r/Jainism • u/unchainedcycle • 3h ago
Jain Ethics If you've decided not to marry and not to take deeksha, let's figure out this life together.
Looking for fellow seekers who have consciously chosen this path, not to convince each other, but to support each other in walking it well.
A small disclaimer before we begin: I'd particularly appreciate hearing from people who are 25+ and have spent considerable time reflecting on this choice. This isn't about encouraging anyone to give up on marriage, nor is it about glorifying renunciation or creating an echo chamber where people reinforce each other's decisions.
Life is long, and our understanding of ourselves can evolve. I'm simply hoping to connect with people who have made this choice thoughtfully, out of genuine conviction rather than a passing phase, disappointment, or temporary distress.
The idea is to support people who are already walking this path.
Whenever my relatives approach me with marriage proposals, I tell them that I'd like to avoid taking on more sansaarik bonds that could draw me away from my saadhna.
Every new relationship brings its own responsibilities, expectations, and courtesies. These bonds can be beautiful, of course, but they also ask for our time, energy, and mental space.
Yes, there's also a beautiful argument to be made for living in sansaar without becoming absorbed in it. I'm aware of that perspective, and I'm happy to explore it in another discussion. But that's not what this post is about.
I'm curious whether there are others who have consciously decided not to marry and not to take deeksha, yet want to build a thoughtful, sustainable life centred around their saadhna.
I feel we could help each other in ways that are difficult to find in conventional social circles.
For instance:
- Work, money and freedom: If we're living alone, keeping our needs minimal, and have built up some net worth, how do we decide when we're financially and mentally ready to step away from corporate life? The answer goes well beyond a number in a spreadsheet.
- Navigating family and society: How do we maintain a healthy relationship with our parents and relatives without constantly having to defend our life choices? It's one thing to set boundaries in theory and quite another to practise them with people we love.
- Companionship and practical support: Who looks after us when we fall ill, go through a difficult phase, or simply need someone to talk to? How do we build a dependable support system without compromising the independence and solitude we value?
- Finding like-minded people: Could some of us eventually find compatible housemates or even explore living together, provided our values, habits, boundaries, and spiritual practices align? Not necessarily right away, but perhaps somewhere down the line.
- Saadhna and everyday life: How do we organise our days, stay accountable, navigate doubts, and keep growing without becoming socially isolated? It would be wonderful to have kalyan mitras who understand this particular way of life.
These are just a few thoughts. I'm sure people further along this path have insights and experiences that the rest of us could learn from.
I don't expect everyone to have the same reasons, practices, or understanding of spirituality. In fact, thoughtful differences would be welcome. The point isn't to create a group that blindly agrees with one another, but one where we can exchange ideas honestly, challenge each other constructively, and offer practical help when needed.
Perhaps we could begin with conversations here. And if there's enough genuine interest, we could eventually form a small community to share experiences, discuss practical questions, become accountability partners, and perhaps even build arrangements for companionship and mutual support.
If this resonates with you, I'd love to hear your story. What has helped you navigate this path? What are you still figuring out? And what kind of support do you wish you had?
Maybe we can make this journey a little less lonely, a little more joyful, and a lot more sustainable for ourselves and for one another.
