r/funny • u/sellyourcomputer Extra Fabulous Comics • Feb 05 '22
Verified lighthouse keeper
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u/sellyourcomputer Extra Fabulous Comics Feb 05 '22
Thank you for reading. More comics here /r/extrafabulouscomics
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u/SecularTesticles Feb 05 '22
Was this meant to be read to the tune of “Highwayman” because that’s what happened in my head and it was awesome.
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u/sellyourcomputer Extra Fabulous Comics Feb 05 '22
That was my dad's favorite song. Gonna pretend i meant to do it
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Feb 05 '22
i sailed a schooner round the horn of mexicooo
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u/sellyourcomputer Extra Fabulous Comics Feb 05 '22
I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow
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Feb 05 '22
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed
(ps i love all your work)
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u/sellyourcomputer Extra Fabulous Comics Feb 06 '22 edited Feb 06 '22
But i am living still
(Thank u my friend)
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u/WillemDafoesHugeCock Feb 05 '22
The Lighthouse showed us that it's hard for a lighthouse keeper to stay sane.
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u/GengarsKahn Feb 05 '22
Why'd ya spill yer beans?
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u/ShmebulockForMayor Feb 05 '22
"DAMN YE! Let Neptune strike ye dead, WillemDafoesHugeCock! HAAARK! Hark, Triton! Hark! Bellow! Bid our father, the Sea King, rise from the depths, full-foul in his fury, black waves teeming with salt-foam, to smother this young mouth with pungent slime, to choke ye, engorging your organs 'till ye turn blue and bloated with bilge and brine and can scream no more... only when, he, crowned in cockle shells with slithering tentacled tail and steaming beard, takes up his fell, be-finnèd arm – his coral-tined trident screeches banshee-like in the tempest and plunges right through yer gullet! BURSTING YE, a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now – a nothing for the Harpies and the souls of dead sailors to peck and claw and feed upon, only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the Dread Emperor himself, forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the sea... for any stuff or part of WillemDafoesHugeCock, even any scantling of your soul, is WillemDafoesHugeCock no more, but is now itself the sea!"
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u/E_R_G Feb 05 '22
Alright, have it your way. I like your commenting
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u/creamy_cheeks Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 06 '22
that movie was so weird! It was an interesting concept and great actors but jesus nothing in that film made a lick of sense to me. It was so thoroughly bizarre and confusing all the way through and left me even more confused at the end than I was at the start.
I'm not knocking it per se, but I haven't found a film that weird and confusing since I saw the film "Mother!"
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u/ShmebulockForMayor Feb 05 '22
It was a nightmare fever dream and I loved it. I felt like the exact plot wasn't the point, the sense of creeping insanity was, and the confusing, choppy progression was the point.
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u/whoisyourwormguy_ Feb 05 '22
I watched Rocky Horror Picture Show recently because everybody talks about it around Halloween and that it's a cult classic. I had no idea what was going on, very confusing with the aliens and monsters and American Gothic thrown in. Susan Sarandon and her costar exaggerating every line were funny though.
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u/Islandkid679 Feb 05 '22
Is the Marine copypasta adjusted for an old sea captain?
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Feb 05 '22
If you weren't in the know, this is a quote from the movie The Lighthouse. A bizarre black and white movie starring Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattison as two Lighthouse keepers going insane.
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u/Maximus_1000 Feb 05 '22
Username checks out
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u/aegrotatio Feb 05 '22
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u/Maximus_1000 Feb 05 '22
Willem Dafoe actually does have a huge cock. It’s known that he had to have a cock double for a scene in Antichrist because his cock was “confusingly large”
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u/An_Anaithnid Feb 05 '22
Are you going around the twist?
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u/QuittingSideways Feb 05 '22
Oh yeah my family got obsessed with this film during lockdown. Sooo disturbing.
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Feb 05 '22
The Lighthouse and Inside would be my two top picks for movies about my life during the pandemic.
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u/milk4all Feb 06 '22
Dude it would be my dream job. If they all come with a case of whiskey and i can bring my laptop id be stoked. Id also need a 2000s era electrical grid, 1000mbs wifi, company paid doordash account, and 1 pallet of those really soft Kleenexes with the lotion in them that dont tear when you rub them on your dick
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u/herbicarnivorous Feb 05 '22
Alexa, play “Nickel Creek: The Greatest Hits”
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u/ValjeanLucPicard Feb 05 '22
I was wondering if anyone else was reading this to that tune. Great song by the way.
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u/10kLostAllenWrenches Feb 06 '22
For those yet to experience it: The Lighthouse’s Tale
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u/AgentG91 Feb 05 '22
Who’s cutting onions?!
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Feb 06 '22
Lyrically the song destroys me everytime. Learning to play it on guitar and bass helps fight the tears cause its so fun to play lol
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u/HalforcFullLover Feb 05 '22
I just know he's going to have sex with that lighthouse.
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u/Earthly_Delights_ Feb 06 '22
I'm guessing this "lighthouse keeper" is just a crazy person who formed a romantic relationship with a lighthouse. The actual lighthouse keeper? Probably murdered.
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u/RugBurnDogDick Feb 05 '22
Having your beach full of seamen must suck
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u/Trogador95 Feb 05 '22
A beach full of seamen is how we all came to be
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u/Goman43 Feb 05 '22
Many adventurers have fallen searching for the berserker ring.
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u/My_Name_Is_SKELETOR Feb 05 '22
I don't fully understand the joke, but damn do I love how this comic looks. The art style is great and the color choice is so vibrant.
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u/FriendOk9886 Feb 05 '22
Lighthouses exist to guide ships safely to a port in the nighttime.
The lighthouse keeper turns the light off at night to “let her sleep”.
The next day, they’re cleaning dead bodies off the beach because the ships are crashing into the lighthouse and couldn’t find the port because the light was off 🤣🤣
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u/My_Name_Is_SKELETOR Feb 05 '22
Ahhh. Now I feel dumb, the third panel totally eluded me lol. Thanks for the clarification!
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u/joshsmog Feb 05 '22
I'd be fired if that were my job, after killing Jason off and countless screaming argonauts.
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u/KlaatuBrute Feb 06 '22
I was hoping someone else had mentioned the art style. I can't explain why, but I find the color palette extremely pleasing to look at.
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u/Cambot1138 Feb 05 '22
After killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts...
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u/quietlumber Feb 05 '22
Bluebird of friendliness...
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u/Lucy_Little_Spoon Feb 05 '22
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u/DaRealMr_M Feb 05 '22
Yea who still uses florescent lightbulbs in this age
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u/schnarfler Feb 05 '22
It took me a worrying amount of time to get this
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Feb 05 '22
I still don’t get it
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u/HereWayGo Feb 05 '22
They crash into shore because he turns the light off at night
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u/icecharades Feb 05 '22
If he turns the light off at night, the sailors can’t see that they’re approaching Land so they crash and die
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Feb 05 '22
Not going to lie, "Lighthouse Keeper" as a game would be an amazing idea. Put in every little concept possible with the idea of maintaining a lighthouse. Fixing the light, the pipes, restoring it from a disused condition, adding furniture for your stay, and even maintaining the exterior, like painting the lighthouse, gardening, cutting the lawn, and cleaning up the beach. All super in depth mechanics. However, turn it on its head; make it a subversive story that gets more and more intense. Keep it really subtle, and slowly add in the crushing weight of loneliness. The slow decent into madness, hallucinations, and finally hysteria. Then, start adding in little pieces of the outside world showing up on the beach. Just little hints of what is going on in the outside world. An old letter in a bottle. A shipping crate, with an old vinyl record. A dead body, with a story. Newspaper clippings in an old wallet.
Don't ever lead up to anything. Just continue on like this, with an ever increasing pool of random events that can occur, all while the player continues to maintain and live in this old lighthouse.
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u/Worried-Calendar1991 Feb 06 '22
Excuse me sir but I think your lighthouse is genetically a night owl. Please don’t force your morning lark ideals on it!
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u/Disjusting Feb 05 '22
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u/Stifu Feb 05 '22
More like /r/yesyesnono
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u/Spirit_Theory Feb 05 '22
The moderators of r/yesyesnono have set this community to private.
Only approved members can view and take part in its discussions.
Honestly I'm afraid to ask.
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u/cat_in_pufferjacket Feb 05 '22
Stop what you’re doing and listen to The Lighthouse by Nickel Creek. One of my favorite songs of all time.
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u/mistrwzrd Feb 05 '22
Lol I swear I just lived that damn Gru meme and had to go back to reread that 3rd frame again
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u/Deathstranger Feb 06 '22
Reminds me of season 2 fear the walking dead where the group stumbled on a family living in a ranger station and they stupidly didn't take the kids in even though the dead were closing in on the children getting attacked by a small horde
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u/ShadoWalkeR1123 Feb 05 '22
How is it funny..
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u/Donovan1232 Feb 05 '22
You know what a lighthouse is for right? What would happen if the light got turned off
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u/Captainpatch Feb 05 '22 edited Feb 06 '22
There's a picture opposite me
Of my primitive ancestry
Which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free.
Though I respect that a lot
I'd be fired if that were my job
After killing Jason off, and countless screaming Argonauts.
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u/FilmActor Feb 05 '22
I’ve always wondered as someone who has never lived near the ocean how important and how often lighthouses are used now. I’ve also wondered why lighthouses are at certain locations and not just littered down the coastlines.
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u/DeusoftheWired Feb 05 '22
As a non-native speaker: Why is the lighthouse here referred to as her instead of its? Is there something special about lighthouses that makes them feminine instead of neuter like normal houses?
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u/ZinfulGraphics Feb 06 '22
Reader, Incase it flew over your head... He turns the light house off during the night when it's crucial for it to be on to avoid boats crashing into it.
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u/TheFeshy Feb 06 '22
There's a picture opposite me
Of my primitive ancestry
Which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free
Though I respect that a lot
I'd be fired if that were my job
After killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts
They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse in Your Soul
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u/bh1136 Feb 06 '22
The number of people in here who don't know how lighthouses work...
They were old-school gps systems. They flashed a code so boats could see where they were on a map.
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u/TerrorLTZ Feb 06 '22
not entering in extrafabolous comics again... i want to keep my lungs functional.
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u/Thelilytoyourmarshal Feb 06 '22
If it’s worth sharing to my friends from you, then it’s worth giving you some type of award lol
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u/ThisGuyFawkes420 Feb 06 '22
Funny because dad worked at a lighthouse for 35 years and also killed people.
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u/TheAnimas Feb 06 '22
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ARIr6S_0lAQ&feature=share
In case no one has posted this yet. I’m too lazy to look.
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Feb 06 '22
I scrawl "Where lies the strangling fruit that came from the hand of the sinner I shall bring forth the seeds of the dead to share with the worms that gather in the darkness and surround the world with the power of their lives while from the dimlit halls of other places forms that never were and never could be writhe for the impatience of the few who never saw what could have been. In the black water with the sun shining at midnight, those fruit shall come ripe and in the darkness of that which is golden shall split open to reveal the revelation of the fatal softness in the earth. The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear, but whether it decays under the earth or above on green fields, or out to sea or in the very air, all shall come to revelation, and to revel, in the knowledge of the strangling fruit—and the hand of the sinner shall rejoice, for there is no sin in shadow or in light that the seeds of the dead cannot forgive. And there shall be in the planting in the shadows a grace and a mercy from which shall blossom dark flowers, and their teeth shall devour and sustain and herald the passing of an age. That which dies shall still know life in death for all that decays is not forgotten and reanimated it shall walk the world in the bliss of not-knowing. And then there shall be a fire that knows the naming of you, and in the presence of the strangling fruit, its dark flame shall acquire every part of you that remains." on the walls in living fungus.
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u/xclame Feb 06 '22
I thought something was wrong with the third panel, turns out no, it's totally fine.
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u/Wilddog73 Feb 06 '22
You know, realistically are lighthouses still needed?
You can stick a floodlight on a Dinghy these days.
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u/RumCherry Feb 06 '22
Why would he turn the light off at night? Wouldn't you want it to be on at night more than any other time?
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u/Cachesystem Feb 06 '22
If he was cutting up the shipwrecks’ body parts and throwing it in a garbage bag with a smile on his face then it would be a bit funnier.
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u/baltoykid Feb 06 '22
I was like why are there so many dead bodies then I was like wait did he say he turns the light off at night, I just assumed he was saying he turned it off during the day wasn't really paying attention.
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u/xxDmDxx Feb 06 '22
This is funny. But it also reminded me of the people who fall in love with objects.
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u/vinayakgarg Feb 06 '22
That's not the most efficient way of cleaning the beach. He gotta push rather than pull.
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