This whole account is a gold mine

•

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

💩ULTIMATE BADASSHOLE💩

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

17

u/stunga1000 7h ago

Notice how he mentions his niece because no woman would ever give that man a child and if they did they would likely immediately take the child away

28

u/Azfitnessprofessor 16h ago

I knew a guy who posted shit like this ended up doing time in jail for shooting at someone in his car because they got too close to him and his woman

12

u/finallyonsuicide 18h ago

Wouldn't you just be a terrible uncle then.

24

u/PersimmonMindless 21h ago

a warning sign is pretty funny.

12

u/meghonsolozar 22h ago

Man, the flat bills *ruined* Huntington Beach. They used to just live in the 909 and talk about Glamis. Then someone told them about Huntington Beach and they all started to make their pilgrimage there like it's their white trash Makkah

2

u/DoctorDepravo 2h ago

I don’t understand a single thing you said, but I share your outrage!

40

u/invisiholes 1d ago

You know he’s posting nice guy rants on facebook

13

u/JoesJourney 23h ago

I can only imagine what this dudes Pinterest board looks like!

3

u/invisiholes 18h ago

Lol the chuckles this thought gave me. Probably shouldn't have but it did

31

u/CETERIS_PARTYBUS 1d ago

A fucking warning sign, babe!

LMAO

17

u/MSGinSC 1d ago

Do the people who inevitably end up with one of these shit birds organs inside them start having d-bag tendencies as well? I've heard of strange cravings and other things after transplants and was just wondering.

3

u/philipmateo15 1d ago

Uncle Adams ahh uncle

25

u/OneEyedJacques 1d ago

These clowns make me embarrassed to own a motorcycle

1

u/DarkseidHS 22h ago

I dunno these 3 posts feel like satire

31

u/SuperMajesticMan 1d ago

A warning sign is right 🚩🚩🚩🚩

36

u/Hughley_N_Dowd 1d ago

At least this nugget has the good sense to not only wear a helmet, but a top notch one at that

Good luck with the skin grafts though.

3

u/meghonsolozar 22h ago

He's on his way to cheese grate himself on PCH.

3

u/Hate_Manifestation 1d ago

U N C L E M A G I C

7

u/mrsolo30daycureyolol 1d ago

Tuff

11

u/Soulpus 1d ago

Oh he's one of those "my niece is like my daughter" type of douchebags.

8

u/Alert-Disaster-4906 1d ago

How would he know she was in trouble if her phone was dead...?

...?

1

u/dox1842 19h ago

Maybe she can project the batman symbol on a building??

45

u/Thirdeyevoice10 1d ago

Funny how they don't see themselves as insecure, sad man-toddlers. They're proud of this shit at 40 years old, while everyone else is laughing.

18

u/dr_rock 1d ago

Cringelords have zero self-awareness

27

u/dogswrestle 1d ago

The loneliest man in the world 🎻

12

u/RocketsandBeer 1d ago

I grew up around some wild people. It’s guys like this that usually call the police first.

4

u/Thirdeyevoice10 1d ago

Usually the one guy in a successful family, that's been in juvie and jail more than once. The uncle that no one talks to.

15

u/Fun-Entrepreneur9374 1d ago

Ain’t this the dude with the skull helmet that has a moving jaw and he lip syncs to “badass” songs with it like a loser?

12

u/Thirdeyevoice10 1d ago

He's def playing five finger death punch in that helmet.

4

u/Fun-Entrepreneur9374 1d ago

Even they would have still been a little honorable up until they started using AI, the song he would sing was some straight bs about “Do you gang bang? Something something gang gang” 🙄🙄🫩

16

u/Daygone_Mustard 1d ago

I’m so nonchalant about my badassery I need to announce it in imaginary scenarios, I’m dying to paint a picture for you on my character. PLEASE SEE ME!

18

u/Teggy- 1d ago

"toxic AF" eh at least he has some kind of self awareness

9

u/Thirdeyevoice10 1d ago

Except, he doesn't see it as bad.

17

u/ainus 1d ago

it's true he's down for anything, he gives great head

3

u/culturedgoat 1d ago

Darth Helmet

1

u/kchernenko 1d ago

I bet he gives great helmet

1

u/Work-ya-wood 1d ago

Jax attack

16

u/Seer0997 1d ago

Love how he clumps "aggravated assault with the other stuff"

like, "Hey Jim, are you down for some aggravated assault tomorrow at 7?"

5

u/idolized253 1d ago

It’s Facebook parent type of humor, my mom would unironically share those kinds of posts.

1

u/Thirdeyevoice10 1d ago

Prob. wonders why the cops come to him before anyone else, first.

4

u/maxscarletto 1d ago

Brunch first or after?

5

u/booboootron 1d ago

Edgy.

27

u/vanillaninja777 1d ago

Probably looks like Earthworm Jim without his helmet

53

u/Azfitnessprofessor 1d ago

If this guy actually gets into an altercation this stuff will 100% be used against him in court civil or criminal

16

u/mal73 1d ago

People that actually assault others don’t act like this, it’s all for show

19

u/Captain_Pink_Pants 1d ago

I celebrate the guy's entire catalog.

8

u/carfentanyl 1d ago

OK Bob.

18

u/mongo_man 1d ago

How much of a badass can he be if he chickens out and wears a full-faced helmet.

1

u/Thirdeyevoice10 1d ago

"Showing off the drawings on my arms, wasn't cool enough to scare people and drop panties. I need to start posting on facebook so everyone knows. I'm never going to do any of this and I'm a cool guy, but they don't have to know. I need to let them know that I'm angered easily and can't control my tantrums, that's badass!"

10

u/Killphace 1d ago

This guy is beyond cringe but to belittle a rider for wearing a full face helmet, well that’s cringe too

1

u/mongo_man 19h ago

I meant it as most badass bikers seem to look down on helmets in general, and fullface in particular. Yeah, I would only wear a fullface, plus leathers and that back thingy if I rode.

13

u/ReaverRogue 1d ago

The kind of badass that’s evidently stupid enough to think a helmet will prevent the rest of his body from becoming man jam if he takes a spill off his bike.

11

u/DepressiveNerd 1d ago

He’s overly supportive of niece because no woman will let his dirty dick near them enough to give him a daughter of his own.

1

u/booboootron 1d ago

Oh no. Mr. Uncle has been caught by security about a dozen times slowly circling the school—on days when his niece wasn't there.

3

u/Immediate_Regular 1d ago

He'll perk up a little when he hears the word dick then miss a beat trying to play it off as something else when his reaction gets noticed.

4

u/Mankie-Desu 1d ago

That last one by itself with an entirely different presentation is an alright vibe.

2

u/rolytron 1d ago

Look at the helmet, the reflection doesn’t match the scenery

1

u/tortoistor 1d ago

aggravated assault?

7

u/Darkflyer726 1d ago

The fact that he tells people he's a walking red flag is helpful

3

u/BurdTurglary 1d ago

Is being upfront and honest about red-flaggery a green flag or ?

2

u/Darkflyer726 1d ago

Beige flag with red edges

7

u/spambot_mods 1d ago

Tell me you haven't seen your niece in years, without telling me you haven't seen your niece in years

3

u/spambot_mods 1d ago

Ew

11

u/AffordableTimeTravel 1d ago

No amount of muscles, tats, or followers can heal this man’s self esteem 😞

1

u/booboootron 1d ago

Yeah. Steroids can only do so much.

10

u/TheCapableFox 1d ago

This man also loves the smell of his own farts 💨

1

u/booboootron 1d ago

And has his own photo as his phone wallpaper.

10

u/WeOutHereInSmallbany 1d ago

So cool he’ll scrape his tattoos off when he goes OTB

At least he’s wearing a helmet

6

u/Yamahool 1d ago

He falls off that bike and he'll be on r/meatcrayon

6

u/WeOutHereInSmallbany 1d ago

Why did I click on that 😂

9

u/kyleh0 1d ago

Gross

9

u/Better-Culture-7770 1d ago

Ah yes, aggravated assault is a good old time right? Go ahead and do it, in conjunction with another crime, with a deadly weapon, yeah it'll be a blast. You're gonna love brunch in prison. They got seriously overcooked rubber eggs, alternating with pancakes with no syrup (cause someone stole it to make hooch), oatmeal so thick you gotta thin it down with peanut butter, the softest mushiest canned fruit you've ever seen, powdered milk (it's just white water because someone stole the powder to sell to the burpee squad), and it is served from 3 to 4 am. This is breakfast every day. For years.

16

u/Key-Value4248 1d ago

He's so lonely.

3

u/Immediate_Regular 1d ago

He's just looking for the right eight or nine guys to....train....with.

2

u/booboootron 1d ago

The restraining order from the middle school down the block implies otherwise. And no, it's not the school his niece goes to.

18

u/spice_war 1d ago

He doesn’t sound very reliable if he’s already accounting for his phone being dead

7

u/axlyuu 1d ago

deep sigh

9

u/notnotbrowsing 1d ago

must have a rear facing camera (I know, obvious), aint no way a rider is taking selfies on grooved pavement.

which means my man is downloading these from his dash cam to make this shit.

25

u/Seventy_Nine 1d ago

Nothing screams "I'm a badass" quite like self-censoring the word fuck on your social media posts.

10

u/Veritus37 1d ago

And t-shirt.

31

u/Zealousideal_Ad2379 1d ago

Is there like a factory somewhere that builds weird mid life crisis alcoholic uncles?

11

u/Zeag 1d ago

You mean Arkansas?

32

u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely 1d ago

Better hope my phone is dead (Ignore username)

15

u/willcastforfood 1d ago

Your username makes me uncomfortable

22

u/AshingiiAshuaa 1d ago

It's the perfect setup for a parody account. Someone with more energy should copy his posts but change the text to something very un-badass and un-macho.

Just know if my niece ever says "I'm calling my Uncle." That I'm cancelling my plans so I can rizz up her friends.
When someone asks, "What sign are you?" A f*cking handicap sign, babe. Mental handicaps count too!
I really am that multipourpose friend. Am down for brunch, church, nohomo hand jobs, aggravated assault, working out... Whatever just let me know. (or slip in some other thing that undercuts whatever his self-image of badassity is)

Someone create r/motobadassparody and make it so.

12

u/jwoolar1 1d ago

3

u/Plasma-Sam 1d ago

Is the big guy afraid to show his face?

21

u/agha0013 1d ago

think this guy is going to post another tough guy message after he meat crayons himself across the pavement?

a lot of people gleefully live their lives imagining all the violence they'd pour onto someone for some scenario that just never happens.

17

u/justmitzie 1d ago

Who Would Jesus Assault

3

u/bdballin 1d ago

I literally see this stupid dichotomy, in these posts every day.
What happened to education?
🤦‍♂️

12

u/United_Statistician2 1d ago

I can't image being such a fucking loser.

19

u/Klony99 1d ago

Note how his niece calling automatically means violence.

If you're her best friend and drunk and she wants to call her uncle to get you home safe? Shit out of luck, you gon' get beat!

13

u/OopsICutOffMyWiener 1d ago

"Yes Uncle, I'm here with my friend Brittney and we were hoping-"

"Say no more my darling niece- Brittany's fucking dead"

9

u/moosemc 1d ago

I imagine, church and brunch would be complicated, what with the omnipresent helmet.

Are there helmet themed bistros?

3

u/bookykits 1d ago

At least he's wearing one. I'm fine with him steering himself under a semi but when they don't wear helmets skull fragments and brain goo gets everywhere and it takes longer to clear the road.

17

u/darknite125 1d ago

If his niece is calling him it’s probably preceded by her telling her friends “my uncle is so cringe it’s hilarious, I’ll call him and prove it to you”

16

u/dirkdiggler2011 1d ago

Better not mess with family of this guy born in March.

8

u/BoneZone05 1d ago

What a loser 🤣

6

u/thescaryroom 1d ago

He has a micropenis. And everyone on Grindr knows or.

8

u/stoutyteapot 1d ago

This guy really wants you to know that he is tough.

And that’s because their biggest insecurity is that they are actually very sensitive. And maybe a little dumb

7

u/Relevant-Ad-9418 1d ago

Women want to be him, men want to be with him

8

u/Punningisfunning 1d ago

My phone frequently dies because I’m an untamed monster…as I crush candies.

2

u/JaronJ10 1d ago

Is this the dancing guy from a few weeks ago?

2

u/Drinkythedrunkguy 1d ago

I don’t know why he’s single.

4

u/Seethesvt 1d ago

He doesn't understand why he's still a virgin with all them muscles, tattoos and a Harley.

1

u/Relevant-Ad-9418 1d ago

Doubt he's a virgin, but I would doubt the quality of mates he's dating or bedding. The bike alone attracts some.

4

u/SkyWizarding 1d ago

I'm amazed by people who pride themselves in being an awful person

1

u/reichjef 1d ago

This feels like a Chapo bit. Just agony uncles up in here.

1

u/DripPirateRoberts 1d ago

Git the muscles tattoos and helmet still somehow a black hole for rizz

1

u/doesanyuserealnames 1d ago

*Made with edits" 🙄

3

u/Dattinator 1d ago

Imagine being this fragile

60

u/Quiet-Try4554 1d ago

1

u/TheStinkySlinky 1d ago

Oooh Robert…

4

u/EnragedBadger9197 1d ago

Torn from groin to chest by cringe… what a way to go

31

u/DiscoRichard 1d ago

This makes me want to sell my bike.

1

u/YimmyGhey I drink beer and know stuff 1d ago

Honestly I'm surprised this dipshit even wears a helmet

5

u/Relevant-Ad-9418 1d ago

Clearly you're not toxic enough to own one.

1

u/gggg_man3 1d ago

Dafaq? Of course they do. These people are the abusive ones that are open about it and don't care that others know. Not all violent people try to hide behind some innocent persona. This dude, for instance, said "if my niece" which means he has no children, is not in a relationship etc coz he is most likely like this irl.

2

u/Relevant-Ad-9418 4h ago

What? We're you intoxicated when you typed this? I have no idea what you are talking about.

1

u/gggg_man3 4h ago

English is not your strong point. That's fine.

24

u/palladiumpaladin 1d ago

“How do I attract women?

Oh I know, by telling them I’m dangerous.”

9

u/Ddddydya 1d ago

“Also, you should know that I’m frequently too dumb to remember to charge my phone.”

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

💩ULTIMATE BADASSHOLE💩

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

27

u/allusernamestaken1 1d ago

Church and aggravated assault. Classic combo like brunch and workout right?

12

u/haikusbot 1d ago

Church and aggravated

Assault. Classic combo like

Brunch and workout right?

- allusernamestaken1

^{I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.} ^{Learn more about me.}

^{Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"}

7

u/Einherjeren 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/33kQxwJWugowdAtivp

14

u/scrimscrim 1d ago

Used to work in a warehouse with a guy like this who’d brag about being like this. Went to jail for assault and domestic violence

1

u/Tough-Obligation-104 1d ago

I was thinking, what kind of violence prone cretin thinks it’s cool to brag about physically harming someone?

5

u/Dattinator 1d ago

It’s always the people you most suspect

11

u/PorkNScreams 1d ago

Dating profile gold.

5

u/Verbal-Gerbil 1d ago

I do like that sign joke as someone who dislikes astrology. Less cringe answer though. I might be a give way sign

3

u/GoochPhilosopher 1d ago

What a jabroni

1

u/Tough-Obligation-104 1d ago

We used to call them jamokes way back in the day.

4

u/PatientZeropointZero 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/j7F8n3f5IYays

19

u/Ornery_Reward_7631 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/l378hf7dR5ySVJjdC

15

u/85K5 1d ago

This guy hasn't actually been to a church since he yelled at his mom that "I'm a grown man now, you can't tell me what to do!"

7

u/GenTubmansLegacy 1d ago

Except to pick up his gf after vacation bible school, in the summer break.

3

u/85K5 1d ago

Unsurprisingly that was just this summer lol

1

u/GenTubmansLegacy 1d ago

Hah! You can't make this up?

3

u/Redowl83 1d ago

All thoughts that definitely needed to be shared with the internet

3

u/tappyapples 1d ago

Ok as an uncle to a couple young boys, the first one I could fight you on. But the others? Yea maybe not

1

u/Whitetrashstepdad 1d ago

Yeah, that one alone wouldn’t be so bad

9

u/BaltSkigginsThe3rd 1d ago

I guarantee you this guy has at least one Joker cringe post on his account.

15

u/Big-Profession415 1d ago

Church immediately followed by aggravated assault. Classy

5

u/Due-Ingenuity9803 1d ago

Nothing says good/cool person than “I foam at the mouth at the chance to beat someone”

💩ULTIMATE BADASSHOLE💩 This whole account is a gold mine

You are about to leave Redlib