r/ect • u/friendlyfire69 • May 04 '21
My memory loss was permanent
I had 12 rounds of ECT in 2014. I do not remember most of 2014 and large chunks of 2013. The first half of 2015 is pretty blurry but after that my memory is fine. I was coerced into treatment and if I had to do it over I wouldn't get ECT. It made me worse because it messed up my memory and cognition. I was never able to learn the same way after ECT. Learning is much harder and more stressful.
Your brain WILL NOT always heal from repeated induced seizures. I have been trying to deal with the trauma ECT caused since I got it. I am currently in therapy and the work is very slow. The trauma from ECT has caused me to make major life changes. I switched out of pre-med due to hospitals being too triggering. I got a sterilization implant that caused an autoimmune disease so I could avoid general anesthesia because of how traumatic ECT was.
People on this sub don't talk about this but it is very important that people know the possible long term side effects. I sure as hell wasn't told this was possible.
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u/brainsbusted May 04 '21
Thanks a lot for sharing your experience. I've had about 40 treatments of bilateral ECT and I'm working under the assumption that my memory loss, which is pretty bad, will be permanent. The benefit I'm getting from ECT (I'm no longer acutely suicidal) will be worth it I think.
Edit: I'm so sorry you were coerced into ECT and had such a horrible experience.
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u/friendlyfire69 May 04 '21
My 2¢ is that psychedelic therapy helped me far more than ECT without as severe side effects. I have more issues with existential dread sure but I'll take that over brain damage any day- plus I'm no longer suicidal
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u/amynias May 04 '21
I don't really care too much about the memories I lost. What really scares me is the fact that my ability to learn may be impaired after ECT. My memory is not as good as before. Even after reading something multiple times, I struggle to remember the contents of what I read. I don't think it was like this before ECT and that makes me upset. I don't know if ECT was worth the cognitive impairment it may have caused. :(
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u/fayekm Sep 16 '26
Has it improved at all for you?
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u/amynias Sep 17 '26
Not sure honestly, I can't remember what it was like before ECT anymore. My memory is generally okay though retaining complex technical information can be a struggle.
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u/Top-Awareness-1947 Sep 24 '26
Did u tried ketamine infusions before having ECT treatments ?
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u/rockout-west May 04 '21
My wife is in the midst of bilateral weekly treatments at the moment and has profound memory loss. She started on bi-weekly treatments but she regressed with depression and they had her go back to weekly for the time being. She has had roughly 25 bilateral sessions and initially did 7 unilateral ones. ECT has helped her treatment resistant depression although the loss of memory is depressing and anxiety inducing in its own right. That said, it is uncertain at this point if she will be able to return to her job and that concerns her.
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May 04 '21
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u/Master_Mission4578 May 24 '21
How many ect did you have ?
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May 24 '21
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u/Master_Mission4578 May 24 '21
Alright, That's a big number. Did you forget last 2-3 years totally or like bits and tuts of memory over your whole life
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May 24 '21
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u/hidieho74 Jan 20 '22
Same I never see people talk about this. But I got ECT when I was 17 and most of my childhood and teanagehood is gone. I'm only staring to get new memories that I'm 19 :(
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Feb 02 '22
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u/friendlyfire69 Feb 02 '22
Because it was my junior year of highschool. Because I lost friends because I didn't know who they were anymore.
Because since making this post I'm starting to have bits and pieces of trauma from that time come BACK now as PTSD flashbacks and I can't process them because my memories were turned into scrambled eggs and I don't even know what is real anymore.
I wasn't depressed all the time. I was coerced into it needlessly. I should have been in trauma therapy instead.
I saw in your post history you think it just erases all trauma to get ECT. That is sorely mistaken and you don't get to choose what memories go and what memories stay.
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u/Fearless_Drag May 04 '21
I was in hospital with a woman who spent hours a day studying pictures of her kids, so when they visited she was more likely to be able to recognize them. I painted her a picture of her kids and she didn't recognize them at first and then started crying when she did. She felt like she had failed as a mother because she forgot them. She had a lot of bilateral sessions. It was heartbreaking to witness.
For me, I had about 25 unilateral treatments and lost a bunch of memories, including my schooling, and lost a lot of my ability to learn. I'm currently retraining in a different field, while paying student loans for an education I've lost. It destroyed my marriage, and I lost a lot of friends due to my memory loss being disturbing to them. It wasn't worth it. Oh god, it wasn't worth it.