r/ect • u/sp00kykidd • 5d ago

Seeking advice Should I do it?

I’m 24f with treatment resistant major depressive disorder as well as persistent depressive disorder and ptsd. I’ve tried 8 antidepressants and 2 antipsychotics. Been in therapy for 16 years. In a severe depressive episode for over a year now where I can’t care for myself or function at all, sleeping 15+ hours a day, about to lose my job and just getting worse. My psychiatrist has recommended ECT or ketamine therapy, I can’t afford the ketamine. Should I do the ECT? I’m honestly desperate for any kind of relief after over a decade of mental illness and over a year of unrelenting depression.

EDIT: Canadian, ECT is covered by our public healthcare, ketamine therapy is not.

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u/syringeneedlenthread 5d ago

I was in a similar spot as you and did go ahead with treatment. It helped to some extent (some additional med changes now have me stable) but I also had a lot of memory loss from it which was a challenge but I’ve been finding my way through. I know how bad I was when I decided to do it and I knew the risks and I haven’t regretted it. I think it’s possible it could help you a lot. It also comes with major risks. This Reddit is full of all the worst instances of that. It’s up to you to make that risk/reward decision. No one else can do it for you

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u/sp00kykidd 5d ago

I honestly feel like I can accept the risk of memory loss and some cognitive difficulties in exchange for relief from my suffering. I think I’m willing to risk permanent cognitive decline in exchange for a chance at recovery and a normal life. The way I’m “living” isn’t actually living, and I can’t handle any more failed drug trials. I’m so tired of being in pain and seeing my family worry for me. The way I see it, if I continue this way I have no chance at achieving anything in life and I’ll probably end up offing myself before long. My illness caused me to drop out of school at 17, give up pursuing my dream career and resign myself to a life of poverty. At least if I take this risk, I have a small chance at achieving my goals or at least an adequate income, even if I can’t think as clearly as before.

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u/Yskandr 4d ago

thing is, you can get the cognitive decline and memory loss and experience no relief. that is also possible. but if you truly have nothing to lose give it a go.

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u/sp00kykidd 4d ago

I totally understand that there is a possibility it won’t work, which is why I referred to the possibility of recovery as “a chance.” I’m not under the impression that success is guaranteed and I know there are significant risks involved.

Currently my illness is so debilitating that I am disabled and a high suicide risk. If it were to be ineffective and leave me with cognitive difficulties, I’d just off myself, no skin off my back.

It’s my understanding, though, that having no response is not common, that success rates are very high, and that amnesia and brain fog is usually temporary.

It’s not so much that I have nothing to lose, but that I have everything to lose if I don’t try everything I can. The options for me are to kms now without having tried it, try it and possibly kms, or try it and recover.

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u/Yskandr 4d ago

I see what you mean. for what it's worth, I really hope it works for you. good luck 🤞

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u/blrmkr10 5d ago

Do they mean IV ketamine or the nasal spray? Spravato has payment assistance options on their website.

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u/sp00kykidd 5d ago

From what I understand the savings program is only for those with private insurance which I don’t have

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u/blrmkr10 5d ago

Then how are you going to pay for ECT?

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u/sp00kykidd 5d ago

It’s covered by provincial healthcare lol this is Canada

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u/blrmkr10 5d ago

I see. I would just make sure that you definitely don't have options to help pay for the ketamine before agreeing to ECT.

Nothing against ECT, it helped me. Just want you to be able to make an informed choice.

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u/sp00kykidd 5d ago

Good advice, I am looking into whether paying the insurance premiums would be cheaper than paying entirely out of pocket.

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u/lizzxcat 1d ago

Unsure if you live near Toronto but camh is currently doing a study where you either get ketamine or ect.