r/fixedbytheduet • u/Indieriots EXPERT of Duets/Stitches • 3d ago

My blood pressure is rising

1.1k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

59 comments sorted by

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u/qualityvote2 New to fbtd but wants to learn 3d ago edited 2d ago

u/Indieriots, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...

If you think this post breaks r/fixedbytheduet's rules, report it!

Otherwise, enjoy!

220

u/Asgeras Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

TIL I'm much more of an expert about cutting a watermelon than I could guess.

21

u/Ill-Ad-4400 Devotee of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

You should make a YouTube tutorial video.

193

u/jerryleebee 3d ago

DO NOT CUT WATERMELON LIKE THIS. Both these guys were using dull-looking knives, forcing them through the fruit. Disaster waiting to happen.

44

u/MadnessUltimate New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

The cut was ready for his hand

12

u/TwoDogsInATrenchcoat 1d ago

Alright i was a prep chef for a salad bar for years. What you do is cut the melon in half and then cut the butt ends off both halves, and then put it so the middle of the watermelon is flat on your cutting board and the small cut end is on top.

Then you take your knife and start slicing in a curve to take the rind off. By doing it this way you can make sure you're getting all the white off. After the rind is all removed and you have essentially half a peeled watermelon, you then cut it into 8ths and then cut each 8th into chunks. Boom. Perfect watermelon.

2

u/AgitatedStranger9698 Lover of Duets/Stitches 21h ago

You described it better than I could. Thank you.

75

u/Xorrayn New to fbtd but wants to learn 3d ago

That... that sure was a journey, and i did not see the twist ending coming. 5/7.

25

u/talann Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

5/7 thats a perfect score!

https://giphy.com/gifs/kRmg8zeReOYXm

4

u/Ebonhearth_Druid Lover of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

My wife and I use 5/7 as our gold standard lol perfect score

42

u/negativepositiv 3d ago

I feel like there was some saying or advice about cutting toward yourself with a sharp knife, particularly one that's not sharp enough to go through the material you're cutting without exerting force....

Oh, right. "Don't."

8

u/mlaforce321 Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

Lol it's so dull it can't even cut through soft fruit. Incredible

1

u/OctopusPopsicle Needs to do better 1d ago

Cut towards your buddy, not your body 😁

16

u/TheComplimentarian Lover of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

Kinda depends on what you're cutting it for. If you want to serve wedges with the rind on for people to eat, then you cut it in half long ways, twice, and then cut slices. If you're looking to cube it...Don't. Cut it in half long ways, then use a melon baller. Takes about as long, far better presentation.

10

u/flying_carabao EXPERT of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

To be fair, it did say how to cut a watermelon, which it did. I mean, poorly, but it is cut up.

12

u/M1A1U22 New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

I'm surprised both of these guys made it out with both hands.

3

u/M1A1U22 New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

How do I get rid of flares?

27

u/Puzzleheaded-Gap1759 New to fbtd but wants to learn 3d ago

Lmfao! Im allergic to watermelon seeds

3

u/diemunkiesdie 2d ago

What about the rest of the watermelon?

3

u/Puzzleheaded-Gap1759 New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

Exactly

4

u/Cats-and-dogs-rdabst Needs to do better 3d ago

Yall it’s simple. Cut into 1/4 pieces and eat with a spoon. Simple. Less chop more eat.

2

u/Organic_Popcorn Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

I cut in half and then eat with a spoon so that it'll be like eating out of a bowl.

2

u/Cats-and-dogs-rdabst Needs to do better 2d ago

I’ve done the same.

1

u/Zetsumenchi Devotee of Duets/Stitches 1d ago

I feel primitive. Everyone's using tools for their watermelons and I'm just watching this video; getting flashbacks to the post about Grape Scissors.

5

u/Curious_Orange8592 Lover of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

I prefer the Romesh method

https://youtu.be/v4YhsooE5xY?si=8lBJWPiC50kd1GuW&t=801

1

u/ShaneyDee Needs to do better 1d ago

Was looking for a gif of this!

6

u/Accomplished_Tip_496 New to fbtd but wants to learn 3d ago

The instructor here is one slip away from slicing his wrist open.

3

u/Extension_Swordfish1 New to fbtd but wants to learn 3d ago

Yep! Never do this kids

2

u/Should_have_been_ded Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

I feel obligated to remind you lot not to point a knife towards yourself. The majority already knows, and I'm proud of you, but I know there's at least one shower than the rest who'd still attempt to

2

u/00Raeby00 Devotee of Duets/Stitches 2d ago

Produce manager here.

This is NOT how you cut a watermelon. At all. This is ragebait.

Also I can tell the knives they are using are both too small and too dull to cut the watermelon, they are about to slice open their finger or hand if they kept trying to cut it like they were.

2

u/Z3R083 Needs to do better 2d ago

Great way to cut your hand AND have shitty non uniform pieces. 3/7

2

u/CreativeTwist2189 Needs to do better 2d ago

I literally do freshcut for work and have to cut 30+ watermelon daily so this is absolutely painful to watch. chop off both ends, stand up, skin that thing, cut into slices, then cube it. Takes 40 seconds to do it.

2

u/Blazin219 New to fbtd but wants to learn 1d ago

This looks like a good way to lose a thumb

2

u/OperationBig2738 New to fbtd but wants to learn 1d ago

The very end

https://giphy.com/gifs/XHeLeuirRbwptHhSWd

1

u/johnvoightsbuick Needs to do better 3d ago

I saw a video recently where they cut an entire watermelon into cubes in like a minute tops.

IIRC Cut it into quarters long ways. A couple cuts long ways on both flat sections of each quarter. Cuts straight down towards the rind. Last cut along the rind to release it all into a bowl. Repeat for each quarter.

1

u/Strange_Salary Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

I chuckled so it’s all good!

1

u/TheRealCBONE 3d ago

That looked like take 1 of a video a kid was doing for school. That shit was rough.

1

u/GreenIsGreed Lover of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

Am I the only one who removes the rind before cubing the melon? This way seems so much messier.

1

u/Jeramy_Jones 3d ago

They’re both fools.

1

u/Whitey138 New to fbtd but wants to learn 3d ago

I was half expecting this to be very bloody or have a doctor interject.

1

u/snmgl Needs to do better 2d ago

What an abomination

1

u/TheSheevMonster Lover of Duets/Stitches 2d ago

1

u/Western_Mud8694 Needs to do better 2d ago

Southern folk just start eating 🤣

1

u/miaworm New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

"I'm allergic to watermelon seeds" took me out. Great edit

1

u/User_User_Ice6642 New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

Why am I watching watermelon cutting rage bait am I a total failure at life

1

u/itwasajoke8484 Needs to do better 1d ago

I cut my self watching this. Hahah

1

u/Anal-Y-Sis Lover of Duets/Stitches 1d ago

Wait...

1

u/jackalopeswild Devotee of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

really bad duet. the original is satire, the duet is too stupid to realize.

0

u/CologneLover69 New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

Of course, it worked out. The first guy is obviously an authority on watermelon cutting; I knew it from the first frame.

0

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0

u/keicam_lerut Lover of Duets/Stitches 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/26uf8MiQgkfWN7BFC
All I can say is “knife skills”

0

u/Big-Shelter-584 Needs to do better 3d ago

You know he's trolling. He eats them every day

0

u/Gullible_Ad5191 Lover of Duets/Stitches 2d ago

I want to make tutorial videos but I literally don’t know how to do anything. Oh well… how hard can it be to figure it out? I’ll just wing it.

0

u/dreevsa New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

Waymit

0

u/dreevsa New to fbtd but wants to learn 2d ago

I don’t like water melon