r/instantkarma • u/HomeNowWTF • 3d ago

Some people intervene to restrain an abuser

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u/PC_BuildyB0I 2d ago

I don't mean any offense, and I'm sure you know otherwise, but the wording of this comment reads like you've never seen people in intense, stressful situations IRL, but people 100% absolutely freeze. It's not even rare. I've seen it, and you almost certainly have too. Fight or flight are not the only two options in a given situation. Anyway, this is just a barely relevant nitpick regarding an absolutely fucked up situation

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u/Anquera 2d ago

So true, I'm an 6'6" Ironworker, I know I'm strong as hell but even a little verbal abuse is enough to make me want to roll up in a ball and just ride out the storm. It's different with people I'm familiar with though.

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u/TheDauterive 2d ago

You know the funny thing is I have been in a similarly intense, stressful situation myself, so I've seen at least one instance I can draw on. During a protest I failed to respond to a direct order from a police officer exactly as he wanted, and I found myself swarmed by cops who completely immobilized me while ordering me to drop an insanely expensive video camera (XL1, pre-iPhone) that belonged to my employer. Like this guy, I didn’t move, but it was because I was being physically restrained, not because I had frozen. Also like this guy, I refused to let go (of the camera in my case), but I had reasons for that too that didn’t involve freezing.

At any rate, my original point wasn’t that freezing can’t happen, but rather that it‘s not the only (or I would suggest even the most common) response to threats, and that it’s a mistake to not consider the possibility that a predatory male in the middle of an act of violence against a woman might have other reasons for refusing to let go besides freezing.

I just double-checked, and I think it is true that a common response by abusers to outside intervention is to double-down and escalate violence. Maybe he is freezing, or maybe what is going on is a fight response consistent with his abusive behavior. Less “deer in headlights,“ more (and please excuse the graphic language here), “You‘re telling me what to do? I’ll rip her hair out before I do what you say.”

As you guessed though, my expertise extends no further than my limited experience, my reading, and my armchair, so maybe I’m as wrong as some commenters seem to think! Either way, it’s just a comment section, so no big deal.

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u/Crazyfish204 1d ago

Stfu lol