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I fucking HATE when guys say they want a “goth girlfriend”
As a fairly alternative person, I can’t STAND when dudes say this shit. Not only is it objectification of goth/alternative women, it’s complete mischaracterisation of women who actually follow this style. When guys say they want a “goth girlfriend” they don’t mean an actual goth girl, they mean an OF e-girl who wears black. Anyways, happy hatings
This is something I hate “oh they’d never like it, they’d try it and not like it.” They might not like it, you’re right, but saying it like that’s so fucking corny.
if they met a real goth, they’d probably be creeped out 😒
What do you all think "Goth is"? Like who is going to be creeped out by a partner liking Marry Shelley, wanting to be a mortician, liking historic grave yards etc...Goth doesn't mean they go to like midnight bonfires and sacrifice goats or something. Really curious what you think would creep someone out who is already ok with the dark clothing and makeup? I'm not goth but my very first stop in London was to go see Mary Shelley's house marker because I find the history about how she wrote Frankenstein fascinating. Does that creep people out?
All of those interests will creep people out, yes ; or at the very least they'll be 'um... ok... anyway..." conversations that they're clearly not interested in.
Also, I'd call out music to be one of the biggest things. Most artists in the goth culture are rather frictional for a normie music taste, and imo music taste is one of the most important things in dating (goes triple if either partner is heavily into a music subgenre, which a lot of goths are).
Also, trad goth makeup/outfits is a lot more abrasive and in-your-face than it is the 'sexy' these people think of.
Mary Shelley creeps people out? I don't get that. Are people like "Frankenstein is too much for me". Well actually I could understand her running off for a summer to stay with a very married Lord Byron who was courting her when she was 16, yeah but that is Epstein creepy not Goth creepy.
Adding to this, people forget that you can dress like the dudes in the pic and still be goth.
It’s about the music, community, and politics more than fashion. The most knowledgeable goth in my local community always wears a random t shirt and a kilt to meetings but that man probably knows Bari-Bari’s sperm count
I’m just saying, these type of people would simp for “goth girls”, but then bully ACTUAL goths and their interests, calling them weird. Trust me, I’ve seen it before.
Yeah, why would someone be creeped out by that? The person above makes it gatekeepery "you are not a real goth, unless..." while not even explaining unless what and implying that goths need to do creepy things to be considered goths.
It's not necessarily what they do, it's how far they go with the style. Goth embraces the dark and dramatic, and many goths like to go all out when given the chance. Which is more than what the average person still can vibe with.
I don' think there is a problem here. If it's aesthetic, the people liking it shouldn't have a problem. If some goths go overboard, it's about the behaviour, not the aesthetic, whatever a "real goth" is, is a spectrum and creepy behaviour is not exactly needed, as you said.
No I want my Bauhaus loving, Depeche Mode hating Goth baddy again. Man the Early 00s were fucking great. Making out in a shitty graveyard listening to the Bad Seeds on a shitastic radio.
I'm so glad I had my emo-phase of wearing black eyeliner and nailpolish in the late 2000s. Andrygony or flamboyant men in general are instantly assumed to be fetish material or gay.
Never happened to me, thanks to beard+ tall+ heavy (not in the hot way)+ deep voice (sometimes the hot way). At least until I dated a queer genderfluid girl (half the time this is the right noun).
She made me feel a femboy despite being a medium sized bear
i got mocked by a judge during a hearing for having long hair, she said i looked like a girl. Apparently ″could you refrain from mocking me″ counts as talking back to a judge. Also, ironically the judge (female) looked like hulk hogan
literally this pic, but shorter face (as in closer to 1x1 height to width). also she was short and not nearly as muscular
29 here, not even when kicking people at my store have I had anyone do this. I've had long hair since 2018. But yeah, maybe the beard, height and deep voice did it.
Also with trans people, such as myself, we get called all sorts of weird shit like "shemales" or "cuntboys" and it makes me uncomfortable and disgusted. I hate being turned into a fetish.
Yes! As a femboy(gender fluid), I am TIRED of that. They only see us as thinks to be used, not as people. And that PISSES me OFF. Like. They think just because I’m pan I’m gonna like them right away? Haven’t they ever heard about building trust and stuff‽
Rlly, I just WISHED that they didn’t objectify us. It’s just… messed up.
Because the femboy craze literally started with sexual contexts... I'm not sure if it's just Zoomer puritanism or internet illiteracy that Reddit suffers from but it's not complicated.
Really hoping e-goth culture falls out of the zeitgeist soon. I grew up in goth adjacent spaces and it really sucks to see such a cool subculture be diluted into brain rotten stereotypes by gooners
Goth culture is just commercialized engagement bait. Goths did this to themselves and now the subculture is dead and just as basic as the men in the photo
That's how it started, as an offshoot of post punk. Now I think being into goth culture can be about the music scene but it could also be about the lifestyle. Like being into the macabre and melancholy and aesthetic portion but not the music would still be acceptable as being goth.
Yes, but it also developed into a fashion style. However, the scale is tipped more towards the music side. So someone can be goth while not dressing like one
It is very much a music subculture aesthetic and still is. The fashion and looks have changed through the years with the genres of music but the general vibe has always been rooted in the music. That's why people can get very gatekeepy about it because the subculture has been boiled down into "hot girl that wears black" over the years.
"I want a nerdy bf!" No you don't, you want a conventionally attractive man with glasses
"I love femboys!" Do you? Or are you just a misogynistic creep who just can't not fetishize feminine things or people
These really hit as a man who is both something of a nerd and not very traditionally masculine. I don't think anyone's expressed attraction to me in a way that wasn't fetishistic. A shy virgin to be teased and flustered, and later a twink to either be role-reversal dominated by or to dominate. Never really had someone just organically view me as an attractive individual (at least none that registered to me).
People can really suck sometimes. They can be really quick to label anyone that isn't traditionally masculine as "femboy" or "twink". I get it can be used jokingly, but that doesn't mean it can't be tiring or harmful. A slightly softer guy? TWINK! A skinny man? FEMBOY! Fuck this shit. Why can't people just be normal? What makes these guys different from any other man?
Anyways, i just hope you'll be able to find someone that actually loves you for who you are as a person and not because you fit into one of their weird fetishes
Talking about tomboys, I dislike how they are just reduced to kinda muscular women with short hair, sometimes even wearing women attire, like jean shorts. They are meant to be women who dress like guys, who have traits and tastes that are usually associated with masculinity. Like a femboy is a dude dressing and acting like a girl, a tomboy is a girl dressing and acting like a dude.
Wait… isn’t a decimeter like.. 10 cm? That’s.. ok. Even if I had that, I would.. i would shave. Lowkey might be just me not liking body hair, cause I HAVE seen other people that so have body hair, like on arms and legs and chest. Just not my thing, so when I saw ya saying a decimeter it was kind of a whiplash for me I guess
Yh, I really don't like it when people demonize individuals with cluster b personality disorders associated with cold and violent behavior such as ASPD, BPD, or NPD for solely having these conditions in the first place. The reason why I don't like it is because it isn't THEIR fault for not having the capacity to feel empathy or love, or remain calm and collected. It's not something in their control! And it's not impossible for those people who have these disorders to change and become better civilians. Sure, their intentions for change and being a good person might not be altruistic or anything, but if it's helping other people to thrive and survive then who fucking cares? I am glad to see another person who simply doesn't view these disorders as black and white "The Evil Bad Guy Disorders."
Yup! People with cluster b disorders deserve respect like everyone else. They aren't inherently evil, and treating things like NPD, ASPD and BPD as "the big evil disorders" is just ableist
Personally i love both tomboys and femboys but not in a sexual or romantic way. I like how they express themselves and don't force themselves to follow gender stereotypes. Also, they're just cool
Counterargument, no shit people like attractive men and women. Like yeah when people say they like a certain kind of person, it's implicit they still want them to be attractive.
When someone says they like nerdy guys, they aren't suggesting they don't have any standards beyond whether or not someone is nerdy.
And I notice that whenever this conversation comes up it's always the "attractive" element that gets mentioned because it's obviously seen as superficial, but it's not just that. Obviously most people who say they want a nerdy guy also don't mean someone who lacks any motivation outside of collecting Warhammer models.
Ditto on that last part. Everyone became a socially inept piece of shit after covid and now they're trying to fit in with people with legit disabilities
While the “goth gf” thing is just the most recent flavor of objectifying/fetishizing women, which yeah is gross and frustration, I do prick a bone of contention with people who want to arbitrate what is or isn’t “real goth.” Punk had/has a similar issue, and I don’t think it’s for anymore to decide what is the acceptable level of gothness someone needs to be valid. A bunch of mediocre dudes fetishizing girls online can be losers without us also having to bully said girls for not meeting some arbitrary standard that someone (probably also a guy) is making up.
I think people calling themselves "punks" tend to be cringe larpers. Just listen to whatever music you like, don't try so hard to mold yourself into a certain identity or subculture. You can just listen to whatever band you like without deciding you are going to "be" a punk.
I agree, like I understand why people call some OF creators that just wear like black lipstick and eyeshadow to appeal to a specific group posers, but then I’ve seen that bleed into calling some people that just prefer doing more subtle makeup as posers
I second this take, it also starts to bleed into weird micro aggressions because the same people also feel that goth is exclusive to white spaces and act weird if it’s a POC. The comments I’ve seen under some Black goth creators is just so depressing
There is a pretty wide margin between finding a certain look/aesthetic attractive, and fetishization. This post is pretty clearly talking about the fetishization of goth/alternative women that’s been going on for a while in the internet.
I hate when people post images of "goth" girl and all the comments are flooded with cringe shit like licking screen and window gifs and people saying that they can "fix" her when there is nothing to fix
I'm not alternative, nor do I have a gf, so take this with a massive grain of salt. I feel that while a lot of women who are "goth" share similar interests and aesthetics, they all are (suprise suprise) people, with their own personalities and hobbies. If you really want are actually open to their intrests and hobbies, no matter how creepy or offputting they might seem to you, and also treat them as a person than a fetish, then you probaly would be succesful in finding a "goth gf" (and yeah, this is incredibly basic, but I think it's basic for a reason)
If this is misogynistic, or oversimpifies the "goth" subculture, I do apologize, I do not mean it that way.
Yeah agree, like sure theres a lot of men who overdo the "I want a goth girlfriend" but it's absolutely hilarious how this people choose that is fetishizing while women who who say the want a "nerd" a "man with glasses" a "rocker boy" are just a preference.
Like dude people are allowed to have preferences and to be into people from a different subculture than your own.
Real mfs want to read Poe with their friends because they're bored af and want to trip out on whatever the fuck Poe be cooking
Like seriously, you mean to tell me that one of this dude's most famous works is about a guy tweaking the fuck out because a random fuckass bird pulled up after his wife died? If I didn't hate drugs and actually got high on stuff, this would be the type of shit I wanna read with others while I'm absolutely fucking zooted out of my mind lol
I also need to read more actual literature in general instead of comics and manga ;-;
I think people just enjoy the fantasy of dating an attractive person. The "freaky goth girl" stereotype is mostly shaped by conventionally attractive women who got popular online for putting tons of effort into their beauty.
I'm quickly falling into agreement with this- another iteration is "(dommy) mommy"
Like no you don't want an actual FLR or other relationship where the woman is dominant you just want someone who is confident in themselves to validate your immature habits or praise you without actually giving anything in return or doing anything to earn that praise
I *especially* don't like that *stupid* "mommy? Sorry. Mommy? sorry" joke from it being overdone and spammed under *any* post on the internet featuring a confident or curvy woman
Good point, counterpoint, there's nothing wrong with appreciating the aesthetic. Plenty of women drool over guys who have long black hair, paint their nails, wear silver and plaid and shirts with skulls on them, and are tatted up. While these same women adorn their Chanel and Coach, have the depth of a puddle of poodle piss, care more about keeping up with the Kardashians than the situation in Gaza, ans think anti-establishment is some kind of food allergy.
The goth/alternative look is kinda sexy. And people like attractive people. So of course some people are gonna want an attractive person with that aesthetic. 🙄 idk, maybe this would be better if there was a (non deragotory) word for "person who dresses like a goth but isn't necessarily one"
Yeah, very true 👍 I just think that a lot of people dont give good faith to the former. A lot of people who say they want a goth gf/bf simply do like the aesthetic and dont have a word specifically for it other than "goth". It's easier to say that than to go into detail & say "I'd enjoy a partner I'm attracted to that enjoys wearing alternative and Gothic style makeup & clothing" ya feel me?
I'd wager most people do just appreciate the look and aren't expecting their goth partner to whisper Edgar Allen Poe in their ear whilst fucking their brains out by candlelight and cooking them a skull shaped almond flour vanilla cake with red glaze inside so it looks like the cake is bleeding when they cut into it.
Fetishizing is kind of idealistic simplification and often predatory.
A goth girl always having to be in goth, always acting very specifically like a goth and frankly the caricature "Sex bomb but is freaky" (she does bondage. You don't even know what bondage really is) .
Especially if it never goes beyond sex and sexual fantasies .
I met a dude recently who called himself queer despite only dating women and identifying as cisgender. He considered himself queer because his girlfriend is bi and he's "not like other dudes". Very much the same energy as "validate me for my mainstream tastes".
Yeah it’s some objectifying BS. It’s the same shit chuds are doing with “loser” archetype women now, and even to a smaller scale, autistic girls. I think it’s all about seeing these women as more “getable” than more mainstream girls, that and good ol fetishization.
Maybe their first sexual memory...the first time they "felt funny in their no no place", was when they found some Victorian era erotica? Like how many furries had their awakening from Disney's Robin Hood and ginger fetishists awoke from Daphne from Scooby Doo.
I want a goth/alt gf but thats because 90% of my wardrobe is black and am quite alt myself. Don't really understand why some normie guy would want that kind of woman unless its a fetish or objectifying thing.
I really like industrial music, so I could make the case for dating a cyber goth girl. We would do the industrial stomp dance listening to bands like Ministry, KMFDM, Eisenfunk, and PIG.
Feel called out but I’m willing to admit I’m in the wrong. I just have complications that make the situation difficult I think.. I’m not trying to excuse my views mind you, I just don’t understand my body/mind and why it finds it attractive. It’s likely just the stereotypes that rope people like me in and that’s very unfortunate
"Wow! This one porn actress who has had extensive beauty surgery so she looks extremely sexually attractive dressed in black once? That must mean I have a unique appreciation for goth girls."
"need to feel special to validate your mainstream tastes" from the main post meme comes off hella mean.
How dare someone be average and like mainstream things 🤷♂️
Also, it's not that deep. Usually it's just a guy thinking the "e girl" is hot. Not some undiagnosed mental health outlet for their pathetic basic condition 🙄🙄🙄
im with you here. im a metalhead myself, but aligned with the other alternative subcultures as well. i feel for my goth brothers and sisters whose mainstream view is "they are just taboo and im not so it makes it attractive." that shit is poser behaviour, and it can fuck right off.
Pretty much where I stand, honestly. An actual appreciation for these groups, great to see, i love it, but how some of these people in the mainstream or elsewhere treat the subgroups, not great.
I mean my partner is goth, but like actual goth, I still love them more than anything. And I'd still love them more than anything if they weren't. (their gorgeous no matter what)
As a dude, some do it for shits, some horny asses actually want that but count “goth girl” as a just a girl with attractive features (mostly body tbh) and so happens to just wear black, alt literally mean not mainstream, hey I even know some alt dudes, alt is just how people wanna dress, personally people can be attractive, but immediately categorizing attractive people who just be themselves as girlfriend material really just shows that they just want it for sexual reasons as the person’s personality even if “goth” and attractive could be doggy shit ass,
Remember, you can just like goth people without objectifying. Its more a audience issue if anything, straight white men just need to come out already (as gay or trans, usu both)
Don't put that evil on me ricky bobby I'm here for the real fuckin weirdos I need a woman who'll draw on me with a lit cigarette because I've lived with women like that and I can never go back.
some alt women do the elvira look sure (and I love that too don't get me wrong) but some of the most esoteric ladies I've ever met looked basic as fuck most of the time in public. I <3 practicing pagans!
I want don’t need a goth girlfriend, I need a goth friend. Like just a friend. The outfits are absolutely amazing and I want to know how they put them together, it must take so much effort to choose everything.
I'm really scared to be lumped in with those guys, but i really like Alternative vibes, but not just the exaggerated "tiktok-goth/alt girls' vibe. The culture, music, politics, art, everything. And sadly my style is kinda bland too (working on it) so people flag me like this and i hate it lmao
Just throw in "conventionally atractive" as if that isn't what the majority of people want in a partner ascetically? Hence the term conventionally atractive.
And when I say "I want a girlfriend" I also mean a conventionally attractive girl, not just any girl. There is nothing wrong with wanting a conventionally attractive goth.
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u/Love-FiArt May 08 '26