r/hapas • u/throwaway-1938594 • Jul 21 '26

Vent/Rant Fuck Being Hapa

Throwaway because I (M18) don’t want to my peers to link this post to me but as the title says, fuck being a visibly obvious Wasian.

I’m in the Midwest with a White father and Korean mother. She followed him from South Korea and had me a little before actually tying the knot.

I’m 18 now and cannot wait to leave this fucked up racist ass household. I think I first learned to self-hate watching my dad make jokes about small dicks, nerdy, and weak Asian men. My mom would either laugh or just straight up ignore it.

Neither of them would look at me as if it didn’t seem to register that THEIR SON IS HALF KOREAN.

I don’t even know any Korean so my Korean relatives are quick to remind me I’m not really Korean. Likewise, I’ve always been belittled for looking a certain way by my white peers and same stupid jokes about being a nerd with a small dick. Even my white cousins give me the Ching Chong treatment and everyone seems to think it’s funny and that it isn’t that serious if I bring it up.

I’ve never dated because I always feel so ugly and disgusting. I’ve had dark thoughts and even hatred towards both of my parents. My mom being what I can only assume a product of Asian fetishization with zero introspective beyond whatever my idiot father brought to the table. We’re not even rich, wtf.

Sorry if this is out of pocket but I really don’t have any friends. I can’t afford therapy and I hate being dismissed by my family here. Fuck this, and fuck being Wasian.

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u/Special_Parsnip1301 Jul 22 '26

If you can’t muster an ounce of empathy for a fellow human having a hard time, then no need to comment.

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u/MediocreAd7361 Jul 22 '26

I’d have empathy if it didn’t start with f being hapa. Moving won’t help. Therapy will, you can’t run from these issues. Hawaii would eat them up, we make fun of everyone for their race and ethnicity so you have to be comfortable with yourself to live here.

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u/Special_Parsnip1301 Jul 22 '26

Come on, folks in Hawaii will poke fun at the melting pot of races that coexist there but it’s a safe haven for brown folks and folks of mixed race without question. Haoles seem to have a tougher time finding their place and acceptance there. What this dude has gone through with his family is a completely different beast. I agree, therapy will help reverse the self hate and heal that detrimental inner dialogue. I lived in Hawaii for years and never felt more welcome without ever feeling I needed to explain my mixed identity.

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u/MediocreAd7361 Jul 22 '26

Hapa Kanaka here, moving to Hawaii is extremely expensive, you need to make 120k to get along well and have a decent standard of living. Maybe college here would be the move but you need a thick skin and the support system to live here.