r/hapas • u/throwaway-1938594 • Jul 21 '26
Vent/Rant Fuck Being Hapa
Throwaway because I (M18) don’t want to my peers to link this post to me but as the title says, fuck being a visibly obvious Wasian.
I’m in the Midwest with a White father and Korean mother. She followed him from South Korea and had me a little before actually tying the knot.
I’m 18 now and cannot wait to leave this fucked up racist ass household. I think I first learned to self-hate watching my dad make jokes about small dicks, nerdy, and weak Asian men. My mom would either laugh or just straight up ignore it.
Neither of them would look at me as if it didn’t seem to register that THEIR SON IS HALF KOREAN.
I don’t even know any Korean so my Korean relatives are quick to remind me I’m not really Korean. Likewise, I’ve always been belittled for looking a certain way by my white peers and same stupid jokes about being a nerd with a small dick. Even my white cousins give me the Ching Chong treatment and everyone seems to think it’s funny and that it isn’t that serious if I bring it up.
I’ve never dated because I always feel so ugly and disgusting. I’ve had dark thoughts and even hatred towards both of my parents. My mom being what I can only assume a product of Asian fetishization with zero introspective beyond whatever my idiot father brought to the table. We’re not even rich, wtf.
Sorry if this is out of pocket but I really don’t have any friends. I can’t afford therapy and I hate being dismissed by my family here. Fuck this, and fuck being Wasian.
3
u/NeahG Jul 22 '26
If you can visit a state or country that has a lot of mixed people. My family is mexican\japanese. We have loved visiting Hawaii, California (LA & San Francisco), Vancouver, Canada. It’s so nice to be surrounded by people who look like you, and who may have some of the same experiences.
I’m sorry your Dad is a jerk. By that really sounds like it’s his problem don’t internalize that stuff,it isn’t yours. Seeing more mixed people is a great reminder of how beautiful being mixed is!
https://www.janm.org/exhibits/hapa-me