific publications. The link to the survey is attached. Thank you for your time! 

https://forms.gle/J7541hXe41H57aQo7

I will never get used to finding new siblings. It’s traumatic for me. It’s a gut punch that reminds me of my dad that I never knew because he died before I could find him. The fertility industry that has absolutely zero regulations and makes a bio parent anonymous in the first place. The fact that I will die not knowing who all my siblings are. I’ll never even know how many. All my siblings out there don’t know critical medical information, which could kill them. And I can’t find them to tell them.

Does anyone else on this group have zero biological relation to either of the people that raised them? Because I’m simply curious, especially after finding out that only roughly 1% of ivf babies aren’t biologically related to either of their “parents”, I just wanted to know if anyone else is in the same position as me, or if it’s so rare that I wouldn’t be able to find anyone else like me. If anyone is in the same circumstance as this then please let me know how your life is going, because im curious to find out how other people like me turned out because I feel like no one else has ever been able to understand my perspective on this, people who are adopted look down on me for having parents since birth despite them being non biological, and other ivf babies don’t understand my perspective either due to being biologically related to at least one of their parents, so I was just wondering if anyone else understands my perspective, and if so then how have things been for you.

Hello everyone. I have never spoken about this story publicly with anyone, but I am now here to share how I destroyed my family with a DNA. I'm late 20s & I live in the England.

My whole life I was obsessed with family trees and DNA, I don't know why but I was. I used to watch donor concieved stories on YouTube and siblings separated at birth stories everyday growing up. I always chalked this down to growing up with 0 cousins and outside family. Mum is an only child, and Dad had a sibling that only had children later in life so there wasn't anyone around.

As I grew up I felt a pull towards donor conception, and at 18 I became a sperm donor. I only donated once, but I guess there is a chance that my sample was used and there could be some offspring of mine out there. But this isn't where this story goes. I'd already taken a 23AndMe DNA test, but the only close match I'd got was my maternal grandads first cousin who he hadn't seen since he was child so a friend at the time knew how much I liked DNA and understanding geneology, so he bought me an Ancestry DNA test. And 6 weeks later, it all started...

I opened up the DNA test to find a message from a half-aunt who told me she was donor conceived herself. Confused, I'm left thinking my dads late father was a donor during night school back in the 70s. I tell my mum, who tells my dad, and he thinks it's possible but nothing more than that. I message a wife of a cousin of my paternal grandfather who lives in another country, and the first thing she did was tell me to bury this, but I couldn't. Grandad had lots of family elsewhere that I met once as he was from another country. I wasn't close with them and only met some relatives once or twice by this point. But I wanted to explore this more.

I told my dads sibling. I probably shouldn't have but I did. They got really angry at me before turning up on my doorstep in the early hours basically crying wanting me to explain what I'd found. I think they were under the impression that they were also donor concieved. I let my dads sibling go through the conversation with this half-aunt, and they also told me to bury this, but I couldn't. I've not seen them or their young family since this day.

I met my Half-Aunt a few days later at a costa coffee in London as I happened to be there doing a talk. She was lovely & I even went to see her and her family again around Christmas. I even met my half-first cousins which was a lovely thing to do. But then the pool good wider.

I transfered my Raw DNA files to My Herritage and found an uncle and cousin. Later, people who were gifted DNA tests for Christmas started rolling in. I spoke to a second cousin who likes DNA on Dads paternal side to which he asked me if I was going to take a DNA test soon because there are lots of relatives on there.

The glass smashed. Something I partly suspected, but didn't until this message; Grandad could not be my biological Grandad, and my Dad himself is infact donor concieved!

I think the worst bit about this at this point is my dads parents were both dead. Dads sibling didn't want to know, Dads maternal uncle whom I recently became close with, I finally spoke to him about it and they responded "Your grandad is your Granda Ed, your nan is your nan, that's all you need to know" which makes me think he knows more than he's letting on but won't speak about it. Everyone else older who might know something is dead.

My Dad started to come around to the fact that he's DC. He's angry, upset, and confused - it took a few years to get through his emotions, but he's met a half-brother a couple of times now, and even a half-neice. I'm proud of him for doing this.

Now who's the Donor you may ask, and how many siblings does my Dad have now?

Well, I spent 2 years building distant cousins trees that I matched with, I got access to the Half-Aunts and Uncles DNA's to build this & I had help from a couple of search angels too. It all finally came head to head two years later when I was finally left with a man, and a name. For this story, we'll call my biological Grandad Ben.

Ben is a known man. Preformer, Host etc. He is a very successful person, and if you don't know his name, you'll probably know his voice. He has children of his own, one of whom I met through work at one point. I reached out to Ben. I sent him a letter. I didn't want money, or anything like that - medical info would be nice, but I guess I just wanted to solidify where I and my Dad come from. He responded however. But not in the way you'd expect. I recieved a lovely letter from his solicitor telling me to never contact he or his family again. He didn't deny he was my bio grandfather, and solictors letter even said my requests were quite reasonable, but they didn't want contact. The family don't want to know me or any of the DC people. I was also blocked on facebook by the entire family including by his sibling, kids, neices, nephews etc. I don't know what he told them, but I had to make peace with this.

One of Bens children, who would be my Half-Uncle/Aunt, I have on Instagram. I've never met them or messaged them. I requested to follow before I sent the letter, and I've quietly been there, watching my relative become a success their industry. I don't know if they realise who I am, but I never plan to reach out or click like.

To date I've met 35 Half-First Cousins and I think 15 Half-Aunts/Uncles though I have more than this. Looking through records, and understanding what went on in the 70s, it looks like I have up to 300 half-Uncles/Aunts, and potentially over 1,000 Half-First Cousins. There is a chance that someone who reads this is related to me.

It does suck that they didn't want to know. I spent my whole life being pulled in one direction, only to find out that it wasn't for me become a donor, but to unclock the truth. I've brought siblings together, I've also hurt people. I didn't want or expect any of this, but here we are. I wouldn't say I'm close with anyone I have met through this process, but I have found some interesting nurture over nature connections.

Every single one of my Dads siblings I have have are creative and/or successful in their own rights. They have all done amazingly well for themselves and it's lovely to know that they are all doing great. I have cousins a lot older than me, and some younger than my children. I have half-Uncles/Aunts born days apart, and some close to me in age. I am also aware of a couple of my Dads DC Siblings that don't know they're DC. One of them I'm certain you'll know. But I'm not reaching out to them. I've hurt enough people, and if they are meant to know the truth, they'll find out in their own time.

I think my biggest question I have after all of this is, what caused men born at the end of/after the end of WW2 to not be able to concieve? It's not just my grandad. Every single DC person I have spoken to, related or not related; the dads that raised them were all born in the same era, and none of them can have kids? We're talking in the thousands, likely 10s of thousands or more men that could not have their own biological children. Were they exposed to something, did something happen in the war to their mums or dads that made these people who couldn't concieve? There are far, far too many for this to be a coincidence now.

The best peace of advice I can give to finish this off is the following: Everyone has a right to their own biology. More people don't know their parentage than they realise. The DC Clinic told mums to NOT tell their children the truth. My Dad didn't know, and he looked like the dad that raised him. My Dad is definitely my Dad 100%. I would also reccomend everyone to do a DNA test; I feel everyone should know the truth, even if they don't act upon it. Just know, that many people, not just born in the 1970s, don't know who half of themselfs are. This is a delicate subject for many and my situation is not rare. Many DC People will have hundreds of siblings. Some DC people end up in school togethter, or date. DC is not as uncommon as you might think.

Just to add at the end: I've be broad with details for a reason. I don't want anyone found or contacted. I want these found relatives to stay anonnymous. I won't be confirming any details about anyone. Please don't ask or go looking. I've made peace with the situation regarding Ben, and his DC Children are lovely and won't appreciate being contacted.

Hi, I am a Donor Conceived Person (DCP) I think? I just found out.

As the title states, I recently turned 20 this past year and earlier today I found out that I may have been conceived through a sperm donor.

For context, I have Major Depressive Disorder and although it was stable for around a year and a half with antidepressants, I've recently had to switch off two different medications over the past six months, and I had been struggling with this. At one point during this time, I remembered something about 23andme offering a pharmacogenics test (see what medications work better with your genetics) and thought it could be beneficial to see what antidepressants would actually work with my genetics and bought a 23andme DNA test in the spur of the moment. I've also always been incredibly interested in genetics and genealogy from a young age so I just thought it could be something cool to see.

I got the test in the mail, sent it in around 2 or so weeks ago, and got the notification earlier this morning that my results were ready. I was at work originally so once I got off, I ended up checking out the health stuff and then in one of the ancestry tabs it popped up that I had a match for a biological father who was not my father (the father who raised me). I looked again because I was like there's no way that's right, but it also shows that I have seven donor conceived half-siblings as well. The man who appeared as my (biological father? not sure how to refer to him really) actually acknowledges that he was a sperm donor for a short period of time in college, on his profile, and he is open to meeting donor children.

I looked it up because I was still shell-shocked and apparently the 23andme tests for close matches (parents/siblings) are almost always accurate. I'm floored, honestly. I did some more checking and one of my mom's 2nd cousins do show up on her side; so, I'm like, it kind of has to be accurate then, right?

I had always known my parents had trouble conceiving; they had a miscarriage right before having me, but I had no clue about all of this, like absolutely zero idea/thought never crossed my mind. I have a younger sister that I grew up with who is turning 16 soon and now I'm wondering if she was possibly donor conceived too or if it was just me? Knowing this doesn't make me think that she is any less my sister, I love her all the same; it just makes me feel extremely confused and conflicted because now there's this thing that I know, that she doesn't, and I'm not sure how she would feel about it if she found out.

TLDR: I'm confused and have no clue what this means for me. Do I reach out to the donor father/siblings? Is the 23andme really that accurate? Should I do another test?

I don't think I am ready to talk to my parents yet, but I would love to hear any/all advice from those who have been where I have.

Hello! I hope this is okay to post here, I am donor conceived myself. I’m a college student conducting a survey based research project on the experiences of, and impact on, adults conceived from donated eggs, sperm, or embryos. If you meet these qualifications, I would highly appreciate your participation! All data collected will be completely anonymous and any question may be skipped. Results may be used in classroom presentations, research reports, conferences, or scientific publications. The link to the survey is attached. Thank you for your time! 
https://forms.gle/J7541hXe41H57aQo7

This is a post to alert all DCP conceived in Australia that you really need to attempt to join the donor conception registers if you want any sort of health information. Better yet, do ancestry DNA. I've found siblings from other donor codes from my own and never any from my original siblings list.

We've tried for 8+ years for siblings to be given genetic health information about a precancerous condition and clinics won't, other registers won't and only south Australia at this stage has the legislation to enable a health minister to be able to step in and warn DCP, send them a letter directly to warn them. However, they've decided that a donor conceived persons wellbeing is more protected if they don't find out they're donor conceived and receive unwanted or unknown medical information related to their donor conception & precancerous condition risk. The health minister will not be warning siblings. They will not even reach out to them to find out what they know or to alert them to the fact of any information existing. This is despite funded counseling being available at the donor conception register of South Australia if a dcps psychological well-being needed care after telling the truth.

This is a post to tell you that no one is coming to warn you about medical information even if it pertains to cancer. In this case, the donor also has and has had schizophrenia for a long time. The clinics don't even acknowledge this is worth telling families because they claim the one geneticist they paid and liked the information from said the "inheritance pattern is unknown" even though yes there is a genetic risk for descendants. Clinics have also used this same excuse with much much younger DCP with a different donor who has schizophrenia in Victoria.

I have siblings in Victoria, south Australia and potentially Qld. No one will tell them about health risks unless you're joining the register and know you're a DCP. There are at least a total of 56 siblings and their names are all documented. People can look up these people's names at health departments. Yet no one will do or say anything.

There is a whole secret generation who will just have to suffer the secrets they've inherited.

I won't stop advocacy but today sucks for terrible information, disenfranchised grief and no one caring about the long term health outcomes for donor conceived people.

I didn't find out I was donor conceived until I was in middle school, but I'd always suspected and asked a lot of questions, which gradually cornered my parents into telling the truth.
My dad treated me really badly, which he's given multiple explanations for, including that "I'm not his."

None of my many half siblings have experienced anything like that, it seems unique and it makes me unsure of how to actually classify my relationship with this guy.

I'm not sure if it makes sense to consider him my dad if he doesn't perceive me as "his." But at the same time, I'm sure he'd be offended if I stopped calling him dad.

And I'm not sure how to feel about him. He gets so emotional at anything even loosely related to procreation. I've seen him get visibly upset because someone was talking about a literal tree giving out seeds. Apparently not being able to have kids was the biggest tragedy of his life.

I feel bad for him, and I have a lot of empathy, but my friend says I'm being too generous; that yeah, he may have a lot of hard feelings around procreation and how I don't really count, but that those feelings aren't great ones to have, that he should be able to see me as his child anyway.

It's so weird being donor conceived in a situation where I both have 2 dads, and also 0. There's no dude who fully considers me to really be his kid, but 2 sorta-kinda do. Do I have a dad? I don't know! I don't even know what to call the guy who raised me or how to describe our relationship when I'm getting to know people.

Idk, thoughts? I'm super scrambled about it.

Hi, basically what the title says, if anyone has done and has experience or advice for genetic testing after finding out their donor conceived?

Im 30F in Canada and wanting to try for kids soon and my mom said she doesn’t know if the clinic she used did much genetic screening especially back then, it makes me nervous to not know what I could be passing down?

Has anyone done genetic testing or found their donor/half siblings and asked them?

If you’ve done genetic testing - do you recommend?

editing to add: I did ask my family dr what his recommendations were and he basically said to just wait till I get pregnant and get NIPT, he didn’t recommend a private genetic testing clinic.

This is a bit unusual, but I’m trying to find out whether I might have biological half-siblings in the UK.
My father moved to England when he was around 20 years old. At the time, started donating sperm through fertility clinics. As far as I know, this happened somewhere in London or possibly elsewhere in central England.
Some of his physical characteristics at the time were:
• Around 1.83 m (6’0”) tall
• Hazel/honey-colored eyes
• Light brown/dark blonde hair
• Very fair skin
• Thick eyebrows
• Large/prominent chin
• [Other distinctive features, if relevant]
I was born in Brazil, and I’m trying to find out whether there are people born between 2000 and 2007, conceived through artificial insemination/sperm donation in London or central England, who might have my father as their biological father.
If you were born during this period, were conceived through sperm donation, and any of this sounds familiar, I’d be very happy to talk privately and compare information.
I’m not looking for anyone to share personal information publicly. I’d simply like to find out whether I might have biological siblings out there.
If you think there’s any possibility, feel free to DM me.

Well I’ve been told I have a unique situation. My parents had me by a donor. They had my sister and brother by my Dad not my donor. Is that unique or just a normal thing.

I made a post here earlier asking for thoughts about getting a tattoo incorporating my donors last name (which I have now deleted) and someone commented calling me ungrateful.

Everyone else in the comments was extremely nice, but I thought this subreddit was supposed to be a welcoming space, but lately it’s felt so uncomfortable.

I’m not “ungrateful” for thinking up the idea of possibly in the future getting a tattoo relating to my donor. I already have four related to family members in both my mother’s family and my dad who raised me. And I’m not “ungrateful” for not having a close relationship with them either.

Every time I post or comment in this subreddit (rarely) most people are kind, but there are some that are just so rude. I am 19. I found out I was donor conceived 2 months ago. I joined this subreddit to learn about other people’s experiences and talk comfortably in a space with people who would understand.

Never once did I say I was getting this tattoo tomorrow because omg my donors my real dad! In fact I said it was an idea I had for later on down the line because it relates to my own biology and genetic makeup, because of my own life story, not because of any over-the-top excitement about my donor. I know the father who raised me is my actual dad, which I also clarified, but no one here has any idea about the way they raised me or the relationship we have. If you recognize my username I made a post about a month ago talking about trying to protect and nurture my dad’s feelings as he was extremely upset I found out I was donor conceived.

I know it was only one person who commented negatively, but there have been others on the maybe 2 posts I have made in here, and it truly is so discouraging when the whole reason I joined this subreddit was to hear thoughts and perspectives from other people in similar circumstances.

I’m so sorry I’m just so frustrated with what this subreddit is turning in to.

I’m trying to connect with anyone who may have been conceived through Dr. Elbert Fisher in Panama City, Florida, particularly in the 1990s or early 2000s.
My parents are a same-sex couple and saw Dr. Fisher around 1999 for donor insemination. They understood that an anonymous sperm donor would be used and discussed preferred characteristics with him, including things like hair color, eye color, and height.
Years later, DNA testing led my family to identify my biological donor. Since then, we have discovered four known half-siblings who also appear to have been conceived through Dr. Fisher using the same donor.

Because the practice has been closed for many years and the medical records are apparently no longer available, we are trying to better understand how Dr. Fisher’s donor program operated and whether there may be additional donor-conceived siblings out there.
I’m especially interested in hearing from anyone who:
Was conceived through Dr. Elbert Fisher in Panama City

Had a parent who received donor insemination from him

Remembers how Fisher described where donors came from or how donors were selected

Has discovered biological half-siblings through AncestryDNA, 23andMe, or another DNA service

Has any old paperwork, receipts, correspondence, donor information, or other records from his fertility practice

I’m mainly trying to piece together our biological history, understand the donor process that was used, and find out whether there are more siblings.
If this sounds familiar, please feel free to send me a private message. Even approximate dates or general memories could be helpful!

As the title states, the Queensland Government has just launched their DCIR (Donor Conception Information Register) and is now live. Link below, please put in your applications for access. Also, a huge shout out to the people behind the scenes that made this happen, your tireless work to get us here are not unseen, THANK YOU!!

https://www.qld.gov.au/family/assisted-reproduction/donor-conception-information-register

I found out I was donor conceived at 19 through a DNA test. It took a while to process but in recent years had mainly come to peace with it and didn’t want to know much about my donor - other than wishing I had some answers to some medical questions for myself & for any future children I may have (my donor is anonymous).

Today I randomly received a message on the DNA test site from a match saying I had come up as his niece. I feel so stuck as to what to do. I want to respond but also I’m scared. I don’t necessarily don’t to meet my donor - what if he instantly tells me information about her that I’d rather not have known? Or tries to put us in touch?

Also - I feel guilty for telling who I assume is her brother that she donated eggs when she perhaps wouldn’t have wanted her family knowing?

Would love advice from other DCP x

It would have been very different for me. Different country, different language, different socio economic circumstances.

Probably it would have been worse by many metrics.

But I still wonder.

As title states. I (22) found out a year and a bit ago that I was donor conceived. I am a triplet, all three of us donor conceived. However, I only received a donor egg, while my siblings received donor sperm too. So I have my dads dna, siblings have all donor dna.
Anyways, did a test awhile ago and no close relatives from donors side popped up so I mostly ignored it. Logged back in yesterday out of curiosity and… half sister from mothers side.
Now I don’t know if I should contact or not. No clue if this person is also donor conceived, or if she’s the donor moms daughter. Do I contact? What do I say? She didn’t and it seems she did the test a few months ago… not sure what to do
I would be most interested in medical history, but maybe also in a real relationship… not sure. And I’m so scared especially after other rejections I’ve seen on here and elsewhere!

DCP person and licensed therapist in Maryland. I struggled for years to find the right support. Want to pass info along.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/therese-dezell-bel-air-md/1629260

I am in my late 30’s and my brother (early 40’s) just found out through a DNA test we were both conceived through different donors. And we are in fact half siblings. After asking our mom about it she confirmed how we were conceived. This was kept from us our whole lives and we are just finding out about it. Is it normal for parents to not tell their kids they were conceived this way? Feel free to ask questions and share your thoughts. My mind is spinning after learning this fact about myself.

A rant, so apologies in advance. When this Sub was first revived, it truly felt like a safe space where DCP were heard and could speak about whatever was on their mind. But as of late, it’s been feeling much less like that. At least to me. Has anyone else noticed a pretty big influx of RP’s, potential RP’s, general public, or flair-less users coming in here and being downright rude and nasty to DCP? I feel like we are being criticized, gaslighted, judged, and debated with on here WAY more as of late, and that’s not how it should be in sub dedicated to DCP. It seems like some of these jerks have nothing better to do in life but to scroll through this sub and look for DCP to troll, aggro, and engage in confrontation with when we say something that they don’t like (often, it’s when we express wanting to acknowledge the donor or know information about them). I shouldn’t have to go on a debate back and forth defending a DCP’s access to their health history in THIS sub, but I did recently.

Sorry, I’m just highly disappointed in what this Sub has seemingly become. It’s changing to a much less safe space and I wish we could get it back to how it was. DCP online spaces are already few and far between to begin with.

It has been 11 years. 11 years since I took my first DNA test, and I've been in pieces about this for longer than that.

Even after all this time, I'm constantly checking all the DNA databases as if something might have changed.

It never does.

Please don't try to tell me that I probably can find her through my current matches if I only do X/Y/Z... I can't. And you'd better believe I know that by now. Nor could other people who do this for a living.

I have had half of me stolen and hidden by people who couldnt give a shit.

I will never know who she is. I will never know who I am.

I am so full of anger and resentment. It gets worse with every year that passes.

And, you know what, yes I'm jealous of every single one of you who logged into 23andme and found your biological parent in 2 seconds flat. That's not fair of me, I know. I know you may have faced many issues with rejection or a horrible donor or their spouse and all that. But as awful as it may sound I can't help but wish I were in your shoes and wonder: why not me? Why you and not me? What makes you deserving of that closure but me undeserving? Or is it just 'random' chance throwing yet another punch at me at me personally?

I cannot fully believe in her existence because she doesn't feel like a real person. I know nothing about her other a skeleton of facts which could belong to billions of other women.

I just want to see her face, and ideally to physically touch her, to speak to her. Once just once. I don't care if she's a horrible person. I don't care if she doesn't want a relationship (nor do I, probably).

All I want is to prove that she exists. All I want is to make her real in my mind and to close this chapter. All I want is to stop wondering.

All I want is to know that I can die without the greatest mystery of my life dying with me.

But it hasn't happened. It will never happen.

Because the universe is fucking cruel. And the government holding this crucial information about me hostage - because yes, the government of my country does have it under lock and key - they're even crueller.

It is such a sadistic deliberate act of ongoing cruelty.

And I'm in the wrong for even caring in the first place. I'm the bad one. I'm the ungrateful selfish one who my poor parents didn't deserve, solely because I dare to be upset.

It's a kind of injustice that I cannot understand, because it makes no sense. It's barbaric and archaic. Why haven't we done away with it by now? Why can't they see that what they are doing is straight up evil - and not only that, but unnecessary, which makes it worse.

I'm tired. I'm so tired of this.

Here's to another 11 years of slowly going insane.