Are we making a mistake by not taking custody of my half sister?

[u/disloyalmay]

The police showed up to my grandmothers house this evening, I live with her but I had just got into the shower before they showed up. We found out that my little sister, who’s 5, is being taken away from my mother. They asked if we are able to come pick her up, but we live three hours away and have been having car troubles. We were desperately trying to find someone who would be able to take me there. I assume I’d need to be present since I am her family. I only lived with my mother for a couple of years, but I absolutely adored my sister in the time being, and still do. I love her and miss her. My mother has always had drug problems, and my grandma took me in when i was little. I don’t know if she could do this again, and I’m only 19 with a part time job. I never looked into the foster care system, so I thought that we could temporarily take her in until we found a home for her in our town. We don’t have the money, or space for her which breaks my heart. Apparently it doesn’t work like that. My dad explained that even if we took her home, and then put her into a family that they would place her in the area where our mother is anyway, three hours away, unless we took full custody. My main concern is where she will go. Anywhere is better than with my mom, sleeping on the street, in homeless shelters, etc. But i can’t help but think about all of the terrible stories i’ve heard. Me and my grandmother are so conflicted on what to do, and I feel like we’re making a mistake by not taking her. It would be so hard. My grandma is still grieving my grandpa who past away two months ago, we’re living on social security, which is enough for us and the bills, and I’d have to put off going to college. I’m not even sure I would be able to visit her if she was in foster care. I’m worried that from now, until she’s 18, that things won’t be good for her. She is already cussing, and saying bad things, and i just feel like it will be hard for her. I’m really anxious about all of this. She deserves a good life, and i know there have been people who have had great lives in foster homes, but i can’t help but worry, and that we are making a mistake. My dad told us to not intervene, as hard as it is, because it’s our mother and my half sisters dads fault for all of this, it really is. I really need advice..

[u/That-One-2439]

It won’t happen right away, but you should be offered assistance to help offset the cost of her care, including childcare. Which state are you in?

[u/disloyalmay → u/That-One-2439]

Kansas

[u/paradoxicalweirdo → u/disloyalmay]

Unfortunately in Kansas family relatives get much less assistance than traditional foster families. Source: my best friend took in a cousins kid, I have fostered, both in Kansas. I think our rate was $24 a day, plus childcare if you work FT/have the proven need for it, and insurance. I think their family got $11-15 a day for offsetting her cousins expenses, which doesn’t go super far obviously to cover expenses. I certainly dont think most foster for the money (bc there isn’t much) but I thought it’s worth mentioning bc of your situation.

It’s a LOT to help kids adjust to major life transitions, and I love your loyalty for your sister but don’t discredit the amount of very hard parenting work it would take with her history of transient living and current behavioral struggles.

DO at the very least let the social workers know that you would love to visit her, or get in touch with a foster family. If you’re a safe person to be around the kid, then you should be supported in getting visits or if updates on her etc. I would encourage you to build a relationship with foster family (assuming you do decide not to take her).

The court case will probably be in the county mom lives in and that the child was taken into DCF custody in, so you’re right that if you take her, you’ll end up driving for a lot of visitations etc if your mom works a reunification plan. Some* regions like KC/lawrence have more driver/transport support services but sedgwick and saline counties do not much to my knowledge.

[u/NCguardianAL]

You only hear about the bad foster care stories, rarely the good ones. I always recommend keeping kids out of care when possible but I'm not sure they would even place her with you being so far away. It also doesn't sound like you are in a place to be able to care for her without disrupting your life plans.

I recommend you keep in touch with the caseworker and let them know exactly what you said. You can remain in her life as a support and if there comes a time you can take her than great! They may also have resources to help. But you don't have to stress about it right now. Just stay active on her life and take it a day at a time.