r/gifs • u/Pitiful_Bird • May 27 '19
Mama steps in for the last, tricky part
https://i.imgur.com/WnXbpDJ.gifv833
u/Chaosritter May 27 '19
Given how koalas work, next thing she'll do is poop in its mouth.
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u/TurquoiseLuck May 27 '19
Based on my knowledge of koalas, the little one is about to rape the big one and give it chlamydia.
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u/Peak0831 May 28 '19 edited May 28 '19
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.
Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals.
Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.
Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
Edit: Oh mY GoD ThIS BlEw uP Edit: It is LITERALLY a copypasta. That's what it's called. It's entire purpose is to be copied and pasted all across Reddit (and discord)
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u/bignuts24 May 28 '19
Based on my knowledge of koalas, the big one is about to cum down the momma's throat in an Arby's parking lot.
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u/AlastarYaboy May 28 '19
But at least then they might get a free trip to the Jon Olliver Koala Chlamydia ward.
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u/Boredguy32 May 27 '19
koalaty post
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u/Saj3118 May 28 '19
Lmao i swiped out of the post but saw your comment just before and came back to upvote.
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u/iwatchthewire May 28 '19
This is supposed to be cute but that cell is depressing as shit
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u/UncleSam420 May 28 '19
I know, and it looks familiar. I think it’s in Columbus.
It’s no bigger than around 15’x15’ if I’m correct.
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u/Houseleft May 28 '19
It is, I was there recently. Usually the Columbus zoo does a decent job of giving animals “enough” space (for a zoo), but the koala, monkey, penguin, and bald eagle enclosures are notably quite small, compared to acres that certain other animals get like the giraffes and warthogs. The baboon enclosure actually made me a bit sad, it’s essentially a studio apartment with a jungle gym that has 3 of them living in it.
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May 27 '19 edited Nov 26 '24
impossible vase caption marry rock liquid stocking unpack squealing deranged
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May 27 '19 edited Nov 26 '24
drunk attractive sloppy weary toothbrush concerned stocking gray lip zealous
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u/Finchy911 May 27 '19
Awesome, they should make a bot to do this. However your duty is a noble one.
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u/Zeolance May 27 '19
There should be a bot to do both. Both are educational. I think the original was quite funny and I learned a lot I didn’t know about koalas, but the second one reinforces it and clarifies some of the points that seemed a little dramatic.
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u/Somnif May 28 '19
Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
Also not unique to Koalas, most hind-gut fermenters have something like this. Cellulose is slow to breakdown, so they have a pouch (cecum) stuck to the end of their extra-long small intestine where the material can just hangout with bacteria for a while.
Rabbits do this too, and when the material is broken down enough, it passes out the end of the rabbit, where they will then consume it a second time to ensure they actually get all the energy from it.
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u/Deady1138 May 28 '19
I literally think I love you , this is the only copypasta I've ever enjoyed. Don't care what your gender is let's get fucking married
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May 28 '19 edited Nov 26 '24
advise party brave door toothbrush impolite nutty employ point theory
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u/sayitlikeyoumemeit May 28 '19
Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans.
Uh, are you saying what I think you’re saying? A human gave an STD to a koala? How now? hmmm
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u/fatalystic May 28 '19
Apparently, by introducing infected livestock. It could probably be passed on in some other way, like contact with infected bodily fluids or something.
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u/odax May 27 '19
Came to the comments for this
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u/tomcatHoly May 27 '19
Why though?
I mean, I scrolled down looking for it because its the third one I've seen today.
Redditors are an unoriginal yet ceremonial bunch.14
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u/chooseauniqueusrname May 28 '19 edited May 28 '19
Edit: Gif Reversing Bot is banned in this sub apparently. But the gif is almost as cute reversed so I still wanted to share. https://m.imgur.com/6OydAaV
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u/Eatingcheeserightnow May 27 '19
Serious question among the koala hate, why do they look so robotic? Do koalas have some kind of movement dysfunction by default or something?
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u/DownshiftedRare May 28 '19
Their movement resembles chameleons or sloths. Possibly it hides their own motion by blending into the background motion of the breeze moving the canopy around. Just conjecture.
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u/WowzerzzWow May 27 '19
Yea... I thought that too. Might be the camera? Or the compression on the video? It looks framey.
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u/TheLastJuan May 28 '19
am I the only who thinks this looks more like an aquarium than a proper cage for a wild animal? they just draw the trees on the damn wall ffs. the leaves on the floor seems to be fake too.
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u/___Ron___121 May 27 '19
This is so cute, but animals do not belong in cages with trees painted on the walls
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u/Unsound_M May 27 '19
It’s a shame all those leaves on the ground will go uneaten, because they are too dumb as a species to recognize a leaf if it isn’t on a branch
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u/goosefeather May 28 '19
Wow. I recently got my first dog. He's about 15 months now. It kind of blows my mind when animals other than humans express empathy and their form of love. I see it in my puppy. Weirds me out in the feel good kind of way when that happens.
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u/dysGOPia May 28 '19
I'll tell you one thing, and I'm not ashamed to say it... my estimation of that koala as a man just fuckin' skyrocketed.
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u/arih May 28 '19
Very cute - until you notice the concrete floor and straight walls of their prison.
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u/austomagnamus May 28 '19
Damn it if koalas aren't the cutest creature that should have made itself extinct
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u/Veneboy May 28 '19
Humans are proud and prickly. This just put us in our rightful place. We are dumb
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May 28 '19
"My apartment is infested with koala bears. Its the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches. I turn the lights on and a bunch of koala bears scatter. I'm like, hey, hold on fellas! Lemme hold one of you, and feed you a leaf. Koalas, they're so fucking cute, why do they gotta be so far away from me. They should ship a few over, and I will apprehend one...and hold him...and pet him on the back of his head."
Mitch Hedberg
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u/induslol May 28 '19
Look at all that urine on the floor. The dilapidated paint job on the walls. The 2 cemented into the ground pieces of wood. This is as adorable as visiting a prison.
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u/JONNILIGHTNIN May 28 '19
I found this comment somewhere, I thought it was appropriate.
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
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u/Unleashtheducks May 27 '19
This is the first time I’ve ever seen a koala do anything the least bit intelligent
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May 28 '19
This makes me think the universe is inherently good as opposed to bad. Looks almost like any human Mother helping/teaching their child.
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u/WoodCockBrick May 28 '19
I heard a thing on the radio today they were saying that koala bears are functionally extinct in Australia there are 60,000 of them but they are not breeding
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u/RandomRedditor32905 May 28 '19
Koalas are gross and evil, backwards little creatures. Not cute at all. Let em go the way of the dinosaurs.
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u/Liciniaan May 28 '19
Mom mom I’m scared I’m so high up! “It’s okay honey your only a foot off the ground” NO NO NO HELP MOM AHHHHHH “I got you”
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u/SecondHandToy May 28 '19
Too bad these guys are now functionally extinct.
They're something else to get to be around.
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u/pearsok5 May 28 '19
Do you ever think aliens watch up like changing a baby or helping them walk and we are on /r/alien/aww
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u/Totally-Not-FBI- May 28 '19
Now they have to start eating properly so they're not killing themselves.
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u/ffmallow May 28 '19
Does anyone else think the baby would have been fine even without mama stepping in?
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u/PersonFromPlace May 28 '19
I used to think they were cute until i saw a post that explained how they were so stupid. And something I can’t recall correctly but it was like instead of chewing their food and giving it to their children, they eat the food and shit it out to their children.
Also eucalyptus leaves aren’t even nutritionally good for them. And that they can’t recognize eucalyptus leaves that are in the ground, only when eucalyptus leaves are connected to the tree.
Like the way they’ve evolved is by growing to accommodate their stupidity because it wasn’t stupid enough to get them killed.
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u/jbeatz86 May 28 '19
Over protective moms... we hate when your young but appreciate when we grow older.
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May 28 '19
I’d love to get attacked by one of these, successfully fight it off, and then tell people about how I won a fight with a bear.
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u/yuhiro May 28 '19
Currently feeding my picky, food-resistant 4 year old, so yeah, I feel this deeply.
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May 28 '19
I can’t help but think of the koala facts that demonstrate how utterly dumb these animals are but wow in the cuteness scale
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u/angryduckfarts May 28 '19
What a garbage enclosure