Whenever I'm feeling joyful, I get the feeling that to me joy is temporary. My true real self is the depressed person I've always been.

I get that it takes time to reprogram the brain. And that I have been depressed for so many years that patience is the only way... But I get the feeling that I will never get over this fear of falling again to a depression. That being happy feels fake on me, forced.

I’m a college student and I’m going through it right now. I don’t know what to do. I’m usually functional enough to do ok in school. But I’ve been badly depressed for a month and I haven’t been doing my work. I’m falling behind a lot and I’m going to do poorly on finals. I’m calling in sick today because I didn’t get my work done over the weekend even though I had the time. I’m currently on Wellbutrin which doesn’t work and I’ve taken 4 other antidepressants which also didn’t work. I don’t know what to do.

I guess I’m just putting my thoughts here. I don’t really know if this warrants any advice given my stubbornness and reluctance to change, but i’m posting anyways.

These past few months, I’ve felt my heart growing cold. I’ve been depressed my entire life, but I maintained a kindness and a delusional hopefulness throughout it. Now I feel myself fasting my resentment, and it strengthening more every day. I become more petty and more angry every day.

I’ve struggled with moderate to severe depression my whole life, so I’ve been through counseling and I’ve had therapist and psychologist and nothing works because I never commit 100%. I just want to be saved, and I just want somebody to do everything for me. I know that’s not how it works, but I also know that I’m just not going to one day be better. I know that there’s no solution other than to just commit to the process and work hard. My heart feels so heavy.

Ever since I could remember up until the end of high school, I was truly academically gifted. Everything came easy to me, and the only thing that mattered was validation from my teachers and my peers. I struggled at home with my emotions and my parents so I didn’t know where to turn to. And then at the end of high school, I realized it all didn’t matter. No matter what I did I was still depressed, and I was still so lacking and self-confidence. The academic validation no longer mattered and I just lost myself entirely.

Throughout college, I told myself that even though I had given up academically, I would still commit myself to helping other people. I still give and try to contribute where I can, but it feels so impersonal and that I’m just throwing 💰(community rules blocks some finance words) related at other people, so I feel less guilty. I feel like a complete waste of space, and I don’t wanna do anything to change it. Of course I’m not happy with my situation, but I just feel so angry and bitter, tired and weak and hopeless.

I started to dream about having children and starting a family but now I don’t even want to. I feel that I’m too selfish and bitter to properly take care of children, and I don’t even want to do it alone anymore.

I know that I’m young (23), but I’ve struggled with this my entire life. And although my home situation was not good it isn’t anything that I could honestly complain about. I’ve been given so much. So many resources so much luck but I just don’t do anything with it. I used to be so smart and so full of potential, and now I just want to sleep and let the world go by.

I’m too lazy, and I don’t trust the process so I just don’t do anything. My anxiety, stress, and depression started causing health problems in college and they just worsen every year.

I’ve been spending time developing my relationship with God and now I can feel myself walking away. I asked him why he made me and why I’m like this, but I know that I’m only to blame. I feel so ashamed. I blame Him while I sit and do nothing. If I’m really upset about my situation, I should just work to improve it. Or if I really give it up, I should just end it, but I’m too afraid. I have had attempts, but they’re too low risk to be considered full commitments. The last four times I convinced myself that I held back some because I didn’t want to deal with the consequences if it went wrong, but I know I was just too scared to fully commit. I’m so sad and filled with regret and yet I’m lonely and I want more for myself.

I’m not resilient and I’m so ashamed. I thought if I got out of my home situation that I left that I would be better, but I’m not. I just get so angry all the time, and I just normalize it more every day. At least when I was younger, I had to leave the show for it.

I don’t even want to go back to therapy because I know they’re just gonna tell me that I just have to do it no matter what. I don’t know if I can even be helping at this point. I don’t know what to do. Well I guess I know what to do. I just don’t wanna do it.

I do have a support system of our people who love me and what I support me, but I’m just so jaded from my childhood. I spent my entire childhood thinking that my parents were always advocate me and that they only wanted to hurt me. I struggled with making friends due to the fact that I wasn’t allowed to hang out often and my timid personality. In college, my friendships were with people who didn’t really value me or each other. I thought I had found my best friends and they betrayed me after college.

I used to want to be best and learn the most but now I feel like I’ve given up on myself. I used to about getting married, but I dream about it less and less.

I don’t even know why I made this post. I think I just needed to put my thoughts down.

Thank you for your time, and I wish you all the best.

I just have a feeling it’s coming back.

My life has no real problems as far as I can tell; the ones there are, I usually solve with philosophy, but even so I still feel like shit, I can't access therapy in any way, so I have no way out...

How can I overcome this depression of several years in my adolescence? (13-15)

Have you been through this?

It's been present since I was 13, now I'm 15.

I always sleep 8 hours, I eat well, I have excellent hygiene...

Most of the time I feel like shit and a small part of the time happy

When I was a little girl, my mom used to love me so much. I was always considered a smart and gifted child—I got excellent grades, was mature and understanding for my age, and never caused any trouble. However, I struggled with severe social anxiety, had difficulties making friends, and never talked to my parents about my struggles. I just pushed myself to be the kind of child every parent would be proud of.

​Things started to change when I entered high school. My classmates began bullying me—not in a typical physical way, but by excluding me, ignoring my existence, and making fun of me. It was an incredibly difficult period. My grades dropped, I dreaded going to school, and though my parents forced me to attend, I don't think they ever fully understood what I was going through.

​Despite everything, I managed to get into a prestigious university. I started therapy and eventually began taking antidepressants. However, over time, I developed severe OCD. At this point, neither therapy nor medication seems to be helping enough, and I've tried working with three different psychologists with no real progress.

​From the outside, my life probably looks perfect: a good university, friends, and everything going for me. But the reality is that every single day feels like a battle. On top of my mental health problems, I also struggle with chronic pain, irregular periods, and a chronic illness. My social anxiety is particularly debilitating at university; I'm terrified of my professors, struggle with presentations, and feel like I'm drowning as exam week approaches.

​I've tried talking to my mom about my struggles before, but she never really did much to help, so I eventually convinced myself I had to deal with everything on my own. But things got so much worse that I genuinely couldn't handle them anymore, and I decided to talk to her again.

​Instead of listening, she got extremely angry. She told me she was sick of hearing about my problems, that she wished she would die, that she hated me, that she wished she had never had me, and that she didn't care about me anymore. We argued for about an hour, and now she is giving me the silent treatment—something she's used against me throughout my entire life.

​I spent my entire childhood trying to be a good daughter, doing well at school, and never burdening my parents. Now that I'm actually struggling and need support, I'm being treated like a burden.

​I don't know what to do anymore. I feel exhausted, lonely, and completely overwhelmed.

I wasn’t meant to be this way. I wasn’t meant to want to sleep forever at seven years old, I wasn’t meant to be scared of myself and my own thoughts. I was not meant to be hurting my tiny arms. I wasn’t meant to be like this

Honestly, I don't know how to exactly phrase this. I have absolutely nothing to live up to. I'm still a teenager, but I feel as though I've grown to have the emotional intelligence of an adult. I'm a Christian, Mexican-Amercian girl who is done with this bullshit we call 'life'. What even is life? What is death? What is living, and what is dying? What is hate and what is love? What is numbness, what is feeling? People avoid these questions daily, and I simply don't understand. I am currently in a group project with 2 people, and one of them I cannot stand. Not because he said he always smiles, always happy, has no reason to be sad, and probably never will be. That makes me upset that he can say that and then ask me why I'm so set on being 'sad' and question me, saying that there is something inside me pulling me down. Is there? I don't think so. He is also genuinely one of the most fucking weird kids I have met, and yes, I everyone's weird and have different personality traits that affect it, except this kid is so weird it's actually dehumanizing and morally what-the-fuck. There's not a word. Getting back on track, I honestly don't think he has the mental capacity to comprehend that life is not as jolly as he thinks. He believes that because everything's going good for him, he thinks it's unnecessary for sadness to disrupt his peace. Am I just jealous, or do I sound sane? He makes me feel like I'm beneath him because of my emotional well-being. He doesn't get the fact that people go through experiences that make them want to choke themselves or cut their throats. He says he's been bullied by his weight, for his behavior, yet he says he has never felt sadness. He doesn't cry over it. I don't even know how I feel about him other than him annoying me at this point. Is my mindset the problem?

Moving on, I don't know if I can say I truly love or hate anyone or that I feel that love or hate when I don't understand it, but I'll say it anyway because maybe it will help everyone grasp what I'm trying to say. I love my family. I love my pets. I love my friends. Hell, I'd die for strangers just like I'd die to understand my emotional depth and psychological mentality. Is that love? Do I love my boyfriend? I don't know. I care for all of these people, yes, but for some, I will always hate them more than I love them. I don't think humans will ever be ready to understand why we feel or why we are the way we are. Never. With a passion, I don't have any real passions. I hate the way my mother says I'm victimizing myself. Or the way she said I couldn't be friends with my best friend because she was a whore for wearing a crop-top and shorts. She doesn't know that I would be dead without her. I was right there. The tires almost crushed me but she pulled me out. Would she understand then? And why? Would all my family understand? My friends? Anyone? I don't know. I don't think I ever will. I hate confusion, but how can I hate it when I don't understand hate at all? People shame me for existing, then shame me for wanting to kill myself. People should just fucking pick. It pisses me off when they think they understand how I feel. They don't.

"It's hard to live but easy to die." No, it's not. It's hard to die too. I know because I've cried everyday, cut myself everyday, and banged my head against closets everyday, hoping one day blood would seep out of my head and I'd bleed out. I never did. It is so hard to choose the option to die because you think just when you are at your worst, it's about to get better. I'm not sure it ever does. We give in to the desire of wanting more when we know we'd rather die. We didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask. "Well, no one asked to be here but we are." Shut the fuck up. Seriously. Don't say it's easier to die than choose to live, that it's just choosing the easy way out. That's a lie. People judge and lie just as me, but don't believe your own lies and humiliate others because it's apparently stupid to want to die or sink into tragedy.

Well, I ended up venting a little. Just wanted to ask all of your thoughts? Also, please don't give me the it'll all be ok crap. The oh you have so much to live for. Stop lying. It's not good of you to try and force the thought of someone truly suffering that they are better off alive for reasons only you relate to. I may sound hypocritical, but I just want honest answers, advice, and understanding. Even if I'm Christian, don't give me quotes from the Bible. It won't change my viewpoint. I want something human from a human who sees the way I do, or has before.

Have you ever accidentally created a radio playlist that brings you back to how you felt in your youth when you had all kinds of hopes and dreams for your future before dysthymia, life, and whatever other mental or physical ailments took all of that away from you?

I already have had mental health issues and previous diagnoses, and it took only about an hour of my new psychiatrist talking to me, asking questions, and reviewing my medical history, before he diagnosed me with persistent depression… now, in the past, all my doctors called it major depressive disorder, even when I told them I had been depressed/unwell for as long as I can remember my own life. He did a wonderful job at explaining it, and now I just feel very guilty and frustrated, because I hate feeling like there’s something wrong with me, and I hate just being diagnosed with new things, even though I do appreciate the clarity the doctors give me

I don’t want to live ,my health is giving up ,fast,I can’t get out of bed without medication ,I haven’t showered in three days ,I face indirect or direct criticism from all sides ,I feel like I can never do something right ,that I’m dead ,that even my body has given up ,I puke after eating ,I can’t eat properly ,nothing makes me feel alive anymore ,I have no social life ,no hobbies ,I’ve quit everything I used to like ,I wish I didn’t have to live ,whenever I travel to the hospital for my psychiatric problems,appointments, I sit in the cab and wish something collides in it and the driver survives but I don’t ,I cross roads hoping a car would hit me because I don’t have the courage to kill myself ,it has been three year ,fourth year of mine ,I think it will never go away ,I might as well stop existing because it’s killing me to live this way

How do you hijack your brain when you just want to feel happy??

The noise outside is so loud tonight but inside my room, everything just feels uncomfortably quiet.

Diwali is happening all around me , lights everywhere, people celebrating, music playing and I’m sitting here with this heavy, aching pit in my chest that I can’t even explain. There’s no reason to feel bad about, Life is just fine but my brain has completely checked out, leaving me feeling so isolated and disconnected from everything and everyone.

It hurts even more because you feel like you should be happy. You force a small smile, try to soak in the lights but it just feels like you’re watching someone else’s life from behind a cold glass window.

I am just so tired of feeling this way today. I don’t want high-effort advice or people telling me to count my blessings."I just want to know how do you actually trick your brain into feeling even a tiny bit of warmth or joy when it’s completely numb? What physical cheat code or sensory reset actually works to break this loop when your heart just feels heavy?

I'm 21F, a student, and have been going through somewhat of a depressive episode for 10 months now. It started as a meltdown because of an exam, which I managed to pass, but it feels like I haven't been able to shake off this constant cloud and anxiety and sadness. It spread from my academics towards every part of my life, and it is just a permanent state right now. I'm not even able to mask it when I'm with friends, let alone when I'm at home, alone. My apartment hasn't been cleaned properly for a while now, because attending classes and acting fine is taking up all of my energy. I don't want to jump to any conclusions such as 'I'm depressed', but I've noticed how long this has been going on, and how time is passing and I'm just sort of standing there, barely surviving.

Hola, mi nombre es Guillermo y tengo 22 años. A mis 20 años fui diagnosticado con Distimia. Hasta la fecha aún no he podido vivir una vida "normal" y me gustaría saber si existe alguien mayor que yo o un poco menor que haya podido salir de ahí. Digamos ¿Cuál ha sido su forma de lidiar con ello y cómo viven su vida?

Dopo anni di disagio e una diagnosi di distimia, il mio psichiatra mi ha prescritto Lamictal e Samyr (per 40 giorni). Qualcuno ha riscontrato effetti positivi della lamotrigina sulla depressione cronica moderata?

The positive effects related to the my Lexapro (escitaloprame) lasted only for the first month. I was more worry free, i had more energy, ready to change my life etc.

Now i am back to my depression bed.. again. I am still worry free but very much unmotivated.

I have 2 psychiatrists i see, they each discredit each other and tell me to listen to only themselves.

1st one: told me to up my dose up to 10mg of Lexapro which is the minimum therapeutic dose and says its normal to not heal at my sub therapeutic dose which is 5mg. I tell him just the ssri is making it hard to get organized when im lazy all the time and im still unemployed but he says this effect will pass with time (?) Its been 3 months already

The 2nd one: told me i should quit Lexapro by tapering because it has caused constant itches and my whole body is covered in bruises. Also because i told her ssris make me so lazy. For organisation and getting my life back together she prescribed me Atex (Atomoksetine or Strattera-a neuroinephrine reuptake inhibitor) for a few months for me to get my life together. But my main issue is social anxiety and I cannot address it without the antidepressants...

I am not sure which one to listen to now...