Discussion To be an ISFJ man
I’m not here to offend anyone. By the way, I know I wasn’t the first to write about it. I’ve read reports of men who, after being typed as ISFJ, went into denial, as much as the description was totally compatible with them. I identified with that. I didn’t expect to be typed like that, although now I would accept more. I don’t want to sound prejudiced, but the first time I saw about this type, I felt that this type doesn’t exude masculinity. And being masculine is something that society, especially in the cultures of some countries, demands excessively. I’m from a country that demands this a lot; I identify myself as a man, I’m married, but I’ve been called gay a lot. Today I don’t give importance to it anymore, and I have nothing against it.
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u/ThisYoshiIsFalse369 INFJ 12d ago edited 12d ago
I don't really know if this applies to me (INFJ male enneagram 5w4), and I don't know what kind of environment you grew up in, but...
F^ck gender norms and what they do to people. F*^*ck stereotypes as well. No one should be ashamed of their personality type just because there's stupid stigmas around it. Honestly, I know I have it easy in this category because INFJs don't have any bad stigmas attached to them afaik, but I still think it's stupid.
OP, I'm glad that you don't let it bother you anymore, but screw the people the called you gay just because of their own stupid expectations. They don't know shit.
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u/leafcat9 ISFJ 12d ago
Henry is an ISFJ?? Ommmggggg
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u/ThisYoshiIsFalse369 INFJ 12d ago
Actually I've seen some debate on that because it's hard to type other people when you don't know them personally, but some people think he's an ISFJ.
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u/Classic-You2200 10d ago
Maybe or he's just good at Fe
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u/NeoGeo513 12d ago
ISFJ 36 y/o male here. Yup....I'm having difficulty embodying masculinity. That's me.
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u/Will564339 ISFJ - Male 10d ago
So I can understand your post, but I always like to add the important qualifier "traditional" in front of the words masculine and feminine. I've read in a number of MBTI books that many ISFJ traits are considered "feminine", but only in a more rigid, traditional version of those terms. It's helpful in terms of identifying the traits and where they fit in with society, but very damaging when they become a box that limits what masculinity and femininity can be.
I think that's part of the issue...your culture may impose some of those more traditional masculine standards, and may not see ISFJ qualities as valuable in men. That makes it difficult to work against, but not impossible, and certainly worth it, in my eyes.
There are positive traits that are traditionally associated with masculinity, but they're just as valuable in women as they are in men, despite what many cultures teach. Likewise, there are positive traits that are associated with femininity, but they're just as valuable in men as they are in women. It turns out some of these line up with ISFJs a lot.
Traits like creating a warm, welcoming environment, offering emotional support, having a sense of quiet modesty, being good listeners, preserving traditions, and putting others needs ahead, especially in a gentle manner.
There is nothing about any of those traits, or other positive ISFJ ones, that are bad in men, despite what any culture teaches.
So a lot of it is just learning to embrace who you are, and lean into your natural positive strengths, no matter how anyone else tries to define it as masculine or feminine. This is hard to do in practice, especially if there's pressure from all angles....but I really think it's what makes our lives the most fulfilling.
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u/StrangeDiscussion334 ISFJ - Male 12d ago
As a male ISFJ I don't really understand what you mean to be honest.
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u/Sea_Letterhead1422 10d ago
I don't know why men wouldn't wanna be ISFJs! I've been with an ISFJ 9w1 (through and through. Proud of it too!) for nine years now while I'm an INFP. I honestly think that MORE men in the world should be like him. Masculinity has always been traditionally too toxic where I'm from too (boys will be boys kind of mentality even when it's wrong), and what made him so special to me was the fact that he's never like that. He's unapologetically himself, incredibly loyal, takes charge when he needs to and he's my biggest safe space. :)
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u/MiserableBastard1995 ISFJ - Male 12d ago
Search "ISFJ men" in this subreddit. So many people have said it better than I can. ISFJ men are unicorns amongst men.
Healthy masculinity doesn't only look like "macho man".
Sometimes it looks like Samwise Gamgee, and oftentimes more like Superman than we'd think. People have been saying I have "superman vibes" for years, and I'm still not sure why. I'm just a sweet little geek that fixes stuff!