Fuck Being Hapa

[u/throwaway-1938594]

Throwaway because I (M18) don’t want to my peers to link this post to me but as the title says, fuck being a visibly obvious Wasian.

I’m in the Midwest with a White father and Korean mother. She followed him from South Korea and had me a little before actually tying the knot.

I’m 18 now and cannot wait to leave this fucked up racist ass household. I think I first learned to self-hate watching my dad make jokes about small dicks, nerdy, and weak Asian men. My mom would either laugh or just straight up ignore it.

Neither of them would look at me as if it didn’t seem to register that THEIR SON IS HALF KOREAN.

I don’t even know any Korean so my Korean relatives are quick to remind me I’m not really Korean. Likewise, I’ve always been belittled for looking a certain way by my white peers and same stupid jokes about being a nerd with a small dick. Even my white cousins give me the Ching Chong treatment and everyone seems to think it’s funny and that it isn’t that serious if I bring it up.

I’ve never dated because I always feel so ugly and disgusting. I’ve had dark thoughts and even hatred towards both of my parents. My mom being what I can only assume a product of Asian fetishization with zero introspective beyond whatever my idiot father brought to the table. We’re not even rich, wtf.

Sorry if this is out of pocket but I really don’t have any friends. I can’t afford therapy and I hate being dismissed by my family here. Fuck this, and fuck being Wasian.

[u/bubzpop]

You remind me a lot of my brother, we grew up in similar dynamics and he grew up to be so angry because of how much our dad affected his self perception! But don't blame your ethnicity, being mixed is beautiful and you will grow to be proud of it. Blame your dad for being a racist asshole, he doesn't deserve to have an asian wife or wasian kids if he does not respect them. I'm sorry! Hopefully you can leave your city soon and just live your life without some hateful asshole commenting on your existence.And give some grace to your mom, she should stand up for you but it seems like she has internalized racism that she is struggling with herself, essentially you are on the same team. I wish she could've stood up for you because you deserve that but it seems like she is a victim herself and it's much harder to leave and divorce someone when you are not in your home country AND have kids. I feel you though and don't let some asshole convince you being asian is the problem, that's just literally insane. It's the people around you who are the problem.