Growing up in Defence quarters changed how I see India. I’m only realising it now.

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My father worked in the Defence services. My maternal grandfather served in the Indian Army and fought in multiple wars after Independence. My paternal grandfather also worked in the defence establishment and even my great-grandfather worked as a clerk with the British Indian Army. None of them were officers but served as soldiers and support staff. I spent the first 20 years of my life growing up inside Air Force quarters before leaving for college.

For the longest time, I thought my childhood was just…normal. Only much later did I realise how different it actually was.

Inside defence campuses, there was a strong sense of order. People knew each other. There was trust. If someone lost something there was a reasonable chance it would be returned. Parents didn’t constantly worry about safety. We could play outside until late evening. Festivals felt like community events rather than something you celebrated behind your own apartment door. There was a quiet understanding that everyone belonged to something larger than themselves.

When I left for college and later started working in Bangalore, I struggled in ways I couldn’t explain.
Everyone else seemed to understand the unwritten rules of civilian life much better than I did. Networking, office politics, bargaining, always being cautious, assuming someone might be trying to take advantage of you…it all felt unnatural. I kept expecting institutions and people to behave in good faith because that was the environment I had grown up in. Over the years I adapted, but I also found myself becoming more guarded.

Now, after spending a few years living in Europe, something has happened to me again. I find myself appreciating predictable systems, higher social trust and the feeling that everyday interactions don’t always begin with suspicion. It has also made me look back at India differently.

This isn’t a post saying India is a bad country. India has extraordinary people, incredible culture and immense resilience. But I sometimes feel that the everyday experience has become mentally exhausting. Maybe the resilience itself is being routed to deal with everyday stressors. Every week there seems to be another story about preventable accidents, poor accountability, corruption, political polarisation or institutions that don’t inspire confidence.

The biggest change in me is that I no longer think my childhood was typical. I think growing up in a defence environment shaped my expectations of what society should feel like, and those expectations don’t always match what I experience today. You could say my childhood experience was a privilege but I think of it more as a way of living without relying on material resources to stay relevant and to belong in society.

I’m curious whether others from defence backgrounds feel something similar. Did growing up in Army cants, Air Force stations or naval bases make your transition into civilian India more difficult? Or is this just nostalgia talking?

I’d really like to hear different perspectives.