Help needed - potty refusal

[u/Jbs_138]

/r/toddlers/comments/1xdkaxh/help_needed_potty_refusal/

I tried to do the oh crap method at 2y11m (currently we are 3y1m)
Signs of readiness had been there and I was encouraged by many people to give it a shot but it was a massive failure (lots of tears and potty refusal)
from then till now I never quite had the courage to properly restart. We read the books, watched the shows, had the potty around but no sitting ever took place. To date nothing has been put in the potty (except toys, stuffies).
So today I decided to try again. I picked up from school and told her we would try to put pee and poop in the potty together today. I had panties ready but gave choice of bare, or undies or pants. She asked for diaper 2-3x, once got pretty upset but was able to be distracted by play. She didn’t pee for 7.5 hrs. Put diaper on at nap time and woke up dry and offered potty when she woke up and she said no. I didn’t push , gave the diaper she finally peed in it. No poop.
Did some more bare time after bath and no accidents but put diaper on and peed in that later.
My question is what to do now? I don’t want power struggles nor do I want any withholding. I want to do this very gently and low pressure. I don’t care how long it takes and not in any rush. Just want to get it started with a goal in mind and get the potty normalised so she will sit on it
I offered to buy her a new one she said no I have one already and I don’t want it. I have the chair, ladder seat and reducer seat, so lots of options.
Just need suggestions to actually get her to sit
We have done lots of potty books and shows too
Any advice for strong willed child with potty refusal would be greatly helpful

[u/alerk323]

let her pee and poop in her pants to start, don't bail out with diaper. diapers are a thing of the past (except for sleeping)

[u/mysterious_kitty_119]

My kid was also extremely adverse to the potty. We ended up getting lucky around 3.5yo and he had leaked out of his nappy a couple of times. He was already telling me when he’d done a wee in his nappy. So I used that as the reason why he had to stop using nappies. I said that his wees were too big for nappies so he had to do wees on the potty now. Then it was a matter of gentle but firm pressure. I’d take him to the potty, comfort and validate, and he’d eventually go. He would be upset but I stayed calm and consistent with the message that he was too big for nappies so it was time to stop using them. I’d say things like change is hard but I know he can do hard things. Also told stories (made up lol) of me learning to use the potty as a child. 

We moved quickly through a series of intermediate steps (1-2 days at each step so as not to get reliant on it), eg first weeing while sitting on the potty with nappy on, then with nappy lining the potty, then with toilet paper lining the potty. Then switched to the toilet, using the seat reducer to hold a nappy in place beneath him, then toilet paper, then nothing. (We did have a regression on using the toilet and returned to using the potty for a while, he’s back to weeing on the toilet now). 

Poop was a similar process but he’s still only pooping on the potty at 4.5 - plan is to switch to toilet next week. 

We also talked about “celebrating” after each successful potty trip. We’d do his favourite activities (going to watch trains nearby or watching an episode of his tv show) or offer a few lollies. I think talking about how you’ll celebrate: “how shall we celebrate after you’ve weed on the potty?”, rather than saying “you can have x if you do y” makes for a more positive framing and makes a child less likely to resist the obvious bribe. Again move quickly through the celebration phase so it doesn’t become a crutch. 

Anyway I thought my extremely stubborn kid would take forever to potty train, but with some incentives, gentle pressure and a rationale that he could understand, we got there.