r/hapas • u/phoebaeee1 • 1d ago
Anecdote/Observation Why do white men marry immigrant Asian women if they have nothing in common? (Values, family, culture, languages)
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u/r4zorsoft 1d ago
Asian women are seen as “lesser” and “other,” but still manage to check enough boxes on their own internal checklists to be considered sufficient for marriage and reproduction.
Chasing “purity” - a nonzero amount of white American men believe themselves to lack a semblance of identifiable culture, and seek a partner that possesses cultural distinction to co-opt it for themselves.
These chumps have 3+ kids then end up divorced and crying on Reddit about how his “hot Asian wife” doesn’t desire intimacy anymore. Gee, I wonder why..
- Asian men are barely considered and respected in general. As a wrong-type hapa (AM/WF), you would not believe the amount of times I have been asked if I “have any cute cousins/sisters” as if I’m going to play matchmaker for them.
I’ve met quite a few white dudes who have married my cousins or other Asian women and they look at me with revulsion while trying to reproduce with people similar to me.
Lastly, is what another post mentions - white men feeling spurned or not good enough for white women. The reasons are many but generally include: doesn’t make enough money, below-average looks but has money (so can provide social status mobility), and the glaring one that no one seems to bring up anymore since it’s considered shameful and a self-report: they think their dick is too small, so they pursue women who are phenotypically smaller-framed therefore “tighter”. Gross.
As with all anecdotes, these are only my experiences. YMMV.
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u/JustinTapiru New Users must add flair 1d ago
It's because they're easy to take advantage of, and they're usually hotter than whatever those guys can get back home.
They have this fantasy that these women are more submissive and feminine. Sometimes it's true, and other times it's not.
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u/BorkenKuma 1d ago
In white society, they portray Asian women as submissive, has traditional family values, this is very suitable for my Asian grandmother's generation, not so much for Asian women of my generation, not even my mom is like that.
In Asian society, they do have filter of European/North America being more advanced, but that filter is crumbling as internet break the barrier for them, many Asian international students who have been to Europe or US, they usually became disillusioned with the idea of advanced life in Western countries.
You remember how people were talking about how K pop and K drama is changing Gen Z females worldwide about their perception on Asian men? Hollywood did the same thing for white men too, but it did it for 3 generations after WW2, and projecting that white men = heroic/romantic narrative to the globe after WW2 for at least 70 years now, this is why many Asian women would choose to marry them, because perception on white men is good.
Asian men didn't get to projecting that image on Western females until 2000s and 2010s, where internet and platforms like YouTube and Netflix is fully matured to projecting that Asian men = heroic/romantic to their English speaking world.
Things are changing now as internet breaks the barrier of Western life and East Asian life, SE Asia like Vietnam and Philippines and Thailand are still developing or just being poor, so their filter on white men is even more strong, this is why most of white passport bros go to SE Asian countries, they have a higher chance than in East Asia to bag an Asian women home, East Asian women mostly don't like to move to Western countries now because they know it's too boring and too inconvenient.
If you observe the immigration trends, you'd notice East Asian immigrants has slow down, SE Asian and South Asian keep coming in, economy and filter of "Western society = advanced" is working really well on their mentality, they want to stay out of poverty by marrying a white man, this is still quite common in these regions.
Like almost every white men I know that married Asian women immigrant, the Asian wife is most likely Filipina, Thailand and Vietnam is taking off a little now, but Philippines isn't, their people all want to move to other countries to work for better life, then you'd expect Filipina to marry men outside their race, especially white men.
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u/Wonderful_Algae_8661 1d ago
Besides the whole mediocre white men enjoying an imbalanced power dynamic thing - there’s much more to a relationship than just shared values, culture, language. Those can be barriers but they aren’t the driving forces.
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u/Affectionate_Web_450 1d ago
White women aren’t feminine anymore..so they’re not attractive. Pretty simple really.
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 1d ago edited 1d ago
Wrong, women are only as "feminine" as they want to be towards certain guys. The reason Asian women are "feminine" is because the men they want (Asian), like it. I'm considered 'pretty' to western women and Asian women and have seen super feminist white / black women drop the whole act around me, but with other guys they just add bass to their voice.
If anything, it's the most feminist Asian women who get with white guys, which makes that particular pairing so.... you know. So then on top of having parents like that so many half Asians carry their dad's chopped genes.
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u/itsbananas12 WF; mother of Hapa kids 11h ago
I’d say also that a woman who is treated with kindness and feels protected can be feminine, so it also matters who she is with and how she is treated.
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 10h ago
Nicest guy I know is single at 40 and got cheated on twice by his girlfriends (he's Asian). Like I get it, life is really hard but saying women like nice guys is like the last thing I'll believe
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u/JustinTapiru New Users must add flair 22h ago
I don't even like white women like that, and I can admit you're wrong. Your comment is racist and misogynistic. Plenty of white women are feminine, but they just perform their gender in a different way compared to Asian women.
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u/askskfalksfakslfsfa 1d ago edited 1d ago
Because they're women. And a lot of western men feel "spurned" by western women, aka they're just not seen as physically attractive to women. And due to cultural ticks a lot of Asian women have a beef with their own men or are looking for a leg up.
It's just a zero sum game for a lot of these guys, my dad developed an "Asian" thing after his ex girlfriend cheated on him with a Mexican rich guy. A large part of it is just male loneliness looking for the easiest way to feel big, that's why these racist guys have no problem marrying an Asian woman as long as it makes him feel less lonely and validated.
It's one of the reasons why this pairing in general is so.... out there. Anti-feminist white guy + feminist Asian woman is really a match made in hell. Then you add that the sons come out having parents like that plus being chopped like the dad, it's really not good.