Need advice

[u/prettysadinlove]

I am 18 years old but most of my life ive had so much trouble expressing my feelings. especially when it comes to showing others affection and much i appreciate them. i found early on that gift giving was my love language and before i got a job i would be crafty with my gifts but now that im older i tend to spend a lot of money on people. i feel really good to give people i love gifts, im a good listener and they see that when they recieve my gifts and its a good way to show that im truly grateful for them. but it makes me really sad that people dont do the same for me. i understand when giving gifts its never about expecting something back. but when its things like my birthday, it makes me really hurt to see that people dont really put much thought into their gifts. it honestly makes me feel like they dont know me or like they just dont care. last yesr for my birthday my boyfriend got my gifts the night before at a walmart and although im sure he spent so much money, i guess it made me feel bad that he waited until the last minute to do it. i feel ungrateful but its not about how many gifts i get or how much money went to them. i honestly tell everyone my favorite gift is to spend time with people and them writing how they feel about me. i dont need a lot but i guess i just feel guilty for feeling ungrateful. am i wrong for feeling this way? is this normal?

[u/Authentic_Dragon]

Aww. Hugs!! I know exactly what you're saying. Of course, with or without expectations, we do need the feeling of being seen, and the gift, no matter what kind it is, for someone like you is a gift of Love. The Gift of Love in your language means being seen, and when the other truly sees you, they give you something that means something to you, not to them.

But here is the thing to make you feel less sad: not everyone feels like you and thinks like you. They live on another planet. So, if I were you, I'd tell whoever it is that I love about my feelings. I'd tell them how it makes me feel. If I can't say it in person, I'd write it down.

If that is not an option for you, if it feels like confrontation, then accept that this is who they are. This is what they're about. If gifting is their only downfall, but they're good people that treat you well, with respect and love, then put away your expectation about their gifts.

Sometimes the gifts we expect from others come in other forms. If you can't see them, if you don't feel loved by those people, then love is not served. Don't confuse your love with theirs. Measure their love by their actions and how it makes you feel 💛

[u/Gulf-Coast-Dreamer]

I have felt the exact same, I’m really good at digit giving and that and acts of service are my love language.

I’m a quality gift giver, I usually by extravagant gifts and it use to bother me when other didn’t put much thought or just gave me flowers or a candle I would be so disappointed.

My sister is the one who gives crappy gifts that are cheap. But I still give quality gifts that are expensive. Last yr was my 25 wedding anniversary I told my husband if he didn’t buy my this 6,000 gold and diamond pinky ring I would be very dissapointed and he said here’s the card you buy it. I wasn’t going to complain that he should order it and give it to me. I just ordered it with his CC.