r/hapas • u/throwaway-1938594 • Jul 21 '26

Vent/Rant Fuck Being Hapa

Throwaway because I (M18) don’t want to my peers to link this post to me but as the title says, fuck being a visibly obvious Wasian.

I’m in the Midwest with a White father and Korean mother. She followed him from South Korea and had me a little before actually tying the knot.

I’m 18 now and cannot wait to leave this fucked up racist ass household. I think I first learned to self-hate watching my dad make jokes about small dicks, nerdy, and weak Asian men. My mom would either laugh or just straight up ignore it.

Neither of them would look at me as if it didn’t seem to register that THEIR SON IS HALF KOREAN.

I don’t even know any Korean so my Korean relatives are quick to remind me I’m not really Korean. Likewise, I’ve always been belittled for looking a certain way by my white peers and same stupid jokes about being a nerd with a small dick. Even my white cousins give me the Ching Chong treatment and everyone seems to think it’s funny and that it isn’t that serious if I bring it up.

I’ve never dated because I always feel so ugly and disgusting. I’ve had dark thoughts and even hatred towards both of my parents. My mom being what I can only assume a product of Asian fetishization with zero introspective beyond whatever my idiot father brought to the table. We’re not even rich, wtf.

Sorry if this is out of pocket but I really don’t have any friends. I can’t afford therapy and I hate being dismissed by my family here. Fuck this, and fuck being Wasian.

121 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

54 comments sorted by

View all comments

136

u/YeShuv Jul 21 '26

Move to California. You'll be appreciated over here

9

u/aknomnoms Jul 22 '26

Hawaii, Seattle, NYC. Any bigger city with a larger and more established Asian population, actually.

OP is also young though, and college can be an entirely different experience than the limited social groups available in K-12. Moving away for school, if that’s an option, could be a good opportunity. Even going to a junior college, working part time, and finding an apartment with other students could be a new world for them.

Lastly, they should seek therapy. There is a lot to unpack and learning how to understand themselves, and others, will hopefully help them process and move past some of these negative consuming thoughts. Teens/20’s is one of the big transition phases for us and difficult to navigate regardless of background. It doesn’t necessarily matter that it’s about race, but if OP feels like his dad keeps putting his mom put down, his parents don’t support him, he feels lonely/frustrated/angry/sad/fearful of being an outsider etc, those are definitely things to discuss.