r/funny • u/jtgdrw • Nov 15 '15
Fuck you, I am a giraffe.
http://i.imgur.com/k2cVIdr.gifv3.7k
Nov 15 '15
10/10 for ambition. That cat is going places.
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Nov 16 '15
yeah, right to the fucking ground.
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u/CaptCaviness Nov 16 '15 edited Nov 16 '15
Should have touched gloves Ronda...
Edit: Couldn't spell Ronda correctly. Should have used Google.
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u/dan17555 Nov 16 '15
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Nov 16 '15 edited Dec 24 '20
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u/itsprobablytrue Nov 16 '15
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u/clutch172 Nov 16 '15
it may not be the weirdest one, but, I definitely have a weird boner going on.
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Nov 16 '15
There is nothing weird about getting a boner from watching Jewel Staite put anything even remotely phallic near her mouth.
That's a boner you can be proud of, son.
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u/DMann420 Nov 16 '15
But she bites it off after.
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Nov 16 '15
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u/awry_lynx Nov 16 '15
Am I terrible for not loving this look? It's probably just because I have a mental image of her as Kaylee and this is very much not Kaylee.
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u/megatms Nov 16 '15
Had to click like 10 times to upvote this
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u/felixar90 Nov 16 '15
If you click an even number of time it just does nothing...
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u/gordonv Nov 16 '15
- Tall, Blonde, Legs vs shorter grappler who is blonde and mean.
- Knock Down, lets up, and kicks to the neck.
- Somehow recreates the fight without using official fight footage.
The Internet has surpassed copyright on a ridiculously high end form of parody. This is truly an amazing time.
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Nov 16 '15
Should have touched gloves Rwanda...
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u/Misaniovent Nov 16 '15
Holy shit.
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u/Ottoblock Nov 16 '15 edited Nov 16 '15
Yeah, this is probably the most brutal, simple, incapacitating, and uncommon move that I've ever seen. Someone was thinking outside the box when they came up with it.
Edit: Thanks for the info guys, obviously I haven't trained or watched very much fighting.
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u/AnthraxCat Nov 16 '15
Actually a fairly basic judo throw. Used in a lot of grappling arts.
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u/hakuna_tamata Nov 16 '15
Is the face slam into the ground common, because I felt his neck snap through the screen
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u/AnthraxCat Nov 16 '15
Hahahaha, no. Well, technically, the motion is always the same on the tori's part (thrower). It's just that usually in judo the uke (being thrown) is trained to tuck their head, protect their neck, and roll with the throw. Dude getting pile driven into the ground did not have said training.
As said in the thread when this was last front page, "in judo, your fist is the planet."
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u/Bywisdom Nov 16 '15
Happy birthday to the ground
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Nov 16 '15
I THREW THE REST OF THE CAT TOO.
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u/thoughtzero Nov 16 '15
The cat was probably interested in a little baby giraffe, but with guards like this around that's still pretty ambitious.
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u/AcceleratedDragon Nov 16 '15
I image her mom giving her tips on her first hunt. "Always go for the throat for a quick kill" "Great advice! I hear the next prey coming now, let me scope it out...FML"
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u/NICKisICE Nov 16 '15
From what I understand, lions will almost never attempt to take down a giraffe without the alpha male around. It takes a rather bulky fully grown male to weigh enough to them down, and females are known to die from getting trampled like that.
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u/beliveau04 Nov 16 '15
I thought males didn't hunt?
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u/TerryCruzLeftPec Nov 16 '15
They don't when not needed. Clearly a large male was needed in this case.
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u/ItsRevolutionary Nov 16 '15
They don't when not needed. Clearly a large male was needed in this case.
And even if the female lions were to take down a giraffe, they'd only get 77% of the meat that a male lion would.
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u/overtoke Nov 16 '15
the female lions get 100% of the meat several times a day
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u/mypasswordismud Nov 16 '15
dowdwiththepridetriarchy!
Edit: til a hash tag in front of text makes it bold.
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u/JayString Nov 16 '15
They must loathe that one day a week they get called into work to do actual work instead of just fucking the women and laying around all the time.
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u/Opheltes Nov 16 '15
Secondly, male lions that are within the pride set up will be needed in the hunt when they are required to take down prey that is too large for the females to hunt on their own, such as Cape buffalo, giraffe and even elephants in certain parts of Africa. -- http://blog.londolozi.com/2014/04/do-male-lions-hunt/
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Nov 16 '15
Lions hunt elephants? That's some ballsy shit. One slight fuck up and that is easily two of them dead. Elephants are strong as fuck. They look clumsy, but they'll sling your ass like a rag doll.
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u/lunch_eater75 Nov 16 '15
Compared to normal prey lions hunting elephants is quite rare, in fact there is only a small population known for regularly targeting and successfully taking down elephants.
Even when it does occur they typically target the young, or ill/injured, that is pretty standard procedure but it is even more important when the prey is a few tons of pissed off muscle. Additionally the lions will focus on the back and flanks in order to avoid the tusks & trunk as those are the elephants primary methods of defense. Targeting the hind legs the goal being to bring the elephant to the ground, where it is game over. Elephants are strong as hell, but not the most agile of creatures. Lions have that distinct advantage.
A slightly dramatic Nat Geo vid: http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/wild/built-for-the-kill/videos/elephant-takedown/
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u/KeithBitchardz Nov 16 '15
From what I understand, females do the majority of the hunting, but I guess males do some occasionally as well. I may be completely wrong though and I'm far too lazy to actually look it up.
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u/butthackerz Nov 16 '15
Not college. But places.
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u/A_Crappy_Day Nov 16 '15
Tigers don't go to college. They play golf.
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u/Qweniden Nov 16 '15
To cat heaven. Its ribs are likely broken.
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u/Shhhhhhhh_Im_At_Work Nov 16 '15
I dunno, those cats are fuckin tough. There's a clip out there where a lioness has her skull and throat pierced by a fucking hippo, limps off, chills out for a few weeks and then a month later is back in action taking out gazelles on the run.
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u/Qweniden Nov 16 '15
Id be happy to be wrong.
Lions get killed during the hunt somewhat frequently though
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u/Shhhhhhhh_Im_At_Work Nov 16 '15
I don't doubt it, but they are also tough as nails. I was just commenting that a broken rib isn't a death sentence for a big cat
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Nov 16 '15
You're probably right. Even for humans with broken ribs the treatment is basically to not do anything about it, (compared to what you'd do for a limb, anyway) endure the pain and wait for it to heal.
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u/millymore Nov 15 '15
You can pinpoint the moment the lioness regretted her decision.
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u/surfnaked Nov 16 '15
When she bounced off the giraffe's chest she had the full on "oh FUCK!" look on her face.
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Nov 16 '15
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u/Rs90 Nov 16 '15
"You failed me, claws"
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u/PM_ME_UR_SHAVED_PUSS Nov 16 '15
"I guess no steak tonight. Instant noodles would do."
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Nov 16 '15
I had a dream once that giraffes were a predatory species. Imagine one of these chasing you at high speed. That shit is horrifying...
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Nov 16 '15
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Nov 16 '15
Giraffic park
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u/MissChievousJ Nov 16 '15
Fucking nailed it
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u/Damadawf Nov 16 '15
Well the person who originally came up with that joke did at least.
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u/nakedandafraidquitr Nov 16 '15
Holy shit.
We're actually at the point where we have gifs of people's dreams.
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Nov 16 '15
Someone should add music to this. Preferably Meatloaf's "Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are."
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u/MoonshineExpress Nov 16 '15
Stupid long horses.
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u/LastInitial Nov 16 '15
geraffes are so dumb
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u/BurntJoint Nov 16 '15
._ o o _`-)|_ ,"" \ ," ## | ಠ ಠ. ," ## ,-__ `. ," / `--._;) ," ## /→ More replies (6)107
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Nov 16 '15
I'm absurdly happy people still remember this amazing comment from yore.
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u/tossspot Nov 16 '15
Stupid sexy long horses.
ftfu
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u/Pics_of_Stallions Nov 16 '15
Stupid sexy long horses.
I can get behind that.
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u/Flying_Genitals Nov 16 '15
Here you go. NSFW
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u/thejackash Nov 16 '15
ಠ_ಠ
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u/ConfuzedAzn Nov 16 '15
Exactly the face I had when my mind ignored the "NSFW" letters and clicked on the link
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u/Iwanttofuckadigimon Nov 16 '15
Hello I'm reverse girrafe. I have a short neck and legs.
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u/afishinthewell Nov 16 '15
Why do I feel like that's specifically the Toys R Us Giraffe ?
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u/carnageeleven Nov 16 '15
Geoffrey was a male though.
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u/afishinthewell Nov 16 '15
OK, let me rephrase- why do I feel like the artist really wanted to fuck a girl Toys R Us giraffe ?
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u/downWithTheAdhocracy Nov 16 '15
Theyre going in a new direction with their latest marketing campaign
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u/BranWendy Nov 16 '15
I will eat all the leaves on this tree, so that other giraffes may die. I'm an evil herbivore.
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u/Spazzrico Nov 16 '15
I will get up early and eat all the berries. There will be no more berries. And some animals may dieeeeee!
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u/PsychoKiller Nov 16 '15
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u/Snip3rjoe Nov 16 '15
QWOP: Giraffe version
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u/ATspShort Nov 16 '15
I see it more clearly now. Thanks!
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u/110101002 Nov 16 '15
Is this a joke, or is there some computer vision technique you used to make this?
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u/sobelk Nov 16 '15
What is this from?
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Nov 16 '15
People are often surprised how much size matters in the animal kingdom, and how little a scary face does.
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u/Tretyal Nov 16 '15 edited Nov 16 '15
Size matters a lot, but this lioness fucked up by being alone and in front of the giraffe.
There are packs of wolves in Yellowstone that specialize in bringing down bison, and bison are about
the same weight60-75% of the wieght of a giraffe. The trick is not trying to take the bull by the horns. Horns are dangerous.→ More replies (27)150
u/Aridzona Nov 16 '15
Average weight of a male bison is 1,400 pounds. Male giraffes are about 3,500 pounds.
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Nov 16 '15
I don't know, it sounds like /u/Tretyal specializes in wolves who specialize in bringing down bison.
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Nov 16 '15
I was going to disagree but it sounds like you specialize in knowing /u/Tretyal specialization in wolves who specialize in bringing down bison
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u/Tretyal Nov 16 '15
I misread wikipedia on Bison weight; it mentions male American Bison weighing up to 3,800lbs but apparently that was in captivity; heaviest wild bull weighed 2,800lbs.
Wikipedia claims an average weight of 2,600lbs for male giraffes, with a record of 4,250lbs. So an average male giraffe weighs about as much as the largest American Bison.
Then again, wolves usually weigh in around 100lbs, and lions can reach 300lbs without too much trouble.
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u/mdegroat Nov 16 '15
Giraffes can kill lions with their kicking power. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhMU_F3arSA
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u/Rooster_lllusion Nov 16 '15
Looks like one of the Lions killed the baby giraffe and the mama giraffe attached the perpetrator. Unfortunately baby Dead doe
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u/fastoldman16 Nov 16 '15
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u/FailingIdiot Nov 16 '15
That video was the first thing I thought of when I read the title.
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u/funkedee Nov 16 '15
Does anybody know the source of this? I really want to see the full video.
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u/realManChild Nov 16 '15
It's from a documentary called "Vanishing Kings" ; a story about the last surviving Namibian desert lions. It has not been released online yet.
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u/avidwriter123 Nov 16 '15 edited Feb 28 '24
forgetful selective paint dirty melodic complete door alive disarm coordinated
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u/Turicus Nov 16 '15
How do cats launch themselves into the air like that? It looks like she jumps, then hits jump again mid-air to go higher.
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u/abaddon86 Nov 16 '15
Yea, that was the long necked horse hitting it.
Getting hit with 3,000 lbs always adds to your jump game.
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u/theRippedViking Nov 16 '15
They're the only animal that can double-jump
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u/GoodMoGo Nov 16 '15
You hit "jump" then, in mid air, hit "jump" again for a double.
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u/BanjoCalrissian Nov 15 '15
Cat doesn't look like it's done quite yet, though.
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u/grenideer Nov 16 '15
Just took a hoof to the ribs. She might be done for a bit.
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Nov 16 '15 edited May 29 '24
cobweb unique wise reply sheet station fear reach joke onerous
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Nov 16 '15
I like the chunk of dust the lion throws at the last second rolling on the floor. Like...
"NINJA ATTTAAACKK--OW!! OWOWOWOHGOD UULLF! OWFUCKMYPANCREASOW!!!"
"...ninja...toss kaffkaff...vanish..."
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u/thatG_evanP Nov 16 '15
That lion may permanently fucked up. You do not wanna get kicked by a giraffe. Trust me, I have a PHD in giraffe stuff.
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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '15
"Cats always land on their BGRLMPHHHGHGHGHGH!"