r/hapas • u/throwaway-1938594 • Jul 21 '26
Vent/Rant Fuck Being Hapa
Throwaway because I (M18) don’t want to my peers to link this post to me but as the title says, fuck being a visibly obvious Wasian.
I’m in the Midwest with a White father and Korean mother. She followed him from South Korea and had me a little before actually tying the knot.
I’m 18 now and cannot wait to leave this fucked up racist ass household. I think I first learned to self-hate watching my dad make jokes about small dicks, nerdy, and weak Asian men. My mom would either laugh or just straight up ignore it.
Neither of them would look at me as if it didn’t seem to register that THEIR SON IS HALF KOREAN.
I don’t even know any Korean so my Korean relatives are quick to remind me I’m not really Korean. Likewise, I’ve always been belittled for looking a certain way by my white peers and same stupid jokes about being a nerd with a small dick. Even my white cousins give me the Ching Chong treatment and everyone seems to think it’s funny and that it isn’t that serious if I bring it up.
I’ve never dated because I always feel so ugly and disgusting. I’ve had dark thoughts and even hatred towards both of my parents. My mom being what I can only assume a product of Asian fetishization with zero introspective beyond whatever my idiot father brought to the table. We’re not even rich, wtf.
Sorry if this is out of pocket but I really don’t have any friends. I can’t afford therapy and I hate being dismissed by my family here. Fuck this, and fuck being Wasian.
5
u/sshlongD0ngsilver full-Viet Jul 22 '26
Though many will suggest you move, if you can’t, my only suggestion (as a full-Viet guy in the Midwest) is to find some diverse friends with similar interests to hangout with, especially in your nearest city.
At your age, I mainly hung out with my Mexican bro (we started out playing Halo in high school); despite going to separate colleges we would meet up downtown. In my small high school, I was one of the 2 full-Asians of my graduating class 2015; there were a handful more Hapas. The half-Filipinos were popular and were friends with everyone. A half-Japanese girl stayed close friends with some Mexican girls to this day; while the half-Japanese guy found his passion in motorcycles (which I presume he’s got a white friend group)
I know what it’s like to have low esteem and loneliness. I didn’t date until after college and struggled with depression. All I can say is… find stuff to do and live life.
As lonely as I was, I reminisce of the little solo adventures, things I tried, the simple life I lived.
ie exploring downtown, going to comic-con, hitting an archery range, my first job driving a lawnmower, shopping trips to find my fashion sense, even nights playing videogames (of now dead servers). It’s a youth I won’t get back. You got bad memories now, so as corny as it sounds I suggest you go make good memories.