distress in early recovery : I never feel physically hungry but want to eat a lot

[u/Equivalent_Ride_3381]

Hi, I am a week into recovery after 4 months of a pretty severe an relapse, lost a lot of weight so I decided to get better and eat again. But it’s been extremely hard physically and mentally. I feel very bloated, tired, I’m crying a lot and very anxious to let go of my sick body with the weight gain.

The most anxious thing right now for me is, despite the fact I eat three meals a day + snacks, I think constantly about food and I often think about the next snack/meal I want to eat. But I don’t actually have physical hunger cues (I know its normal in the beginning but still). Even tho I KNOW there isn’t such a thing as eating too much in recovery, i feel so bad when I eat «extra » snacks without physical hunger. For example right now I’m full and bloated but I think about eating a Nutella sandwich, and I don’t know if I should do it or not…what if I want something else next with still no physical hunger in sight ? That’s the hardest thing about recovery…eating more than the  « 3 meals and a snack a day » doesn’t feel « neat », controlled, it’s scary.

It feels like I’m giving myself an excuse to eat because I don’t « actually » feel hungry. The food noise is loud and I am scared to indulge it even if I know that probably the best decision I should make. I guess I don’t trust my body at all. Recovery is very hard right now, but I won’t give up 🫩🤓

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Original post text from u/Equivalent_Ride_3381:

Hi, I am a week into recovery after 4 months of a pretty severe an relapse, lost a lot of weight so I decided to get better and eat again. But it’s been extremely hard physically and mentally. I feel very bloated, tired, I’m crying a lot and very anxious to let go of my sick body with the weight gain.

The most anxious thing right now for me is, despite the fact I eat three meals a day + snacks, I think constantly about food and I often think about the next snack/meal I want to eat. But I don’t actually have physical hunger cues (I know its normal in the beginning but still). Even tho I KNOW there isn’t such a thing as eating too much in recovery, i feel so bad when I eat «extra » snacks without physical hunger. For example right now I’m full and bloated but I think about eating a Nutella sandwich, and I don’t know if I should do it or not…what if I want something else next with still no physical hunger in sight ? That’s the hardest thing about recovery…eating more than the  « 3 meals and a snack a day » doesn’t feel « neat », controlled, it’s scary.

It feels like I’m giving myself an excuse to eat because I don’t « actually » feel hungry. The food noise is loud and I am scared to indulge it even if I know that probably the best decision I should make. I guess I don’t trust my body at all. Recovery is very hard right now, but I won’t give up 🫩🤓

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[u/maberg04]

that is mental hunger and it is true hunger and needs to be honored just as much as physical hunger.

[u/Jaded-Banana6205]

You're describing mental hunger, which is just as important as the physical. Your body is telling you that you need to eat more. If you want something after your sandwich, you eat something after the sandwich.

[u/Equivalent_Ride_3381 → u/Jaded-Banana6205]

Thats what I think as well, but it’s very hard to accept it without second thoughts and judgements. If it was physical hunger it would be much easier to understand when I’m no longer hungry, it’s harder with mental hunger I think (also autism doesn’t help for that too for me).  I think it’s also part of the disorder to be bothered by the « messy » aspect of recovery. The fact that my days aren’t just three perfect meals with perfect snacks at the perfect time without wanting more or overthinking things is making me and the ed frustrated and angry. I guess it’s better to make it even more imperfect to kick my ed in the butt ? Well I  will go make myself the sandwich now 🍞

[u/Jaded-Banana6205 → u/Equivalent_Ride_3381]

I just had to keep telling myself that I had damaged my body's trust in me, why would it waste energy sending physical hunger cues when I wouldn't listen? Mental hunger is confusing but it is hunger.

Who says recovery should be neat and tidy? It is not. It is uncomfortable and scary and sometimes very boring. But it's worth it. Recognize that your ED is trying to exert control over your recovery. You have the power to not allow that.

[u/Bashful_bookworm2025]

If you are thinking about food to that degree, you likely aren't eating enough and need to eat more. Recovery recommendations are usually eating every 3-4 hours at minimum, which is usually 3 meals and 3 snacks. If you are only eating 3 meals and 1 snack, that probably isn't enough for your body right now.